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Saturday, February 11th.
Atsumu finally arrives at home and he is tired. Both physically because of practice, and mentally because of the many thoughts he was having these days.
We are in February, which means that Valentine’s Day is coming up. It’s his last year of high school, Atsumu wanted to mark the occasion by finally asking out his three-year-long crush (which is actually more than a crush, Atsumu is very much in love with his best friend).
Although he still hasn’t managed to gather the courage to confess his feelings, he does think that this year’s Valentine’s Day would be a great time to do so. But Suna is so unreadable sometimes that Atsumu has no idea how he would react.
He knows Suna doesn’t love him as Atsumu does, but maybe he likes him enough to accept a date?
But before that, he just arrived home after having been left alone by Suna and Osamu in the locker room – the fuckers didn’t wait for him because they had ‘something’ to talk about.
Atsumu is still mad about that, he needs to make them pay. “What could they possibly say to each other that I can't know?” he mumbles to himself while closing the front door.
He was removing his shoes in the genkan when he heard them talking from the kitchen.
“Yer gonna confess ta him on Valentine’s Day!” Osamu exclaimed. “Damn Rin, I didn't know ya were the romantic type!”
“Shut up! What if Tsumu hears you?!” He heard him whisper-yelling in response to his brother.
Oh . That stings. Atsumu suddenly feels really dumb. “Of course suna already likes someone,” he thought, almost laughing at himself.
He isn't in the mood to annoy them for having left him behind anymore, so he decides to make his way to the stairs silently and go directly to his room instead.
His heart is aching. He wants to cry but he is afraid that Osamu, or even worse: Suna, would enter the room and see him crying. So he opts for a shower — which is even more suspicious considering the fact that he took one thirty minutes ago when practice ended. But his mind is kind of blank right now.
He starts to run the water, turning the temperature as hot as possible, before undressing and stepping into the shower.
He hears his brother yelling from afar. “Tsumu yer home?!”
Trying to sound as normal as possible, he replies a short but loud enough “yeah” so that his brother would hear him from downstairs.
And then, his mind - which was initially blank - starts to fill itself with many, many thoughts and he starts crying in the shower. If his eyes are puffy when he’ll get out, he’ll just pretend shampoo got into his eyes.
At this point, he doesn’t know what hurts the most: Suna liking someone, or Suna liking someone but not trusting Atsumu with it. Because the truth is that Suna chose to share his secret with Osamu, and Osamu only. The “what if Tsumu hears you?” that Atsumu heard Suna saying kept repeating in Atsumu's head.
“Doesn’t Suna trust me?”
So now Atsumu is here, in the shower, crying silently in case his brother or Suna are passing by the bathroom door on their way to the twins’ bedroom.
He is trying to get into his head two facts:
- The guy he’s been in love with for years likes someone else and is planning on confessing to them on Valentine’s Day – the day that Atsumu had initially planned on confessing to him. How ironical.
- His best friend doesn’t trust him enough to share that type of things with him.
That second fact is probably the one that hurts the most. Because Atsumu can deal with the fact that his love is unrequited, like, yes it hurts like a bitch but he’ll eventually get over it (he hopes so, at least).
But, before being his love interest, Suna is his best friend ; the bestest friend he ever had. Learning that he doesn’t trust him hurts a lot more than just figuring out he doesn’t love him back – he was kind of already aware of that anyway.
He would have liked for Suna to share his secret with him. He would have tried his best to sound happy for him – because he is. Anyone who thinks that Atsumu is selfish is proof that they don’t know him at all because Atsumu is actually one of the most selfless people on earth. He doesn’t care if he’s hurting as long as the people he cares about are not. So, even if he would be hurting inside, he would have genuinely been happy for Suna.
He doesn’t know how much time he spent in the shower but he realizes that his tears have stopped flowing. So he decides to get out. He can’t even see himself in the mirror with how much steam there is due to the hotness of the water he used.
He’s not in the mood to dress up so he just opts for sweatpants and an old shirt that he stole from Suna one time when they had a sleepover at the latter’s house and he had forgotten to bring a shirt to sleep in. He never gave it back to him, and Sunarin surprisingly never asked for it back either.
Suna probably already left the house to get back to his anyway so hopefully he won’t see him like that.
He gathers his stuff and unlocks the door of the bathroom. Although, he jumps in surprise as soon as he opens the door.
“Holy fucking shit Rin!” He yelled, his hand put on his heart. Suna is standing against the wall, arms crossed on his chest, right in front of the bathroom door. “Ya scared the shit outta me! Why the fuck are ya standing here like this?!”
“Well damn, that’s a lot of bad words here.” The taller man replied, a small smirk on his face. But that same smirk disappears as soon as he looks at Atsumu’s face. He then furrows his brows before asking, “What’s wrong Tsumu?”
“Nothin’.” He shrugs, replying way too quickly for it to be believable. Never mind the fact that Suna has always been really good at reading him, no matter how hard he tries to hide his emotions.
Making his way to his room, he hopes that Suna would drop the subject and go back downstairs. Hope doesn’t exist when Suna Rintarou is involved though, because he hears his footsteps following him.
He sighs when he arrives in his room, “Why’re ya followin’ me, Rin? Shouldn’t ya be back home by now?” He doesn’t need to see the other’s face to know that he is frowning.
“Something is wrong with you,” Suna says matter-of-factly. “I’m not leaving until you tell me why you cried.”
Atsumu’s eyes widen in surprise. Because of course Suna would notice that as well. He sees Suna sitting on the bed, a way for him to prove to Atsumu the fact that he, in fact, has no intention of leaving anytime soon.
It’s now Atsumu’s turn to frown, “I dunno what ya mean. I didn’t cry.”
With the way Suna is now staring at him, completely unimpressed, Atsumu knows that he didn’t believe a single word he just said. At least he tried.
At least two minutes have passed and they are still doing that stupid staring contest. Atsumu is the first one to break – he knows very much that Suna won’t.
“It’s nothin’ I told ya, nothin’ that concerns ya.” He pauses. “Why do ya even care?” He thinks to himself but, from the look on Suna's face, he realizes that he just voiced his thoughts.
The latter’s face - that had been expressionless during their staring contest - is now wearing a new expression that Atsumu can’t quite decipher. It looks like shock but not only, some sort of… hurt ?
Suna furrows his brows once again before replying, “Why wouldn’t I care?” Even his voice sounds hurt, Atsumu’s heart aches even more.
“ Great . So now I also hurt my best friend,” he thinks, laughing humorlessly at himself.
“I swear I’m fine Rin.” He gives the other a small smile but genuine nonetheless – he never had to force himself to smile for Rintarou. “Why aren’t ya home tho? Ya usually go home early after practice on Saturdays so that ya can see yer grandma.” He hopes this is enough for Suna to finally drop the subject.
It is evident that Suna got what he is trying to do, but he still replies to the question. “I- Hum…” He chuckles and scratches his neck.
Why the fuck does Suna look nervous?
Suna raises his head and looks Atsumu in the eyes before continuing, “I needed to talk to you.”
“Huh?”
“But it doesn’t matter now. Not when you were crying ten minutes ago. Please tell me what’s wrong, Tsumu.” He sounds almost desperate.
There was a long silence filled with tension that none of them dared to break. Atsumu still breaks it after some time but he speaks so quietly that he doesn’t know if Suna can even hear him.
“I don’t wanna tell ya Rin, please.” He isn’t really sure what he’s begging for but he really hopes Suna will stop asking because there’s only so much time Atsumu can spend without telling everything to Suna.
Because yes, Suna truly knows everything about him – well, everything /but/ his feelings of course. But other than that, Suna knows everything. Every little detail of Atsumu's life.
That fact alone is enough for Atsumu to feel hurt and betrayed again because it reminds him of the fact that Suna doesn’t trust him enough to talk to him about the person he likes. Atsumu would talk to Suna about his crush, if the said crush wasn’t Suna himself.
“You don’t want to tell me?” He whispers, more to himself than to Atsumu since he is looking down. But then he looks up again and continues, “Since when do we keep secrets from each other?”
Atsumu laughs at that, very much humorlessly. The reaction surprises Suna who is once again frowning, quite unable to decipher Atsumu's reaction – that’s a first. “Seriously?” the blonde says, harsher than he intended at first. “That's some audacity here, Sunarin.”
Suna’s eyes widen with how taken aback he is by Atsumu’s response. He did not expect that at all. That was not how he had planned this day. “I- I don’t understand, Tsumu.” Confusion is written all over his face and Atsumu is starting to doubt himself – either Suna is a really good actor, or there’s a big misunderstanding in the air.
“I heard ya and Samu talkin’ in the kitchen when I entered the house.”
Suna’s eyes widen even more, and his cheeks are somehow pinker than a moment ago. “What?” he says.
“I heard ya, Sunarin. Ya tell yer secrets to Samu and not ta me, so ya don’t have the right to tell me that.” His voice trembles but he tries to refrain himself, he doesn’t want to cry again – at least not in front of Suna.
“You- You heard us?” The pitch in Suna’s voice is confusing Atsumu.
Why the hell does Rin sound and look like he’s about to cry? The sight alone is making him want to cry even more. He’s a weak man after all, and there’s only so much of his body he can control. Especially in that situation.
“Yeah I did!” His voice sounds angrier than before now. “So ya don’t have the right ta tell me that I have ta share my secrets with ya when ya yerself don’t trust me!” He shouts before breaking into small sobs.
Suna’s confusion on his face just keeps growing. He gets up from the bed and approaches Atsumu, opening his arms as an invitation for the blonde to hug him. But atsumu takes a step back instead, and he could see on the other’s face how hurtful that simple movement has been.
“Atsumu please…” Suna pleads. “I- I don’t understand. If you heard us then why would you say that I don't trust you?” Atsumu sees a single tear drop from Suna’s left eye and that sight breaks his heart.
He hates himself even more right now knowing that he made his lover cry. That was not his intention. That’s precisely why he wanted for Suna to not be here when he gets out of the shower.
“What do ya mean?! I heard ya say ‘what if Tsumu hears’, Suna.” He hopelessly drops his arms alongside his body. “Ya don’t trust me. It hurts Rin, it fucking hurts.”
Atsumu is now completely crying and Suna still doesn’t understand what is happening. “Wait… Atsu-” He starts, “You were crying because of me?!”
Atsumu chuckles dryly, humorlessly. “Of course I was, you asshole. I just discovered that the person I fuckin’ love doesn’t trust me!” He yells, tears streaming down his face.
“But I do trust you Atsumu! I trust you more than anyone else!”
Atsumu is looking at him unimpressed, clearly a sign that he doesn’t believe a single word Suna just said. So he continues on with his explanation, “I was talking about you to Samu, that’s why I went to him first. I don't know what you heard, Tsumu, but there’s a misunderstanding here.”
“About me?” The blonde replies, skeptical. “That better not be a shitty excuse Rin, I'm serious. Ya know I always prefer to hear the truth rather than shitty lies.” He adds in a deadly serious tone that sends shivers through Suna’s spine.
“Of course I’m not lying, I know that! I never once lied to you Tsumu.”
Atsumu is still looking at him dubiously and it hurts Suna, he didn’t know he cared that much about stuff like this. “Damn, it might be more than just a crush,” he thinks to himself.
There is another silent moment that, again, neither of them dare to break. They are both contemplating their conversation and what had just been said. It is obvious that there is a misunderstanding here because none of what they’re saying to each other makes sense.
Suddenly, Suna is hit with the memory of something Atsumu said two minutes ago that went completely unnoticed, Suna isn’t even sure Atsumu noticed himself saying it.
“You love me?!” Suna suddenly blurts. That's not how he had initially planned to start the conversation.
“Huh?”
“Earlier. You said that you ‘just discovered that the person you love doesn’t trust you’. You thought I didn’t trust you.” Suna states. “So… Does that mean you love me ?!”
Atsumu eyes widen at that, his face burning and red. Suna realizes that he was right then, he suddenly feels a weight leaving his shoulders. The blonde had really blurted that without realizing it.
He watches the realization settling on Atsumu's face, the latter takes a step back and ends up sitting on the bed behind him. “I- Hum…” He chuckles nervously.
Seeing how his face is that close to burn down, Suna starts talking again. This time, way more confidently. “Atsu, I was talking about you to Osamu earlier. I was…”
He scratches his neck nervously – note to self: knowing that Atsumu loves him back doesn’t miraculously remove his nervousness.
“I was asking him if you had something planned for Valentine’s Day.”
At that, the blonde gets out of his embarrassed state and raises his head, “What? Why didn’t ya ask me directly?” He asks, confused.
“Because I don't know how I would have reacted if you told me you had plans.” He admits, not daring to look Atsumu in the eyes. He feels his own cheeks heating up.
Atsumu doesn’t reply anything, it’s clear that he is still confused about this whole conversation.
“Anyway, I guess I'll just ask now.” Suna then says, more talking to himself than Atsumu. He turns himself and looks at Atsumu in the eyes.
“That was not how I had planned to ask you but, would you like to go out for dinner with me on Tuesday?”
“Tuesday?”
“Yeah, Tuesday.”
“Ya know Tuesday is Valentine’s Day, right?”
Suna is now staring at him in a judgemental way. “Yes, Atsumu. I do know that.” He sighs and almost facepalms himself.
“And ya want ta take me out? On Valentine’s Day?”
Suna groans and even rolls his eyes before answering, “Jesus Christ Atsu, how can you not understand?”
Atsumu is trying to understand but he really doesn’t get what is happening. “But what about yer crush?” He says, dumbly.
It's now Suna's turn to be confused. “My crush?”
“Yeah. I heard Samu say that ya wanted to confess ta yer crush on Valentine's Day. Ya can’t ask me out if yer planning on confessing ta yer crush. I don’t wanna third wheel Rin.”
Oh my god he’s dumb.
Suna, honest to god, laughs at the stupidity of the situation.
“I did, Atsu. I did ask my crush.”
“Oh so I'm yer second choice?!” He replies in an offended tone.
If Suna didn’t love him as much as he does, he swears he would have left the room right now. How did he even end up falling for the blonde in the first place?
He has never seen someone as oblivious as him that he can’t help but think it’s endearing. Atsumu looks like a lost puppy. “How cute,” he thought.
“Atsu, you are my crush. I love you . Goddammit I can't believe I fell for someone as oblivious as you!”
Atsumu's eyes widen so much at the realization of the situation that Suna is afraid they’ll pop out of his face.
Oh. “Oh,” he says, dumbfounded.
Suna snorts, “Yeah.” He looks at Atsumu fondly. “Now will you please answer my question. Will you be my Valentine, Atsu?”
Atsumu looks at him with heart in his eyes, now that he understands the whole situation and realizes how dumb it was, he can’t stop smiling. “Yes!” He shouts. “Of course I want ta be yer Valentine Rin!” And he jumps on him, hugging him tightly.
Rintarou hugs him back with the same amount of strength before whispering in the blonde’s ear. “I love you, Atsu.”
He can feel Atsumu's smile on his neck. “I love ya too, Rin.”