Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“This is stupid. You realize that, right?” Gangrel said. She rolled her eyes, almost disrupting the perfect application of eyeliner.

“We’re not talking about your ideas, dickweed.” She said cattily. He snorted, unfazed by her namecalling, as always. After a lifetime of snarky, belligerent friendship and three years as roommates, it was as affectionate as a nickname.

“Ooh, yeeessss Miss Emmeryn, I’d looooove to babysit for you. Your siblings? They’ll be in good hands. The best hands. With a tacky manicure- gyaugh!” His shrill mock of her voice was cut off as she neatly capped the eyeliner pen and whipped it at him. He rubbed the red welt it left on his arm with a pout. “There are easier ways to get her to go out with you, you know. Or, better yet, you could just not go out with her. It seems like a bad move, politically.”

Aversa rested her hand on her chin, the other arm crossed tight across her chest. It was a modern, gay Romeo and Juliet. The drop dead gorgeous vice president of an accounting firm (herself, obviously) falling for the head of their rival during a business meeting. But how was she supposed to help herself? Emmeryn was probably the closest thing to an angel that she’d ever seen. And that was a hell of a statement coming from an atheist with a chip on her shoulder.

They’d traded numbers, ‘for business’, Aversa had claimed, but it really ended up being a few trips to a downtown café for lunch and one round of drinks after a hard day. As it turned out, the angelic blonde had a sharp tongue and a keen eye, witty and wise, innocent and hard-hitting all at once. Any hope of calling the crush off had long-since been lost.

“Not a chance. And, may I just add, you’re dating their head of marketing, and don’t have room to talk?”

“First off, Robin is a new hire. Second, I can assure you we haven’t been spotted out and about on our dates, thank you.”

“Of course not. What, showing her all the best broom closetsin the office?"

There was a loud clack as he whipped the pen back at her, bouncing it off the wall. She flipped him off over her shoulder.

“Hag.”

“Ass.”

“You hate kids.” He groaned, slumping lazily back onto the arm of the couch.

“I don’t hate kids! I just find them to be…” She paused, searching for a word that made her look good. “Odd.” He snorted derisively.

“Really? Because last week when we went to that hole-in-the-wall takeout place, you walked out, ranted about a crying child who’d called you old, and proceeded to explain in depth how you hate kids and never wanted to be around them again.”

“That was an entire week ago! I’m over it.” She lied. Actually, just hearing about it made her angry all over again. She waved her hand and collected her bag, smoothing her shirt down. It had been a challenge to appear both kid-friendly and fine as all hell, but, as always, she managed. “How do I look?” She said, turning to her roommate.

“Like a she-devil, come to watch the world crumble to ash.” Gangrel replied, idly flipping channels and not sparing her a glance.

“You really are the nicest person I know.” She said mockingly, a hand over her heart, the other with her middle finger raised proudly. She turned on heel (which was, as always, encased in an almost dangerous looking ankle boot) and made to leave.

“When those kids kill you, can I have your stuff?” He called, propping himself up to look over the back of the couch. The only answer he received was the slam of the door.

Chapter Text

The suburban house is almost as beatific and picturesque as she’d imagined. The main difference was that it was neither surrounded by clouds and cherubs, nor would Emmeryn open the door dressed in a tasteful-yet-sensual angel costume.

Probably.

Two stories in a calm cream sort of color, two car garage, quaint front yard- god, was that a porch swing? She wanted to be repulsed by the tacky addition, but instead she found it terribly charming. She wanted to bite her nails, or twirl her hair, but such displays were shows of weakness she couldn’t afford.

Aversa gathered up her wandering thoughts and reordered herself. One night. It was just one night, with two kids, and eight hours with them, and she was bad with kids, and what did she do if there was a fire? Or if the kids started a fire? Or if the kids were on fire?

‘Calm down. They’re just kids. How bad could they be?’ She reassured herself, ringing the doorbell.

It took a second to open, and she caught herself just as she was about to say hello to empty space. She glanced into the place Emmeryn should have been with a slow blink, then glanced down at a small boy, staring up at her with wide eyes.

“You’re tall.” He said bluntly.

“Oh. You’re, ah.” She started. Okay, off on the wrong foot. She plastered a smile on her face. “You must be Chrom!” She singsonged. She hated herself in that moment, sure, but she had to look on the bright possibilities. “Emmeryn told me lots about you-“

“Why do you look like you’re gonna bite someone?” Said a higher pitched voice. Right, two siblings, one brother, Chrom, and one sister. Lissa.

“I’m just smiling. People like to smile.” She forced the cheery note into her words full force. She was already regretting her life choices.

“That’s not a real smile. Have you ever eaten someone? You look like you’ve eaten someone.” The little girl continued. Aversa fought the urge to turn on heel and walk back to her car, almost giving in until Emmeryn appeared from behind the door, quickly picking the girl up.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, they know they aren’t supposed to open the door on their own.” Her voice had a playfully warning tone, and Aversa thought her throat was going to close up. The children, at least, had the decency to look contrite as the blonde flashed her a bright smile.

“Thank you so much for doing this on such short notice. The board wanted to throw a going-away party for one of our top shareholders, and I can hardly skip, as much as I’d like to…” The last bit she added on under her breath. Aversa thought her heart might actually burst out of her chest if it beat any faster.

“It’s no trouble, really. I adore kids, you know.” She lied through a bright smile. Lissa seemed keen on staring at her teeth. Chrom, meanwhile, had disappeared back into the house. It was one night. Just one night. She could survive.

“Please, come in. I’ll show you where everything is.” Said Emm, setting Lissa down so she could scamper off, likely to find her brother. The tour was brief- bathroom, kitchen, living room. Upstairs were the kid’s rooms- the boy had a fascination with swords, it seemed, and the younger child with what seemed to be a mix of butterflies and frogs. Aversa caught herself glancing wistfully to the door of what she presumed to be the master bedroom. Oh, if the circumstances had been different, that would be the room Emmeryn would be the most eager to show off. Patience, it seemed, was the key to that lock.

They ended the tour back in front of the front door, and her esteemed hostess briefly used her shoulder to put on a pair of adorable kitten heels.

“Thanks again, Aversa. It really means a lot to me.” Emm said, as heartfelt as a confession, and Aversa hoped her cheeks weren’t burning.

“Really, I’m more than happy to do this for you. Try to have fun, hmm? I’ll keep these little… angels safe and sound.” She purred. Another near-miss heart-attack as the blonde pulled her into a quick, tight hug.

Perhaps there was a god after all.

“Okay, you have my number, call me if you need me. Chrom, Lissa! I’m leaving! Behave for Aversa, please!” She called in the direction of the living room. As if summoned, the pair poked their heads through the doorway.

“We will!”

“Pinkie swears!”

The three siblings all raised their pinkies in unison. Aversa, meanwhile, wondered if it was a cult thing. And then Emmeryn was out the door and waving sweetly back to her. Or, rather, them, as the children had taken the opportunity to cluster around her and wave so enthusiastically they shook their torsos too. Aversa inhaled deeply as she closed the door.

“Alright. So. Uh. You two…. Play? Playtime? Time to play?” She injected another round of forced enthusiasm into her voice, scooting down slightly and putting her hands on her knees, the way one might address a puppy.

Chrom cast a glance at Lissa, who stared back. God she hoped they weren’t doing some sort of The Shining-esque creepy child telepathy thing.

“Okay.” He said finally, looking back to her. “We’ll go play.”

Maybe this babysitting thing would be easier than she thought. “Right. Okay. Great.” Her tone was clipped as she stood up straight again. She’d lost a few inches when she’d removed her heels, sure, but she was still more than tall enough to be considered imposing to two kids. They gave her one last look and then dashed away into the other room.

‘Alright. Just eight hours to go. Piece of cake.’

Five seconds later, the sound of something shattering in the other room broke that illusion.

“Fuck!” She whispered under her breath, running after them to find what looked like a snowglobe broken to pieces on the floor. The two looked from her to the pieces of glass and puddle of water left on the wooden floor, then ran off again.

“Sorry!” Chrom yelped as he went, while Lissa gave a childish, screeching sort of giggle. "He did it!"

Aversa pinched the bridge of her nose and counted backwards from ten.

Eight hours. She just had to not get these brats killed for eight hours.

Chapter Text

Un-fucking-believable. She’d been in charge of these brats for mere minutes, and already they’d managed to shatter a knick knack. Aversa had spent a good minute staring at the mess, teeth clenched, acrylic nails biting into her palm, before she finally rubbed her temples, inhaling deeply.

’Just breathe, Aversa, remember what the therapist said. Breathe. Count to ten.’ She thought, interrupted by the sounds of the children running around in the other room. Her teeth clenched harder and she wondered if it was possible to crack a crown through frustration alone.

’One.’

“Chroooom! Just give Huggy a kiss!” Came Lissa’s voice, along with what sounded like chairs scraping across the floor.

’Two…’

“Eww, no! He’s all dirty!” Came Chrom’s reply, and the creak of wood not accustomed to weight.

’T-three….’

“You take that back! Huggy is the best-” Lissa all but cried out, as if Chrom had just committed sacrilege. Aversa broke from her attempts to calm down, taking quick measured steps to the kitchen door, avoiding the scattered mess of glass. She should have kept her damn heels on. The children both looked at her wide-eyed as she stood in the doorway, lips pressed thin into a scowl. Chrom stood on top of the dining room table, while Lissa’s feet hung off the side, her whole torso extended to push what appeared to be a stuffed frog towards her brother. The illustrious Huggy, given context clues.

”Chrom. Lissa. Feet on the ground. Now.” She said, voice clipped. At least Chrom had the decency to mumble an apology, while his younger sister clutched her toy to her chest. Aversa crossed her arms over her chest, drumming her fingers along her bicep as she stared both of them down.

“Both of you are getting…” Shit, what was it called. Grounding was for teenagers, she’d been through that one before. Little kids got… Blair Witched?

“Both of you are going to the corner.” She said, and the kids looks up at her in tandem.

”But I didn’t-!”

”It was her fault!”

Both kids tried to proclaim their innocence at once, the younger nearly tearing up at her sentence. Aversa tried to remember exactly how old Emmeryn had told her they were. He was nine, probably, and Lissa was… five? Six, at most? Aversa’s scowl softened… into a frown. She held up her hand and both children finally fell quiet.

”You both broke something.” She says, waiting for them to answer- mostly because she wasn’t exactly sure how to continue.

Lissa glanced up at her brother, then nodded, but Chrom shook his head quickly.

”She didn’t break it, I did! And I climbed on the table.” He says earnestly, trying to cover for her.

”No! I did it! I was the one chasing him and- and-” Claimed Lissa in return.

What a turn around. They'd both thrown each other under the bus mere moments before, but once punishment came into play, they all but leapt in front of the proverbial bullet.

”Stop. I don’t care which one did it, you were together, and you both broke it. Sit down until I’m done cleaning it up- and not a peep, you hear me?” She said sharply, waiting until they were both seated at the table to walk into the kitchen. She needed… a rag, and a dustpan. Cleaning she could handle, so long as the children stayed quiet and still. Hell, snowglobe water would surely be easier to wipe than the liquor that usually accompanied broken glasses at the apartment.

Rags she found stored in the kitchen, tucked away in a drawer, while the dustpan and a hand-broom hung together neatly in the pantry. As she crossed once more into the living room, she eyed the duo, still sitting in their chairs. Chrom had his elbows on the table, chin propped up on his hands, whereas Lissa had pulled her feet up onto the chair, using her stuffed frog as a makeshift pillow.

Aversa actually felt rather proud of herself as she cleaned, the house quiet around her. Maybe babysitting wouldn’t be too bad. A rocky start, sure, but the kids seemed to respect her now. Or fear her. Frankly, she didn’t mind either. She’d gotten the last of the glass picked up and was running the rag over the floor, soaking up the water, setting the damaged base and halved-at-the-waist snowman into the dustpan, when she heard the slightest noise. She paused, scowl returning as she strained her ears. The sound of hushed giggles, then-

”Peep.”