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i feel everything, and i don’t wanna

Summary:

After a rough ending to a mission, Red decides to take Violet out on a late night motorcycle joyride to take her mind off of things.

Notes:

First fanfic in years so I’m counting it btw. Also the title is from the song Carry Me by Crooks and Nannies, not much story relevence just, good song.
Red and Violet are sooo canon to me you have no idea so I just had to contribute some Neon White content.

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“Oh you’re so gonna cop it from Green,” Yellow giggled, slumping onto the couch and receiving a stern smack on the shoulder from White.

The mission that day went fine. Until Violet set off the tripwire. And then fell against the door, breaking it open. It was still salvageable, until she had input the wrong code into the vault and set the system into lockdown. So, it went badly. Really badly, but only for Violet. She was the only one to make any mistakes.

Embarrassed, Violet stood beside the couch, instead of sitting down. She knew exactly what to expect. Yellow was propped up against the armrest on the left, with White next to him and Red sitting on the right. The door was slammed open, causing Violet to jolt slightly. Green stood at the doorway.

“Violet.”

“Yes?” her eyes stayed glued to the floor.

“Come outside for a moment.”

Violet laughed awkwardly as she walked over, inhaling deeply, then stepped out of the house. Green slammed the door shut. You could hear him talking, without being able to make out the words they all knew how it went. Green asks what happened, you tell him, he asks why, you tell him, he yells at you, you say nothing.

As his volume increased, his words became easier to make out. Something about all the practice Violet said she was doing, then something about how even Yellow would’ve been able to pull it off. As he sounded even angrier, it became incredibly obvious he was questioning why she even joined them on missions in the first place. Red looked over at the other two on the couch.

“God, he really couldn’t have even considered giving her a break for once…” Red mumbled.

“It’s not like it was just a little stuff up,” White replied, Yellow nodding, “she messed up badly! Multiple times in a row.”

“She knows that! I don’t think getting yelled at is gonna help at all, you two should understand that by now,“ Red ranted, “Honestly! He’s saying stuff that he knows will get under her skin, what’s wrong with-”

She was cut off by the door being slammed open, again, this time by Violet. Tears ran down her face as she ran inside and up the stairs, locking herself in her room. Green had walked in behind her, scoffing at the scene.

“-Green!”

Red jumped out of the couch, standing up and feeling her fists subconsciously clench.

“Now now, Red,” Green chuckled, “whatever’s got you so worked up?”

“Take a guess, Green. Is yelling at her until she cries really solving any problems? No!”

“You never complained this much back then. What’s happened to you, Red?”

“Forget it,” she said, making her way to Violet’s room.

“Oh and since you don’t have anything to do,” Green looked over at her, his face cold, “why don’t you go through the files in the study? I think White deserves a break from it today.”

Red rolled her eyes before making her way up the stairs. “Of course,” she mumbled.

 

 

Evening crawled in, and Red was, well, still mad. The filing was taking forever. Soon after she started, White asked if she wanted any help, but she shooed him away. After all, she didn’t want to start yelling at him just because she was mad at Green. It would’ve been fine, if she wasn’t only a couple rooms down from Violet. She could hear her stifled sobs the whole afternoon. But now, it was silent. Red looked out the window, and even though it was dark outside, Violet shouldn’t be asleep yet. Getting out of her cushy office chair, Red left the study and walked down to Violet’s room. A “KEEP OUT” sign hung lopsided on the doorknob, causing her to hesitate slightly. After taking a deep breath, she knocked gently.

“Who is it?”

“Just me,” Red smiled, “can I come in?”

“...”

Red opened the door, seeing Violet crossed legged on her bed, face still puffy from crying, headphones blaring music so loud it could be heard where Red was standing. Stepping over the tripwire, she stood in front of Violet, holding her hand out.

“What?” Violet glared up at her.

“Let’s get out of here for a bit,” Red nodded towards the doorway, and re-gestured her hand at the other’s confusion, “go do something fun.”

Violet hesitated, “... I don’t want to be yelled at again today.”

“We won’t get in trouble, don’t you worry about it,” Red assured her.

Reluctantly, Violet put her hand out. Red squeezed it in hers, and pulled her out of bed. Leading her out of the room, Red looked back and smiled, before making haste down the hallway. Arriving at the living room, she made note of White and Yellow sitting, watching TV and drinking beer. After making eye contact with White, she glared at him, understanding the message went through when his expression changed. They’d have to deal with Green for the night.

Leaving the house, Red shut the door behind her with her foot, making eye contact with Violet once more now that they were outside. Her expression still seemed tense. Red opened the garage, gesturing her arm as if to unveil the pristine motorbike kept there. Violet’s eyes brightened.

“Seriously?”

“Mmmhmm! I always feel more at peace when I’m on my bike, so, “ she explained, “I thought it might help you out too.”

“You have got to be crazy,” Violet scoffed, “I’m gonna die if I try to ride it! Or was that the plan!?”

Red couldn’t help but laugh as she grabbed an extra helmet off the shelf, throwing it back towards Violet.

“I’ll be the one driving, silly,” she laughed, wheeling the motorbike out of the garage and into the driveway. She then sat on the bike, tying her hair into a messy, but hopefully secure, bun.

Violet blushed slightly, embarrassed again. She stood frozen, helmet in hands, until Red tapped the back of the bike, signalling her to come over there. Red was in the seat, though slightly shuffled forward, with her helmet on. She tapped behind her, smiling wide.

Violet rolled her eyes and put the helmet on. She hesitated before getting on the bike, awkwardly positioning her arms and taking half steps forward while figuring out how to get on. Red stood up, then sat right back down. Violet copied her movements. The dip of the motorbike forced her to be pushed up against red, causing her face to flush even more. Her hands were awkwardly placed by her sides.

“Not gonna hold on?” Red asked.

Violet shook her head.

Red shrugged before turning the engine on, then flicked the kickstand back and pushed the bike upright. As she, figuratively, stepped on the gas and started shooting up the hill of their driveway, Violet yelped slightly and wrapped her arms around Red’s waist. She could feel Red giggle at this, as well.

The slope levelled out soon, though, and Red confidently kept up the speed. The air was crisp, and the road was relatively empty. Violet felt stuck in place, scared that if she moved her head that would somehow set the bike off balance. But she was enjoying feeling the wind whip through her clothes. Slowly, she tried to get a better view of what was to the left of them. She never really paid attention to the road, but at night the glittering lights of the distant city stood out. The sky was dark, with stars that were barely visible, but Violet noticed how nice it looked. Her hoodie did little to keep her warm, but as she held herself closer to Red’s back she couldn’t help but feel… comfortable? Like it didn’t matter how embarrassed she felt earlier, nor how jealous she could feel either.

“It’s not that far away now!” Red yelled over the noise of the road.

“Wait! Where are we going? You forgot to tell me!”

“Haven’t you heard of surprises?”

Violet groaned, but kept her position. The road being at the top of the hill gave a fantastic view the further they got, and the more discreet turns they took, the fewer cars around them. She noticed the road get rough on the next turn off, coinciding with Red slowing down. As she reached a stop, Violet peered in front, and saw a dingy, fenced off lookout. It had broken down in a couple places, but other than that the area was nice.

“We’re here~!” Red said, stepping off of the bike but holding it up so Violet wouldn’t tip over.

Joining her, Violet couldn’t help but be confused.

“How did you even know this place existed?” she inquired. A secret spot like this, she couldn’t help but think.

“I told you, Vi, there’s something comforting about riding around at night,” Red had started walking towards the railing, “taking any turns and sideroads, you find a lot of weird little places. Though, this one, I think of as my own secret spot. I sometimes bring work to do up here, where no one can disturb me.”

Though Red was laughing, Violet still felt off. No one? But she took her here some random night, just because she had a bad mission.

“But you brought me here,” Violet crossed her arms, ”how do you know I won’t go telling everyone?”

“Because I trust you.”

“And what about the others?”

While Violet was getting closer and closer to overheating from embarrassment and frustration, Red made eye contact with her.

“I trust all of you. You’re just more special. So I trust you more with this?” Red pondered, then laughed, “Doesn’t that make me sound so childish?”

Violet blushed even more, and took tentative steps towards Red.

“Ah! Over by that side, there’s a gap in the fence we can sit down at.”

She had so quickly changed the topic, Violet had no choice but to follow. The gap was big enough to sit both of them comfortably. Red sat down first, then Violet sat next to her, but left as much room as she could. She had her hands in her lap, uncomfortable in the silence, letting her legs dangle off the edge.

“Hey Vi, do you remember the first time Green yelled at you?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Violet furrowed her brow, “it was something dumb about how I set my bag down in the wrong spot before picking the lock, how it was a ‘tripping hazard’...”

“Oh?” Red tilted her head, “I didn’t think you’d actually remember, I don’t remember what it was for me, after all.”

“No way!” Violet was shocked, “Ugh, you probably don’t get embarrassed about anything.”

“You’d be surprised!,” Red gazed off into the distance, “Ahh like one time, before you had joined, we were on this mission, but my hangover was so bad I could barely aim my sniper! Even after getting in serious trouble Yellow didn’t let me live it down for months. Not forgetting that one anytime soon.”

“I can’t imagine you being that reckless,” Violet was laughing.

“Because I learnt to avoid those kinds of things when it’s important. Plus, you learn it doesn’t matter. For example, think about something Green nitpicked about you today.”

Violet thought for a moment, before it popped into her head. “One of my shoes had the laces untied! I have no idea why he even remembered that!”

“Right, right, and how can you avoid your shoelaces coming undone?”

“By getting different shoes?” Violet made eye contact with Red.

Red cracked up at Violet’s serious face.

“Hahaha- no I mean,” she wiped a tear from under her eye, “it’s something that’s so easy to fix it doesn’t matter in the long run, you really won’t remember all the little things.”

“Easy to fix, huh?”

“Yeah, you could always start by double knotting your laces,” Red had to hold back even more laughter, “You’re not in primary school anymore.”

“Heeeey!” Violet blushed again, lightly punching Red’s shoulder, “It makes them more convenient to take off!! I bet you slip your sneakers off without undoing the laces…”

“What about just trying it for missions?” Red began bringing her hands up to parry Violet’s punches.

“Ugh, who are you, my mom!?” Violet laughed.

Red grabbed Violet’s hands in hers, holding them still in front of her. Violet jumped a little from the surprise.

“No, but I do care about you. And if we can avoid you getting in danger, or in trouble it can’t be that bad of an idea.”

Red sighed before standing up, then she made her way over to the bike.

“Ahhh, I should’ve brought some beers out with us,” she frowned, “wanna head back and have something to drink there?”

Violet’s face softened. She felt okay about going back to the house.

“Of course! But if we’re taking from Yellow’s stash I will totally be ratting you out!”

The two laughed. The space between them felt comfortable, Violet felt like she could breathe easily again. Red looked over at her smiling face and felt warm, accomplished. She got what she wanted, of course. To see Violet smile that night.