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Max had never wondered what his best friend saw in the kid. Even objectively, Nunew was incredibly good-looking, and to Zee, at least, he was all sweetness, cute giggles and enough aegyo to fill both Koreas. Zee falling for him had only been surprising in how much Zee changed as a result of them being together, and as they were all positive changes, Max felt some gratitude toward Nunew.
The problem was that the kid was evil. And Zee didn’t seem to realize this. Neither did P’Aof, or he might not have thought his latest Domundi group-video idea was such a good one. Max had taken to calling these projects stupid couple games, similar to stupid pet tricks. He didn’t dislike them as a rule, but this one…
“Are you trying to get us all killed?” Max asked P’Aof, just a touch dramatically.
“Don’t be so serious. It’s just speed-dating.”
No. What it was was each of the juniors sat at a small, two-chair table as each of the elder Domundi actors took turns sitting with them until every possible pairing had had 10 minutes to talk. Then, P’Aof announced, we find out who’s really compatible with who, and we might be surprised.
“Yeah,” Max had scoffed, “surprised if any of us are left standing.”
The problem was, Zee and Nunew were a real couple. Real as in dating, in love, likely to marry someday if Thailand ever removed its head from its ass and legalized that. Unlike the other playful, for-show couples, Zee and Nunew were exclusive, and very possessive and protective of each other. And if standing too close to Nunew or touching him for more than 2 milliseconds got Zee looking annoyed, what was this going to do?
It so happened that he got assigned to his own partner first, so Max at least had a short time to explain his uneasiness about this to Nat, who as usual didn’t take him seriously. Nat did always complain that he never could tell when his partner was joking and when not.
“So, since I don’t have time to call my lawyer, I need to tell you what changes I want to make to my will…”
“P’Max, you’re worrying too much,” Nat dismissed him. “It’s just a game.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re the one person allowed to touch Nunew without getting glared down or slapped away.”
“So just don’t touch him. You don’t see the others worrying, do you?”
“I see Jimmy keeping his hands where Zee can see them at all times.”
Nat turned to look, and yes, Jimmy was holding his hands up with a frozen smile, while Zee completely ignored Yim to watch him, and Nunew.
“Uh, okay, what should I tell your lawyer? Other than everything goes to me, that is,” Nat finished with a smirk.
“Lie to my parents, please. Tell them I was mauled by elephants, I don’t care. Just don’t tell them I died from being perceived as homo-wrecking a ship. Especially since when I tried to explain ships to my dad, he thought I was talking about actual things that sail on the water. It was confusing for everyone.”
Nat smiled, seeing Max being his usual deadpan self. “What are you worried about? You’re not interested in Jelly, are you?”
“In permanently sewing his mouth shut, maybe. Not other than that.”
“Then what are you worried about?”
Max looked over at Nunew. When their eyes met, the younger very noticeably, very simply, smirked at him. It was an expression that clearly said, I’m going to ruin and possibly end your life today, and your best friend will be the one doing it.
“He’s evil.”
“Jelly?” Nat shook his head, waving the idea away. “No one on Earth would agree with you on that one, P’Max.”
“He doesn’t look devious, which makes him even more dangerous. You should know he’s not as innocent as he looks.”
Nat hmmed, clearly not convinced. “I think this is just a you-issue, P’Max. Did you know P’Zee was Jelly’s first kiss?”
He hadn’t. But this didn’t help his case. Though it did make sense regarding Zee periodically, briefly, and hilariously panicking that he was a dirty old man soiling an innocent literal baby/angel, that he was unworthy, I think his dad hates me, stop laughing and talk me down, Max, that sort of thing.
Max filed this new bit of information in his Things I Can Use Against Zee file, then went back to fretting. He went so far as to try to hold onto Nat when it was time to switch tables.
“Aw, phinong clinging to each other,” P’Aof said, manning just one of the multiple cameras being used.
“I’ll give you phinong, you dangerous lunatic,” Max muttered, but finally went to James’s table, where the younger put on a show of being offended.
Here, at least, his concerns were being taken seriously. James, as one of the two ZeeNunew ship captains, was a bit more aware of Nunew’s rarely-seen deviousness and agreed with Max wholeheartedly that today might be his last day on Earth.
Somehow, this didn’t make him feel any better.
“Some advice would be helpful, Captain,” Max muttered, rubbing his hands together nervously.
“Well, Jimmy kept his hands in the air the whole time, and he’s still alive. You could try that.”
“Hmm, I could.” When was my last Arm Day? Do I have enough strength in my arms to keep them up for ten whole minutes? “But he’ll probably turn that around on me, too.”
“P’Max, much as I agree with you that Nunew’s not as innocent as he looks, I also don’t think he’s the archenemy you make him sound like.”
“He’s Satan,” Max muttered.
The two of them spent the rest of their time 1-v-1-ing each other for a round of Knoble Knights on their phones. The camera that was filming them circled the table for dramatic effect, or maybe in an effort to make the almost-silence less boring. Max was unhorsed five times in a row, unheard of for even a newbie, and blamed his nerves.
When it was time to move, a glance at the board nearby told Max he had only one junior left before reaching Nunew. He flung himself into a seat at the next table with such force, Yim looked startled.
“P’Max, are you – “
“Call him off, I beg you,” Max muttered, realizing he probably looked completely insane and desperate. “You’re his twin, he must listen to you. Tell him I just don’t want any trouble.”
Yim did that cute thing where he tilts his head curiously. “Nunew? Why would you have trouble with Nunew?”
“Right, I must have forgotten,” Max went into one of his signature deadpan-humor moments. “Silly me, trouble, Nunew? Heaven forbid. Because Baby Nu, as the mommies call him, is sunshine and cupcakes and sprinkles personified and could not ever possibly harbor any ill intent toward anyone, right?”
“I mean, kind of.”
It was uncertain whether Max heard this, as he just sort of went on, as the seconds ticked by looking more and more flustered.
“You juniors don’t know how good you have it. Sure, he might swat at you now and then if you get handsy with him on purpose, but try being one of us sometime. He’s suspicious of all of us, even me, and I’m his best friend. We all talk about how good New has been for Zee, but we never consider that the kid is the freaking Antichrist.”
“P’Max, are you feeling all right? You’re not making a lot of sense.”
At this point, Max gave up for now, and just buried his face in his clammy hands. He stayed like that for the remainder of the round, with Yim helpfully patting his shoulder now and then. All too soon, P’Aof gave the signal to rotate one last time. It, he, could be avoided no longer.
Max had learned it was futile to try to predict Nunew, but even he was surprised to see the boy he was warily approaching pout, more sadly than cutely, for once.
“P’Max, what’s wrong? You don’t want to sit with me?”
“You little – “
The under-his-breath whisper was interrupted by a chime from his phone. Oh, what a surprise, Zee was texting him, and Max could almost hear the typed words scolding him.
Why is he frowning? What did you do?
Insane frozen smile plastered on his face, Max sat down where he was supposed to, trying to keep his hands visible on the table. Now Nunew smiled, a thing that typically got the boy whatever he wanted, and he knew it.
“Are you okay, P’Max? You look very nervous.”
Leaning forward, a desperate man, Max whispered, slightly stuttering, “Look, whatever you’re trying to do, you win, okay? I’m not looking for trouble.”
Nunew recoiled from him so convincingly, Max for a moment wondered what he could have said to scare the kid.
“Um, P’Max, I’ve told you, saying those kinds of things makes me feel uncomfortable.”
It wasn’t said loudly enough to reach Zee, at least well, but Nunew’s body language was clear, and his best friend was fluent in it. Max reluctantly turned to glance at Zee, who was glaring daggers at him, and added a finger-across-the-throat gesture, too.
He happened, on his head’s way back, to glance over at the ZeeNunew captains, where Net held up a piece of paper that said RIP in English, and James one where he’d scrawled a passable sketch of Max. The latter then turned his paper over, and it said in Thai, ‘Don’t worry, your last moments are being documented for posterity.’
P’Aof, if you upload this video, please cut my death scene out of it.
“What did I ever do to you?” Max hissed quietly at his tormenter.
“To me?” Nunew blinked his pretty eyes several times. “Nothing. I thought we were friends. Aren’t we?”
Max, he’s frowning again. : (
Cursing quietly, Max turned his phone face down on the table.
“Of course we are. But usually you’re trying to get me in trouble. Like you’ve been doing since I sat down here.”
A smile answered that, one so beautiful that Max had a split-second of knowing what it must be like to be Zee.
He didn’t like it.
“You, in trouble? I’d never do that.”
He’s too good at pretending to be innocent. I almost believe him myself.
Then Nunew subtly gestured to one of the encircling cameras, roughly one per table, documenting everything they were doing and saying. So, according to the footage, he would look like a complete lunatic, while the kid sat there behaving as sweetly as he appeared to be physically.
“You little – “ Max began to hiss again, but the frozen smile and visible hands returned at a chime from his phone he didn’t bother to check. “I mean, uh, so, what music are you into lately?”
Nunew smiled again, somewhat secretively this time. “You want to talk about that with me?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Yeah. Why not?” Max repeated, though not without a slight, precognitive sinking of his stomach.
“I just…” Why was he doing the cute lip-biting thing? “…didn’t know you felt that way. I’m sorry, but…”
It took Max a minute, and a few insistent chimes of his phone, before he remembered. Zee and Nunew could read each other’s lips. Max considered the last few things Nunew had said, mentally removing the context…and wondered if he maybe had at least a minute or two to contact his lawyer. Nat was not getting anything, the little bastard. He was at Zee’s table right now, giggling instead of trying to help.
Oh, well. If he was going to die, he’d rather do it bravely. On his feet. Apparently lunging crazily at a prettily-smiling demon spawn.
“You little – “
Nat finally decided to be helpful, getting to Max just a second before anyone else could. It would probably have been fine, since Zee was headed at once toward Nunew, not him. The boy cuddled cutely into him, flashing a bright smile at Max from within the protective hold. Zee’s stare, however, promised no such lack of pain.
Nat was carefully pulling him back, toward the room’s only exit. Maybe he should leave Nat something after all. No, never mind, since he was unsympathetically snickering the whole time.
“Fell for his tricks, huh?” Nat whispered.
“Your best friend wants me dead.”
“Jelly? Nah. I think you’re exaggerating again. Oh, wait, P’Zee is coming over here.”
“At least I’ll die in the arms of one who loves me,” Max sighed, his life beginning to flash before his eyes.
“Me? I’m with you for the lulz. But c’mon, I’m sure I can find you someone like that. Maybe a fan.”
Nat was trying to be subtle about steering Max toward the door. Before Zee could reach them (he was walking slowly, doing his no-blinking thing), Nat managed to signal his bestie to call off his protector. Nunew said something (or whined something, more likely) that had Zee turning right around back to him. In no time, he was back hugging the boy again, lost in his eyes and seemingly having forgotten Max.
“I owe you,” the reprieved actor murmured to his partner, with whom he’d nearly reached the door by the time they stopped.
“Your entire estate will be fine. Shouldn’t take too long, since you’re so old.”
Looks like someone’s dying today after all, Max thought darkly, as Nat giggled at him.
THE END