Chapter Text
Rick glared harshly at the cricket like man in front of him, arms crossed as he squirmed slightly in the uncomfortable wooden chair.
He didn't want to be here.
Here in therapy, with the star of Dr. Jiminy himself.
Jiminy Cricket.
But Harriet was making it mandatory for everyone in her crew to go because Fairy Godmother was forcing the younger kids to go. So it was only fair they went too, apparently.
Rick didn't see how but since he wanted to keep Rory and the others, he agreed to go. But he didn't like it.
Being here made him feel like a joke and he hated feeling like a joke.
It reminded him of his childhood…
"So I understand that you have an intense fear of water—" Dr Jiminy Cricket, who could change between human man and cricket, started— and Rick was already feeling annoyed.
"I'm not afraid of water, you dimwit. I'm afraid of what happens to people when they aren't being careful around it" the 21 year old snapped viciously. Wanting desperately to storm out and never come back.
The thought of Rory and Wyatt and the other kids stopped him. As did the thought of Claudine, who only agreed to therapy as long as he went.
Jiminy just raised an eyebrow, not even flinching. "And why is that?"
That somehow just made Rick madder.
"BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE MORONS, OKAY?!!"
"How so?" Was all the man said.
Rick rolled his eyes.
"Oh I have a long list of reasons for all of them but the ones related to water are pretty simple. So let me run them by ya."
Rick leaned forward in his seat, raising a finger which he promptly touched with one on his other hand as he began to count.
"1, Clay's drunk ass cannot be trusted around water because the last time we left him unattended near water he fucking drowned and had to be revived by me."
He raised another finger "2, Sammy will get so absorbed in his stupid books and stupid inventions that he won't pay attention to wear he's going. And since his scrawny ass can rarely figure out how to save himself from his inventions weighing him down, I usually have to intervene. He also has a nasty habit of getting knocked overboard during storms because he wasn't paying attention so there's also that."
He raised another finger. "3, Lefou Deux or Lee as I like to call him, does the same. But he's also ridiculously clumsy so I have to haul his ass out of some watering hole on the daily."
He raised another finger. "4, Jade, Ginny, Harriet, and the twins' little crocodile wrestling hobby has nearly drowned them all more than once."
He raised another "5, The twins' and their dad's half brained schemes to break through the barrier that have nearly killed them both several times. "
He raised another finger "6, Big Murph always forgets to walk on the side of the doc that allows him to see the road with his eyepatch. So he has gotten knocked into the water several times."
He raised another "7, Claudine has jumped into the sea several times after her rats forgetting that they can swim and that there's crocodiles in there."
He raised yet another finger "8, the fucking twins won't notice anything going on in the world around them when they're roughhousing. So they've nearly drowned more than once."
And another "9, Anthony is bad at fighting and doesn't have good enough reflexes to stop himself from failing into the water after the people he tried to tackle jump out of the way. And I can go on and on. The only one who doesn't do dumb shit like this is my girlfriend, Maddy. So excuse me if I don't like the idea of multitasking near the water."
Jiminy wrote something down on the clipboard.
"Did you seriously just call me defensive?! I can see what you're writing in the the window reflection you know!"
Jiminy didn't reply.
Harriet so owed Rick for this.