Work Text:
To the man , i loved the most ,
Dear Loid san ,
I woke up in the middle of the night because of a faint cry I heard on the other room, I just literally closed my eyes a few minutes ago. I was so tired since I just got home from mission ..
It has been a while since you left behind us , you disappeared without any Trace .
I can hear sobbing coming from the other room ...
I am not okay , neither physically nor emotionally.
I am very exhausted.
Literally and Figuratively.
I am not okay ....
Physically, mentally and emotionally.
I am not okay .
Neither is Anya ..
Neither is Bond ...
Neither is Yuri ....
I get up and proceed to drag myself to my our daughter room .
I opened the door to see our Seven year-old daughter crying again. It has become her ritual to cry when he wakes up in the middle of the night ever since you disappeared ...
I hug her and we both cry , Cry over our shared memories and our past ...
Its hard been a single mother, you know Loid san ?
I , all my childhood Raised Yuri and my adulthood will Raise Anya...
I don't regret it .
When You left, I tried my best to fulfill all of my duties and responsibility as a mother.
It is really hard since I got used of you helping me doing the House chores .
It's really hard to cook , i am trying my best , Anya says i am improving , but I still can't Cook like you .
I managed to learn some basic home cooked meal that I can serve ...
Its relatively easy to clean the house and do the laundry .
Its hard to go for shopping, Anya helps me out what to buy and what not ...
Yuri and Franky generally tag along to help ..
Anya is still not used to it because every time she cries at night, blaming herself for not been good enough for you to stay ..
Her cry becomes longer and I really find it hard to comfort her .
I end up crying too ...
Its really hard Loid san , its really hard ...
I am not okay , no matter how much i try to be. ..
I am not okay , despite trying to showing other i am okay ....
I often watch her sleep beside me.
I gently brushes her hair, then giving her a forehead kiss
Anya has becomes my only hope in these trying times of my life.
I have become Anya only hope in these time
I am her lifeline.
She is mine .
If she's not here, i would just easily go back to what i was back then but as a mother, i doesn't really want Anya to grow up like me .
I don't want her to be orphan ...
Anya may not be mine by blood ,but she is mine , as much as she is yours Loid san ...
As much as possible, she needs to grow up like a normal kid.
I doesn't really know what happened to us..
Was your job more important than us ?
You told you don't want children crying anymore , but you made our daughter cry ?
Time passes quickly , i didn't even realize i been raising her for almost two years now.
Anya told me everything about you and your mission . .
Everything you did was a act , wasnt it ? ( please , tell you didn't did it all for your mission, please tell you cared about us )
She told me everything about her ...
Your , Mine , our Daughter is a Esper , someone who can read minds , she was Tortured and experimented upon, adopted four times , her Orphanage was changed two times and her father , for whom she did everything Abonanded her ....
I still like to her as Our Daughter , since no matter what happens, no one can change the fact, you were her father .
You know, Loid san, my Boss Shopkeeper and Director McMahon , play with Anya , treat her as their granddaughter..
She is really sweet and good , they say ...
She melted the cold , hard , hearts of assissans like us ..
You know , Yuri and Franky helps me with Chores or with Anya's education , after all i am barely literated.
Becky is there for her , so is Diaman ...( Poor kid , neither of his parents care for him , i wish i could adopt him .... You know , he saw you as a father Figure Loid san .....He calls me Mom )
You know , Loid san , Fiona is there too , Agent Nightfall is someone i could consider my best friend ..
Both women who were and are still in love with the same guy ...
Camilla, Sharon and Millie are nice to me now ....
But I hate the pity looks , the sympathy on their faces , on everyone's face, since you left ..
The neighbours look at you and your name with hate ..
You were the one doing everything.
You were the one who adopted Bond....
You is the one encouraging me to branch out and learn new things and you are the one always teaching me how to handle my insecurities.
You are the one teaching Anya and she got the first stella because you was patiently trying different things for her to try.
You are the one who put her in the same class as Damian.
You are who, who kept reminding her apologize.
Its a shock right , Loid san ...., Or Agent Twilight, greatest spy of Westilas or whatever is your name ?
You will be Loid san for us...
Marrying you and Falling in love with you and was the greatest decision I've ever made in my entire life.
Loid san , I don't regret our marriage .
I don't regret Falling in love with you , even though you didn't.
I don't regret those nights we share.
We were a happy family. ( All for the mission )
Fairytales are not the truth, what am I supposed to do?
Loid san , I don't regret our marriage .
I don't regret Falling in love with you , even though you didn't.
I don't regret those nights we share.
Truth be told, It was hard for both of us since we never really got to experience the love and care of our own parents.
We were young and pushed to work ...
Our duty and loyalties for our country...
Despite, Everyone Around me , i miss you Loid san....
Its exactly Two years , since you disappeared ...
Despite Everyone Around, i miss you ...
I miss your warmth ....
I miss your encouragement ...
I miss your strength.....
I miss your support....
I miss your presence......
I miss your touch and kisses
I miss your kindness ...
I miss you
And I recall your hands, two measures of tenderness.
And i recall those nights we share.
I recall everything you said to me and Anya
This is reality.
Not every marriage is considered as a happy ending.
Not every family is considered as a happy ending.
At least not for us.
But , you are the man , whom was my first and last love ...
The only man i Ever love ...
I don't know where you are now , or how are you doing ? Or are you even Alive ? ....
Or in whose arm are you in ?
Or in whose bed ?
Loid , i miss you ...
Loid , i am not okay ....
Loid , i miss you ....
Loid san , I don't regret our marriage .
I don't regret Falling in love with you , even though you didn't.
I don't regret those nights we share.
We were a happy family. ( All for the mission )
Fairytales are not the truth, what am I supposed to do?
If you had a second chance , will you choose us ?
- The woman who loved you the most
Yor Forger