Work Text:
letter to my first ex-boyfriend.
dear jeon jungkook,
it’s been years since your first letter and i’ve read it over a hundred times since you delivered it to me. i remember your fucked up hair and your rambling as you shakily handed it to me, and i remember thinking you were the most adorable friend ever. it’s funny how quickly things change, and it’s even funnier how quickly they change back.
being friends with you was one of the greatest gifts you probably could’ve ever given me. late night walks, talking in rocking chairs, calling me when you’re drunk with your friends and red in the face… each and every moment felt like a surprise that i was never gonna get tired of. and realizing i had a crush on you? a magnificient feeling. watching you evolve, in my eyes, into someone i could picture a future with, someone i wanted to kiss and to hold, someone i talked to my mother about, someone who i changed my lockscreen to.
and you know my lockscreen stays as a photo of the moon. you became my moon.
i remember late nights with you lying on my chest, feeling you breathe on me like i was your air, but you started to suffocate me. i remember wearing your jacket when i got locked out of my studio and was cold, but it felt colder around you than the snow outside. i remember holding hands with you and walking around at night, but i was running out of words to say to you and i didn’t know how to tell you. but i kept trying, because i loved you, and i knew that i always would.
but you… i watched as you pulled away, even though you were the one who confessed in a wax-sealed letter and confessions at my doorstep with kisses to my cheek. and so, you’re my first ex-boyfriend… but i hate the title. you’re supposed to be my friend, you’re supposed to bring me black coffee when i’m sad and give me hugs and call me short and… but i do get it.
it’s been years and years of my life, and i wish you weren’t my first ex-boyfriend. i wish i knew why you started to retract from me, i wish i knew why you stopped responding to me, i wish i knew why you act like we aren’t… weren’t friends. but i loved you, and that means something to me, so i forgive you, even though i can’t forget. i still wish that you’re happy.
sincerely,
min yoongi (formerly your boyfriend)