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“He’s in town, is he invited?” Tommy asked, his eyes scanning the room. Ranboo nodded.
“He told Wilbur he was coming. It is your birthday, your 18th birthday, it would have to be important if he missed it, Toms.”
Tommy smiled, “You're right! It’s my birthday! It’s my fucking birthday! Why would anyone miss it!? Even George is here.”
Ranboo smiled as well. “See that’s the spirit!” They stayed together as hours started to close in on them and still no Tubbo. Ranboo could see the way Tommy’s eyes looked at the door. He was close to breaking. Because Tommy needed Tubbo. Tommy wanted Tubbo. As a friend or more, he just wanted his best friend at his birthday party.
Tommy didn’t want to miss him or need him like he did now. He didn’t want the tears welling up in his eyes to be there. He just wanted Tubbo to be there for him.
Despite their feelings, despite the mess they created, he just wanted Tubbo to be here. WHY WASN’T HE HERE!?
Did he hate Tommy that much? Did Tommy fuck up their relationship that bad? Tommy knew he couldn’t get attached to Tubbo as more than best friend but the feelings have already sunk in. He’s realized he couldn’t stop himself and he just needed to see Tubbo today.
He needed whatever delicate situation they put themselves in with that drunk kiss 2 weeks ago to pass so he could enjoy his birthday.
But maybe he wishes Tubbo would have taken him into whatever hole he was hiding in because Tommy was close to crying in front of all of their friends now because of Tubbo.
Everyone was having fun, they were all enjoying themselves like he wanted them to. Tommy walks out of the main room and makes his way down the hall. Techno, Wilbur, Phil and Ranboo follow him into the bathroom and Tommy looks at them through the mirror and he can feel the tears sliding down his face as he grips the sink tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “He said he would be here.” Tommy whispered. He knew now what this meant for them. He knew this meant they were over before they got to start. This moment here, looking himself in the eyes, he could see his heart break as he knew he lost Tubbo.
“Maybe he got held up, mate. You know how busy any of us can get.” Phil tried to reassure and Tommy looked away and down at the sink.
The black ring with green details was surely digging into his finger and leaving a mark, “Don’t, Phil. Please..” Tommy begged as his stomach sank, “we all know why he’s not here.”
Ranboo faced the other three and exchanged a few glances before they all left. Wilbur had squeezed Tommy’s shoulder as he left.
Ranboo grabbed Tommy and turned him into a hug. “Listen, Toms. He’s a dick for not showing up because anyone would be lucky to have you. But you can’t make him come. So we either go back to the large crowd of people and pretend you aren’t slowly breaking. Or we leave and go back to my place and we can get you cake on the way and watch or play anything you want.”
Tommy stepped back and linked his arm with Ranboo’s. Ranboo led them out of the bathroom and Tommy hid his red eyes and sad face in Ranboo’s arm as they weaved through a crowd of friends and streamers alike and to the doors. Ranboo turned to look at Phil for a moment before taking Tommy outside.
They picked up cake like Ranboo promised on the way and then made their way to Ranboo’s. Ranboo gave him some clothes, a hoodie and sweats, and they sat on the couch, just eating the cake with forks. Why cut it? Tonight wasn’t a cut the cake kind of night as Ranboo picked a movie for them because Tommy said he wasn’t a gamer tonight. Just a person. And Ranboo respects him for it.
By the third movie, Tommy was leaning on Ranboo with Ranboo’s arm behind him, cake discarded however long ago and Ranboo was just comforting him by rubbing his arm.
Tommy’s eyes started to grow heavy, “I wish he was here.” Tommy mumbled, “he’s in town.. he’s so close. But I feel like back in December when he went to America.”
Ranboo moved so he could pick Tommy up bridal style and he started going to the guest room. “Just get some sleep, okay?” Ranboo set him on the bed and Tommy nodded, curling up.
Ranboo left the room and cleaned up the living room before going to bed himself.
When Tommy woke up he could faintly hear screaming coming from somewhere outside of the room. First Ranboo’s voice, “Absolutely not!” He yelled.
The next voice wasn’t recognizable to him and his sleepy mind, “Ranboo, that’s not fair! How can you decide these things for him! It’ll be like 5 minutes! That’s all I need!”
Ranboo’s voice came back, “Absolutely the fuck not!” Oh boy, he swore, it must be serious.. maybe Tommy shouldn’t be listening, “You hurt him, Tobias!” And the full name.. ouch. Wait- Tubbo?
Tubbo was there?
Tommy ran out of the room as tears started in his eyes and went to their voices. “Please, Ranboo. I know I fucked up.”
“You did.” Tommy said.
“Tommy, go back to the guest room.” Ranboo said, standing protectively near him. “I’ll get him to leave.”
“Ran..” Tommy looked between the two, “I’ll talk to him.” Ranboo nodded and went to his office to give them space. “You should have never kissed me. I should have never let you ask.”
“Are you saying you didn’t want the kiss?”
“I’m saying.. I’m not ready to deal with whatever you have going on. I love you, this is true. But you clearly aren’t ready and I won’t push you. I just wish you would have at least texted last night. But it’s too late now, Toby. It’s April 10th. You’re too late.” Tommy crossed his arms over his chest and Tubbo nodded.
“I’m sorry for hurting you. I do love you.” Tubbo said and Tommy knew it was true. He knew that Tubbo wasn’t lying or joking, because he wouldn’t, not in a situation like this.
“But you aren’t ready.” Tommy finished his thought. “We can pick our friendship back up in a few days. Till then just.. just don’t talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, Tommy..” Tubbo said as tears started forming in his own eyes, “I love you.”
Tommy nodded, “I love you too.” He wasn’t crying. He wasn’t crying like Tubbo was. The tears in his eyes had faded once he said the first words to Tubbo.
Tubbo left the house and Tommy numbly dragged his limbs to go to Ranboo’s office. Ranboo got up and opened his arms to hug Tommy. Tommy stepped into the hug and started sobbing. It was like it all hit him at once and he could hardly even hold himself up.
Because he was sure in some point in time, in some life they had been together and were happy. So Tommy didn’t understand how they worked in that time but not now.
Tommy eventually found himself waking up in the guest room again, hours later with a gaping hole in his chest.
It wasn't a bad dream. Tubbo was gone. His Tubbo was no longer his. Tommy covered his head in the blankets and closed his eyes again. Because the only way he gets Tubbo now is in his dreams.