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“Hey, if it isn’t Shoka.” A classmate of mine sneers as I make my way through the halls, my water bucket and mop in hand. I never bother to remember her name, Ponytail will do for now, not like I’d care about what my tormentor's name would be anyway. Our classes finished and all the students assigned for cleaning duty are in the midst of sweeping floors, wiping chalkboards, and moving desks around. “The cleaning girl look really suits you.” Her possé giggles behind her.
“What do you want? Can’t you see I’m busy?” I retort, gripping the bucket’s handle tightly while I rest the brush end of the mop on the school’s glossy hardwood. I plant my left foot back. Ponytail is always unpredictable, I always need to be on guard and focus on her movements.
“Is that so? Doesn’t look like you’re doing a good job. In fact, I think you missed a spot.” She says, sauntering towards me, her own bucket swaying along with her steps.
Shoka, you know what might happen, but you'll look like the bad guy if you strike first. Stay calm. Ponytail stops in front of me, just a couple of steps away. With a smug curl of the lips, she lifts her bucket and pours the murky water onto my head. The water trickles down my bangs, to my shoulders, coats my arms, and begins to soak into my knee-high socks. The possé gasps, a sharp cackling quickly follows.
Keep it together, it’s just water. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. You’ve made it this far. You've been through harder circumstances. My eyes flick open, looks like I startled the girls as they grow silent, unnerved by the stare I’m piercing into each of their eyes. Even Ponytail looks like she’s struggling to keep her front, the end of her brow twitching.
“How cuuute! You look a lot better. Oh, you know what? Why don’t we take a picture? I mean, you’re apparently a model right?” Ponytail pulls out her phone from the pocket of her cotton sweater and slides her thumb across the screen, unlocking it. She lifts the phone up until the camera lens stares right back at me. What does it matter if she takes a picture of me? How is it gonna help her feel better about her life? Answer: it’s not.
Easy girl, just hold out a little bit longer and this’ll all blow over, I think to myself. This is not worth your energy. I unintentionally scoff. It’s a force of habit for me. Oddly a habit I want to reduce, it gets me in unwanted trouble, like now. Ponytail must’ve taken my scoff as a challenge since she starts to snap a handful of photos, tapping her thumb against the screen at a feverish pace.
“Pssh, some model you are. What the hell was Gatto Nero thinking, picking a loner emo chick to play dress-up?”
“Isn’t one of the co-founders like super plain? Like, the one with the glasses and baggy clothes. Shii-something.” says one of Ponytail’s girls, the one with the long twin braids on each side of her face. The others look at her and at one another, scanning each other's faces for any glint of recognition.
“Oh! I think her name is Shiki Misaki.” Another girl in the group voices out. She plays with her fringe and pouts. “What’s so special about her anyway? She’s not even fashionable. Shouldn’t she be dressing better to show some sort of sophistication? You can’t just be a co-founder of a fashion brand and dress like a slob.”
Ponytail looks back at her group. “I bet Eri feels sorry for her so she shared the credit, but we all know Eri does all the work.” I couldn’t believe that I’m hearing this come from a bunch of girls who don’t know the full story. How dare they say that about Shiki. Eri would have given up if it weren’t for her. I bite my lip. Hard. I can’t let this get to me.
“Talk about a leech, just sucking up all the fame for herself, Shiki honestly doesn’t deserve anything that she got.”
“Don't you even dare.” A mumble slipped out. My shoulders start to tense up and my face heats up like a furnace.
“What was that?” Braids calls out.
“If you got something to say then spit it out.” Ponytail yanks at my fringe and shoves my head back, meeting my gaze. Before she can utter another word of hate, I spit in her face and slam my water bucket at her head. My violent act caused the water to splash across the hall and scatter the possé as they scream and run away. Never thought I’d be this violent and physical with someone that doesn’t have any psyches to defend themselves with. Still, I couldn’t help but feel the need to defend Shiki’s honour despite there being other ways to approach the situation.
I stare down at Ponytail, my face scrunching up in disgust. “You can mess with me. But don't you dare talk shit about Shiki.” Dropping the empty bucket on the floor, I turn and walk away from my tormentor and head down the steps.
---
I’m an idiot!!! Why’d I do that? I’m going to totally get expelled now… I clutch my head and tug at my long dark locks. As much as Ponytail got what was coming for her, I don’t know how I’ll ever explain this to Shiki’s parents-er, my parents. “Hey mom n’ dad, I got expelled cuz I socked a girl right in the face with a bucket full of water.” Yeah, that definitely would make for an awkward situation. After taking the time to wallow in my regret, my features start to smooth over, thoughts of potential opportunities surface in my mind. Maybe it’s not so bad, Maybe I can transfer somewhere else. With Fret. And Rindo.
Opening my locker, I fetch my gym shirt and cat hoodie. This Gatto Nero hoodie has been with me for quite some time. It became some sort of safety blanket at this point, shielding and protecting me from the outside world. It also helps to hide any evidence from all the pranks and tussles that I’ve been through in this hellhole. To the washrooms I go.
---
Returning from the washroom all clean and changed, I swap for my outdoor shoes, snag my bag, and walk out the front doors.
Bzzt Bzzt. “Hm?” Unzipping my bookbag, I unearth my phone from the inner side pocket, Rindo’s profile picture lighting up on the caller ID. It was a somewhat candid picture I took before Rindo noticed and lunged for the phone. Regardless of the blurry outcome, it was one of the first few pictures I took of everyone that day we met up at Hachiko. “Yes?”
“Fret and I are at the Hachiko Café. If you’re not busy you should come by, we saved a seat for you.” Rindo’s voice resonated in the air.
“Well, about that-”
“C’mon Shokiieee!” Fret’s voice bursts through the phone speaker. I jut the device away from my ear. Fret always finds a way to project his voice in any room. “I’ll pay for whatever you wanna order.”
“Hmm… Deal.”
***
“Shokieee. Earth to Shokie. You good?” Fret waves his hand frantically in front of my face from across the table.
“Is that really necessary?” I say, squinting at Fret as I purse my lips.
“No, but you were spacing out pretty hard there. Is everything okay?” Fret leans in towards me with his arms crossed on the table.
“Ease up Fret, or you’ll get bit.” Rindo warns, sipping the iced cafe au lait in his hands.
“I know, I know. I just can’t help it! I want to make sure Shokie’s not getting hit on at school y’know. I doubt it's easy being a high schooler AND Gatto Nero’s newest model.” You have no idea Fret, if only you knew.
“I guess that’s true, but try not to pry. Shoka’s still getting used to this whole school thing too. Not to mention that she’s not in the same school as us, so it’s not like she can run to us for help at any moment.” Rindo sets his cup down. We’re seated at a corner table in the café. The place is bustling with students from various schools, the smell of coffee swirling in the air.
“Thanks for caring, but I’m a big girl. I can handle a couple of stares.” I say as I raise my eyes from my phone and into Rindo’s eyes. Those hazel eyes immediately flick away after hearing the chime of the restaurant doors. Oh sh*t! You can’t be serious with this! I duck immediately, clutching onto the hood of my sweater.
“Uh, you good there? Did you drop something?” Fret ducks his head under the table to look around.
“Those uniforms…” I hear Rindo comment. Looks like he turned around to see what had caught my eye. “Okay, what on earth is happening?”
“I think Shoka dropped something? Mind helping us out, Rindude?”
“So, what did you drop?” Rindo meets us under the table and scans the floor around him, narrowing his eyes.
“I didn’t drop anything… Ugh, look this is embarrassing but I’m hiding okay?” I really want to avoid this topic as much as possible, but it’s Fret and Rindo. I can tell them anything, right? Would they be upset when they found out how long the bullying has been going on? Will it cause a commotion here? No, they’re not like that.
Rindo takes a hard look at me. A flicker of recognition sparks in his eyes. “You know those people, don’t you?
“What if I do?”
“Well, you’re hiding. I can only assume that you don’t get along with them if you’re ducking out of sight.”
“Shokie,” Fret interjects. “hate to ask you this but, is there something going on that we should know about?”
“Before you answer us, can we get out from under this table so people don’t stare at us?” Rindo scratches his cheek and we all emerge from under the table. I seem to be having the worst timing for everything today. As soon as I lift my head, Ponytail and her boyfriend pass by our table. We catch each other’s eyes.
“YOU!” Her cheek is swollen now, a bruise starting to form from where my bucket bashed in. “Honey, she's the one that did this to me!” She cries while her boyfriend moves to face me. I hear the boys scramble to their feet, Fret being the first to wedge himself between me and this dude.
“Whoa, whoa there! Maybe we can be a little civil and talk about wherever it is that happened.”
“You her man?” Boyfriend scowls, now clutching onto the collar of Fret’s uniform. Boyfriend is like two years older than us and at least a foot taller than Fret. Not good.
“Leave him alone. He has nothing to do with this. If it's me you want then just get it over with.” I say getting out of my seat, pulling my friend out of Boyfriend’s reach. He grabs my hair from under my hood. Wow, must be a trend between those two.
“HEY.” A shout echoes and something wet follows. Boyfriend lets go of me and I feel a warmth wash over my hand, dragging me out of the cafe and into the Scramble Crossing crowd. Everything blurs until the motions subside and I find myself in Miyashita Park, Rindo tightly squeezing my hand.
“Ow.” I mumble under my breath.
“You’re getting bullied. That’s it, isn’t it? Do you really think Fret and I hadn’t figured it out by now?” Rindo has yet to face my way as he’s saying all this. “We were waiting for YOU to be ready to tell us.” I wanted to. I guess I waited too long. “ But after today, I can’t just sit and wait anymore.”
“Take it easy Rindude. Shokie seems like she’s had a rough day, let’s just-”
Rindo turns to me and Fret. “I just want to say this. We’re all in this together, after ALL we’ve been through, I don’t think we need to hide our feelings.” He’s right. We risked and sacrificed a lot to be back in the RG.
“Let’s take you home, yeah?” Fret takes my other hand. With nothing to say, and unsure of how to answer Rindo, I can only manage to nod.
***
“I’m home.” Removing my shoes in the front, I enter Shiki’s little apartment. I’ve been lucky to be able to stay with Shiki. After the huge success of Gatto Nero, she was able to acquire a cozy apartment. She’s my guardian and it makes living here easier than with her parents. I don’t know what Joshua did but, in this RG, I am the adopted daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Misaki and sister to Shiki. Of course, living with Shiki does give me an extra roommate.
“Welcome home.” Neku’s voice echoes from the kitchen.
“Smells like curry.” I say as I walk through the hall, passed the kitchen and into my room to get into some comfier clothes.
“Heh, yeah. Beat wanted to come over in a bit so I thought I’d make it. Shiki said she’ll be late today and to go ahead and eat without her. She’ll have dinner with Eri. We can have a small snack though if you want, then the three of us can have the curry when Beat arrives.”
“Oh sure,” I say as I return to the kitchen, freshly clothed in my loose oversized shirt and shorts. “Apples?”
We plant ourselves at the table, Neku peeling the apples with his knife while I pour some tea for the both of us.
“How's school?” He asks, eyes never leaving the apples turning in his hand.
“One of the worst days today, if I’m being honest.” Neku is the only one that knows about my plight. And that’s not by choice. He lives with me after all. Aaand it just so happens that the one day I forget to do my laundry was the one day he wanted to pick up my slack and discover my damaged uniforms and confronted me when Shiki was out. But despite the humiliation I felt at the time, I’ll admit I’m thankful that there’s at least one person I can confide in. But again, not like I really had any other options; Fret would just tell Rindo, Rindo would probably ask Neku for advice, Nagi would over-explain everything… and there’s just no way I can tell Shiki. She gave me a family, a home, freedom. I can’t keep relying on her and just pile more on her plate.
“I think this is my last strike. I… I don’t know what I’m doing wrong? Maybe I’m too snarky for my own good. Rubs people the wrong way.” Everything just starts spilling out; the bullying, the fights, the alienation. About Fret and Rindo finding out today. My mouth just keeps going, but my ears could only hear white noise. I feel my chest tighten and wetness on my face.
A silence falls. Not an uncomfortable silence, but more like a silence that happens after a huge passionate speech, just before the applause starts booming. A warmth reaches my clenched hands from across the table. My hazy vision falls upon the hand placed over my fists and flows up to Neku’s face. What’s up with guys and warm hands today?
“You can breathe now.” He says after a while.
“What?”
“It’s hard. It’s hard to return to a world you’ve been so far removed from for so long. It must’ve been difficult to adjust to the RG life, to interact with so many people that clash with you for no real reason. But you’ve been so strong throughout it all. And I’m sure you’re going to keep being resilient. Heh..that smart mouth gets you into trouble, but that honesty and that confidence you walk around with is why we all love you. So don’t lose it now. You can breathe now. You have so many people on your side, so many people that will continue to fight for you. So just keep that in mind okay?”
He’s right. Now that Ayano and Big Su are gone and all the other Shinjuku Reapers returned to rebuild the city, this team is my new family. They’ve all been true to me and I can’t deny that they’ve been a comforting presence in my life.
“If it helps, maybe you can tell Beat today when he comes over.” Neku smirks and hands me an apple wedge.
“Pfft, I feel like he’d either sob about not noticing or we’d both have to stop him from killing someone. Though, now that I think about it, he does have a little sister. Maybe it’d be worth a try” I add. Neku lets out a chuckle. “What? Got somethin’ to say?”
“Now you really need to tell him. Beat by far has the most genuine reactions to things. He’d be the best person to start with.” Neku says as he starts on his second apple wedge.
We sat there for a bit, munching on the apples and I felt the heaviness on my shoulders start to lift. You can breathe now.