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“Mama? When do we get to see Real Papa? Will he really only have one eye?”
“Yes. You’re going to meet him tomorrow. Remember, he can’t walk very well either. The Titans were very strong and hard to kill and they hurt him. But he was very brave. He made sure that there would be no more Titans ever again.”
Historia let out a soft sigh as she tucked her daughter into bed. Her little girl was growing more inquisitive as the reality set in that a man she had never met was her father instead of a man that lived at their house in the countryside who took care of both of them, the only one she had known as “papa” for all her life.
It wasn’t that Historia still despised him for the pain he caused her when they were both children. He did really care for their wellbeing and happiness. He was there for every milestone the little girl accomplished. Some nights, he took care of her when Historia was busy with the many political talks she had to oversee as the absolute monarch of New Eldia. It was just that in truth, he was only her own puppet, a puppet for the puppet queen still trying to cut her strings loose from this almost six year long charade of bloodshed and sorrow.
She didn’t think that the public would ever accept the fact that her little daughter Ymir was the child of a traitor to New Eldia, but she didn’t care what they thought. But when the one whom she wanted to embrace wasn’t with her, not even in privacy could she keep it together much longer. Little Ymir started asking questions about how her mama and papa met before she turned three, maybe inspired by a story about a knight and a princess, her only concept of love. Historia had brushed it off and laughed, saying that they had met at the orphanage farm she sometimes brought her to.
But deep inside, it hurt her heart. A child separated from her parents by no fault of her own but their own. Conceived at the worst time possible because they were both lonely and just needed some comfort as the world rapidly changed around them. And all those lives lost. Perhaps that was why Historia had kept quiet. She loved her daughter. Her father and mother hadn’t put their love for her above their own desires when she was a child. That’s what a true mother would do.
“Mama, will Real Papa be able to read books to me like Farm Papa does?”
“Of course he can, love. He’ll read you any book you like.”
Historia and her husband decided that on her third birthday, they would have to start telling her the truth gently. On that day when Historia had the first meeting with members of the Alliance who had stopped Eren Jaeger that day of weeping and labor pains from three years back, they had to explain to Ymir that she really had two Papas: the one who worked on the farm and one who had to fight in a battle like the brave knight did against some evil monsters called Titans. Farm Papa was there to help take care of Mama and Ymir until Real Papa came back because of some bad owies he had.
Ymir did not get upset. She felt special having two papas who did different things for her. But as the day approached for when the island’s doors would be open to the first outsiders since some Marleyan dissidents and the Azumabito clan came into contact with them to kick off the tragic misfortune that shook the earth, she felt more and more nervous. She had only seen pictures of her real papa before. A picture couldn’t tell her that it loved her or hug her. She wanted to know if he would do those things. He could, but he would need help with some things, and she would have to be his helper.
Five years had passed since the Battle of Heaven and Earth. Five years since most of her friends and dearest ones fought for lives they didn’t know. Yet too many of these lives would never be known to the memories of those who survived. They were just one more crushed body that didn’t know why the world had to be so cruel and unforgiving. Ymir was too young to learn about the atrocity in full. She was naive to think that the world was full of dragons that could be killed before the book ended and a happily ever after where everything was alright. As with the day that came when she found out she had another papa, she would one day learn that she was born because a monster had scared her mother into a corner, to choose between her child conceived in an affair and these faceless people that didn’t like them much.
“Good night, Ymir. I love you very much. Do you know who else loves you?”
The little girl pondered. “Farm Papa.”
“He does. And who else?”
“Um. Real Papa does too even if he isn’t here.”
“Very good. Sleep well, my love.” She kissed Ymir on the forehead and shut the door. With only the candle to guide her, Historia walked to her room. Ymir’s Farm Papa cared for Historia deeply, but they simply did not have the audacity to share the same bed even if publicly married. How could she defile a sacred space where her remaining source of pride came to be with another person? It was hard moving on the first time from her daughter’s namesake, but another angel had descended from above and offered her everything he could to ensure she had some happiness and guidance, and it was the same with her for him.
But fate was a fickle bitch, and once again, her lover was swept away by the deep blue sea, separated from her. They were both simply too selfless to turn their backs on those in need. Their only forms of communication since the Battle was won had been by letters, sometimes taking months to arrive.
Maybe that was why Historia even had trouble saying his name. For Ymir, it had been too late to send a reply to her letter to pour out her own heart and the many things she never got to tell her. Her second life, while fulfilling, had come to an end by the hands of the enemy soldiers she pitied. Nobody had tried to send a further, impersonated message to her to give her false hopes.
But his letters. It felt unreal that he had survived what he did and that the people who once tried to kill him had saved his life as he bled out. The thought had crossed her mind that someone was just manipulating the Queen of New Eldia into allowing outsiders onto the island as filthy little moles in the first step in fighting back against the Jaegerists whom she had not a care in the world for herself. But when Commander Armin Arlert arrived two years ago, he had brought along several photographs of him in his current state. He had definitely aged and gotten gaunt from frequent illness, but it was proof he was alive.
And after long and tedious talks of peace and promises that she wasn’t sure could be fulfilled to the rest of the world, the doors to New Eldia would be opened to some visitors, provided there was a long screening process. Her old classmates Jean and Connie moved back to the island to be with the families she protected. If her own couldn’t be united, why did they have to suffer through what she did? Armin had a home on the Marleyan continent to be closer to Annie and her father, but he sometimes came to the island to sign a treaty. The ones who were part of the Warrior Unit had no reason to return though. It was unfortunate because sometimes, Historia wanted to beg more out of Reiner to tell her anything else Ymir may have said before she died, to which he would shrug. Those had really been her last words.
Yet the most painful part would be having to face her living lover once more. Everyone had long found out what had happened about ten months before the Battle after a celebratory banquet. The general public abroad was unaware of this detail, but if word would get out, little Ymir’s blood would be sought after. The worst girl in the world. Hated for her mere existence. The girl who should have never been born.
But Historia only blamed herself. What was she supposed to have done? He had only sent her words of comfort and questions asking how their daughter was doing, saying it helped him through his pain and melancholic feelings. He felt equal guilt. Not merely for that, but feeling as if he had done nothing but fuck up her life, assigning role after role to her. Words on paper could not always convey how someone truly felt. Tomorrow, she would know.
As she settled in her bed, Historia reached for the framed photograph on her bedside table. His face was difficult to read. She didn’t think he looked as horrible as he apologized for in their letters. He was only a human, after all. He was….
“Levi. Good night.”
…
No matter how many times he would ride in the complex horseless vehicles, Levi didn’t think he would ever adjust to being able to be a passenger in them. First, the boat would rock and throw him off balance, which was already difficult with a missing eye and a bad leg he could only walk on with a cane and a brace for short distances. Then, while still adjusting to being on dry land, cars would hit bumps in newly paved rows, furthering his motion sickness.
All around him, there were so many buildings he had once ridden past on his horse. They were not dissimilar from a few years back, but things had changed too fast. All new people resided in them, and a few cars had been added to the streets. They couldn’t see him through the tinted windows, but he could see them. Not that he wanted them to see him, not for his own vanity but because they would never look up to one like him again.
The only people that mattered to him were the ones he should have been there for in the past six years. He couldn’t be humanity’s strongest for the whole world anymore. He could be the strongest for only one, two, or three people.
As they took an exit onto a countryside road, Levi felt his anxiety go through the roof. He took out a small photograph from his wallet and studied it over. This was his little girl he was going to see face to face. She looked so much like her mother, fortunately, but in her eyes was something that reminded Historia of him per a letter. It was as if he had left part of his heart on the island behind, and it needed to be made whole again.
But what was he going to say? Was little Ymir really that accepting of having a missing father for the first few years of her life? Would she be too scared to look at his injuries? There was only so much he could do in his condition.
“Levi, are you alright?” Onyankopon asked. He was traveling with as an aide. He had helped make the arrangements with Historia’s inner circle of officials to make this possible. Only a select few knew the truth of the child’s lineage. Levi and Historia were ever thankful that Onyankopon had stood by them and supported Levi through his painful recovery that had several setbacks and complications.
“Only when I meet the brat I’ll know.”
“I think you will be.”
Onyankopon knew what it was like to be a father away from home in those years he’d been conscripted to fight for Marley. He had missed the birth of his second child while capturing territory for the horrific sea monster of a nation. And after the Battle ended, it took over a year and a half to be reunited with his surviving family who had been displaced across the continent. They were his pride and joy, but he would never know the guilt of having a child whose conception would lead to millions of families who would never reunite in this life.
Levi couldn’t say he would ever regret the birth of Ymir, but there were days when he was delirious from fever, crying over the lives he didn’t save, the lives he had to take by his own hands which he knew so personally. He thought he could hear explosions every time something was accidentally dropped. But as always, he reminded himself that he could not spend his life wallowing in regrets. The ghost of the man whose vision led so many to hell would have been so disappointed in him. Never was he going to look at a past choice.
The landscape turned into a sea of green and brown, the first of the crops just sprouting from the ground. The vehicle veered away from an oncoming traditional carriage with easily spooked horses. He had forgotten how calming it was out here, having been mostly confined to either an apartment or a hospital room in this chapter of his life. Clearly life had moved on with or without Titans, and regardless of himself.
As they drove deeper and deeper into the countryside, Levi got lost in his thoughts, wondering just what to say to Historia. She had clearly done well, far better than he could have as a sole parent. She defended his honor and his own child in their letters even if this was wholly unnecessary from his perspective. She was only a young woman when this affair started, and he was much older than her. Far too many men like that existed in the Underground when it still stood, using the women for their own pleasure and then leaving them forever.
Yet most difficult to acknowledge was what the world had come to thanks to them. This island was overrun with damn Jaegerists who would try to intimidate any opponents despite several treaties and laws in place protecting freedom of speech. There were a good number clamoring for invading the few standing nations to collect resources as part of “New Eldia” and reclaim what was really theirs. Tch, it was still just an isolated, pathetic island filled with lies about the outside world.
Levi carefully slid the precious photograph back into his wallet. Little Ymir was going to have to navigate through the world with what she had, and she needed her parents to be the guiding lights to safety. They were going to have to put things right, no matter the cost.
Suddenly, the vehicle turned up at an entryway to a countryside home. Some guards stopped the vehicle and gave them clearance. Levi recognized the place with its rickety old fence and a forest in the background. There was quite a sensation and a number of people waiting for him at the front.
“We’re here. Are you ready?” Onyankopon asked kindly.
“Tell me if I can do anything else.”
He remained silent.
“Then I can’t be anything but.”
…
“Real Papa’s here! He’s HERE!” Ymir screeched at the top of her lungs. She abandoned the game of catch she was playing with her Farm Papa and darted toward the entryway before Historia stepped in to stop her.
“He is! You have to stay back here, love. We need to give him some space for his bad leg.” Historia sternly but kindly explained. In truth, she could barely contain her emotions herself. Was this really happening? Reunions like this only happened in storybooks. A good thing like this felt almost undeserved.
Ymir jumped. “Auntie Mikasa! Real Papa’s here!” She pointed at the car as if none of the other visitors could see it. Mikasa abandoned the table of refreshments she was setting up with Jean and Connie and joined her only relatives with her head held high. “Is he really a shortie like you said?”
Mikasa laughed. “Oh he is. But don’t tell him I said that, okay?”
On any other day, Historia would have rolled her eyes at Mikasa. But it wasn’t as if she was lying. She too had been wanting to reunite with Levi one day having never had the time before to discuss their distant clan relation. It was the least that they could do. What Mikasa had to do during the Battle, both of them had known the same pain she had to go through. And perhaps on a day like today, they could have some normalcy as a family just for a little bit.
Historia’s husband cautiously approached them. She nodded and motioned him forward. He didn’t know if he should play a part in this or not, but she encouraged it. This was all about little Ymir, not the puppet show they were putting on. As the man named Onyankopon got out and opened the other door of the car, Historia and her husband each held Ymir’s hands. The tension flowing between them was strong. This was really happening.
And then, slowly but surely, Levi’s form emerged from the car. His attention and strength was focused on them all. He hobbled with the support of his cane and Onyankopon behind him. Historia’s heart fluttered. He hadn’t changed too much since the last photograph, but his face looked less gaunt. But as for how he looked beyond his injuries, he was still so dark and beautiful from years back. She didn’t want to swoop up on him and accidentally hurt him in his condition, but she just wanted to feel him again. Ymir acted how Historia was feeling by leaping for joy.
“PAPA PAPA PAPA!”
Finally, after an eternity of waiting, he was close enough to touch. Historia couldn’t wait anymore. The tears flowed. She wasn’t worried about dirtying herself up. She led Ymir behind her and fell into a long embrace with the man she shared an intimate moment with those years back, one that would lead to this moment.
“You came back,” Historia said through sobs.
“Didn’t I promise?” His voice was cracking too.
“Mama, Real Papa, why are you crying? Aren’t you happy?” Ymir interrupted. She looked taken aback by the emotional reactions.
Historia wiped her eyes. “Oh, love. We are happy. It’s been a long time.”
Levi slowly turned to face his daughter. He seemed like he wanted to say something but just couldn’t find the words. Ymir was looking at his injured hand.
“Real Papa? Mama says you don’t have two fingers and you don’t. But she says that’s okay and that you still love me. I’ll draw you a picture of you with your two fingers.” And that was enough to start the tears again. Levi gave her a pat on the head with his free hand that lacked the two digits.
Historia smiled. “Come now. You must be exhausted from your travels. We have lunch ready.”
“But Mama, I want to show Real Papa my drawings!” Ymir protested.
“How about this? You can help your Papa to the lunch table out here, and then we can show him after we eat. Lots of people are happy to see him.”
Her eyes lit up. “Come on, Real Papa! I’ll show you the table we eat at! Mama says we’re having cake even though it’s not my birthday!” She started to drag him by the hand, to which she had to be gently corrected. Levi gladly went along with it.
Historia’s husband came up to her to check on her. He gave her a quick hug and went inside to get the cake Ymir clamored about. Historia sighed. It wasn’t as if they were going to be able to get a divorce and move on with their lives like nothing happened anytime soon. She was just glad that people could make amends for what they had done in the past. Then, Onyankopon waved at her.
“Queen Historia?”
“No. Just Historia, please.”
“Ah, of course. You have done a wonderful job raising your little girl. She is going to have a bright future in this broken world.”
She could only hope she would. Not all people were as kind as this man whose nation was destroyed by Eren Jaeger. Some people out there were truly an enemy. But time would only tell what the future had in store.
Soon, everybody was gathered around the lunch table. The reunited family of three sat together. Ymir wanted to help her Papa cut the cooked meat on his plate, but Historia said she still didn’t know how to use her own knife. But all in all, it was a momentous occasion with members of Levi’s former squad with them too, catching up and recounting their successful ambassadorship around the world. Ymir didn’t understand what they were all talking about, but she gazed at her Papa in awe. Storybook characters didn’t come to life save for this one.
After lunch, Ymir did get to show Levi her drawings she had made, to which he nodded, although she got a little annoyed at how he wasn’t able to tell what was what right away. Historia filled him in on the details. Next, she showed him one of her favorite picture books. She had to ask him what some of the words were, which he happily read to her. Then, she showed him just how fast she could run and how good she was at playing catch with her Farm Papa.
“You can’t throw balls, so I’ll just have Farm Papa do it. You can be the Papa who can read me books.” Ymir declared.
“Of course, little brat,” Levi replied. He patted her on the head. She then ran off to continue her game. Ymir didn’t catch the note of sadness in his voice.
“Don’t be sad. You don’t have to do everything. Just being here is good for her,” Historia consoled him. “Not the first time you’ve had to step down and submit yourself as the subordinate, huh?” Historia gave him a soft, playful punch on the arm.
“Tch. Still the feisty one, aren’t you? That’s where she gets it from.” Levi cracked a small smile.
“Oh, you’re not going to like what else she does.”
Ymir was occupied with a half-dried puddle and leaving her shoe prints in it. She splattered dirt on her dress and legs. Her laugh rose like bubbles.
Levi sighed. Historia laughed.
Jean, Connie, and Onyankopon worked on cleaning up the table and went inside to help with the dishes. Before Jean went in, he whispered something to Mikasa, who until now had been quiet, prioritizing Ymir and Historia’s own reunion over hers. They exchanged a nod before he departed.
“Captain?”
“Just Levi now. We’re not going by titles anymore.”
“Levi. I have to thank you. Without you, Historia, and Ymir, I would be beside myself.”
“Right. Can’t imagine how hard it was for you to make your way back alone.”
“It was. But Eren told me that my family and friends needed me.” Mikasa stroked the bandages on her wrist that covered her Azumabito heritage tattoo. “I don’t know how much Armin told you about Ymir Fritz, but she regretted not saving her children thousands of years ago. All that agony, it was so cruel, knowing they were out of her reach.”
Historia was familiar with the real story of Ymir Fritz from the negotiations a few years back. Her name made Historia shudder knowing just how horrendous her family bloodline was, sacrificing parent and child alike, no questions asked. And to think that a cult had made her first lover into their own idol after her made her feel sick. And finally, one child of the bloodline had been saved from the same fate. But at what cost?
Mikasa continued. “Even if you had to lie, you saved some lives. Mine included. Maybe not today, but someday, I will pass this tattoo on. We can’t let the memories of those lost be forgotten.”
Historia and Levi sat in silence as their little girl caused a ruckus in the background. So many had died. Yet in this moment, a little girl had love from all of her family, something her ancestor never did for her offspring. Overhead, the afternoon sun glistened. A ray of it shined on Ymir.
“Thank you, Mikasa,” Levi finally spoke. “Much better than how I can explain shit.”
Historia joined him. “Thank you, Mikasa. I’m just glad our family ties came to this after that curse was lifted.”
And the three happily watched the little girl frolic. There was so much in the world to be anxious over, but it never hurt to take the time to look for the beautiful spots.
…
“Were there really Titans bigger than the trees, Papa?” Levi held the noisy but very lovable little brat on his lap as they rocked on the patio chair before the little girl had to go to sleep after a long emotional day for all of them.
“Yeah. They were so big they could eat ten little girls like you and still be hungry.”
Ymir squealed. “Are you sure they’re all gone?”
“I’m sure.”
“Yay! I love you, Papa! I love Farm Papa too. Can I love two Papas?”
“Of course you can.”
Levi stroked Ymir’s blonde wavy hair. She was much more accepting of him than he could have thought. He’d just have to try on his part to not get upset with himself if she preferred doing some things with his lover’s husband instead of him. He’d had a private talk with him earlier, trying not to sound too rehearsed in his thankfulness for sacrificing his life as some ordinary citizen to be swept up in the chaos around him. He’d done his role well- Levi knew what that was like, to be assigned a role he never asked for. And for now, he was still going to be the primary father in Ymir’s life. The next ship to the mainland continent was next week. Levi only had a few days of this until who knew when next.
Soon, Ymir would start going to school and learn how to read and write. She’d be able to send her own letters and telegrams to him as she learned about the world around her. Maybe she’d grow up and resent him for not being there for her next milestones. Maybe she’d understand the reasons her parents made the choices they did to give her the best life possible. But as long as she learned to make choices for herself, that was good enough.
Ymir yawned. Being tired made her a dainty little lady. “Papa, can you read me a story?”
“Yeah. You’re going to need your other Papa or your Mama to carry you to bed, though.”
Ymir thought, trying to solve the dilemma without leaving his lap.. She turned to the door and shouted, “MAMA! REAL PAPA NEEDS YOU TO CARRY ME TO BED SO HE CAN READ TO ME!”
A flock of birds was startled out of a tree. Tch, did this girl inherit anything other than his eyes that was distinguishably his?
Historia opened the door to the house, trying to hide a laugh. “Alright dear, but please try not to wake the nearest village up next time.” She scooped her up in her arms, and Levi carefully stood with his cane to follow her to her bedroom. She had lots of books on her shelves with colorful pictures and a number of animal toys.
Ymir finally chose the perfect book for them to read, but she only stayed awake until about halfway through when she drifted off to sleep. Levi hoped it was because she was tired and not because she was bored of him. They kissed her goodnight and left the room. They were by themselves at the kitchen table. Historia had prepared his favorite tea, just like the old days.
“You’re a wonderful father.” She stroked his hair off his forehead and kissed him.
“Think so?” He took a sip.
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
“I almost failed you two. Damn lucky that mainlanders were able to pump me with blood and drugs and metal screws to reassemble me.” He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about those things.
“It wasn’t your fault. You still saved who you could. You had so many good people out there who helped you get here today.”
She wasn’t wrong. He batted some hair out of her face. “Your letters and photographs were the only thing keeping me calm on the bad days. Onyankopon had to stop me from getting into bad habits. Cigars and alcohol were not difficult to come by, but they would fuck me up and leave me even weaker than now.”
Historia nodded. “I never wanted to try any of those things, but every birthday for Ymir has been hard for me. I never stopped smiling in front of her, but I would cry in my room where she was born. I hated myself. I didn’t think I deserved to exist anymore. This was before I started getting any letters from you. I went back to my first Ymir’s letter. It was like a holy text to me. It kept me from wanting to… end things. Then Mikasa came back, and… I knew we had reasons to stay alive. We are a family.”
And they were. They leaned in for a long, passionate kiss. Because of their daughter, a miracle happened. They were made whole again.