Work Text:
Shinonome Ena was a hard working high schooler. She always thought of herself to be like any other person pursuing her dreams of becoming an artist. Her father may have not acknowledged her work saying she is wasting time developing a skill she had no talent in, but she thought it wouldn't have mattered in the end because she was going to prove him wrong. The compliments from her online music circle Nightcord at 25:00, Yoisaki Kanade, Akiyama Mizuki, and sometimes maybe even Asahina Mafuyu. Together, they made music videos in hopes to save others from a rock bottom pit. Ena was the artist, making the illustrations used in their videos. Her work would sometimes recieve compliments from the commenters, which was much more than she was getting when she wasn't in Niigo. Ena really couldn't complain, everything in life seemed to be fine.
...That was what she thought.
Prior to the present, the brunette found a good art school she was planning on attending. It required an artwork submission to be judged with the application, which she expected to be the case. Now I can finally be able to show them how I really am capable of being a great artist! I've had many years of practice leading up to this moment! is what she thought. She spent a couple of months filled with trial and error, experimenting with different styles, mixing and matching colors, until she was able to make a work she was satisfied with. The artist was confident that this was going to be the work that gets her accepted. She submitted the work with the documentation, and letted her circle member know how she knew this was going to be it.
Months pass. Ena had spent a long time anticipating the returning letter reading the text "We are glad to say that you have been accepted!" This was what she wanted. She finally wanted her work to be recognized and more than just from people who don't know anything about art. Yet, that was not what she had recieved. It wasn't until near the end of her second year in high school where the response came back. Not only was her submission declined, deemed unworthy to the school's standards, but the critic reviewing the work had the nerve to include this in their critique: "Open your eyes child. Have you never been to an art museum before? Have you not seen the works of true artists? Your work is nothing but a dissapointment to those who spend extensive dedication to being an artist."
That was enough to destroy her hopes. She reveiwed over countless artworks made by many true artists and found all that was not in any of her own: everything. She thought it was going to be the same as before when her father compared her works to his. She picked up her brush and supplies to make yet another work out of outrage. Yet this time, no matter how much she tried, how much she changed the style, the colors, the process, even the subject of the piece, none was ever able to satisfy her. No finished product ever gave her the same euphoria she used to experience when completing her works. The brunette tried retreating back to her old works. The works she used to be so proud of, now only filled her mind with disgust. All that was ever running through her mind was how much inferior her works were to big artists, the one's who truly did deserve the recognition they get. How much she was selfish for thinking she deserved the same, when she never even deserved any in the first place.
She eventually left Niigo telling them that her works would never meet up the standards with the rest of the group, too stubborn in believing this to let them even have a chance for rebuttal. Her behavior grew much more different, though she was in denial of that fact that she was changing. She attended to school much less, was terrible at keeping up with her studies, had much less interest in many things, and lied to everyone around her about how she was feeling. She was worrying an old middle school friend, Momoi Airi a lot with the major changes that all came too suddenly. The brunette just kept lying to herself, continuing to make empty works, and posting away selfies, to prove that nothing was wrong and that her mental state is in a completely normal state.
Who was she kidding. It didn't take until the first exams of the year until she was finally finished with the lies. She snapped, turning into a yelling and fitting mess tearing her whole room down, releasing all of the frustration she had inside herself until finally, she was devoid from any feeling. Now, she resides inside her room, lashing out at anyone who dared enter inside. She couldn't bear to face the people she thinks she disappointed, with the big failure of a human she was.
Her younger brother, Shinonome Akito, had never had greater worries before. He always tried to check up on her older sister, and kept delivering food into her room(especially lots of cheescake) just to make sure she was still being fed. The ginger thought of this as bothersome as he never imagined himdelf taking the responsibility to make sure her sister is still breathing, but he also cursed at himself when this all started for not being there for her sooner, before she developed into the slump she is now. He at least thinks that this is him taking responsibility for not being a good enough younger brother for all this time.
Ena stares at herself in the mirror. The only thoughts that runs through her head are all negative and self-depricating. Look at yourself. You're nothing but a failure of a person. Why would you think that you would have what it takes to become an artist? You don't have talent. On top of that, you rely on the recognition of other people. You're weak. Someone like you wouldn't be able to survive in the real world. And because you've wasted so much time being childish and selfish, it's too late to even change the inevitable fate you've set yourself upon.
I, Shinonome Ena, am nothing but a failure and a disappointment.