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“Sebastian. Look at me.”
He thought he could outrun his demons. You faced them head-on.
“You have to use the Cruciatus curse on me.”
The words rang in Sebastian’s ears as he glanced at your solemn face. He couldn’t. He swore to protect you, not hurt you. A million different alternatives raced through his mind, but none of them bore fruition. No spell, no potion, no plan could possibly escape the fate of CRUCIO burned into the ground before them. Deep down, he knew, he knew that oh-so-familiar demon, the monster inside him whispering in desperation that this was the only way. Whispered that without this he would die inside this Merlin-forsaken Scriptorium, whispered that without this they would never get a chance to save Anne. He clenched his fist and inhaled. He would die a monster before letting them get to you. He would bear the sins to save you from his darkest demons within.
“Are you sure?” He asked. “Are you really sure you want to do this?”
You nodded. Ominis glared beside her and hung his head in defeat. Sebastian couldn’t bear to watch this any longer.
Nodding at you and taking a stance, he braced himself to speak the Unforgivable Curse. Deep behind the steel and resolve, the determination in your eyes, he glimpsed a reflection of himself, of the fear of what could happen. In a horrendous, Sebastian Sallow-warped worldview, he also thought you were terribly beautiful. No one else could match that fire in your eyes, the understanding of ambition and sacrifice and pain to save someone you love. He had to get this over with before he regretted it any further. He raised his wand, uttered the incantation, and-
BAM!
The blast of Confringo interrupted the screams of his memory as Sebastian fired away in the Undercroft. He yelled in frustration as yet another training dummy flopped away then back again as if nothing had happened. But everything had happened and nothing was right and he had probably ruined the only friendship he’d ever had outside of Anne and Ominis.
He could still hear your cries of pain, still see the way you screamed as the tortures racked your body. He felt the world fall under him again and cast another Confringo in hopes of letting the blast take away the pain.
You said you were fine, brushed away the crackling green lightning burning your hands. You quipped about being hit by worse, but the grimace told otherwise. Sebastian knew otherwise.
Sebastian shook his head, trying to violently clear his mind and focus on what was next. But his thoughts kept clouding his vision, and eventually he sighed and dejectedly hobbled over to sit on a crate to the side. Casting the curse was only the beginning of his problems. More than that, he realized he had dragged you into his problems. He cursed himself as realized he would never be able to forgive himself for letting you take the fall, for letting emotion overcome rationalization.
He wished he could turn back time (damn Headmaster Black for banning Time Turners) and go back to the days when things were so much simpler. He wished he could return to when Anne thrived among Hogwarts, when she still smiled and laughed carefree. He wished he could return to the first time he dueled you with a blazing determination in your eyes, the first time he taught you Disillusionment and the way you held his hand in the library, the first time he took the fall for someone in the Restricted Section, the first time he took you flying on your broom, the first time he realized he might have a sodding-big crush and he’d fallen so deep there was no way he’d ever dig himself back up. For the first time since Anne’s curse, he thought he could finally live for himself .
Sebastian was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the door to the Undercroft creak open. He didn’t notice the footsteps tiptoeing across the room to stop next to him, rocking back on your feet a few times before finally summoning the courage to say,
“I’m sorry, Sebastian.”
Sebastian turned to see you standing beside him, sheepishly rubbing the ends of your robe.
“What?” He exclaimed, standing up and brushing himself off. “Merlin’s Beard, what do you have to be sorry for? If anything, I should be the one apologizing! I cast it and I hurt you and I-”
You placed a finger to his lips, hushing further protests.
“You didn’t hurt me, Seb,” you replied. “You did what you had to. I don’t blame you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
“You shouldn’t come near me anymore,” Sebastian sighed, pulling away and angrily taking a few steps back.
“I’m not who you think I am!” he shouted desperately as you recoiled. Realizing his mistake, he ran a hand over his face and sighed again. He paced frantically and then stopped again in front of you. It was the first time you’d ever seen him so dejected, so defeated , so lost and unsure of himself. Gone was the arrogant, fearless troublemaker Sebastian Sallow. A lost ghost replaced that Sebastian, a shell of his former self and a cage for the demons raging inside. Sebastian sighed again, whispering in barely a breath,
“I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you.”
You looked at him quietly, slowly reaching out to touch his hand. He didn’t pull away this time, letting you gently take him for as he was. You carefully moved your hand over his knuckles, moving upwards towards his forearm, shoulders, past his bobbing neck and finally onto his cheek. He flinched at first, but slowly settled into your touch and let you hold him there.
“Do you remember what I told you?” You said, placing a thumb over his cheek and caressing his jawline.
He wouldn’t forget it for the world.
“I will help you, Seb,” you whispered softly. “I will be there for you until the day I die.”
At that admission, Sebastian felt his walls crumble and shatter. He let the gates come down, the flood threatening to tear through, crashing against his dams as he welcomed the embrace you pulled him in. You held him as his shoulders trembled, brushing your hand across his back in soothing circles. He choked back the tremors unspoken, and the two of you embraced there until he finally sighed in content against your frame.
“Thank you,” he whispered, slowly lifting his head to meet yours. “Thank you, for everything.”
You leaned your foreheads together, snaking your arms around his neck and breathing each other’s peace. He leaned in slowly, asking for permission to kiss you. You closed the gap, melting into his mouth and sighing in content. He kissed back, pouring everything he couldn’t say and everything he couldn’t convey to the depths of your soul. He held you as if you were the anchor to his shore, the lighthouse keeping the waves from crashing across the rocky cliffs of burdens to bear. He held you knowing you were the only thing that kept him afloat across the roaring seas and the tides to come, the antidote to his poison and the cure for his path. He didn’t know where this would go or what he would do, but he knew one thing. Sebastian Sallow, Slytherin pride, would move heaven and earth for you if it meant one more lifetime with you.
***
The moonlight cast a brilliant glow as your wands danced in unison. Streaks of purple, yellow, and red dotted the stars.
Your duel had gone on for ages, (a “rematch”, Sebastian explained, of his poor showing in class), and another test before entering more Crossed Wands challenges together. You used all your wits and power to dodge and cast onto Sebastian, but here experience trumped talent. Somehow, with a well-timed Depulso and Expelliarmus, Sebastian managed to grapple you to the ground in defeat. The two of you tumbled, laughing and rolling onto the floor of the Astronomy Tower, high above the twinkling lights of Hogwarts Valley below.
You laid on your back, gasping for breath but smiling and heaving at the stars as Sebastian did the same besides you. You glanced at him breathlessly, Sebastian giving you a crooked wide grin before chuckling again. He blushed and looked away. The two of you stayed there on your backs, drinking in the moment and admiring the view from above. Finally, Sebastian broke the silence by slowly dusting himself off and standing up to regain his footing.
“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Sebastian remarked, staring off into the distance. “How quickly expectations can change in a day.”
“Well, good sir,” you laughed as you sat into an upright position. “You’re rather dashing for a troublemaker of the highest proportions. I fear the day I’ll become lenient to your charms and upend my status in class. Hogwarts better watch out for their next famed celebrity.” He smirked, then noticed your expression suddenly turned serious, looking at him with fondness and resolve. He raised an eyebrow, beckoning you to speak.
“Seb, I don’t know what tomorrow holds and I don’t know where we’re going, but I need you to know something. You were the first person who really welcomed me here, and for that, I’m forever grateful.”
His expression softened.
You smiled, breathed quietly and whispered perhaps the truest words you’d spoken since landing at Hogwarts.
“I will always be there for you.”
Sebastian blinked for a moment in surprise, then smiled and extended his hand to yours to help you onto your feet. Anne was right, he thought. Some things could shine brighter than the stars.
“Well, m’lady,” Sebastian mimicked (quite obnoxiously, yet endearingly), “I’ll make you a promise too.” His gaze softened.
“I promise to always protect you. As resident Dueling Champion, infamous Detention Dodger, and aspiring Slytherin wizard, no less would do.”
You chuckled, blushing back and placing your hand on top of his and kissing his cheek.
“I’ll make sure you keep it.”
***