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A deafening explosion sends a shockwave through the ground, and Cody shakes his head, trying to clear away the smoke in front of him. If not for his helmet, he knows that his ears would be ringing. That was close. But that was also the end of the droid resistance in this sector as far as he knows. It was just a patrol group, something he and General Skywalker were able to handle easily on their own when they went to check for droids.
General Kenobi would have come with him if he wasn’t injured and confined to the medbay until his broken ankle heals properly.
A part of Cody is selfishly glad that it was Skywalker who came instead. She is not a distraction for him, but he will admit that he enjoys watching her fight, watching the fluid gracefulness of her movements, the sharpness in her bright blue eyes as if she’s a predator on the hunt, taking out droids faster than any other Jedi or clone ever could.
General Skywalker is special. He has always known that, and every time he watches her, he is reminded of why he loves her, even if he shouldn’t. She’s a General of the GAR, and she outranks him. She always will, since she is a Jedi, and he… is not.
He tells himself that his feelings don’t matter because he will never act on them. It’s forbidden for her because she is a Jedi, and for him because he is a soldier. Fraternization between anyone in the GAR is against the code of conduct and will result in a severe reprimand, not that it matters much because most of the members are the clones who would never engage in such behavior anyway. They’re all brothers.
As the smoke begins to clear, Cody sucks in a startled breath when he makes out General Skywalker’s body on the ground. She’s moving, and a groan escapes from her. In a flash, he’s at her side, smothering guilt. He pulls off his helmet, setting it next to him as he tries to get a better view of her injuries.
“Are you alright, ma’am?” he worries.
She blinks at him several times in a way that lets him know she has a concussion or something similar. A head injury at least. “I’m fine,” she rasps, trying to push herself upright.
Cody’s heart lurches when he sees the blood matting the side of her head, staining her blonde-brown hair red. “You’re hurt,” he says, reaching out awkwardly, though he doesn’t actually touch her. She thumps back against the ground and squeezes her eyes closed. Dizzy then, probably. “You should stay down,” he advises. “I’ll call a medic.”
“It’s my head,” she grouses, “Not my legs. I can walk. Help me up.”
Her injury, he thinks, is his fault. Maybe he should have been more careful when throwing the explosive. If he had been, she might not have been hurt.
“What?” General Skywalker asks, frowning up at him. “You feel… guilt?”
Cody sucks in a ragged breath, stuffing those feelings back down so she can’t feel them. Being around Jedi, the clones have learned how to control their emotions. “You were hurt,” he answers. “I should have been more careful.”
“This is war. These things happen.” She waves it off as he knew she would. Something in her expression softens as their eyes meet. “It’s not your fault, Cody. Now, c’mon. Help me up?”
He wishes he could protest. He wishes that she hadn’t been hurt in the first place. He wishes –
Wishes will change nothing. They are pointless to entertain. Instead, he reaches out, helping her sit up, and if his hand lingers on her shoulder a fraction of a second too long, he knows she won’t say anything. If anything, she leans into the touch, seems to savor it, and when she looks at him again, there is something softer, vulnerable almost, in her eyes.
They’re close, and Cody looks away from her, breaking the moment, wrapping an arm around her waist, and helping her to her feet. She sways, dizzily, for a few seconds. “I’m okay,” she insists. “Really, I am.” The blood that slowly drips down the side of her face very much does not agree with that declaration. Cody doesn’t agree either, but he doesn’t call her out on it, not when he is so focused on her.
They don’t fight together often, and they even more rarely have an opportunity to be this close. Maybe it’s stupid, to let himself memorize the feel of her body next to his when he’ll never get anything more, but – but he wants this.
(He wants her. She is amazing, so much more a better person than anyone he has ever known, even his own general. There is a peacefulness to her, a light, and she exudes it, lightening the spirits of everyone around her with only a smile. Unlike the other Jedi, Anika cares about her clones, her men. She knows them personally. She grieves with them when they mourn, celebrates with them when they achieve victory.)
Cody holds her with one arm, his helmet held in his other hand. They stop long enough for her to call her lightsaber back to her prosthetic hand with the Force, and she clips the hilt to her waist before they begin walking back to the camp. It will be a long walk, especially with her at his side like this, but… it is such a rare opportunity. He will allow himself this small weakness, let himself remember every detail, so he can hold onto this memory.
And while he notices the many, small glances that General Skywalker keeps giving him, he ignores them. He would rather not know what the look in her eyes means; it would only make this harder for both of them.
***
He finds her after the mission is over, after the Star Destroyers are enroute to Kiros to return the colonists to their homes. The Generals had spoken to the Council, given the report, but Cody was unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong with General Skywalker. Her expression had been too blank, too distant, and she had excused herself right after the meeting, disappearing somewhere. Rex – and Commander Tano – both told him that she was not in her quarters or the hangar, and they were concerned.
So, for some inexplicable reason, Cody had decided to seek her out himself.
He has so many things which he ought to be doing instead, he knows, but he just – he can’t. He can’t think about that when General Skywalker has gone off somewhere on her own. He worries about her, worries about how this has affected her. Being involved on a mission which brings her face-to-face with slavery again couldn’t have been easy.
She’s in a storage closet, one which is rarely used, and it took Cody several hours before he stumbled across her location totally by accident. She’s sitting on the floor in a corner, back pressed up against a crate, knees pulled to her chest. She looks small, vulnerable, scared almost.
It’s so… strange to see her like this, to see her falling apart inside. Her head is bowed, hair falling loose and hiding her face from sight. Cody doesn’t need to see her face, though, to know that she isn’t alright. He stands in the doorway, uncertain how to think or feel, uncertain if he should go in or leave her.
“General,” he whispers at last, feeling his heart hurt for the woman he loves. He steps closer, and the door slides closed behind him, leaving them alone in the relative dark. There’s only a dim light overhead, a light which is always on, but she never turned on the rest of the lights in here.
“Cody,” she replies, her voice just as quiet, but it’s strained.
He doesn’t need the Force to know that there’s a turmoil in her, demons from her past tormenting her. Hesitantly, feeling horribly out of place, he moves closer, crouching next to her. What does he even say? What should he say to her? Does she even want him to say anything?
“What happened?” he asks at last. He will not ask if she’s alright, will not give her any reason to think that she needs to go back to hiding her feelings and closing them off. He has seen her do it so many times, and he wishes that she could confide in someone the way she encourages so many to open up to her.
“Zygerria happened,” she replies blandly. There’s a tremor in her voice, a faint wisp of… some unnamable emotion, perhaps pain, which is hidden under the sarcasm.
Talk to me, Cody wants to say to her. Tell me what’s weighing on you so heavily.
She can only struggle with this so long on her own before she can’t anymore. She might be a Jedi, but she is still human, and more than anything, Cody wants to help her. He knows, somehow, that she won’t open up to General Kenobi. The relationship between the two is… well, it’s complicated. They are close, but they aren’t, and General Skywalker seems to struggle with confiding in her once master.
For as much as Cody respects his general, Kenobi is a Jedi first and foremost, and Cody senses that Skywalker needs… a friend.
He sits next to her, not quite touching her, setting his helmet on the floor and reaches out, laying a hand on her forearm. The limb – her prosthetic – is hard and unyielding beneath his hand, but he knows that she can feel it, can feel his touch. “You can talk to me,” he murmurs, unsure what else to say and hoping that she will accept his offer.
If this was one of his brothers, he would offer more, but this is General Skywalker, and she’s a Jedi. He can’t do for her what he might do for a brother.
Her arm shifts beneath his hand, but before he can pull away, she clasps his hand in her own, entwining their fingers together. He’s so shocked by the gesture that he forgets he should pull away from her. This is – this is –
He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s probably not acceptable behavior.
His brain unhelpfully reminds him that he came looking for her and that they’re in a dark place so no one will see them.
He doesn’t pull away, and he doesn’t shift away from her when she moves closer, so their shoulders are pressed together. Instead, he tightens his grip on her hand, feeling the hard, unyielding metal beneath her leather glove and waits.
The wait is not a long one.
“It was… awful,” she – Anika – confesses in a whisper, swallowing audibly. “Horrible. The Queen – she – she threatened to… give me to her guards if I didn’t cooperate.”
Cody tenses, anger lighting up his veins at the mere thought of that happening to her. He would readily wage a one-man war against the entire planet if she was harmed. He would – he would do anything to protect her, and perhaps that protectiveness should scare him, but it doesn’t.
“Nothing happened,” she reassures him hastily. “I was not harmed. It – it merely reminded me of… when I was a child. If – had I not been freed, Watto would have… probably sold me to Jabba as – as a pleasure slave. I should be stronger, but this is… hard.”
Her words chase away much of the anger, but it’s replaced by a desperation, a need to make her understand. “You are strong,” Cody assures, turning towards her. “You are the strongest person I know. You do not need to be stronger than you already are.”
A small, sad smile flickers across her face. “It is kind of you to say that.”
“It is the truth,” he promises.
She leans towards him, and they’re only inches apart. It would be easy, he thinks, to close the gap between them. He wants it. She wants it. So why does it have to be so wrong? He can see the desire in her eyes, the anticipation. She wants him to close the gap because she won’t do it herself. She’ll let him come to her; she would never force herself on him, and he loves her for that, no matter how much he wants this.
His blood is singing with desire, with pure, unadulterated love for this woman. She is special, precious, and it means so much to him that she cares for him like he cares for her.
His hand finds her shoulder, though he doesn’t know if it’s to pull her closer or to push her away. “We can’t,” he breathes, hardly daring to break the quiet, to disrupt the moment. There’s a tension in the air between them, begging them to act.
He hates himself for having to refuse, for having to disappoint her this way.
Cody sees the flash of disappointment in Anika’s eyes, but she pulls back slightly, nodding. “I know,” she murmurs, “But – but that doesn’t make me want it any less.”
He hates that he can’t give her what she wants, but there are rules, and he is not brave, like she is, to defy them. Impulsively, he pulls her body closer, wrapping his arms around her and holding her in a tight embrace. This is not – it’s not forbidden. Even if he and his brothers don’t normally hug each other, they’re still physically affectionate, and he can convince himself that this is okay.
Anika melts into him, burying her face against his shoulder, against his armor, her slender arms winding around his waist as she clings to him. She needs this comfort, and Cody will not deny her this, at least. “I’m sorry.” Her voice is so quiet that for a moment, he thinks he imagined it.
He cannot address her as ‘general’, not when they are like this. “Anika,” he says instead, and it feels so strange, yet so right, to address her by name, “You have nothing to be sorry for. You have done nothing wrong. Nothing,” he repeats, willing her to believe it.
“I –” she begins, stopping again. She sighs, shakes her head, and snuggles a little closer.
Cody wants to ask, wants to know, but he doesn’t want to disrupt the peacefulness, the closeness between them. He has never felt this close to her, and he doesn’t think that she will say any more than she already has.
So, he says nothing and just holds her.
***
Something changes between them after that. Anika gets bolder, more open. Her glances linger longer, and she’ll stand closer to him than is strictly appropriate when she gets the chance. Cody doesn’t think anyone notices except Rex, but he says nothing about it, not to Cody at any rate. If anything, Rex seems to go out of his way to make it easier, standing on Anika’s other side during briefings, next to Ahsoka, which often leaves them standing next to each other, unless General Kenobi is at her side instead.
Maybe it was the realization that Cody’s feelings mirror her own which prompts her unexpected boldness. She clearly has no intention of pretending that everything is normal, that they didn’t spend so long hugging each other while he comforted her, and truthfully, Cody doesn’t want that. He thinks it would hurt if she acted as though nothing changed. Which is foolish, because nothing really has changed – (if only he could convince himself of that) – and he is the one who told her no. He has no right to be hurt if she chooses to act as she used to.
Through the longing glances that they exchange, Cody has learned how to read her eyes, how to tell what the particular shade of blue means. Maybe it’s not unusual for eyes to appear different colors, but Anika’s, in particular, are… unique. The brilliance of the blue is unmatched, and Cody can usually guess how she’s feeling by looking at them.
But now… Now, they are dulled, dim, almost gray.
Grief, he knows, but he has never seen her like this before, her grief sucking all the light and life from her eyes. It is not surprising, though, given what has just happened.
General Kenobi was killed, shot down by a Mandalorian before any of them could come to his rescue, and even now, during the funeral, nearly a day later, it doesn’t seem any realer.
Clones rarely go to Jedi funerals, but Anika had told him, asked him to come, and he would never have refused. While he was not half as close with his general as Rex is with Anika, he still mourns the loss. He mourns someone who had been a good person, albeit distant, and someone who had meant so much to Anika.
General Kenobi’s death has shattered her; Cody can see it in her eyes.
After the funeral is over, the atmosphere is just as somber and depressing, and he makes his way to Anika’s side, casting a quick glance at Commander Tano, at the quiet pain in her eyes before he focuses on Anika. He hardly knows what to say to her, but he can’t just say nothing.
Mindful of the others who are still around, he shifts, blocking them off from sight with his body, reaching out and taking Anika’s hand, hidden between the two of them. She clings to it like a lifeline, and there’s a flash of raw vulnerability in her eyes when she looks at him.
“You can come over later,” he offers, feeling awkward. He often feels awkward around her; he doesn’t know how to reach out to someone who isn’t a brother, someone who has come to mean so much to him, someone who he loves. “If you want to talk, I’ll listen. Both of you.” He includes Commander Tano – Ahsoka – in his words, even though he knows she’ll talk to Rex long before him. They are not close, exactly, but they are still friends. Distant friends. He doesn’t know what label to put on his relationship with Anika.
Ahsoka nods mutely, and Anika forces a small smile. “I will, thank you,” she replies, reluctantly extracting her hand from his, and putting a hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder, guiding her away.
A part of Cody isn’t certain if she will actually come to him, but she does, and he doesn’t know if he feels relief or anticipation stronger as she enters his quarters. Given that he’s a commander, he has a room to himself, even if he often ends up sleeping in the barracks with his brothers. The room is small, not nearly as nice as the rooms assigned to Jedi, with a bunk on one wall and a desk on the other. It connects to a small, private ‘fresher, and Cody considers this his office more than anything else. He often works here, filling out reports like he is now when she arrives.
The door slides closed behind Anika, and she doesn’t look at it as she pushes a button to lock it. Their eyes meet, and Cody almost feels as though he can’t breathe when he sees the pain and devastation that she’s no longer trying to hide. She looks as though she’s about to fall apart.
He doesn’t look away from her as he circles around his desk, approaching her.
“Cody,” she whispers, a silent plea in that one word.
Somehow, he knows what she’s asking, and he holds out his arms. She all but falls into them, and he holds her close as she buries her face against his shoulder, body trembling. There’s nothing to say, nothing that they even can say.
“I’m glad that you’re here,” she murmurs, her voice muffled against his armor.
“I’ll always be here for you,” he vows, “For as long as I can be.” It’s only after the words come out that he realizes he shouldn’t have said that. The last thing he wants right now is to make her worry about the uncertain future.
Anika stiffens, pulling back enough so that she can see his face, fear and panic warring for dominance in her eyes. “What do you mean?” she asks, sounding strained. “Where are you going?”
Cody’s grip on her tightens. “Nowhere,” he assures her, but he knows that, for all that he doesn’t want to tell her, she deserves to know. “Not yet anyway. We – the 212th will be reassigned,” he explains. “We… will have to get a new general. I don’t know what that will mean.”
He sees it the moment understanding dawns, dousing her features with dread. “But we’ve always worked together.”
“I know,” he agrees, “But… that could change. I hope it won’t, but that is something beyond our control.” I don’t want to lose you, he doesn’t say, because he can see those feelings in her eyes, and he doesn’t know if he wants to be the one to take them, to break down this barrier. He’s long since stopped caring about how it’s forbidden for them.
“I won’t let that happen.” Her voice is shaking, her grip tightening to a point where it’s almost painful, as if someone might try to tear Cody from her arms. He can relate to that sentiment. The thought of never – or rarely – seeing her again makes his heart feel like it’s being crushed.
“It’s not your choice to make,” he says gently. “We are at war, Anika.” It is still strange to say her name, to know that he’s allowed to say it, to treat her as an equal. He lets his instincts take over, and he moves his hand, touching a hair that has fallen loose from the tight braid she always keeps it in. Lightly, Cody tucks it behind her ear. “I hate it as much as you,” he breathes, seeing the anguish in her eyes which mirrors that in his heart. He presses their foreheads together, staring into her eyes. “But we are soldiers first. We have to follow orders.”
“I can’t lose you.” Anika’s voice is choked with emotion, and he can see it glittering in her eyes – she’s on the verge of breaking down entirely.
“You won’t.” But it’s not a promise he can make, not a promise that he can keep. He was born to fight for the Republic, bred to defend it to his last breath. He cannot run away from his duties. He knows that, and she knows that, too. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like someone is ripping his heart out and turning it to dust and ash.
She breathes his name, another quiet plea, but it’s not one that he can answer. He cannot promise her the future, no matter how much he wants, when their futures are so uncertain.
Something shifts in the air between them – it’s charged, electric, and Cody can’t say who makes the first move as their lips crash together. Their shared grief over General Kenobi and fear of losing each other has given them the courage – or maybe desperation – to overcome their past restraint, and like a dam breaking, all their months and months of pent-up desire and longing comes rushing out.
He thought their first kiss would be gentler, softer, not – not whatever exactly this is.
Anika’s hands slip into his hair as she angles her head, trying to bring them closer as if that was even possible. Their bodies are flush together, and he wishes, desperately, that he had thought to take off his armor before she came. It’s hard to actually feel any of her with it on, but the thought evaporates as quickly as it comes; he can think of nothing and no one but her and how she’s making him feel.
They pull apart finally, panting for breath, hearts pounding as one.
I love you. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but Cody doesn’t dare say them. This is too new, too fresh, and he’s too afraid of how things will change if he confesses his love for her.
Her fingers trail down his neck, sending shivers of pleasure through him. It’s something he’s never experienced before. The clones were engineered as sterile, and he knows of none of his brothers who experience attraction even. This is all so new for him that it’s overwhelming.
“Force,” Anika whispers, eyes clouded with desire, and maybe a desperation to forget the pain that pushed her to come here to seek solace. “I should have done that a long time ago.”
Whatever he had been about to say in response evaporates as she brushes her lips along his jaw before capturing his mouth in another searing kiss that he feels through every inch of his body.
She pulls back what feels like far too soon, resting her head on his shoulder again, content to be in his arms. And for the first time in what seems like forever, Cody feels at peace.
***
In retrospect, Cody thinks that he should have realized that General Kenobi was still alive, just undercover. Unlike normal, he had received no notifications about reassignment after the funeral, or in the time that followed until he learned the truth. The deception stung, but he let it go. Anika, on the other hand, couldn’t. She acts the same towards her once master, but there’s a measure of wariness in her eyes now, a distrust that was never there before.
The Team is still together, but they are no longer as in sync. No matter how much Cody hates that, and it’s a lot, there’s nothing that he can do about it.
Things have been… different between him and Anika. Neither of them is content to go back to what they had before, living on lingering glances and fleeting touches. They want more, no matter how difficult or tricky it is. He savors each and every stolen moment together, the minutes they get to themselves when he can hold her in his arms and pretend that they’re just another couple instead of who they are, moments when they can kiss each other in a storage room or in the shadows of a building or planet at night.
It’s thrilling in some ways, invigorating, but Cody is not foolish enough to believe that they’ll be able to keep their secret forever. At some point, they’re going to slip up; neither of them is content with a handful of minutes at a time, and it’s tortuous to go back to the fronts when his every instinct is screaming at him to protect her. It’s a laughable thought. Anika is more than capable of protecting herself and him as well, but he hates to see her in pain. If anything, he needs to be worried about himself. He doesn’t know what she would do if she lost him. It’s something too terrifying to think about.
But despite how complicated their relationship is becoming, Cody cannot bring himself to regret any of it. He loves Anika, flaws and all, and she has plenty as everyone does. She pushes herself too hard, tries to reach for goals that are impossible for her. She is strong, powerful, but she always thinks she needs to do more, no matter what Cody tries to tell her to the contrary. It hurts, knowing that he can do nothing to dissuade or help her.
He glances to his comm for what feels like the millionth time, wondering if she’ll comm him… or better yet, if she’ll come to him. He heard the news from Rex about how Ahsoka chose to walk away from the Order after everything that happened. He can’t blame her. If anything, he envies her, having the ability to choose. She can walk away. Anika, even, can walk away, though Cody knows she never would. He and his brothers are trapped her, soldiers in the GAR. Deserting would be akin to suicide.
His heart skips a beat when the door to his office slides open, and Anika slips through. It’s rare for her to come here, to even have the opportunity to come here, but they’re all on Coruscant now, so it’ll be okay.
“Hey,” he greets softly, pushing out of his chair and abandoning the supply and inventory reports he was going through.
Her expression is worn, pale, and the dark circles under her eyes betray her utter exhaustion. It touches him deeply that she came to him, trusting him to comfort her, take care of her. Maybe they’ve never actually voiced the feelings they harbor for one another, but this is enough. This is more than enough.
He reaches out, cupping her cheek, tracing a thumb along her cheekbone. “I heard what happened,” he tells her. “I’m sorry.”
Anika shakes her head, swallowing hard, tears glistening in her eyes. “It’s not your fault,” she says. “It was – it was mine.” Resolve and bitter resignation fill her words. “I should have done something more to help her. She was set-up, framed, and… I should have helped her.”
“You did everything you could, cyar’ika,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to her forehead and pulling her close. The endearment, the Mando’a word for sweetheart, slips out before he can stop it. There is anger in her – he can feel it – but it’s being drowned out by waves of grief.
“How could they?” she demands in a quiet, yet heated, voice. “How could they? We gave them everything, did whatever they asked no matter how difficult. And – and then they do this? That’s not… right.”
“Maybe it’s not,” he agrees, brushing a hand through her hair. It’s messy, her braid coming undone. He can’t believe that he’s really questioning authority like this, but there’s no doubt in his mind that what the Jedi Council did was wrong. Granted, it was probably the best choice, but choosing between wrong and even more wrong doesn’t make a choice right. “You look like you could use some rest,” he adds, instead of saying any of the things in his mind. They could, of course, talk about what happened all night, but none of it would change anything. None of it would bring Ahsoka back to them.
He can see the words ‘I’m not tired’ on the tip of her tongue, despite how obviously untrue they are, but she visibly swallows them back, shoulders slumping. He tightens his grip – one of his hands is on her shoulder, and the other is on her hip. After a few seconds, she meets his gaze again. “Only if you stay with me,” she whispers.
She doesn’t want to be alone, and Cody can completely understand that, after what she’s just been through. He thinks, for a moment, about the reports he still has to do, calculating how long he can put them off, before nodding. “I’ll stay.”
There’s an almost awkward moment when neither of them moves, but then, Cody leans forwards, brushing his lips lightly over hers. “Here?” he queries.
Anika glances to the bunk and nods, looking relieved.
It takes a little for them to situate themselves – the bunk was made for one, not two – but Cody is grateful for the chance to hold her in his arms like this. She’s special, and he loves her so much, even if he hasn’t told her so yet. There’s a certain comfort in being this close to another person, and the warmth of her body against his relaxes him far more than he thought possible.
It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep, her breathing evening out, and Cody holds her, content to wait until either sleep claims him or he awakens.
They end up spending far more time there than he expected, and perhaps he should have anticipated what might happen if they would engage in lengthy physical contact with each other. The time they spent here, in his quarters, is longer than all the times they’ve spent together combined since this… started.
And now, they’ve taken things to a whole new level, but Cody cannot regret it, not one bit, no matter how forbidden it is.
***
The Outer Rim Sieges begin not long after Ahsoka left, and that meant going back to the fronts, fighting nonstop battles. The only positive side to it is that the 501st and 212th are almost always sent to the same locations, meaning Cody will still get to see Anika from time to time, even if she’s directing the space battles. They may only see one another through holograms some days, but it’s enough. It will have to be.
It becomes even easier once Rex finds out – accidentally, of course; he saw Cody sneaking out of Anika’s quarters in the early morning hours, and he corned him about it after. Given how obvious the evidence was, Cody could hardly deny it, and besides, it was comforting to have someone to talk to about his secret relationship. Rex knowing means that Cody has someone to talk to, someone who can help cover for him and Anika while they steal a few, precious moments with each other.
Despite how far their relationship has progressed, they spend just as much time cuddling as they do… doing anything else. Often, they’re too exhausted to do anything other than fall asleep in each other’s arms in the rare times they can stay together.
Cody has been so exhausted recently, a bone-deep tiredness that never seems to go away. The stress of the war and of commanding so many men, overseeing battle after battle where his brothers die all around him, especially while they’re running low on supplies, is getting to him. It’s overwhelming, and even if they have been bred to resist stress, this is something that genetics cannot fix.
He does not remember falling asleep at his desk while writing up a report of their recent missions, but he must have, because the next thing he knows, a gentle hand is stroking through his hair. Blinking his eyes open, he looks up into the concerned blue eyes of Anika.
“Hey,” she whispers, offering him a small, sympathetic smile, hand squeezing his shoulder. It’s her organic one, and he only knows that because it feels small and slender. She is good at being gentle with her prosthetic too, and sometimes, he could forget that the metal and leather isn’t real. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay,” he assures as she turns, sliding down the desk, her back resting against it, as she peers up at him.
He stretches, and she leans closer, resting her head on his thigh, and he drops a hand to her head, running his fingers through her curly hair. It’s clean now, no longer mattered with sweat and blood and dirt from the fronts. The battle on Ringo Vinda is over, however temporarily, and they’ll have a short rest period, probably not lasting more than a day or two, before they’ll be moving on again. Sometimes, it seems the battle here will never end.
Anika leans into the touch, almost purring. She’s very physically affectionate, Cody has learned, always seeking out touch. In that way, she’s not too different from him and his brothers. Perhaps they are not like most humans, but they still tend to seek out touch, finding it comforting and grounding. And with Anika, it’s easy to satisfy each other’s desires.
She seems strangely downcast, and when she loops an arm over his knee, he takes her hand, tugging on it until she stands, turning in his chair so she can straddle his legs. He holds onto her waist so she won’t slip off – not that he thinks she ever could. “Something troubles you,” he notes, studying the weariness on her face, the shadowed sadness in her eyes. “Speak to me, cyar’ika.”
A light flush steals across her features at his use of the endearment, and her eyes flicker down to his mouth for a moment. “It’s… Fives,” she admits. “Did Rex tell you what happened?”
Cody thinks back to it, to the brief report that his brother gave to him about the ARC trooper. “He allegedly went rogue, tried to kill the Chancellor,” he says. “What really happened? I know… you and he were close.” Best of friends. Fives’ roguish behavior and attitude made him willing to flirt with the boundaries that are meant to exist between Jedi and their clone troopers. Even though Fives did look up to Anika, he also saw her as a friend.
Anika swallows, leaning forwards and resting their foreheads together. “Fives spoke to me on Coruscant,” she whispers, hands tightening on his shoulders. Her hair, the strands that are free, brush against his cheeks, tickling him. “He said that there are… chips in the clones, chips that can be used to force the clones to act against their will.”
Cody feels ice roll down his spine, and he tightens his grip on her, images flashing through his mind of him being forced to turn on her against his will. It makes him sick to think about. “And what do you think?”
“I don’t know,” she admits, shaking her head, staring into his eyes. “The Council and Chancellor believe that Fives lost his mind after he removed his chip which the Kaminoans claim is meant to repress aggressive tendencies. They say that’s why he tried to kill the Chancellor.”
He rubs circles on her hip, sorting through her words. “But you don’t believe that.” It’s not a question.
She closes her eyes, seeming ashamed. “I should not question them. They know better.”
“They are not all-knowing,” Cody points out gently. “They can be wrong or misled.” He lets the silence stand for a moment, letting her absorb his words. “Do you know what I think?” When she opens her eyes, quizzically, he continues, “I think we should investigate it. I don’t want to take the chance that Fives is right, and that…” He cannot bring himself to voice those awful words. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Anika presses her lips to his, kissing him lightly. “You won’t. I trust you.” The I love you remains unsaid, but he can hear it, and he tangles his hand in her hair, tugging her closer into a deeper kiss.
“Then we’ll look into it. I’ll have the medics keep it quiet. If I have a chip, I want to get it out.”
Her shoulders relax, tension draining from them. “Okay,” she breathes. “Let’s. Anything you want.” There’s a look in her eyes of adoration, and Cody experiences the full extent of what it means to be the singular focus of Anika Skywalker’s affection. It’s addictive, but he takes control of himself before his feelings get the better of him, squeezing her.
“What happened to Fives?” he queries as Anika slides off his lap, letting him stand.
She blushes. “I knew they were looking for him, and he was acting… strange, but I knew what would happen if they captured him. I helped him escape.”
Of course, she did. That’s just how she is.
He takes her hand, entwining their fingers together as he leads her to the door of his quarters. Theoretically, they could stay here, but if there’s really a chip in his head, getting it out comes first. He doesn’t know how he could be with her privately, fearing that, any moment, he could be forced to turn on her. It would drive him insane.
More than that, his instincts tell him that there is something sinister afoot, something which could prove destructive. Cody may not be a Jedi, he may not have the Force, but his instincts have never served him wrong in the past.
***
They get the chip out and hand-pick several of the best slicers among the clones and have them get to work on what this thing might contain. To be fair, they don’t really know how it works either, but Cody isn’t taking any chances. Despite what the Kaminoans maintained, Cody feels no different after removing the thing. If anything, he feels more like himself. He feels freer, his mind clearer. Maybe it’s just psychological, maybe not, but he cannot deny that there is something very nefarious about the little implant.
And he isn’t the only one to have it secretly removed.
Whispers begin to spread throughout the GAR, and one by one, his brothers stop by the medbays, asking the medics to perform the surgery on them. The procedures are quick, and the clones don’t need much recovery time – no more than a day or two if they have the proper care – before they’re ready to go back to the frontlines. Occasionally, one of them will suffer consequences, some fatal, some not, but it’s easy enough to list them as a casualty from some campaign or another, leaving no one the wiser.
There’s an unspoken thing among the clones that they will tell no one who is not one of them, and that includes the Jedi. They trust their generals and commanders – or most of them do; Krell was not an isolated incident, even if he was, by far, the worst – but this is something personal for all of them, and they don’t know how the Jedi will react if they realize what their soldiers are doing. The only one who knows is Anika, though even she doesn’t know the full extent of it. She knows that her battalion is doing it, of course, but Cody doesn’t think that she realizes this is something happening throughout the entire GAR.
The war is going on, and Cody is still worn out almost all the time, but somehow, it feels like things are getting… better.
And then, two things happen at once, two things which change everything.
Cody gets back from a briefing, returning to his quarters, to see Anika there, sitting at his desk. There’s a brightness to her, a lightness in her blue eyes that makes them seem clearer than he has ever noticed before. “To what to I owe the pleasure?” he teases, approaching her.
She spins the chair to him, a half-smile dancing on her lips. “Tired?” she asks instead of answering.
Cody huffs a laugh. “Always.”
“You should take a nap,” she suggests. “You’ll be more productive if you aren’t falling asleep.”
“I… okay,” he concedes, eyeing the bunk. It’s looks so comfortable and appealing, especially with Anika here, that he can’t resist.
She rises gracefully, holding his hands in her own as she guides him to the bunk. He collapses onto the edge of it, pulling her down next to him and wrapping his arms around her. She burrows into his chest, and she almost seems to be vibrating. Something about her is… different. Call it a feeling, since Anika isn’t openly acting unusual, but there’s something…
Maybe it’s the brightness of her eyes. She almost seems excited.
Cody slips a hand under her chin, cupping her cheek and pulling her head up. He stares into her eyes for a moment, confirming his initial observations before pressing a brief kiss to her lips. “You seem different,” he remarks, stroking his fingers over her cheekbone.
Her cheeks flush a light pink, and she raises an eyebrow. “Do I?”
He traces the scar next to her right eye as he nods. “What is it?”
Anika’s eyes dart away – she always does that, looks away as though she can’t meet someone’s eyes, and Cody knows it’s a remnant of her childhood. It hurts to see it, knowing what she undoubtedly must have suffered while young, but he tries not to think about it, dwell on it. He’s told her that he’s here to listen if she wants to talk, and she does, sometimes. Usually, however, she tries to keep it buried, and he can understand that.
“I – I’m pregnant,” she blurts out, eyes flickering back up to meet his.
It takes him a full five seconds to process her words. “You’re…? Are you sure?” He can’t help but question it, since it shouldn’t be possible. The clones were genetically modified to be sterile. What are the chances that he, of all his millions of brothers, isn’t? Not very high.
And then, the implications of that sink in. Anika is pregnant. They’re going to have a child. In the middle of a war. He got his Jedi general’s former Padawan pregnant. Um… oops? Not really. He regrets the timing, perhaps, but not the conception. He could never.
She nods. “I felt it in the Force, the shift, and I asked Kix to confirm it.” One hand comes to rest on her abdomen. It still looks the same, and it probably will for several months, but even so, Cody presses his hand over hers, joy crashing into him as it fully sinks in.
“This is amazing,” he whispers. “I didn’t think it was possible. It shouldn’t be possible.”
“All things are possible with the Force,” Anika teases lightly. She’s grinning, he realizes, truly grinning. He’s never seen her so happy before. She throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly and fiercely. “I can’t believe it. It hardly seems real.” Her words are an echo of his thoughts, and a shiver runs through him when she starts pressing kisses along his neck and jaw.
“What will we do?” he asks, trying to be practical, no matter how hard it is right now.
“I don’t want to think about it,” she answers, lifting her head and kissing him. It’s surprisingly gentle, filled with her excitement and joy, and he gives in, melting into it, forgetting everything but the feel her mouth on his, the warmth of her body next to him as she swings a leg over his, pulling him closer, her arms looping around his neck.
Their bodies are nearly flush together, but Cody still feel the craving to be closer. And she feels it, too, from the way she’s kissing him. It becomes more passion and less excitement and joy. The sudden, loud beeping of his datapad jolts them apart.
They stare at each other for a moment, panting for breath, and Cody scrambles to his desk to see what’s so urgent while Anika hastily straightens out her robes.
It’s not from General Kenobi or the Jedi Council like he thought. No, it’s from one of the splicing experts involved in a certain, secret project. His stomach plummets to somewhere near his boots as he taps on the report marked ‘emergency’. Dread coils within him as he reads. It’s worse than a nightmare. It’s – it’s – he doesn’t even know how to put the sheer horror in front of him into words.
His brothers spliced into the chip, uncovered everything that in contains.
Of all 150 orders contained within, the one that turns his blood to ice is Order 66. In a split-second every single clone in the GAR could be forced to turn on every single member of the Jedi Order. Fives was right. He was right, and Cody couldn’t be more grateful that he listened to Anika when she told him what Fives said.
“What’s wrong?” Her voice pierces through the tumult in his mind, and he forces himself to unclench his fingers and pass her the datapad.
Her expression clouds with horror as she looks through it. “We have to tell the Council,” she decides, looking up at him. “The Jedi need to know this. I have heard that the Council suspects the Sith to have been involved in the creation of the GAR. I guess this is proof.”
He reaches out, resting a hand on her arm in comfort. “What about… our situation?” he wants to know. “What will we do about this?”
She swallows, staring down at the desk. “I can’t tell Obi-Wan. He – he wouldn’t understand. He would be… disappointed. I can’t face that.” There’s pain in her eyes as she wars with herself.
“It’s inevitable,” Cody points out gently. “You might be able to keep fighting right now, but what about when you get further along? We can’t hide it forever.”
Anika flinches, curling into herself, and he goes to her side, wrapping her in his arms. “We can do whatever you want,” he says. “We can wait. For now. If… that is what you want.”
She presses a hand to her belly, resting her head on his shoulder. “If they know about us, it won’t be good. You will face harsh measures.”
“I know.”
“We could run away,” she jokes.
“Where would we go?” he wonders. “Where could we go that the Republic wouldn’t find us?”
“I… don’t know,” she confesses. “I would like to go to Naboo, maybe, but…” She shrugs. “It doesn’t really matter. I can’t run away, leave my duties and abandon everyone.”
“If we only told General Kenobi, do you think he might… help us figure out what to do?” Cody questions tentatively.
“He’ll be angry.”
Oh, doesn’t Cody know it. He thinks he’ll deserve the anger, but so long as he and Anika aren’t separated, he can live with it. “I worry more for you than me,” he tells her quietly. “You are the one with our child.”
It’s so surreal to say that, to talk about having a child together. He’s never really given thought to after, because he was born and trained as a soldier. They have never gotten an ‘after’. But now? Knowing that he’s going to be a father? He can’t help but think about what kind of life they could have, if the war was over and they were free of their duties.
“We need to go to Obi-Wan anyway,” she notes aloud, “To tell him about… this.” Her hand reaches out, grazing the datapad for a moment before she pulls back. “Maybe if… Maybe it will be enough to distract him from… us.”
His lips twitch into a smile. There’s nothing funny about it, but there also is.
“We can hope,” he replies dryly.
“Let’s bring Rex,” she suggests. “I’m sure he can hide you if he has to.”
There’s a hint of mischief in her words, and it makes him laugh as he tilts her head back to give her a brief kiss. I love you, he wants to say, More than anything. You have no idea how happy I am to be with you, how excited I am to have a child with you. But he says none of that. He doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s because both are still uncertain of their relationship, afraid of how deep it will go if they begin to confess their feelings. Realistically, it would change nothing. Telling Anika that she has taken his heart will not make it hurt any more if he loses her. But… he still hesitates.
He can see the words in her eyes as they stare at each other, but she, too, does not voice them. Maybe, he thinks, she’s waiting for him to say it first, to know that he’s really alright with it.
This time when they leave his quarters in search of General Kenobi, he keeps their hands entwined together, the datapad in his other. Their secret will not be a secret much longer.
***
General Kenobi takes the news about as well as Cody had expected. He isn’t happy, but he does say that he had suspected there was something going on. No matter how careful they had been to be discreet, what tipped him off was the way their emotions changed in the Force when they saw each other. Talk about embarrassing…
But, like Anika had hoped, the information on the datapad distracts him from the lecture he was giving the both of them about their illicit relationship.
He didn’t say anything more about it, but Cody noticed how much more he fretted over Anika than usual, and how much he started hovering. It irritated her, outwardly, though he knows her well enough to know that she had enjoyed having Obi-Wan’s attention. Their dynamic is not one he can even begin to understand.
As far as he knows, his general never reported on them to the Council, probably because he has the far more important matter of the inhibitor chips to deal with. It simultaneously makes things easier and harder, easier in that they don’t need to worry about his reaction to the truth, and harder because they don’t know if he’ll tell on them.
He doesn’t.
The end of the war comes instead.
Anika is on a meditative leave – and has been for nearly a month – hiding out on Naboo during the final trimester of her pregnancy, while Cody and the 212th are on Utapau with General Kenobi hunting down Grievous.
The droid general is killed, and with Dooku having been captured by Masters Yoda and Windu on the Invisible Hand, the war is over.
Except it’s not.
It’s just beginning.
“Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order 66,” commands the hooded hologram of Darth Sidious, Chancellor Palpatine.
Cody is proud to say that his response was a litany of Huttese swears that left the Sith Master spluttering, before Cody disconnects the call. And, then, he contacts his general to let him know the news, to let him know that the Sith have struck just as they feared.
What Sidious did not know was that the GAR was free, mostly free. They had known what the Sith was planning, and they had prepared. Perhaps Sidious will win the battle, having the Senate on his side, but he will not win the war. Those of his brothers who still have their chips are stunned by those who do not when the order is given out.
The Jedi Order disappears from the Temple, going into hiding throughout the galaxy, taking the entire GAR with it. They ransack Kamino, taking their young brothers – and sister; they have a sister, and all this time, they never knew – with them and joining the fallen Order that has been given a second chance.
Sidious may have gotten his Empire, but it’s useless when he has no army, when the Jedi Order and the clone army he planned are working to see his downfall. They will not commit treason by going to kill him. They will wait for him to show his hand, delivering their own testimonies to the public before they rip down everything he has tried to build.
Checkmate. The Sith lose.
It’s inevitable.
But none of that matters now to Cody. What matters is Anika, who is standing in front of him, wearing a ceremonial dress. He has never seen her out of her Jedi robes, but she is stunning. Beautiful. She hardly even seems real, with flowers braided into her hair.
The Clone Wars are over, and the clones are free. Nothing in the galaxy could have prevented Cody from marrying his beloved.
Hilariously enough, Yoda is the one presiding over the small ceremony, and in attendance are General Kenobi, who looks rather grumpy about the whole affair, but only because he firmly maintains Anika is too young to marry or have children – she will always be a child in his eyes – and Ahsoka, who captured Maul on Mandalore. Their entire families are here, and Cody is happy.
And when he kisses her, a sweet, chaste kiss, he sees only her. Anika is the only one for him, the only one he could ever love like this. “I love you,” he whispers against her lips, finally, finally allowing himself to give voice to what he has always known, all the way back from the beginning.
Anika beams, her face lighting up. “I love you, too, cyar’ika,” she murmurs, and his heart soars as he wraps his arms around his wife. She’s his wife now.
“Always and forever,” he adds, because he can’t help it. Being in love is making him sappy.
She laughs, the sound like music to his ears. “Always and forever,” she smiles.