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When Kim Suho was young, he visited a concert hall.
His parents wanted him to play an instrument, and to inspire him they took him to one of the most famous pianist in Korea; Lee Ru-ma, known by his stage name Yiruma.
He was barely 8 when he first heard it, and it was a vivid memory he still remembers until this day, even in a different body. The music he heard that day inspired him so much, that he took up piano.
Yet he was never good at it, his finger work was sloppy, his coordination was off, and his teacher criticized him for never having emotions in his music.
But he still persisted, practicing everyday because seeing his parents smile when he showed what he learned made him happy.
But all good times must come to an end.
In college he was too busy studying and after that, he was busy trying to survive.
Lloyd was wandering around their mansion, after all, it was his free day today. His parents wanted him to stay today because Julien was coming back to visit them and Lloyd was really, really bored (even if he doesn’t want to admit it).
“Master Lloyd,” he turns around to see Javier frowning, slightly, “Where are you going?”
“To the library…?”
“Uhm, I don’t think I have ever seen you open a book, less going into a library.”
“Seriously? Where did you think I learned the information of King Storma?”
“You actually read those legends and records?”
“Why are you so surprised? It’s not like I’m illiterate.”
Javier looked at him with a blank expression, and followed him to the library.
When they entered, they saw a piano at the corner near the window.
“Since when did we have a piano?”
“Master Lloyd, it has been there for years now.”
Lloyd smiled sheepishly, the book never mentioned any hobbies of the fallen baron nor baroness and he was so tired when he was researching that he also probably just missed it.
Javier opened the lid, revealing the inside of the piano, “The baroness used to play it, although she stopped when Julien was born.”
“Oh…” Lloyd grimaced a bit, he didn’t want to look suspicious for not knowing this, “Well-“
“Of course you don’t remember, after all, you never cared for her piano, you always just wanted to play outside.”
“Ah,” Lloyd almost sighed with relief, and he changed the topic, “Well, did Julien ever learn to play it?”
“He did, that’s why the baroness tuned the piano yesterday.”
“So will he be performing for us today?”
“Yes, in fact, I will after lunch.” They heard a familiar voice and saw a familiar face. “Please leave as I will be practicing right now.”
“We will be leaving now master Julien.” Javier bowed respectfully and dragged Lloyd out of the room.
The sound of Javier and Lloyd’s bickering faded away as the sound of a distant piano filled the air, and Lloyd’s eyes blurred a bit, ‘How… beautiful.’
His fingers moved with grace, every chord and harmony perfectly in sync, and the ending note resounded through the whole mansion.
As Julien bowed to the audience, everyone applauded.
“Master Julien is an excellent pianist.” Lloyd heard the maids say, then he also heard a whisper, “I wonder if Master Lloyd knows anything about the arts.”
He felt a sting in his heart.
“Master Julien is so talented, not only is he top of the academy, but he also has a talent for music.”
“It runs in the family, the baroness also played beautifully… Well, Master Lloyd…”
‘Seriously?’ Lloyd stared with disappointment at Javier, who was trying his best not to burst out with laughter. ‘Not my fault that I wasn’t blessed with musical talent.’
“Javier, I’m going for a walk.” Lloyd sighed. “I need some fresh air.”
“Should I accompany you?”
“No, I’ll be back in 10 minutes.”
He left the room silently and took a deep breath. Truthfully, the music was amazing and Julien played it perfectly too, and he knew if stayed another second in there, he was going to start bawling his eyes out, and he wasn’t going to do that in there.
The sounds, the melodies, it reminded him so much of that day with his parents, of those years he spent practicing the piano until… Well until he lost everything.
Had he lost everything if he regained it coming to this world?
He didn’t know the answer, but he knew that he was not going to lose anything as Lloyd. He was going to protect what is his, because he doesn’t want to lose more, he doesn’t want to lose again. He can’t lose again. He must not-
‘Haah, I’m actually going to cry if I think about it any longer.’ Lloyd turned around and reentered. ‘Maybe I should-‘
“Hey… Did you like it?” Julien diverted his gaze, he still wasn’t comfortable around Lloyd, but Lloyd ignored that though and said, “It was amazing.”
Julien smiled.
‘It almost brought me to tears’ remained unsaid, but he was sure Julien saw it in his eyes.
[Your approval rating by Julien has improved by 4 points]
‘The music was so foreign and so familiar at the same time… But it isn’t the same… I wish it was, huh… I wonder… if I can still play the piano, even in this world.’
The night came and Lloyd sneaked into the library and sat in front of the piano.
He had told Javier that he was going to talk to sir Bayern about some boring construction stuff. Well, it wasn’t a lie, but he just had to give him some documents.
He was reminded of those nostalgic memories he had as Kim Suho when Julien was performing, the days when he was still happy, when he had the future ahead of him.
He put his hands on the keyboard.
He remembered the words his teacher told him.
‘Kim Suho, you must pour your heart out, once you do that, you will be a true musician.’
‘Kim Suho, when playing the piano, you should feel the music, you should see the flowing river, the ringing bell, the shine of the moonlight, you should feel the piano piece.’
‘Kim Suho, do you actually want to play the piano? Or are you playing because your parents want you to? Because I have never heard such emotionless music.’
‘Kim Suho, you truly are talentless in the field of music, your melodies are so monotone, it’s almost as if I asked an architect to draw an abstract painting.’
‘Kim Suho, please follow the flow, your fingers are like sticks, you clearly don’t understand what a half note is, why do you keep-’
‘Kim Suho, why don’t you put a bit of yourself in your music? It’s so rigorous an-‘
But he could never see it, he never saw those beautiful sights his teacher saw when playing the piano, never felt the emotions that his teacher felt when pressing the keys, the “self” that his teacher said to express.
He pressed the A key, and started playing the a simple song from a foreign world, one that first inspired him touch a piano.
“The River Flows in You”
Unbeknownst to Lloyd, Javier also had his own little “expedition”, Julien had asked him to accompany him to go to the library and play a bit more the piano so that before his departure tomorrow, he could play something that would bring even his mother to tears.
Yet as he slowly and silently opened the door, they saw Lloyd, who was sat at the piano, illuminated by the moonlight and a small candle, but…
Why did he look so sad? It almost looked like he was grieving, or perhaps regret?
A single note was played.
Then another one, and it produced a feeling Javier could only describe as sorrow, grief and regret.
His finger slid across the keyboard, hitting the occasional wrong note, still the melody flew gently out of the piano and out of his chest, was this what his teacher meant by “pour your heart out”?
Although he couldn’t see the rolling fields nor the swaying river or the calm gentle water, he somehow felt it, in his heart.
He felt the river carrying the regret of not having helped his parents with the debt, of the sorrow when everyday was a struggle to survive, of the grief of never petting his dog one last time.
He felt the gentle water that reminded him of those blissful days when he was still a kid, and as he tried to grab on those memories, but the river f lowed on, mercilessly, just like time, it never stops to let anyone take a breath of fresh air.
Yet, no matter how contradictory, that is what keeps everyone going; it is the shining star of hope that is just a bit too far to reach, but nevertheless lights up the path in front, and sometimes, seeing where the next step is going to be, can be the motivation to not give up.
And not giving up is choosing to continue, choosing to change the imperfect world, choosing to be stronger.
This gave Lloyd a bit of comfort, he already spent years of his life clinging on the fleeting hope, and for the first time, he realized that the passage of time was not the hope he sought after when all seems lost, it was the ability to change, but as long as he hasn’t stopped fighting, he had the possibility to rewrite even the most terrible fates.
The only thing eternal in this world is change, and from that, the hope for a better future.
Then the sense of endless dread he used to feel was washed away by the river, he felt a bit more free, a bit happier, even if tears started rolling off his cheeks and onto the piano.
The performance ended quietly, and quiet sobs resonated throughout the library.
Javier decided to break the silence, it was suffocating hearing only the sobs and the wind outside, “Master Lloyd, that was spectacular.”
Julien glared at him for revealing that they were there, but Javier ignored him and instead went to hug Lloyd from the back in an effort to comfort him.
“Seriously, you’re now eavesdropping.” Lloyd forced a bitter smile and a cheery voice, “Don’t you feel a bit bad for your poor master? It’s quite inappropriate to do this.”
Javier sighed and let Lloyd stand up.
“And Julien, I’ll leave the piano to you, but I’ll be taking Javier with me.”
“I never knew master Lloyd could play the piano,” Javier sat on the bed next to Lloyd, “It was truly beautiful.”
“What can I say, I’m a man of many talents.”
“…Master Lloyd, you are ruining this moment.”
“Wha-“ Lloyd was cut off by an abrupt hug from Javier.
“I don’t know what happened, but the song, it was full of sadness and regret.” Javier continued, “There’s clearly something you haven’t told us, told me.”
Lloyd let the tear roll down his face, “You’re right, but-“
“But this isn’t the correct time?” Javier smirked slightly, “No matter the truth… I’ll always be by your side, and absolutely nothing will change that.”
“How cheesy.” Lloyd hugged Javier even tighter, “Well, I’ll tell you one thing then… I regret a lot of things, especially how even though I had the choice to change, I never took it until recently, because the excuse I told myself was ‘I have no talent’. “
“Master Lloyd clearly displays talent in civil engineering.”
“But that is all learned, everything I know is passed down.” He let go of Javier and laid on the bed. “Talent is more like what you have, like the swordsmanship, the mana…”
“For someone as intelligent as you,” Javier smiled fondly, “you really are stupid sometimes.”
[Your approval rating by Javier has improved by 2 points]
Javier put out the light, ”Master Lloyd should play the piano again.”
”As if.”
”Why not?”
”…I will when I feel inspired.”
A comfortable silence fell upon them and both slowly drifted into dreamworld.