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As the others were coming together to celebrate in the banquet hall, Ashe was instead making his way towards the Dormitories. Perhaps he would join them later but for now all he wanted to do was lie down on his bed and sleep for a month. Hell, maybe he would need even longer than a month given just how much his body ached.
It had been back to back battles for as long as he could remember, ever since that fateful day he was forced to kill the man who had taken him in from the streets it had been nothing but war and bloodshed.
Even now his black uniform was darker than it should be, the golden accents showing off the blood even better than his blue hoodie. As he walked, he was already peeling off his school jacket, trying not to gag at the metallic smell.
No matter what Dimitri kept telling them, you never do get used to killing. Ashe knew that every single one of them had killed but, they were all soldiers, but if anything he thought that being an archer was worse. He had to look his victim directly in the eye as he aimed and loosed the arrow, continue watching as the metal tip thunked into their chest to make sure it was a killing blow.
Would Lord Lonato be proud of him after all? The only reason he had become a student at the officers academy in the first place was to prove that Lord Lonato that it had been worth adopting him and his siblings, to prove that while he was not born noble, he could still proudly serve Faerghus.
But as he stumbled onwards, a bloodied jacket in his arms, Ashe didn't feel all that proud to be a soldier.
The last battle in particular had been more gruelling than most; Ashe had been watching over Annette from above, sharp shooting anyone who came too close as she was trying to heal a soldiers wounds when all of a sudden he was attacked from behind.
Ashe had lost grip of his bow, the one that Lord Lonato had gifted him, when he was tackled to the ground. Ashe had thrashed against his enemy in a blind panic, knowing that one wrong move could kill him.
The enemy grunted, taken by surprise by Ashe's fist colliding with his face long enough to allow Ashe to reach into his quiver for an arrow. The stranger had gasped as the metal tip was plunged into their chest.
Time stood still. Ashe didn't even breathe as the stranger lay there, frozen in place above him. For a moment, Ashe thought that maybe he had moved too slowly and it was him who was going to die. But then his attacker coughed, spraying blood all over him. His victim slumped, landing fully on top of him.
Ashe gasped, struggling to get out from under the dead weight, forcing himself to not think of the stranger as another human being that he had just taken the life of.
Finally free, Ashe stumbled away. Retrieving his fallen bow, he doubled over and threw up.
Even just the memory of the battle made Ashe sick again, this time into the bushes outside the commoners dormitories. The journey back to the Academy had been mostly a blur, though he distinctly remembered the moment Annette had reached him after the battle.
"I saw what happened!" She said quickly. "Are you okay? Oh Goddess, you're covered in blood!"
"It's not mine..." Ashe said hollowly. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine Ashe, thanks to you. Professor, tell him, he needs to worry about himself more!"
While Byleth opened their mouth to say something, Annette was too full of adrenaline to stop talking.
"I mean, I'm glad you're okay but for a second there, you really scared me! I thought for sure that I had lost you and I really don't want to lose you, you're one of my closest-"
"Annette." Dimitri interrupted. "Just take a breath. Ashe is okay, we all are, but he might need some time to process things."
Ashe didn't quite remember if he had said anything else. Taking a moment to centre himself, he stood up from the cobblestone pathway, continuing onto the sleeping quarters.
Scrubbing his face, he didn't quite register that he had left his bloodied jacket on the ground. He needed a bath, maybe that would rid the rancid smell from his body.
But the bathes were meant to be allocated at certain time slots for each student, it was expensive to have hot water even for the richer students after all. And with his position as a Noble shaky at best, he really didn't want to bother anyone to swap bathing times with him.
He would simply have to wait until morning.
Ashe took the steps one at a time, his exhaustion weighing his whole body down. It was as if gravity had increased tenfold, each small step more like a mountain he had to summit. One hand pressed against the wall to support him, the other wrapped around his stomach.
The hallway was cold, colder than it should be considering the nice weather outside. It was almost as if winter had come early, leaving Ashe shivering. He didn't know when it had gotten so hard to breathe. Finally reaching his room, he fumbled to open the door.
Some rest and he would be okay again.
Not bothering to so much as take off his shoes, Ashe collapsed into his bed, his eyes closed even before his head hit the pillow.
———————————————————————————————————————————
Annette was looking around the cafeteria, searching for someone who wasn't there. She was holding two plates, one for herself and one for Ashe, knowing that he sometimes forgets to eat after battles.
If she was honest, she was a little worried about him. That battle had been tough, there was no denying that she would be dead right now if it hadn't been for Ashe. The other Blue Lions were already celebrating, even Felix was sitting close to Dimitri, sharing a drink with him.
Giving up on finding Ashe, Annette sat down with the others.
"Everything okay, Annie?" Mercedes asked.
"Yes." Annette said. "No. I don't know. I was kind of hoping to see Ashe? He looked off after the battle. But I couldn't find him."
"You can hang out with me instead, Princess." Sylvain offered, grinning when Ingrid glared at him. "I can show you a great time."
Annette tried to force a smile, but she simply couldn't bring herself to do it. Seeing Ashe like that had scared her, his silver hair stained red. Picking at her food, she found that she wasn't even hungry.
"Here," Felix said roughly, shoving a plate of sweets in front of her. "I don't like these."
"Thanks Felix," Annette mumbled. "But I'm okay."
The Blue Lions exchanged glances. None of them had ever seen Annette refuse sweets. Something must really be bothering her. They all nudged each other, trying to work out who should say something first.
Mercedes reached out to hold Annette's hand and she squeezed tightly, though the smaller girl didn't seem to notice. Ingrid and Sylvain were communicating silently with head tilts and glares. Not knowing what to do with the plate of sweets, Felix just stared at it. With Dimitri just as lost as to what to say, that left Dedue the job to actually speak.
"Do you want me to go looking for him with you?" Dedue offered.
Annette perked up instantly, her usual energy returned.
"Yes please!"
Now that they had a goal to achieve, Dimitri suddenly knew what to do. He stood up and addressed his fellow classmates as if giving orders on the battlefield.
"Ashe could have gone anywhere within Garrag Mach but we all know where he frequents. Ingrid and Sylvain, I want you to check the Library. Mercedes, stay with Annette and go to the Cathedral, he sometimes goes there to pray. Dedue, Felix and I will go to the Greenhouse and then up to his room. If you don't find him, rendezvous back here in fifteen minutes and we can decide where to look next. Am I understood?"
Like perfect soldiers, they all saluted their leader, though Felix did so begrudgingly.
Separating, each team exited the cafeteria through a different way. Coming out from the south entrance, Dimitri addressed Dedue.
"Thank you, old Friend." He said. " You always know what to say."
"Not always." Dedue said. "Words do not always rid the hate from peoples hearts."
"All the same.” Dimitri said, setting a hand on Dedue’s shoulder.
There was a scoff and Dimitri twisted to find Felix stalking beside him.
“Felix,” Dimitri said. “Thank you for coming too."
"I didn't come for you, Boar.” Felix snarled. "I just didn't like how worried Annette seemed. It's like she was convinced that something was wrong simply because he didn't come to dinner. It's unnerving."
Dimitri nodded. It hurt him to see Annette so upset, if looking for Ashe even if he was actually fine helped her feel better then he would do it for ten thousand years.
Coming up to the Greenhouse, they found the custodian was already locking its doors, the sun setting around them.
"Dedue," She greeted warmly. "Did you want to see the flowers again tonight?"
"Thank you, but we are actually looking for Ashe. Have you seen him?"
"Not recently, I'm afraid. But when you find him, would you please tell him that the Violets he planted have bloomed?"
"We will," Dedue assured her. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Honey. Have a lovely night."
As the woman left, Dimitri ran a hand through his hair. He had hoped that Ashe would conveniently be in the first place they looked. No matter, at least the Dormitories were close by.
The moment they came up to the staircase, Felix stopped.
"Blood." He breathed.
Dimitri followed Felix's gaze, finding the hand print on the wall. His own blood ran cold. Although he remembered that Ashe had been covered in red after the battle, it should have dried by now. But this was fresh, as were the drips on the floor.
"He's hurt." Dimitri said tightly. "Felix, get the others to meet us at the infirmary. Dedue, with me."
Taking two steps at a time seemed too slow, though taking three made him nearly trip. Dimitri scrambled up the stairs, his loyal retainer close behind. Counting off the doors, Dimitri felt his heart thundering against his chest.
The further they went, the more blood there was.
———————————————————————————————————————————
The footsteps must have been what woke him.
He was being hunted.
At any moment he would be attacked. Ashe forced himself up off of his bed, his hands shaking as he gripped his bow. They were closer now, it would be mere seconds before they were upon him. Biting back a sob, Ashe pulled the drawstring back. His whole body was shuddering, his vision dancing around him.
If he was being hunted, then maybe his friends were in danger too. Ashe had to protect them. He had to, the pain be damned. He didn't let himself wonder why he was in pain, why hot fire laced his veins. All that mattered was Annette and the others.
He would not let them die. Ashe had betrayed Lord Lonato, he would not betray the Blue Lions also.
But he was swaying. He was losing his grip on his bow and he couldn't be certain that he would even hit where he aimed. But he had to try anyway, he had to protect his friends, his family.
The door opened. Ashe loosed the first arrow.
The arrow veered too far right, grazing the cheek of the enemy. As fast as he could, he prepared a second arrow.
"Ashe! Stop!" The enemy yelled. "It's us!"
Ashe blinked. That voice was familiar, like he had heard it a thousand times. But as the attacker took a step closer, Ashe loosed another arrow.
This one missed completely, thunking into his wooden door frame.
"Ashe," the familiar voice said. "You're hurt. We just want to help... Put the bow down."
Ashe was blinking again, swaying even more so. But the blurred enemy in front of him was still approaching. Drawing back another arrow, he aimed this one at the attackers chest.
"Ashe, we're friends." The enemy said, raising their arms to show that they had no weapons. "You're scared, I know... But everything is okay..."
That voice. He knew that voice. The face of his enemy came into focus at last, revealing that the voice was indeed Dimitri.
Ashe let his bow drop, the unused arrow clattering on the floor. He had almost killed the very person he wanted to protect.
Dimitri was still five steps away when Ashe's knees buckled.
———————————————————————————————————————————
“Easy there Ashe,” Sylvain said. “Just take it slow.”
The boy looked so small on the infirmary cot. He hadn’t been awake but Ashe’s eyes were already glazed and he was already trying to stand up despite the fact that he was covered in bandages, his bloody clothes in a pile off to the side.
Felix had claimed that his uniform would have to be incinerated but Sylvain had said that it had to be Ashe’s choice as to wether they attempt to clean them since Lonato had been the one to purchase the cloth.
“But Annette, she’s-“
“Annette is fine.” Sylvain said. “Everyone is, thanks to you. I sent her to her dorm to rest a few hours ago, she stayed up all night to make sure you were okay.”
Ashe sagged back down, failing to hide his grimace. A hand came up to his side and he flinched when it brushed up against the bandages. Sylvain gently took his hand away, hating to see his friend in pain.
“You’ve been through a lot Ashe. You should get some sleep.”
“I can’t…” Ashe mumbled, shutting his eyes.
“Do you need more pain meds?”
“No.” Ashe’s voice shook. “I don’t want to waste them.”
“Ashe.” Sylvain said, waiting for Ashe to look up at him before he spoke. “You took a knife to the gut and didn’t tell anyone for hours. I’m pretty sure that warrants some pain medication.”
A single tear rolled down Ashe’s face. He weakly squeezed Sylvain’s hand back. Every breath Ashe took seemed to exhaust him, shudders passing through him which only made his pain worse. Sylvain could count every single freckle on Ashe’s face, his skin was that pale.
“I’ll be right back.” Sylvain promised. “Just try to relax.”
Ashe could only moan.
As soon as Sylvain let go of his hand, Ashe missed the warmth. He moaned again, twisting onto his side. Ashe froze, his eyes blown wide. He pressed a hand against the bandages wrapped around his abdomen, his fingers coming back wet. Ashe pushed away the rising bile in his throat and forced himself to look at the hand.
It was stained red.
He was bleeding. He must have pulled at the wound when he woke up and moved so suddenly. Blinking the black spots from his vision, Ashe pushed himself up on his elbows, gasping from the hot flash of pain. If he was still hurt, then maybe other people were too. He had to check on Annette, make sure the Prince was okay too.
When Ashe sat up, he almost immediately sagged again, his breath catching. The darkness was closer now. But he forced it away. His friends needed him. Ashe could barely feel the wooden floor beneath his feet. He had to trust that his legs would support him.
For a moment he could stand. The pain faded to a throb. His vision cleared a little. But when he took a step it was like the whole world crashed down on him. Ashe barely caught himself on the bedside table, knocking off a glass of water in the process. Ashe took several moments to breathe, unable to ignore the volcano in his gut.
He could get through this. He had to. Annette depended on him. She was in danger because of him. No, that wasn’t right. Annette was safe, she had simply gone back to her dorm to sleep. Sylvain had said as much. But Sylvain was at the battle too, maybe he was hurt. Sylvain could be dying on the battlefield right now and it would all be Ashe’s fault.
And what of Dedue?
Ashe had promised that he would always be there for him, through all the battles, through all the comments whispered throughout Garreg Mach about him and his people. Dedue might be surrounded by his own soldiers right now, their swords drawn against the wrong enemy. Ashe had never been able to push away that fear, what would happen to Dedue if Dimitri was ever not around? Would the soldiers of the Faerghus try to take out their revenge on the young man, with their misplaced hate of the Duscan people reaching a fever pitch after months, no years, of hardship?
Ashe took a step forward. He would not leave his friends to suffer.
Ingrid didn’t need protecting. She was the bravest person he knew, she would fight to her last dying breath for a cause that was right. Ingrid was everything she admired in the stories of Knights but she also didn’t know when to take a break. Ingrid would work herself ragged in order to prove herself, Ashe needed to make sure she has had something to eat and drink today. He had to get to her, had to promise her that her time would come.
Another step, another explosion of pain. Ashe was shaking, the hand pressing up against his side doing nothing to stop the bleeding.
Dimitri, his Prince, his friend. Dimitri was barely older than Ashe himself but he carried the world on his shoulders. Ashe had to be certain that Dimitri was okay, that he did not hold the burden of all those who had died alone. Ashe knew that Dimitri would do anything to protect his people and so Ashe had to be there to protect Dimitri. Someone had to guide him, to keep him from the darkness that occasionally reared its ugly head.
Felix had been there at the battle, by Ashe’s side until he suddenly took off in another direction just before Ashe had hit the ground. It had been one of the few times Ashe had even seen Felix during the fight, normally the boy preferred to fight alone. But Ashe wouldn’t allow him to be alone any longer. Felix could still be on that battlefield, surrounded by enemies too big to fight alone. So Ashe had to reach him, had to show him that he was stronger together with the others.
Ashe slammed into the doorframe, barely keeping himself standing as pain ripped through him. Every breath tore him apart and he could do nothing to stop the tears from running down his face. He was pathetic, unable to help his friends when they most needed him. It was just like Lord Lonato all over again, so close to someone you love that was in pain and yet too far to actually do anything to help them.
Mercedes had been there for him when Lord Lonato had died. She had taught him special prayers to be said in mourning, had been a shoulder to cry on when it all got too much. Mercedes always pushed away her own suffering to help others but Ashe couldn’t do the same for her.
“Ashe!”
Ashe blinked sluggishly. The darkness was all around him now, he couldn’t even recognise the shadows surging towards him. He had failed all of them after all. Ashe gave into the pain.
———————————————————————————————————————————
“Ashe!”
Sylvain had barely managed to keep the boys head from hitting the ground, having skidded on his knees for the final few metres.
“Open your eyes Buddy, I’m right here.”
But Ashe had grown still, barely even breathing. Blood stained everything red, his bandages soaked and the floor leading into room covered too. Sylvain looked up desperately at Dimitri, having seen the Prince when looking for a nurse.
“He’ll be okay, Sylvain.” Dimitri said though it was clear he didn’t believe his own words. “Just bring him back to bed, the nurse is already coming.”
Sylvain gathered Ashe into his arms, his own blood running cold when Ashe didn’t so much as murmur, his weight dead in his arms. Sylvain forced back the memories from the battle, focusing instead on the now. But even when he laid Ashe back onto the bed, the boy was completely limp, arm falling to the side.
“He’s bleeding too much.” Dimitri said.
The Prince stepped forward, looking every bit of a King when he took off his own jacket with that determined look in his eyes that Sylvain admired so much. Dimitri tore away Ashe’s bandages, pressing the jacket onto the wound with as much pressure as he could.
The colour had completely drained from Ashe’s face by now, his breathing ever more shallow.
Even when Sylvain rushed back to the door, screaming for help to come faster, his kept his eyes trained on Ashe. If he so much as looked away, the boy could be gone forever. Sylvain couldn’t let that happen, not after everything Ashe had done for all of them.
Ashe was the rock of the Blue Lions. He was always there when you needed him, he could always see through Sylvain’s walls of flirting and jokes and offer him a hug on the days that Sylvain really needed it. He couldn’t die now, leaving only bloody clothes.
“Sylvain.” Dimitri called.
Sylvain surged towards him, his heart thundering against his chest.
“He’s not breathing.”
Sylvain felt his own breathing stop. No. It couldn’t end like this. Ashe had been through too much to throw in the towel now, the Blue Lions needed him. His brother and sister needed him. He couldn’t die, sacrificing himself for them.
Forcing himself to remember Byleth’s lecture, Sylvain hovered his palms above Ashe’s chest. He closed his eyes, whispering a spell under his breath. Sylvain wasn’t as skilled at healing as Mercedes but Ashe needed the help now, they couldn’t wait for the nurse to arrive.
Ashe’s body spasmed, sucking in a deep breath. He spluttered a cough, bringing up more red.
As Sylvain continued his chanting, hating to think he could be hurting Ashe more, Dimitri kept pressure on his wound.
Ashe’s eyes flickered open. He coughed again, hazy eyes struggling to recognise the figures in the corner of his vision.
“Stay with us Ashe.” Dimitri ordered.
“Dim… Itri…” Ashe mumbled.
“I’m right here.” Dimitri said. “Help is on it’s way.”
“Dimitri… It hurts…”
“I know.” Dimitri grimaced, wishing he could take Ashe’s pain as his own. “I know…”
Ash pushed against Dimitri’s hands, too weak to actually move them.
“You’re hurting me…” Ashe whined.
“Ashe, I-“
“Get off… You’re hurting me… Dimitri you’re hurting me…”
Dimitri’s heart broke as Ashe heaved a sob, his whole body shaking. But he knew that the moment he took the pressure off of Ashe’s wound, the boy would bleed out. Sylvain couldn’t offer any comfort to Ashe either, keeping up his healing chant even as tears prickled his eyes.
“Just stay with me Ashe.”
Where the hell was that nurse? Ashe was barely holding onto consciousness and Dimitri feared that if the boy closed his eyes he would never open them again. When Dimitri glanced up at Sylvain, he saw a bead of sweat roll down his face. Sylvain wasn’t a healer, the spell was sapping all of the energy from him.
It would only be a matter of time before Sylvain couldn’t continue.
“We need help in here!” Dimitri yelled, unable to let go of Ashe.
Ashe’s struggles became even weaker, his begging becoming little more than mumbles.
At last the nurse rushed into the room, trailed closely by Lady Manuela. As the nurse took over Sylvain’s chanting, the boy sagging into the closest chair, Manuela demanded to know what had happened.
“I don’t know.” Dimitri admitted. “We found him in the hallway, I have no idea what he was trying to do.”
“He must have pulled his stitches.” Manuela said, retrieving herbs and grinding them into some water. “Dimitri move out of the way.”
“But-“
“Now.” Manuela said firmly.
Dimitri let go of Ashe, stumbling out of the way as the Professor Manuela took his position. She had soaked a rag into her herb water and pressed it into Ashe’s wound.
Ashe screamed, his body jolting up from the bed before collapsing back down. Manuela started her own chant, pressing the herbs deeper into his injury. Ashe writhed, begging Manuela to stop.
Forcing back his own memories of pain, Dimitri gripped Ashe’s hand, trying to ground him. Ashe spasmed again, green eyes screwed shut. As Dimitri watched, the torn skin around Ashe’s side started to knit itself back together. With the Nurse struggling to keep Ashe stable, Manuela rushed to heal him as much as she could.
And so it went on. Ashe kept screaming. Manuela kept chanting. Sylvain kept struggling to fight his own exhaustion, desperate to stay awake, while Dimitri kept holding Ashe’s hand, willing him to be okay. By the time the wound finally sealed closed, Ashe was barely conscious. And when Manuela finally lifted her hands away, the boy sagged onto the bed completely.
Dimitri panicked.
“It’s okay,” Manuela wiped a bead of sweat off her own face. “He’s just resting.”
Sylvain tried to stand but collapsed back onto the chair.
“You should rest too.” Manuela said, looking up at him. “Your body isn’t used to using that much magic.”
“I’m fine.” Sylvain gritted his teeth. “Ashe needs me.”
“Ashe needs you well rested. He’s not quite out of the woods yet, he’s going to need your support when he wakes up. I’ll post a nurse on Ashe to watch over him, you two go get some sleep.”
“We’re not leaving him.” Dimitri said firmly.
“Suit yourself.” Manuela said. “But do wash up.”
Dimitri glanced down at himself, realising that he was covered in Ashe’s blood. Sylvain too had blood on him from carrying him into the room. Dimitri had to look back up at Ashe just to convince himself that Ashe was still alive. It wasn’t like all those years ago, covered in Fathers blood.
Ashe was alive. That was all that mattered.
Sylvain offered for Dimitri to wash up first, citing that he still needed a second to regain his breath. Dimitri seemed unsure but still he nodded. Leaving Ashe felt wrong but he knew the boy would want him to be clean.
But when Dimitri returned, it was to find Sylvain asleep on the bed, his arms curled around Ashe. Ashe seemed almost at peace, the pain that had plagued him at last mostly managed. Dimitri sagged onto the chair that Sylvain had once kept, quickly finding his own eyelids drooping.
———————————————————————————————————————————
Ashe could hear distant singing. He felt as though he was floating in the darkness, the only sound being the soft voice. He followed the voice, using it to ground him. As he drew closer to it, he realised that the lyrics were about how cute butterflies were.
Ashe felt himself smile, recognising the beautiful voice as Annette’s.
Someone was carding their fingers through his hair, Ashe realised next. And someone else still was pressed up against his side. He was surrounded by familiar smells, familiar warmth. When he forced his eyes to open, it was to find that Annette indeed was singing. Ingrid continued to brush her fingers through his hair, smiling fondly down at him as she saw that he was awake.
Dedue was in the process of handing out some Duscan treats. Sylvain was curled up next to Ashe, the first time Ashe had ever seen the other boy actually asleep instead of pretending to nap in class. Mercedes was talking quietly to Dimitri and Felix was of course polishing his sword.
His friends, his family. They were all here, all safe. Everything was going to be okay.
“Ashe!”
Annette threw herself onto him, instantly waking Sylvain and making the boy tumble off of the bed.
“Hey!” Sylvain yelped. “You gave me a heart attack!”
“You’re fine.” Felix huffed.
“How do you feel?” Mercedes asked.
All the different voices made Ashe’s head spin but he forced himself to focus. In truth he was absolutely exhausted, a dull throb emanating from his side but he would never want to worry his friends so he tried to give them a grateful smile.
“I’m okay.” Ashe said.
“You’re also grounded.” Dimitri said.
Ashe stared at him.
“Grounded?” Ashe repeated dumbly.
“Yes.” Dimitri said. “And so will you guys be if anyone ever dares to hide another injury. I don’t want any more lies about where the blood had come from and I don’t want anyone avoiding getting checked out at the infirmary even if they are certain that the blood on their clothes is not their own.”
“Boar,” Felix said. “Stop being so dramatic. But then again, I can’t say I don’t agree. Ashe, you hide another injury like that and I’ll kill you myself.”
“Yeah sure,” Ingrid rolled her eyes. “Threaten the kid who just woke up. Seriously boys, give him some space. I’m sure he didn’t mean to hide that he was hurt, did you Ashe?”
Ashe chose not to answer, tiredness seeping deeper into his bones.
“Ashe,” Mercedes lent forward. “You can rest for a little longer, we will be here when you wake.”
He did not want to sleep, he wanted to stay up and apologise for worrying them. He genuinely hadn’t known that he had been hurt but at least he did know that his friends, no his family, had been there to help him when he needed them the most.
“Thank you…” Ashe mumbled. “For everything."