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Chapter I: States of Cling
So you seem to have found yourself with a long-tailed monkie clinging onto you.
Congratulations!
You have encountered the one and only monkie named Jiāng Bái; known for his long, and admittedly fluffy, tail! As you can probably tell by it wrapping around you like moss to a tree.
Now don't panic! That'll just make him squeeze the life out of you as a fear response.
Instead, follow this guide written by yours truly, the great Monki (ask the publisher to remove that).
Instead, follow this guide written by your local monkie expert! With years of experience, I'll have you close enough to an expert that it'll be good enough. Nowhere near my expertise, but people will look at you and say "wow, you are moderately average at this".
Now that you are calm, assess the situation.
1. Is the monkie peacefully slumbering?
Do NOT move him. A sleeping monkie is a delirious monkie. Jiāng Bái even more so. It's more likely that he will bite you, then pass back out on his mildly injured and subdued self-claimed bed. Just bear with it and keep still. Nothing is more heartbreaking than disturbing a fluff ball anyways.
I found it best to join them in slumberland! What's that saying? Can't beat them, then join them.
2. Is the monkie awake?
Proceed with extreme caution. Though he may be aware, remember he is clinging on to you for a reason.
What is the reason? It's his mandatory daily time for affection.
You see, the long-tailed monkie is a very peaceful breed. He needs at least 30 minutes a day to either cuddle or exist harmoniously with those they trust.
Count yourself lucky you are one of those considered trusted, and therefore, safe! Bask in the presence of such knowledge.
Do not misuse such privileges. Monkies see a
Monkies protect their own
Trust is important!
3. Is Jiāng Bái talking?
Now this one is very important to pay attention to. Jiāng Bái is prone to chatting people up, being naturally curious at heart. From what he's done in the day, to things he finds interesting, even asking about the person in question. In this scenario, you.
The problem is that Jiāng Bái might talk excitedly to the point of not breathing or thinking too much.
If this is happening, make sure to interrupt at intervals by using either of these techniques:
Nodding along and repeating a phrase he spoke to give him a breather
Give him a nudge as guidance
Ask him to speak up
Ask a question to make him think
Multiple techniques may need to be used in a single encounter with the long-tailed monkie.
Being an expert, I may not need as many. You may come to find a new technique that would work for you, as I have many skills I wouldn't dare share. Though being an expert, it is required for you to share your findings to Sun Wukong to pass the information onto me for approval.
4. Is he crying?
First! Figure out what kind of crying. Meaning is it positive or negative crying?
Positive crying is good! You can spot this easily by his telltale signs of happiness/contentment.
These signs are as follow:
•Purring that fights the crying
•Smiling
•Tail wags
•Tail loosely clinging onto his victim
•Chirps
•Laughter
He's a happy fluff ball and has to express that. Just let him cling to you while you do whatever you wish to do.
Don't worry about knocking him off. His tail is surprisingly strong.
If you do not spot any of these signs, chances are that it’s a negative cry session. Follow the next step, “Is it negative?”, if this is the case.
No need to panic if he's positively crying. Jiāng Bái will generally calm down within an hour, which will lead to him exhausting himself out. This is natural and should be taken into accordance as step 1 has detailed.
Is it negative?
Find Sun Wukong.
Immediately
Good job making it through chapter I of How to Care for Your Long-Tailed Monkie 101! Pat yourself on the back for being semi-good at looking after Jiāng Bái!
Next Chapter: Food Time