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Hyunjin sighed and put down the paintbrush. He was frustrated. He didn’t know why, but for weeks he couldn’t focus on anything and his fans noticed.
Some said he was overworked, others made up weird theories. And it made Hyunjin mad. He didn’t want to disappoint his fans. And not his group members, either.
It was even worse when Chan was the one who was disappointed. Especially when he was quietly doing it.
And this happened every day.
Hyunjin cried before he went to bed sometimes. He stayed up late and made sure no one would hear him. It wasn’t hard to not be heard, because Chan was the only one who shared a room with Hyunjin. But then at the same time, Hyunjin knew it was harder to cry in front of Chan than to cry in front of Jeongin, for example.
Looking up at the painting he tried to finish, he noticed every single mistake he made. Usually he would’ve said „it’s okay, I can fix it“. But this time, it was different.
The mistakes on the painting felt like every single mistake he had done in their group performances.
He couldn’t change the past.
As he looked up to the painting, he hadn’t noticed Chan was standing behind him.
„You’re so talented, good job Jinnie!“
He flinched and turned around, looking straight into Chan‘s eyes. Then he immediately looked down to the floor and bowed slightly, murmuring a soft „Thank you.“
Chan always wanted the members to talk to him, when they felt bad. But for some reason Hyunjin was scared.
Because he knew that Chan was disappointed.
Chan noticed that Hyunjin wasn’t feeling the best, so he smiled at him, trying to make him feel better.
„Well, do you want to go out and eat something with me?“
Hyunjin looked up again, shaking his head. „I’m sorry Hyung… I’m really sorry, but I don’t think that- um. I mean I don’t want to- I can’t…“ He stuttered some words, but he couldn’t give his elder a proper answer.
„You don’t want to. I understand, it’s okay.“
Chan smiled, but Hyunjin knew he disappointed him again.
His eyes started to tear up, but he ignored the tears. He didn’t want Chan to see him crying.
However, it still happened.
The moment Hyunjin blinked, a small tear ran down his cheek, until it reached his lip.
„Hey, Jinnie… Are you crying?“
Chan raised his hand to touch Hyunjin‘s lip, not noticing that he wasn’t just swiping the tears away. He continued to touch Hyunjin‘s lips, without a single thought.
But instead of calming down, Hyunjin‘s eyes produced even more tears.
It felt relieving, finally letting the stress out he has tried to ignore all day.
However, he didn’t want his leader to see.
He was embarrassed.
Hyunjin shut his eyes and lowered his head, quietly sobbing. Chan immediately went and hugged Hyunjin, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin‘s waist. The younger put his arms on Chan‘s shoulders, now looking into his face again. He didn’t care about the tears anymore, Chan had seen them anyway.
„I am sorry Chan.“
„For what? You did nothing wrong, Hyunjin.“
„No, I… I did.“
Chan sighed, looking into his, now slightly puffy, eyes.
They both didn’t care about someone walking in. The didn’t care that they were looking like a couple, and they obviously didn’t care about them breathing on each other's lips either.
Hyunjin looked at Chan‘s lips. „I messed up so many things, Chan. The performances, the song lyrics, the fucking TikToks! I don’t care about messing up, but I’m scared of you, Chan. You’re the leader and I don’t want to disappoint you. You always give your best and I feel like I don’t do enough!“
„What… You..“ Chan took a deep breath. „You worry about messing up performances, but then you cry because of a painting?“ he laughed, making Hyunjin feel even worse.
„It wasn’t because of the painting,“ Hyunjin said, „it was because of you.“
The leader‘s breath hitched. „You are crying because of me?“
Hyunjin nodded, tilting his head lightly. „I am scared of disappointing you. I don’t want you to hate me, Chan…“
„I would never hate you, you know that. You’re my band mate, how could I hate you, hm?“
Bandmate. Bandmate.
Hyunjin looked into Chan‘s eyes, still. Suddenly, he felt even more hurt. He didn’t know why though.
Chan was always just the „leader“ to Hyunjin. It has happened before that Hyunjin vented to him, because Chan always told the members to vent if they wanted to. He‘d always taken care of them.
But for some reason, Hyunjin felt different now. He has never felt Chan‘s breath on his lips, they’ve never been so close.
He wanted to feel Chan’s lips on his.
And although at first, his thoughts yelled at him to stop thinking about it, he didn’t want to pull away.
He didn’t want this to stop.
„Chan, can you continue to hold me?“
„We can sit down if you want to.“
Hyunjin softly shook his head. If they‘d sit down somewhere, that would mean he couldn’t be that close to his friend anymore.
„What about laying down, then?“
„You mean, cuddles?“
Chan nodded, smiling at Hyunjin.
„I’ll give you all the cuddles you need, little one. I promise, I won’t leave you. You’re safe with me.“
Hyunjin’s eyes started to sparkle as Chan kissed his cheeks, trying to kiss away his tears. He started to blush, but he didn’t stop Chan.
Feeling his lips on his body felt good.
Way too good.
„Chan…“
„Yes Jinnie?“
„I don’t think I can hold back?“
„Hm? What is it?“
Hyunjin bit his lower lip, looking behind Chan. God, how much he just wanted to push Chan on the bed and make out, calling him various nicknames and-
„Let’s cuddle, come with me.“
Chan’s hands softly took Hyunjin’s in his, leading him to the bed.
They’ve always shared a bed for a „couple“. But they didn’t mind. They were friends, after all. And they were grown men. It was okay.
Chan was the first one to sit down on it, giving Hyunjin a hand sign. The other sat down next to him, but his intrusive thoughts won immediately.
He sat on Chan’s lap, but not with any sexual thought.
He just wanted to be held.
„Chan, you’ll take care of me, right?“
„Yes. I promise. I’ll always take care of you, little one.“
„So, what if…Um.“
„What if? What? Do you want to call me daddy?“
Shock. That was what showed up in his eyes.
How did he know…?
„Come on Jinnie, hiding pacifiers in the fucking closet? There are better places, baby.“
Hyunjin whined, hiding his face in Chan’s neck.
„Shush~ I didn’t know where else to hide them!“
„You could’ve just told me. I always say-„
„What if you would’ve kicked me out?“
Chan grinned.
„I wouldn’t kick you out. I would be your caregiver, instead. I know you weren’t able to be happy in your childhood. Being a trainee isn’t easy, I know baby. It’s fine. Your daddy is here.“
Your daddy. Hyunjin didn’t know if he was only happy because it was Chan, or because he just wanted a caregiver anyway. It was his dream.
But he was scared of showing it.
„Do you want me to get your paci, hm?“ Chan smiled, but Hyunjin shook his head. „Felix is still here… I don’t want him to find out.“ Chan agreed.
„What about… Your favorite stuffie?“
„I have you now, I don’t need a stuffie right now.“
Hyunjin softly kissed Chan‘s neck, making him sigh happily. „That’s good baby, you’re doing good.“
He chuckled. „So you’re praising me now? Is that some kind of kink?“
„Kink? Aren’t you a little? I don’t want to-„
„Shush. I know, daddy. It’s not a kink. But please continue to praise me,“ he chuckled again, „I love it.“
„Aww, you wanna be a good boy, I see.“
Hyunjin nodded, continuing to kiss Chan‘s neck. They knew Felix could’ve seen them, but they didn’t care about it.
After a while, Hyunjin started to bite and suck Chan, but the leader didn’t complain. He was fine with it, especially because he knew Hyunjin loved biting on his paci.
He has seen Hyunjin in little space several times.
Hyunjin whined. „Ugh, I wanna get into little space!“
„Aww, baby. You can’t force it. It’s fine, you’ll be completely okay when you’re with me. I’ll protect you, my little puppy.“
„But Felix-“
„He’s busy working on his new solo song. Don’t worry about him. Wanna watch a kids show, hm?“
Hyunjin stayed quiet for a minute, then he nodded and murmured: „Bluey?“
Chan giggled. „Bluey it is, alright. Get off of me for a second, we‘ll cuddle after I turned it on.“
Chan got up to get the laptop they always kept in their bedroom, for reasons.
Hyunjin knew Chan used it for… Videos. But he never said anything, because Chan respected his boundaries, and Hyunjin respected Chan‘s boundaries.
Hearing the intro of the show made Hyunjin smile.
He felt the stress of the last weeks slowly leave his body while laying down with Chan, being allowed to bite Chan‘s neck and leave marks on him. It wasn’t in his intention to mark him, but he didn’t want to use a pacifier so Felix couldn’t suspect anything.
So, sucking on Chan was the best solution.
„Dada…“
„Yes, baby?“
„Tank Chu for caring for pup! I wuv chu!“
Hyunjin didn’t realize what he was saying, but Chan didn’t mind. He knew he had to talk to Hyunjin when he was big again, because he wanted to know if he actually loved him or not.
Although Chan liked being Hyunjin‘s caregiver already, he wanted to know if being Hyunjin‘s boyfriend would make him happy, too.
„It’s late, babyboy. Wanna go to sleep already?“
„Yaa, but… Sleep with dada!“
Chan smiled.
Hyunjin was adorable.
Chan did care about him. A lot.
But he wanted to show Hyunjin that hiding his true self wasn’t a solution. The mental breakdown he had on that day just led him to needing more care than he already needed.
And Chan was so ready to give Hyunjin proper care.
„Dada?“
Chan looked down at his boy.
„Yes, what is it?“
„Wan‘ kissie…“
The elder smiled. Of Course.
He made Hyunjin sit back on his lap again, slowly massaging his butt. He didn’t have any sexual intentions, though. Chan just wanted his boy to feel safe and loved.
So, he softly grabbed Hyunjin’s face with his left hand, slowly leaning onto him. „It’s okay, darling. Just let me kiss my baby.“
It was their first kiss, so Chan wanted to make it special.
Well. The situation they were in was special already.
Chan never imagined him being Hyunjin‘s caregiver, but he was totally fine with it.
Chan took the first step, slowly letting his lips approach Hyunjin’s. When they finally met, Chan smiled into the kiss, while Hyunjin just whined. He was a whiny baby.
But he was cute, Chan thought.
And he was his.
„I own you, is that clear darling?“
„Yes, dada owns puppy, hihi!“
…
„I wuv chu, Dada!“
„I love you too, baby.“
Chan smiled.
He meant it. He definitely did.