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The unexpected thing was that Jim was the one who had to be persuaded. It was he who asked Spock several times if the docked Enterprise was now in communication blackout and not only would no one be able to enter the bridge, but also nothing would be registered and no one would be able to contact them. Spock had been as patient as ever and assured him that no one would find out.
Jim stopped asking when they were both naked, but only completely forgot about it when both of Spock's cock’s ridges had slid into him.
The Vulcan sat on the edge of the captain's chair, his legs splayed, his hands clasped on the armrests. Between his legs, Jim sat on his dick, his hands on the other man’s lap and trying to keep his balance. He knew Spock wouldn't let him fall, but there was something exciting about the fact that the Vulcan didn't touch him at all, didn't help him at all – he was just at Jim's disposal like a warm, breathing dildo. Jim was going to remember just that; riding Spock in the captain's chair.
They had so little time.
It wasn't until the final year of their five-year mission that the two discovered that their feelings were mutual. It wasn't a deathbed confession or one that happened during an escape or any other adrenaline rush. It wasn't a strong show of affection or jealousy or anything else; no.
Jim confessed to Spock how deeply he appreciated and loved him during a game of chess in his quarters. They had barely started, the winner had not yet emerged. There was nothing unusual about this day. But Jim felt it was the perfect time; if Spock didn't want to continue this game and wished to leave Jim's company, he would be free to get up and leave. Jim had no intention of chasing after him if that happened (just to burrow himself in his bedroom and spend the night sighing – crying – into his pillow, then go back to being a captain in the morning).
However, Spock didn't get up, just looked up at him piercingly, as if trying to find out if Jim really wanted to say exactly what he said and why he did it now. This test of his must have brought positive results because he announced that he reciprocated Jim's appreciation and affection... and then stuck out two fingers in Jim's direction. It was an ozh'esta that Jim recognized from the time when he met Spock's parents on the Enterprise. The Vulcan Kiss.
Jim would have liked to have walked over to Spock at that moment, grabbed his shoulders and kissed him on the mouth, but he held back. He outstretched his hand towards the Vulcan and was glad when Spock rested his own palm on it so that he had two fingers on the inside of Jim's wrist, as if he could feel his pulse with such a light touch – and considering how hard Jim's heart was pounding with awareness that his affection was mutual, maybe Spock really could sense it after all.
He groaned and snapped back to the present as Spock rested his forehead against his back and tightened his hands on his hips. He trembled as if trying hard not to abandon his Vulcan composure and logic and take Jim here and now like any Vulcan would in the days before Surak. Jim perched on his cock and settled down, as if he could make it fit even more, even deeper. He caught his breath through his mouth and put his hands on Spock's, stroking them and chuckling briefly when he couldn't lace their fingers together because Spock wouldn't let go of him for a moment.
Even though Spock wasn't holding him that tight, Jim knew he was going to get bruises from it. This time he shuddered at the thought. He loved it when Spock left marks on him. He loved touching them and remembering the circumstances in which each of them appeared. Usually then, he would immediately seek out Spock to reenact those memories live.
Jim wanted to feel the Vulcan ridges on his prostate again, but only gasped because when he tried to move, he found out he couldn't. ‟Kiss me,” he mumbled, twisting his head over his shoulder. ‟Spock, honey, please.”
‟Ashayam,” Spock muttered, and complied with his request at once. Jim was smiling into his mouth as he felt Spock's arms slide and wrap around him, pulling him tight against Vulcan's chest. ‟Is it good now?”
‟Mhm,” Jim agreed, leaning his head back on Spock's shoulder. He started biting his earlobe and stroking his hands with his fingers. ‟Ah!” he gasped as Spock leaned back and began to rock his hips up, outright shoving Jim up and letting him fall back onto him.
Spock's Vulcan strength was one of his softest things. Jim remembered when this force had been directed at him during pon farr, but he also remembered that usually Spock didn't fight, just used the Vulcan nerve punch – which Jim had still been unable to learn.
Right now, Spock hadn't even bitten his shoulder, hadn't even kissed it, hadn't done anything to it, but Jim was still incapacitated. He had nowhere to go. He could only submit to Spock's movements. He didn't complain about this development at all – Spock knew perfectly well how to give him the most pleasure, and they already knew that—
‟Spock!” Jim moaned, unable to contain himself any longer and coming not only onto his own chest, but on Spock's arms around him.
—that Jim can come even when no one is touching his dick.
As his pleasure slowly went down, Jim realized Spock had come as well. He smiled and turned around, which Spock allowed him to do this time, but he didn't let him out of his arms. Sitting comfortably sideways on Spock's lap was fine with Jim. He rested his head against Spock’s shoulder and sighed as the Vulcan put his temple to his hair. ‟When are you leaving?” Jim broke the silence.
‟In two days,” Spock replied. He was unconsciously sliding the ozh'esta up Jim's thigh, who rested his hand on his chest and played with Vulcan's hair.
‟And how long will you be gone?”
They had had this conversation many times before, and Spock always patiently answered Jim's questions. ‟Every student goes through kolinahr differently. At a different pace.”
‟Months to years,” Jim answered himself. He buried his face in Spock's neck, wrapping his arm around it. ‟I'll miss you, Spock.”
This time the Vulcan didn't answer, just hugged Jim tighter and kissed his temple.
They both knew that Jim would miss him not only while Spock was on Vulcan going through kolinahr. Even when Spock returns, he won't be the same as the man Jim loves now; or at least that was the reason he gave when he refused to marry Jim. Spock would be the very essence of logic, he wouldn't have the same feelings he had now, so he didn't want Jim to regret it.
He didn't want a marriage that would end in divorce.
But Jim decided not to rely solely on Spock's words and did his own research. Many Vulcans were reluctant to talk to him, but Sarek was enough. And Amanda as well. He knew Vulcans love differently than humans. That by getting rid of his feelings, Spock won't get rid of who Jim is to him.
It seemed to Spock that kolinahr would deprive him of Earthly feelings, and that was what he loved Jim with. Spock didn't even consider that his Vulcan side was also devoted to Jim.
Jim was going to fight for that side. He would give Spock to them, of course, but when he got him back, he would show him that nothing had changed. Jim could wait.
Spock was worth it. He was worth the wait and much more.