Work Text:
“The electronics store a few blocks over is looking for programmers.”
Arisu's hands faltered where he was folding their laundry, hesitating a moment before picking the movement up again. “Okay?”
Chishiya glanced at him from where he was flipping through the newspaper. “I thought you might be interested.”
“I already have a job.”
The doctor sighed mutely and sat up a little straighter, properly facing at him. “Look, we both know you took that job because you would've taken any job back then. But things have changed, you don't need to waste away there when you have so many talents.”
“I like it there.” Arisu's voice grown quieter, still not meeting his boyfriend's eyes. Chishiya put a hand to his wrist to get his attention.
“You can't tell me you like working this strenuous job at minimum wage, getting yelled at by unhappy customers and everything attached to it.”
Arisu pulled his hand away as he got up, running a hand through his hair. “Why is it so hard to believe I like my job?”
“Because it's below anything you're capable of. You have so much potential.” Chishiya heaved a sigh. “I'm not telling you to try college again or anything, but you could at least find something more fulfilling.”
“Please just drop it, Shuntarou. I don't want another job.”
In retrospect, Chishiya should've heeded the warning. But he's had a few too long shifts behind him, and the thought of his brilliant boyfriend wasting his potential has irked him for a huge while now. His patience simply wasn't the best at the moment. He also got to his feet to meet Arisu on even grounds.
“You know what, no. I won't drop it. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? You'd make double the money you get now and do something you really like.”
“I don't care about the money, why won't you let this go? First the brochure about the daycare, then the comments about the animal shelter, and now this.”
“I won't apologize for trying to help you find something better to do with your life.” Chishiya completely missed how Arisu flinched at the words.
“Nobody asked you to! The way it is now works, doesn't it? Why can't you let it be?!”
“In case you haven't noticed, I care about you! And I don't think wanting you to strive for more is a bad thing!”
“It is when I don't want to 'strive for more'!”
Chishiya scoffed. “Yeah, why do I even bother? Fine, be an ungrateful brat and waste away your life, see if I care.”
He was prepared for any insult being thrown back at him, maybe even for a punch, not the way Arisu completely shut down. It was like his eyes had suddenly lost their light, all strength seemed to have left him.
There were attempts to speak, but no words would come out. Then, partly choked, “I can't do this right now.” He practically fled to the door.
“You can't just run away from this discussion, Ryouhei!” Chishiya said, reaching out to grab Arisu's arm to stop him, only for the gamer to flinch away from him. He wouldn't even meet his eyes, shoulders hunched, as he blindly grabbed for his jacket and left their apartment.
The resounding click of the door shutting reverberated in Chishiya's ribcage, an ugly feeling warring with the anger inside him. No, anger was the wrong word. Annoyance. He was annoyed that Arisu kept on slaving away without ever thinking about himself. He must have dreams, ambitions, anything, he couldn't be happy working there. It gnawed on him that he always blocked any attempts to maybe help him find his way, like he just didn't care what he did. Was Chishiya really the ass here for wanting him to do something that would make him happier?
The agitation warred heavily with his own sudden fear. The way Arisu had shied away from his touch, it hit way too deep. It... Arisu was just too damn sensitive when it came to these matters. Chishiya was only human, he couldn't bottle everything up each and every day. Yet it gripped his heart in an iron fist, making it hard to breathe. Arisu wouldn't... wouldn't run away from him for real... would he? He wouldn't leave forever. Just... blow off some steam.
Chishiya swallowed around the heavy lump in his throat and went to retrieve his phone from the coffee table, calling his boyfriend. He needed to sort this out now, before anything could fester too deep.
Dread grew when vibrating came from under a stack of folded clothes. Arisu's phone. Chishiya ended the call and threw his own phone on the couch, tugging at his own hair and taking deep breaths. It didn't work in calming him down. In a fit of rage, he kicked the basket with the rest of the laundry across the room. “Fuck!”
He wasn't used to feeling so emotional. Or to show them so openly, even if he was alone in his apartment. He just couldn't stay calm now, not when he might've scared away the only good thing in his life.
With how his chest grew tight and his hands tingled and shook, he thought he might be on the verge of a panic attack. He should just keep his mouth shut when he was this sleep deprived. Deep breaths. He needed to take deep breaths. He was in control, not the panic.
Logically speaking, Arisu wouldn't leave him. He'd just go cool off and then he'd be back, they'd talk about the issue calmly and everything would be fine in the end.
His fingers still shook when he reached for his phone again, sending a text to both Usagi and Kuina.
'Please tell me if Ryouhei shows up at your place.'
It got him pretty much the same reaction of 'What did you do?' from both of them, which was to be expected. He might have fucked up in how he delivered his opinion. Nothing... nothing he couldn't fix. He just needed him back here.
Deciding he had to distract himself lest he made another stupid decision, he began cleaning up the mess he made with the laundry. The fresh scent of detergent was mocking him, reminding him of how Arisu always bought this one because he knew it was Chishiya's favorite. His grip on Arisu's hoodie was tight, he remembered coming home all stressed out and tired after a hard day, only to be welcomed by a warm, warm embrace, the detergent mixing with Arisu's own scent as they cuddled, the gamer patiently letting him rant about the idiots at work while his fingers combed through his hair.
He's never needed touches before having Arisu, never quite missed them, yet he craved them now. Fuck, he'd apologize on his knees if it would bring him back right now.
It was getting dark, there was still no message from either woman. Which meant they comforted and covered for Arisu, or... or Arisu never went to them for shelter. Chishiya felt like such an idiot. He should've followed him immediately. Now it would be like searching for the needle in the haystack. He bit the inside of his cheek as he stared out the window. It was windy, chilly, rainy. Arisu wouldn't be dumb enough to stay outside for long in this weather. Arisu knew how worried Chishiya would be. 'See if I care.'... He was a mess. It's only been three hours and he was on the verge of a breakdown already.
There was salmon in the fridge, having partnered with the detergent to mock him. Arisu wanted to make his favorite dish today to cheer him up after the stressful week. Because he loved him even when he was grumpy, even if he could be the meanest man in the world. He would come back. Had to come back.
Another two hours later he gave in and called Kuina.
“Finally! What the heck did you do?!”
“Did he show up? Please, I... I just need to know he's okay.”
Kuina seemed to be dumbstruck, at a loss for words for a moment. “Are you okay? For real, what happened?” She shifted, sitting up straighter he supposed. “He's not here. Usagi said she hasn't seen him either. We've been texting up till now.”
“I was an ass.” Chishiya let out a breath, hoping it wasn't as shaky as he was feeling right now. Talking to Kuina was good, it calmed him some. “A... A stupid argument. He ran out... it's been five hours. He forgot his phone, too.”
“Have you tried his dad's yet? Maybe he went there.” Even if it was unlikely he'd seek shelter there, he could try at least.
“Not yet. I thought he'd come back...”
“Hey, he will come back. It's only been a few hours.” Kuina's uncharacteristically gentle tone was making him feel worse. How bad must he sound that Kuina felt the need to be soft with him?
“He... he looked as if I'd slapped him. I was angry, but...”
“What was the argument about? You guys never really fight about anything.”
Which was true, because Arisu never bothered fighting back whenever he was jabbed, always immediately gave in as if his wishes didn't matter anyway. The thought made Chishiya curse inwardly as his eyes began burning in a way they haven't since he's been a little kid.
“I suggested he'd apply for the programmer job. You know he likes to hack and tinker around. I thought he'd enjoy that far more than the stupid Walmart-wannabe store.”
“You suggested it and he said...?”
“He said he was happy with the way it was, but it can't be. He's totally wasting his talents and just... he just...”
“So to get this straight, you were insisting when he already said no. He felt pushed into a corner I guess?”
“I might've called him an ungrateful brat.”
“And I might want to punch you now. Right in the balls.” He deserved that, now that he thought about it. Arisu had looked like a cornered animal, arms desperately wrapped around himself as if it was an armor, had asked him to drop it. “But at least you regret it.”
“I don't get what the big deal is. Why is he getting angry and hurt when I'm trying to make him happier?”
Kuina sighed, praying for patience. “Next time I see you, I'll punch you.” She sounded agitated now. “You really are an ass.”
“Yes we've established that already.” Chishiya slumped back against the couch, running his hand through his hair for the twentieth time today. He would be going bald soon if he kept that up.
“It's not my place to tell, but I will because I know he won't.” She cleared her throat. “He told Usagi that he likes that place because they don't expect anything from him except for what he's paid for. He doesn't have to be anyone but himself, he basically can't mess up.” Kuina paused. “And because they let him swap his shifts around to match up with yours. Like when you were on night shifts, he was allowed to move them so he could still see you when you get home in the mornings, could cook for your ungrateful ass.”
Chishiya might choke on the heavy lump lodged in his throat. “I feel bad enough as it is.”
“I hope you do. And I also hope you now understand why Arisu is happy the way it is and won't pry anymore.”
Chishiya was quiet for a few moments. “What if I scared him off...?”
“Arisu loves you bastard way too much to just leave. He'll come back when he's ready.” She paused. “On second thought, we should probably go search for him if he doesn't show up until tomorrow. Just in case he got kidnapped or something.”
“Kuina...”
“I was kidding! Partly. Look, I planned on going shopping tomorrow, I'll keep an eye out for him. And I'm gonna tell Usagi to do the same. But I'm sure he'll be back.”
“He... he has work tomorrow. He wouldn't skip that...”
“See, if he isn't home by tomorrow morning, you visit him at work. It's gonna be fine.”
Chishiya really hoped she was right. Still he kept staring at the door as he sat on the couch, hoping Arisu would come in any second. It felt cold without him snugly at his side. Just yesterday they had cuddled right here during a movie, had started making out in the middle of it and then laughed at a stupidly timed joke. He'd brushed Arisu's bangs back and just couldn't get over how lucky he was to have him. Why the fuck hadn't he been able to keep his freaking mouth shut? They had found their own heaven after hell, and he just had to go ruin it.
He just should've backed down when Arisu told him to.
Feeling restless, Chishiya swiped through his sparse contacts to Hajime, pressing the call button without thinking.
“Hello...?” The man's voice sounded sleepy. “D'you have any idea what time it is...?”
Whoops. “Did your brother come by?”
Rustling, a click of a lamp being switched on. “No, why would he? Did something happen?”
“No. He went out with a friend and forgot his phone. Thanks anyways.” Chishiya's heart thumped uncomfortably in his ribcage.
So he hadn't went to his father's house either. There weren't any opportunities left, unless he's went to one of his apparently really nice coworkers. And he had no idea about any of them. What kind of boyfriend was he?
He's fallen in a fitful sleep on the couch, jerking awake periodically, worry eating away at him. He was seriously debating whether he should go to work the next morning. Arisu still hadn't come home, would be at his own work in an hour.
He could at least check the emergency room charts to see if he's been admitted or something, even if the thought killed him. No, he calmed himself, they would've called him, as his emergency contact.
Going to work was a stupid idea. He couldn't concentrate, was snappy and grumpy, and the third time the coffee maker refused to work as it should, he almost threw the asshole machine against the wall. It was bad enough that Noriko practically threw him out, told him to get some sleep or get laid, whatever would lift his mood. Neither would work when his boyfriend wasn't home.
Without bothering to go home to change first, he headed to the huge store Arisu should be at the moment. He might've looked like a maniac barging in there, searching for his wayward boyfriend. He'd just grab him and take him home, no matter what anyone would say.
But... Arisu wasn't there. He even asked a passing employee, who directed him to the manager, who told him Arisu hasn't shown up to his shift. Chishiya's stomach did an unpleasant flip.
“We assumed he's sick, he didn't answer his phone either.” The manager said, concern on her face now.
“N-no, I mean, he is. He wasn't feeling well, was up the whole night. I muted his phone so he'd get proper sleep, I apologize.”
“Ah, no of course, it's fine. Tell him to get rest, I'll sign him sick for the rest of the week.” The manager sounded sincerely concerned for his health, apparently another motherly person Arisu's drawn in with his charisma. He now felt even more like a tool, when the people here really cared about him.
He felt both completely numb and on the verge of breaking down with worry when he left the store. Where was his boyfriend?
-x-
Arisu hadn't quite known where to go when he left. He just needed to get away before he'd freak out completely. He's shut down, automatically, like back when his father had thrown the same words at him.
It was like his body wasn't his anymore. He was just watching through the eyes as he aimlessly wandered the streets. He'd usually text Karube and Chota, and no matter how busy they were, they would take time for him, when it got bad like now. But they were gone. Dead. Because of him.
He had no idea where his feet carried him, he just went on and on, desperate for a place where he could break down in peace.
Usagi would let him sleep in her spare room, would comfort him. But he couldn't get himself to go to her. She was such a kind soul, always there for her friends, for him. He couldn't take advantage of her kindness again. Not when he didn't deserve it.
The same with Kuina. She'd hear him out and then cuss Chishiya to hell, even though it wasn't his boyfriend's fault at all. He didn't want to strain their friendship. Chishiya needed people like Kuina in his life.
Where else could he go? He'd rather sleep on Karube's grave than go crawling back to his father. No, that was a horrible thought. Karube deserved so much better. Chota too.
His legs shook, eyes roaming the area he's landed in. He remembered it. Back when they've been in school still, they had hung out around here. Their secret lair. The memory spurred him on, to the loose ladder he could still simply pull down because the lock was fake, up the fire escape and under the railing of the roof.
It was still there. After all those years, the large piece of rusty metal in the corner bolted to the AC, old blankets and towels under it, grayed from the weather, the plastic bag holding a stash of porn magazines and age-old energy bars and beer cans and candles in dusty glasses.
Back when they had nowhere to go, before Karube moved out from his mom's, they'd meet here.
His body took him back at once, nausea taking over him, whole body trembling and aching. A sob escaped him as he fell to his knees, crawling the last few meters to the shelter and curling up on the scraps of fabric. Tears were beginning to fall without a conscious thought. He was an idiot. A disappointment.
His father had predicted it, had said Chishiya would throw him out. He hadn't yet, but it was only a matter of time now. Why wouldn't he? He was a complete failure. Of course someone like Chishiya would want a boyfriend that made the best of himself, not someone that crawled through life like a bug about to be crushed.
Numb fingers clawed into his sleeves, under layers of his jacket and his hoodie, trying to get a grip, trying to feel anything but this absolute failure. Karube and Chota would scold him now. They'd be disappointed too. He's gotten it under control so nicely, and all it took was a breakdown to get him back into it. His throat hurt from held back sobs and muffled screams when he tried to get himself under control again. He had no idea how much time had passed, only that it must be way past midnight with how dark and calm it was.
Shakily, he pulled his hands out from his inner sleeves and glared at the light caking of blood on them. Proof of his failure.
Taking deeper breaths hurt, yet he tried as he shrugged out of his jacket and pushed up the sleeves to look at the damage. It was not... bad or anything. Just a few scratches near the elbows, skin broken in a few places. He'd need to disinfect it, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. Chishiya would also scold him, touches endlessly gentle as he'd clean and bandage the tiny wounds.
A fresh wave of tears fell from his eyes, because he didn't deserve gentle. Chishiya had all rights in the world to be mad at him, and yet he was always patient with him, even when he knew he was annoying.
And ungrateful. How could he be so ungrateful? Chishiya had taken him in immediately, had helped him get away from his father's house, had given him so much love and care. He only wanted him to be happier, and still Arisu was too stupid to acknowledge it. No, instead he threw a tantrum like a child and ran away from the only person to ever love him like that.
He... he needed to pull himself together. Maybe he could apologize. Then Chishiya would... maybe he'd take him back. Forgive him. He'd do anything.
His breath hitched as he wiped at his burning eyes. Right, he had to apologize. He's had his baby tantrum, now he had to pull himself together again. And pray Chishiya would forgive him for his childish behavior.
He rummaged around for his phone, gulping when he realized he didn't have it with him. Right, it was still on the couch somewhere. Gosh he couldn't even keep track of his own damn phone. Chishiya... he would be worried. Disguised with anger, because he hated showing weakness.
It was somehow startling to see the sky starting to brighten. Has he really been sitting there for the whole night? He wanted to make that salmon Chishiya loved for dinner... maybe he could make it a forgive-me lunch instead. But... he had to work... right? Arisu had to work. He couldn't. He had to apologize first. Yet the only thing he could do for a while was sit there and stare at the rising sun.
“I promise...” he muttered, fixated on the light, “I promise I won't disappoint again. I swear, if he forgives me, I'll do everything in my might to make him happy and proud.”
When he blinked out of his daze, the streets below were already bustling with life. It should be concerning, how much time passed without him noticing. The only thing indicating it really happened was how his whole body shuddered from his hours-long trek across the city and the just as long crying session, how it had drained him. He still didn't completely feel like himself again, but he could manage.
He had also forgotten his wallet in his haste to get away. So he had to walk, trying to hurry so he could get home and maybe finish the food before Chishiya would come home. The thought spurred him on, world in a haze as he hurried along.
The apartment was predictably empty, Chishiya's shift shouldn't end for another three hours. He should maybe take a shower before starting dinner. Was he... was he even still allowed to use Chishiya's shower? He hasn't been thrown out yet, but... it felt wrong. Like... like he was intruding. Maybe he could pay for the water he'd use. Until they've sorted this out.
He checked his wallet, yes, should be enough cash to pay for any inconvenience he'd cause in the next few hours.
As if in trance, he grabbed a t-shirt from the wardrobe, making sure it was one of his own, and sweatpants. Shower, first a shower, then clean the scratches, and then getting dressed. And then cook. He better hurry.
The water was ice cold, but he didn't dare use up the hot water. Chishiya would want a hot shower after work to relax his muscles. Maybe he'd allow Arisu to give him a massage, if... if... his breath hitched again, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he fought a sob back. If Chishiya didn't end it right away.
The soap should've burned the scratches, but he could only feel the tingling numbness. That was good, he'd concentrate better without that distraction. He stumbled out of the shower, avoiding to look at his reflection in the mirror as he fumbled for the first aid kit with clumsy fingers.
The disinfectant didn't burn, the sensation making him antsy to... no. He was here, he was alive. Just. A little out of it. He had to fix his mistakes, not make new ones. A shaky inhale didn't quite ground him, but quelled the urge to dig his nails into his skin again to see if it would hurt.
They weren't bleeding anymore, which he counted as another win. As carefully as he could, he packed everything back as neatly as he'd found it. Chishiya wouldn't like his things untidy like that. Clothes. He needed his clothes. Getting into them was somehow difficult, but he managed. Now, food for Chishiya.
He's spent a good while staring at the kitchen island as he tried to figure out where to start. He should've memorized the recipe for ages now, yet it alluded him. Didn't he write it down somewhere...? What time was it?
He barely heard the rattle of keys by the door. “... I don't care, Kuina, I haven't found him anywhere, I'm calling the-”
Chishiya stopped in his tracks, still in the doorway, phone still pressed to his ear. For a moment, he was frozen. And then time was running again. The phone clattered to the floor as Chishiya rushed at him, wrapping him up in his arms like... like he missed him. Arisu staggered with the force, blinking through a new sheen of tears as he returned the hug tentatively.
“I'm sorry.” Arisu muttered into Chishiya's hair, whole body shaking in relief that maybe the love of his life wouldn't throw him out after all. “I'm... I'm so sorry...”
“No, no. I am sorry.” Was he hallucinating or did Chishiya sound like he was crying...? No please, not because of him. He wanted him happy, not to be the first person to make him cry. He couldn't have messed up again so soon.
He pulled back to grab Chishiya's face, eyes suspiciously wet but there were no tears falling yet. “Please don't cry... don't, please...”
Chishiya wiped at his eyes with his sleeve, a stubborn expression on his face. “I'm not. Fuck.” He pulled Arisu back into his arms, taking deep breaths. “Where were you? I thought... I was worried sick about you.”
Arisu wanted to answer, to assure him everything was okay, but he blanked. Where has he been? Wait, the... the secret lair? Was that it?
This time it was Chishiya pulling away, one hand cupping his face after tucking the still wet strands behind his ear. “You're ice cold... did you take a shower? For how long have you been home?”
“S-Sorry, I'll pay for the water and soap I used, I just,” his sight blurred with tears, throat burning, “dinner. I was dirty, had to g-get clean, I wanted... your dinner. I'm sorry I'm late, please, I'll get started right away-”
“Ryouhei...” Chishiya's face was too blurry to make out his expression, but he refused to blink as it would let the tears fall. He was guided to the couch, vaguely felt it dip under him as Chishiya made him sit.
His breath hitched at the burning touch on his too cold hands. Still he gripped them as if his life depended on it, forcing himself to focus on his boyfriend. He needed to get this out now. “I'm sorry for being a brat, and for running away. I'll apply for that job you-”
“No, baby, ssh...” Chishiya tugged lightly on his hands, but Arisu wasn't ready to let go yet, so Chishiya squeezed them back. “I was an idiot. I shouldn't have tried to force you into something when you were comfortable with how it is.”
“I v-vowed I'd do better. And I will, I promise...”
“Okay, sweetheart, can I have my hand please? That's it. Hey, look at me.” The warm fingers were at his neck, taking his pulse...? “Can you tell me three things you see around here?”
What for? He wanted to ask, but Chishiya was giving him an encouraging look and he didn't want to disappoint him again. “Y-You.”
“Yes, good, and what else?”
“The TV... the lamp.”
The hand moved to his nape, a grounding weight. “You're doing great. How about three things you can hear?”
“Your voice. T-The clock from the kitchen.” He closed his eyes for a moment, subconsciously trying to match the deep breaths Chishiya was taking. “The traffic...?”
“Perfect. Now give me your hand.” He didn't protest when Chishiya switched the grip on their entwined hands, placing it on the rough fabric of the couch. “What do you feel?”
“N-Nothing, it's numb.”
“It's not, baby, try again.” His eyes stayed close in concentration as he slowly curled and uncurled his fingers on the couch. He's felt it a lot, it was comfortable even if the texture was a tad bit too rough.
Arisu exhaled, feeling the tiny stitches drag across his palm as he moved it lightly. “Our spot on the couch.”
“Exactly. How about this?” A mix between a laugh and sob escaped him when part of his favorite fluffy blanket was pushed into his hand.
“My blanket.”
“You're doing so well, honey.” His hand was grabbed again and brought up to rest against Chishiya's chest, right over his thumping heart.
Arisu let his eyes flutter open, mouth twitching in an attempt to smile. “Your heart.” He breathed.
Chishiya's hand moved from his nape up to cup his cheek again, smiling at seeing the dullness in his eyes had cleared at least a bit. “My heart.” He confirmed and squeezed the hand he still held over his chest.
It was like crashing through the surface after having been submerged in deep waters for ages. His hands weren't the only thing feeling again. He was aware of all his muscles aching from his several hours-long trek, his scratches stung, his head felt like a jackhammer was working it open. His body quivered with how cold he was all of a sudden. And he was exhausted.
“Are you with me?” Chishiya asked in a quiet voice, almost being thrown over with how Arisu threw himself forward into his arms. He hugged him back just as tight, a sigh of relief escaping him.
Arisu was home, was mostly unhurt, seemed fine despite that scary silent panic attack. A dozen scientific names and symptoms sprang to his mind, but it all didn't matter right now. The only important thing was the man in his arms.
“I meant what I said. I shouldn't have tried to force you.” He said, rubbing a hand over Arisu's back for warmth.
“I shouldn't have run away like that... it's just...” Arisu sighed, fingers gripping Chishiya's jacket tightly, “it threw me back. Reminded me of...”
“I know. I'm sorry.”
“Don't. I still should've stayed. Talked about it.”
Chishiya tightened his hold. “To be fair, you told me to drop it. I was an ass for pushing. And had it been your father, I would've wanted you to ignore him and go. And come to me.” The last part was almost inaudible. “If... If I ever cross that line again and you feel the need to go, please, please go to Usagi or Kuina. They'd love to coddle you and will knock some sense into me.”
“I wouldn't want that.” Chishiya's heart squeezed when he felt Arisu reach up to wipe at his face and sniff. “You deserve the world.”
His attempt to pull back and look at Arisu was thwarted by the taller man clinging harder. Chishiya smiled and instead turned his head to kiss the side of the wet head. “You deserve the world. I'm still not sure how I even got to have you...”
“You'll always have me. As long as you want me.”
“You're in for a long stay then. I can't live without my heart, after all.”
That startled a tiny laugh out of Arisu, and he finally let himself be looked at again as he wiped at his eyes. Chishiya swore he'd rather punch his own face in than ever cause Arisu such pain again. That shy smile, the adoring eyes, this man, beautiful even after such an event, he'd never let him go.
“How about I make that salmon now? You haven't eaten yet, right?”
Chishiya rolled his eyes with a smile. Of course his sweet boyfriend would try to play this off now. “Nice try.” He reached for the laundry basket and pulled out one of the towels, beginning to rub the dark strands as dry as possible. “We're gonna get you dry and warm now.” He smiled when he pushed the bangs back with his fingers when he was done, the glassy eyes huge as they followed his every move. How he gently grabbed one of his arms to look at the scratches. “Did you put something on those yet? I smell disinfectant.”
Arisu nodded slowly. “Yeah. After my shower I disinfected them. But they didn't bleed so I didn't put bandages on them.”
“Alright, it was good to clean them. I'd say we put some cream on them so they'll heal faster, okay?”
Chishiya stood and held his hand out for Arisu to take, knowing he wouldn't like being left alone even for the minute it would take to retrieve the first aid kit. And if he was honest, he didn't want him out of his sight for the foreseeable future either.
Like a puppy, Arisu trudged after him and obediently held out his arms for him to apply the ointment and wrap them in a light bandage. Chishiya leaned up to kiss him briefly when he was done. “Any other injuries I should know about?”
When Arisu shook his head, he took a moment to check for himself, not quite trusting the way he had hesitated, as if he wasn't sure himself. Satisfied when he didn't find any, he grabbed their painkillers just in case and led him back to the couch. There, he helped him slip into the hoodie he might've cuddled with during the last angst-filled night. He couldn't resist pulling him into a hug again when he was in it, inhaling his scent.
Arisu rested his head on his shoulder and let out a sigh. Chishiya combed his fingers through the wild locks, just enjoying their closeness for the moment.
“How are you feeling? Nausea, dizziness?”
“Headache... muscle aches. I ran around a lot.” Chishiya maneuvered them into a reclined position, Arisu's head cradled into the crook of his arm as he used his free hand to spread the blanket over the lanky form.
“Where were you?”
“There's a building across the high school by the park. Karube, Chota and I sometimes skipped school and climbed up an unused fire escape there. We called it our hideout, back then.”
“That sounds dangerous.”
“We were careful.” Arisu assured him, eyes drooping a little with Chishiya's fingers carding through his hair. “We stole an old car's hood and bolted it to the AC in case the weather was bad. The space was too tiny for the three of us, but it was ours.”
Chishiya let him talk, trying not to show his concern too much. Even if it was a bit sheltered, Arisu's spent the whole windy night on a roof. He didn't dare dive into his own guilt in this, he was just glad he was back. He'd have too keep an eye on him, in the likely case he caught a cold after this.
“I really need you to eat and drink something. You can see the kitchen from here, is it okay if I leave you here for a few minutes?”
“I really can cook, Shun, I'm okay.”
“I know you can. The salmon will last another day. I just want to get some water and my phone, I'll order us something and then we can cuddle until it arrives. Sounds good?”
Arisu nodded and licked his dry lips. He really was thirsty, now that he thought about it. And he noticed Chishiya was still in his scrubs.
“You... you can take a shower too. I can manage a few minutes.”
Chishiya pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Are you sure?”
“Mhm... just, leave the door open so I can hear you?”
“Of course.”
He made sure to stay in sight as he went to retrieve his phone from the genkan, relieved it didn't break when he simply let it fall. He sent a quick text to Kuina saying everything was okay now, and then ordered something from their favorite place. With a bottle of water from the fridge he came back to the couch, watching with slight amusement how Arisu almost downed half of it in one go. He had to stop him twice, the last thing he needed now was for him to throw it straight up again.
“Ugh that felt good.” Arisu let out a breath, when he passed the bottle to Chishiya.
“I bet it did. Can you stay awake until I'm back? Food will arrive in about half an hour.”
“Yeah.” He did sat up straighter, though, this position was simply too comfortable.
Chishiya loathed to leave him even for the short time I'd take to shower. He put one of the mindless sitcoms on to soothe him further while he set a new record for taking a shower and getting dressed.
When he came back, drying his hair with a towel, Arisu was gnawing on his thumb as he stared at his phone, hesitantly crafting what looked like an E-Mail at a glance. Arisu automatically leaned into his side when Chishiya sat down next to him, still typing slowly. He knew it was because he still was shaky after the panic attack, and while he could imagine Arisu wanted to maybe assure their friends he was still alive, perhaps his brother too, it was nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow.
“Are you writing to your brother?”
“... huh? Why would I... No.” Arisu shook his head and sunk his teeth into his lip instead of his finger, eyes moving as he read over the text he's thumbed in. “I'm trying to formulate an application. They wouldn't be too impressed if I used the game mod I made as a reference, right? I mean- ...hey...”
Chishiya had simply grabbed his phone from his hands and threw it to the opposite end of the couch. Arisu's reaction time was still a little slow, and Chishiya took advantage of that, wrapping him up in his arms and pressing tiny kisses to his face to distract him. It had him squirm in the hold and giggle.
“I thought about this. I don't want you working there. Kuina said she's heard the manager yell at his employees a lot and that he was really strict. Your manager is really nice, they treat you well. It's a healthier environment.”
“When have you met my manager?” Arisu asked with a confused frown.
“Did you think I wouldn't go looking for you? Heck, I even called your brother if you went there. When your manager told me you haven't shown up to work I tried every place I could think of. Almost called the police too...”
Arisu felt his face heat up and hid it in Chishiya's shoulder. “Sorry... I should've brought my phone. I didn't think you'd...” He cut himself off fingers digging into the fabric of Chishiya's sweater.
He was hesitant when Chishiya's fingers tried to make him look at him, biting his tongue at the intense gaze meeting his. “I said those things because I was overworked and grumpy and I'm used to dishing out. It's not an excuse, I still never should've said them. But Ryouhei, I really love you. I know I don't appreciate you enough and I will try to do better in the future, because I care so much about you it hurts.” Arisu saw the way Chishiya's eyes got that glossy sheen again and put his hand to the warm cheek, at a loss of what to do. “When you left, I... I thought I'd chased you away. That you'd never return to an ass like me. The thought killed me.”
“I'd never leave you.” Arisu straddled his boyfriend's lap as he clung to him, holding him as tight as he could. “I love you too much for that.”
Chishiya let out a shaky exhale, holding on just as tightly. It was sappy, and maybe Arisu felt a tad bit guilty at how happy it made him that Chishiya was showing such feelings openly now. He really was lucky to call this stupidly wonderful man his.
Maybe they were both idiots, but they'd make it work.