Chapter Text
Out of all the ways to die, Rosinante hadn't expected to drown.
Why would he? He was a merman. Was being the operative word, as in past tense. Because one slimy deal with the sea slug Trebol, and he got his desired legs. And lungs that filled with water. He could no longer swim.
Bubbles escaped his mouth and he clutched at his throat. Calm, he needed to stay calm. Panicking was making it worse. But even if he could figure out the new appendages below his waist, the surface was so far. There was no way he'd make it.
Damn, he just wanted to meet Law again.
As Rosinante slowly sank, heavy with regret, a massive shape rapidly approached.
A whale? No, it was bright yellow. It skimmed past him, inner lights visible through the round portholes. There was a large smiley face and DEATH painted on its side.
How appropriate. Rosinante closed his eyes.
-----
The next thing he knew, he was jerking up, spitting up water.
"Whoa, he's alive!"
"Man, he's still going. Just spewing like a geyser."
"Back up, give him space."
Rosinante's chest hurt. It felt like someone had punched it repeatedly.
"Should we get him a blanket?"
"Yeah, he must be freezing!"
"That, too. But also, he's completely naked."
"Hey, yeah! Why are you naked?"
Rosinante opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by humans.
"Were you skinny-dipping?" a guy with an orca hat asked him.
"What idiot would be skinny-dipping in the middle of the ocean?" a guy with a trapper hat retorted.
"Were your shorts eaten by a shark?" the polar bear asked. Why was there a talking polar bear?
Rosinante opened his mouth to explain. Nothing came out. The words were in his head, but he couldn’t make the sounds.
Everyone pressed in, faces expectant.
Rosinante tried again. His vocal cords strained from the effort. Nothing. Was this part of the deal? Trebol had droned on for what felt like hours before turning him human. Rosinante had stopped listening about five minutes in.
Rosinante's shoulders slumped. He gestured vaguely to his throat.
There was a collective sigh of disappointment.
"Let him rest. You can question him after dinner." The speaker's tone was brusque and displeased. Then he was striding away, giving Rosinante a view of his receding backside.
"Oh, man! I thought for sure this was it!" the mask guy said.
Rosinante hung his head. He must have done something wrong, breached some unknown human rule.
"Don't worry about it!" orca guy assured him. "Captain acts like that but he was super worried! He trampled over Penguin so he could give you mouth-to-mouth!"
There was a penguin, too? Did it also talk? Who were these people with their traveling zoo?
Seeing the question marks in his eyes, they finally introduced themselves.
"We're the Heart Pirates. Welcome aboard the Polar Tang!"
-----
Despite the captain's orders to let Rosinante rest, the crew continued to crowd him. First, they produced a one-piece suit that was identical to theirs and had him put it on. That was the easy part. Then, they argued about how to accessorize him. There was an eclectic assortment of options piled in front of him.
"Go ahead, try it on," orca guy urged. He held out a hat similar to his own, except it was a dolphin.
"He doesn't need a hat," bandana guy protested.
"Yes, he does. It's like, a thing. You need a hat if you want to be cool." All the ones with hats nodded while the ones without folded their arms and went "nuh-uh." The ones with hoods and beanies went "meh," uncertain if they were included in the cool hats category. The polar bear hung his head and apologized.
Rosinante touched one of the garments hesitantly. Clothes were odd. Mermaids sometimes wore coverings over their chests, but mermen never bothered.
But the captain had a hat. Maybe if he wore one, the captain would like him better. The captain had clearly been unhappy with him despite saving his life.
"Oh, that's cute!" the lone woman cooed, taking the red hood from Rosinante. She tossed it onto his messy hair. "Perfect! No need to try anything else!"
"No way, that's girly! He needs a manly hat!"
The woman snatched the dolphin hat orca guy was still holding out, threw it on the ground, and stomped it flat.
"Rude and unnecessary!" Orca guy picked up the hat and cradled it like it was his injured dolphin baby.
The woman ignored orca guy's complaints, smiling at Rosinante. Her lips were shining in a way the others weren't. Curious, he reached out and touched it. The others gasped loudly.
Rosinante snatched his hand back guiltily. Oops. Did he break another human etiquette?
"Um, okay, was that a come-on? That was really weird."
"I know. It's like he thinks Ikkaku's a hot babe."
Everyone laughed, including the woman (Ikkaku, apparently). Then Ikkaku turned to beat on orca guy as the others cheered her on.
Rosinante was so confused. Were all humans this chaotic?
There was color on the tip of his finger. He brought it up and pressed it to his own lips.
"Oh, did you want lipstick?" Ikkaku had finished her brutal beatdown. "I don't think pink is your color, but I have a bold red that'll look good."
She rummaged around in a drawer and pulled out a cylinder. She uncapped it and twisted it before handing it to him.
He stared at it and looked back at her. He had no clue what she wanted him to do.
"Just go like this." She air-mimed movement around her lips. Oh, okay. That seemed easy enough. Rosinante moved the tube to his lips and smeared it around.
"Pfft! He looks like a clown!"
Rosinante cringed. Not that easy after all.
"It's okay, we can make it work." Ikkaku pulled out another cylinder and gestured for him to lean down. He had to bend himself in half, she was so tiny. They all were, even the polar bear. Well, except the one giant man, who was probably thinking how tiny Rosinante was.
Ikkaku finished drawing on his cheek and handed him a mirror. "Tada!"
There were blue triangles under his right eye to go with the red on his lips. He looked nothing like the others, but it was colorful. Rosinante rather liked it.
"Wouldn't it be better without the makeup? Captain for sure likes his face. He mistook him for Cora-san at first."
"Do you think that's what Cora-san really looks like? I thought he'd be taller."
"No way. Cora-san isn't real, he's a concept. Cora-san is a metaphor for perfection, the ultimate unattainable goal. He's something to keep striving for, but always out of reach."
"No, he's definitely real. Cora-san is Captain's first love."
Rosinante tapped Ikkaku's shoulder to catch her attention. When she looked up, he handed her the mirror, where he had written "?" in lipstick.
"Oh! You don't know! I forget he's not common knowledge outside our crew."
"The Heart Pirates' mission is to find Cora-san-"
"Cora-san is Captain's most important person-"
"Captain dedicated his life searching the North Blue-"
"Cora-san saved him as a kid-"
"Captain stole this submarine-"
"Captain can't swim, y'see-"
"But Captain is still the coolest-"
"Captain is the strongest-"
"Captain's devotion is inspiring-
"We'd follow Captain anywhere!"
The Heart Pirates' overlapping voices made it hard to follow. The only thing he knew for sure was that the whole crew was infatuated with their captain. And with their captain's Cora-san by extension, though to a much lesser degree.
"I wonder if Mr. Cora-san-lookalike can communicate other things in writing," the polar bear mused.
Everyone abruptly stopped talking and turned to him.
"Why didn't you say it earlier?" they shouted in unison. Rosinante had never seen such a collective hivemind.
The polar bear's shoulders drooped. "Sorry."
"Here." A pad of paper and pen was shoved into Rosinante's hands. "Tell us why you were skinny-dipping in the ocean."
Ikkaku smacked orca guy. "No, not that. Tell us who you are. Start with your name."
My name is Rosinante. I'm looking for Law.
Orca guy snatched the paper and lowered his shades to squint at it. He turned it sideways, then turned his head the other way. "What is this? It looks like gibberish."
"Give me that, Shachi. You're practically illiterate." Trapper hat guy grabbed the paper and stared blankly at it.
"Hah! You can't read it either!"
"Uh, yeah, I can. That's clearly a 'ko' and um… this over here looks like a 'ra'…"
"I see, I see, very interesting." Shachi was nodding along now. He pointed finger guns at Rosinante. "Your name is definitely Coral!"
Rosinante shook his head no. How did they get 'Coral' from his two lines of note? Was the written human language that different when the spoken word was identical?
"Are you sure you're not Coral? You look like a Coral. Maybe you got amnesia from near-drowning."
"Shut up, Shachi. You're obviously wrong. He's not a puppy. Don't just name him what you want."
"But it matches the crew's aquatic theme! Shachi, Ikkaku, Uni, Clione!"
"It's a snow animal theme!" trapper hat insisted. "Right, Bepo, Hakugan?"
Ikkaku threw up her hands. "Well, we have to call him something."
"Let's call him Moose."
Rosinante shook his head and pointed at Shachi.
"You prefer Coral?" Ikkaku guessed.
Rosinante nodded. At least Coral sounded like a name.
"Yesssss!" Shachi did a literal victory dance while trapper hat fell to his knees in defeat.
"Okay, Coral! You're one of us now! Welcome to the crew!"
Wait, Rosinante didn't agree to that. Sure, they had saved him, clothed him, and given him a name. But Rosinante needed to go find Law. He puzzled how to convey it and ended up shaking his head.
"Stingy! Don't be like that!"
"Captain saved you, like he saved each one of us! Come with us on our journey to find Captain's Cora-san!"
"Stop harassing him." The captain was leaning casually against the doorway, face shadowed by the brim of his spotted hat. "No one is forced to stay. We'll drop him off at the next island."
"But Captain--!!!" everyone whined.
The captain stepped in, the crew parting around him like the red sea to leave a clear path to Rosinante. Rosinante's instinctively took a step back. His new legs wobbled and knees buckled, unused to the weight.
He windmilled his arms, trying to keep from falling backwards. He overbalanced and fell forwards instead, crashing onto his knees and chin with a bang. His palms skidded painfully on the hard metal floor.
Ouch.
A hand dropped into view. The captain had his arm extended, offering his help.
And there, inked onto the captain's fingers, was the only human word Rosinante could read: D E A T H. He remembered the letters smudged onto much smaller hands.
It couldn't be. Rosinante grabbed the hand and looked into familiar gold eyes.
Law. It was Law. He had found him at last!
The crew gaped as Rosinante surged up and tackled their captain to the floor.
"No fair, Coral-"
"Looks nice. I want to tackle Captain-"
"Me, too-"
"Me, three-"
"I want to tackle them both!"
The Heart Pirates dogpiled on top of Rosinante and Law.