Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ringing pierced his ears as he watched a muted mouth move as it spoke to him. The sound of his heart pounding silenced the world around him as his body began to panic. His breathing felt erratic as his throat threatened to collapse in on itself. He could see it in her eyes, the nurses’ speech pausing as she scrambled to his side as shock trembled his entire body. He remembered staring down at his hands, vision blurred, convinced he was going to die in the moment - because what was left worth living for?

_________________________

Shrugging on his coat, Katsuki pushed aside the memory that prodded at his mind. He’d never forget that feeling of his blood running cold, losing the ability to hear. He wished he could forget. It’d be easier. He cursed under his breath as he felt his chest tighten. He wasn’t doing this, not today.

He slid his hands down his coat slowly, smoothing the soft cotton. His suit was a stylish maroon, with a dark blue t-shirt underneath. It was a bit fancier than he’d prefer, but for the occasion he was willing to make an exception. He met his gaze in the glass reflection, scanning over himself. His throat tightened, eyes wrenching shut to wish away the negative emotions. Fuck, fuck, he could not do this today.

“Kacchan?”

Katsuki’s eyes snapped open to meet the bright, green ones in the reflection. Turning his body he met them directly, Izuku’s disquiet look making his stomach flip. The last thing he wanted was to ruin this day, ruin it with his stupid fucking thoughts.

“I’m almost ready, sorry.”

Katsuki managed to keep his tone flat, lips tightening into a line as he willed himself back to composure. Izuku returned a small smile, reaching to take the blond's hand firmly. He looked down at their hands, taking a deep breath as he squeezed, running his thumb over the changing textures of the scarred hands. Katsuki stiffened from a sudden contact to his face, looking up to meet pools of verdant green as a warm hand rested against his jaw.

“You know I can tell when you’re lying,” he teased, tone soft. A warmth spread through Katsuki’s face as he averted his gaze, a frown pulling at his lips. Intimacy was hard - impossible, even - at the best of times. It’d taken years of consistency from Izuku to not perceive his own vulnerability as weakness, and still he tried his best to hide his weakness.

Anything to not feel like a failure.

“Pft, bullshit, I have the best poker face in the damn country,” he scoffed, giving a gentle smile as he met Izuku’s gaze once more, causing them both to chuckle warmly.

The moment hung as the silence started to grow uncomfortable with each second. Katsuki’s pulse raised as he swallowed thickly. He hated this. What could he even say?

“You know..” Izuku trailed, looking down at their hands. He dropped the one from Katsuki’s face to grab his other hand. “You don’t need to come,” he said plainly, attempting to hide what would be disappointment. Afterall, he wanted Katsuki by his side for everything and anything. Katsuki’s brow knit together as he scowled.

“Like hell I’m missing this,” he growled. “You’ve worked your fucking ass off for this! No way in hell I’m not going.”

Izuku smiled warmly, squeezing Katsuki’s hands. “You mean, we’ve worked hard for this. I couldn’t have done it without you, Kacchan.”

With a roll of his eyes Katsuki leaned down, roughly pulling Izuku against him as their lips met. It was firm, chest heaving slightly with a sigh as he released the tension building inside of him. Pulling away, Katsuki leaned his head against Deku’s.

“Always so fuck’n modest,” he whispered. Untangling their hands he wrapped his arms around the other tightly, Izuku bringing a hand to his hair as the other rubbed down his back. Izuku listened as Katsuki swallowed thickly against his ear, a shaky breath leaving his lungs as Katsuki clung to the smaller man. “Listen,” he spoke carefully, praying his voice would not betray his last scrap of dignity. “I’m not gonna lie, this is hard. I want this for you, more than anything, but I still- fuck.”

Katsuki grit his teeth, a tear rolling down his cheek as he buried his face into Izuku’s neck.

“Kacchan, it’s ok to feel this way, you don’t have to explain yourself,” Izuku reassured. “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling.” He ran a hand through Katsuki’s hair, pulling back to hold his head in his hands, smoothing bangs away from his eyes. “I love you, you know. Nothing will ever make you less of a hero to me.”

With a scoff Katsuki smiled softly, moving one of Izuku’s hands from his face so he could rub tears from his eyes. “Fucking sop,” he teased. “Always gotta be the fucking hero, whether its a big bad villain or my fucked up self confidence issues.”

Izuku pouted.

“Kacchan-”

“Yeah yeah, I love you too, nerd,” he huffed, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “Sorry, just got in my own head.”

Izuku shook his head.

“Hey, it’s alright. You know you don’t like asking for help, but I’m always happy to uh, rescue a damsel in distress. I mean, it’s sort of my job,” he teased, Katsuki feigning a frown, trying to hold back a laugh. He playfully pushed Izuku off him, crossing his arms.

“Fuck you, I may not be a hero but I ain’t no damsel.” Izuku’s laughter filled the room, Katsuki feeling the warmth spread throughout his body as he watched tears prickle at the side of the other’s eyes. He’d felt this a few times in his life, the realization of why Izuku would someday be #1 - and this was one of those times. His panic attacks had been nothing new. His head often too loud, void of silence, but he’d learned to live with it. It was different with Izuku, though. There were never long, hollow hours after crying, no zombie-like days of feeling numb. There was light. In fact, the deeper the darkness grew, the more dazzling the light shined.

And that light to him was Izuku.

He was still picking himself back up every day, learning to exist in a world where his dream was a barred, closed off possibility. But with Izuku there it felt less bleak, less exhausting. He had a reason to keep fighting for a day where he felt adrenaline for life once more.

Katsuki smiled, letting out a small huff as he watched Izuku regain his composure.

“I swear to god, no one deserves that damn spot more than you.” Izuku met his eyes, the sincerity gleaming behind the statement left Izuku nearly on the brink of tears. “I’ll fucking kill them if they even think of putting you back in #2,” he growled. Izuku held back a smile.

“Kacchan!” he chuckled.

“What? Name one hero who worked fucking harder than you? I still think it’s unfair they didn’t place you there after all that All For One crap,” he scoffed.

“Kacchan, you know they can’t just put a 16-year old under that much responsibility,” he laughed.

“Does it look like I fucking care? That place is yours,” he smirked, shifting to place both hands on Izuku’s waist, and placing another soft kiss to his lips. Slow, intimate. A letter to the other for his gratefulness, for pulling him from his mind once more.

“Let’s go get you that #1 spot.”

Izuku smiled widely. Eyes determined, he nodded.

Chapter Text

Katsuki shifted his weight from one foot to another, hand fiddling with a fifty yen coin in his pocket, smoothing his thumb around the edges. A habit. One that often reflected his uneasiness, an inability to sit still. He’d always been high energy; without hero work he often found himself feeling…trapped. He was caged within himself, pent-up energy clawing at his insides to let loose. It’d become a source of his frustration, often easily snapped when his skin felt all too constricting.

But today was different. He was excited.

His heart fluttered as he waited backstage to the conference stage, hearing Izuku’s laugh - the laugh that made him dizzy - coming from around the corner. When their eyes met in that moment, it was as if lightning struck. In that glimpse into each other's gaze, their bodies reacted.

“Kacchan!” Izuku’s voice cracked, pitch uncontrolled as his emotions took over. They barrelled towards each other, bodies colliding with force. Katsuki latched his arms around Izuku’s waist, holstering him up into his arms with an overly dramatic spin. As he dropped him to the floor they both held each other, hearts pounding as they both released the tension that had been building for years - their entire lives.

The sounds of friends filled the room with congratulations as Izuku tried to gather himself, clinging tightly to Katsuki as he cried. It felt unreal, the tightness in his chest making it near impossible to breathe. He’d done it.

He was #1.

When they finally pulled away, their eyes met with soft smiles. They didn’t need words, the love they had developed felt all encompassing. The adoration they shared for each other was unmatched by anything that did, or would, exist. Katsuki leant down and kissed him softly, before using his thumbs to wipe tears from his eyes. Izuku chuckled under his touch, unable to stop beaming brighter than the blond could ever remember. His heart fluttered, chest wound tight as he committed the moment to memory.

Today was definitely the day , he thought.

They conversed amongst the other top heroes, congratulating Shoto on his second place this year, and generally catching up with other heroes they’d not seen since team-ups or events. As they exchanged goodbyes, Katsuki put his arm around the smaller man's waist, pulling him close to push a kiss to the top of his head.

“Don’t think we’re done celebrating yet.” Katsuki raised his brow, giving a confident smirk that made the other blush deeply. “We’ve got reservations at Hero-Sushi.”

Izuku blinked a few times before his entire body perked up with excitement, mouth erupting with shock.

“H-how did you get a reservation? They’re always booked solid! And such short notice?” His body language spoke for itself; he was in disbelief, excited disbelief. Katsuki couldn’t help smiling to himself as he watched the others’ body physically reverberate with excitement.

“Idiot. It wasn’t short notice. I booked this months ago.” His smile grew, shifting to interlace their hands together as they made their way towards the back exit. He watched as Izuku’s face dropped to dumbfounded confusion. Cute, he thought.

“Months ago? But we had no idea-”

“I did. There was no way you weren’t getting top spot this year. Like I said, no one deserves it more than you.” Katsuki averted his gaze, reaching to push the door open into the street where their car was waiting.  Izuku felt his heart flutter as he gazed up at the other, the small dust of pink covering his cheeks making him smile softly.

He really believed in me that much?

“Kacchan, I-”

Before Izuku could speak, a crowd of loud, overly excited journalists pushed their way towards them as they stepped into the alley. They shouted for Izuku, causing the boisterous blond to scowl. The smaller man squeezed his hand tightly, a reminder for him to take a deep breath as his blood began to boil.

“Deku, How’s it feel to finally be deemed #1 hero?”
“What’s your hobby outside of Hero Work?”
“Your best friend named #2, can we expect a team-up?”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, keeping himself between the paparazzi and Izuku, who, bless his gentle heart, was doing his best to politely excuse himself despite the invasive approach they were taking to get his attention.

“Alright extras! Leave’im alone. You got your chance at the conference. We’re leavin’,” he growled, dragging the other towards the car with him as he attempted to wave to the journalists.

“ Dynamight! ” Katsuki froze.

“ Do you plan to remain what people are calling a washed up hero, or can we expect you to do more in the future? ” 

Katsuki’s body ran cold, vision blurring as his breathing faltered - when did he start gasping for air? He could make out the sound of the journalist being forcibly removed. Izuku’s voice, not clear, evaded his focus. He could hear other voices but couldn’t process the meanings, relying on touch as he gripped the ever-scarred hand that led him into the car. His breathing was accelerating, mind running itself in circles. The panic built as he gasped for air, Izuku lacing their hands tightly before squeezing firmly.

“Kacchan. Look at me,” he beckoned, doing his best to mask his own panic.

It had been awhile, months in fact, since the last attack. It came on so quickly he nearly forgot how to react, heart racing so hard his chest visibly beat beneath his clothes. Katsuki wrenched his eyes shut for a few moments, willing the burning to stop as fire climbed up his throat. Opening them he met pools of green, focusing with whatever control he had. Izuku squeezed their hands again, slow and firmly, counting the seconds then releasing the tension.

“Take a deep breath, listen to my voice,” Izuku spoke softly, patiently helping Katsuki regain his composure. He slowly released their hands as his breathing returned to normal, allowing him to trace the scars with his fingers. Tears pricked at his eyes, the raw, scorched feeling in his throat causing him to wince after swallowing. God this fucking sucked, he thought, head aching. Katsuki glided his fingers over the tough, discoloured skin, brow knit together as he scolded himself internally.

“Izuku, I’m-”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” He gave a small smile. “Even I was ready to fight that one journalist, wouldn’t have been great for my hero rating though,” he chuckled. “Had it coming though.” Katsuki managed a smirk, as melancholy as it was.

“I would’ve liked to see that.”

They both chuckled, learning over to kiss each other in a soft, drawn out motion. Emotions no words could capture, a thank you, a comforting embrace. That kiss conveyed it all, pulling back to share a smile before sitting back against their seats. They sat there for a moment, Katsuki taking another deep breath before digging through his pocket for the keys to the car. Izuku piped up as he reached for the ignition, causing the blond to pause with an inquisitive look. 

“What?” he interrogated.

“Oh!..Uh, I just thought, maybe…maybe I should drive? You just had a panic attack after all- oh not that, that makes you any less capable.. I mean, I just-” Izuku stumbled, pausing for a moment as they searched each other's iris. “I just worry,” he confirmed.

With a sigh, Katsuki gave in, reaching over to drop the keys into the others’ hand, defeated.

“You better be careful though, nerd,” he teased.

___________________________________________

Taking Katsuki’s hand, Izuku stepped out of the car. His heart fluttered as he followed the blond through the back door to the restaurant, thinking of how princely the usually brash boy can be. Knowing only he got to see this side of Katsuki made him feel giddy, smiling as he noted how charmed he was by Katsuki’s often quiet yet romantic displays of affection. 

They were greeted by a member of staff who led them through the dining area to a secluded backroom. The setting was intimate, a candle-lit table waiting for their arrival. A gorgeous mix of green carnations and orange roses centered the table, drawing Izuku’s immediate attention instantly. Katsuki’s chest fluttered, watching the nerd examine the flowers he’d picked out, silently wondering if he’d know the meaning behind them.

“Carnations,” Katsuki started, moving to pull out Izuku’s chair. “Love. Devotion.” He spoke quietly, rounding the table to pull his chair closer to Izuku’s.

“And the roses?”

Katsuki clicked his tongue, shifting in his seat before reaching for Izuku’s hand. He held it tightly before swallowing thickly.

“Orange roses,” he spoke slowly, unsure, vulnerable. Why was this sort of thing so damn hard, even with Deku? “They symbolise joy, specifically.” He paused, looking up to meet the verdant green, throat tightening before he attempted to speak. “Joy brought to you by a relationship.”

Izuku’s breath hitched, eyes welling as his free hand impulsively moved to grab the blond’s. He felt breathless, mind reeling from the gesture. Not just the flowers; all of this, everything. Words were…hard, especially for Katsuki. Despite that, Izuku had come to learn how hard Katsuki feels. He didn’t need words, he showed with actions. Actions containing thoughts beyond what Izuku could comprehend at times. The restaurant, the flowers, Katsuki. It was overwhelming. Today was the day he had waited his life for, and here Katsuki was - somehow topping it. Izuku laughed, squeezing their hands tightly as he attempted to stop himself from crying outright.

“I love you, you know?” Izuku blurted, causing Katsuki to falter for a moment before laughing. He could see it in his eyes, the way Izuku got when his brain short circuited, the panic to find words that didn’t seem to come. Outright adorable, he thought. The blond smiled, squeezing his hands back before looking back down towards them. He’d be lying if he said his mind wasn’t elsewhere. This was supposed to be unforgettable, the day they’d worked so hard for. So why let a fucking extra get in his head? He scolded himself, ruminating a moment too long.

“Kacchan?” Izuku prodded, rubbing his thumbs over the skin left rough from his quirk. Katsuki opened his mouth to reply, before promptly closing it. No, not now. How could he even think of ruining this . 

“It’s nothing.” His mouth drew into a tight line, letting out a sigh. “It’s just what that stupid fuckin paparazzi said,” he muttered, chancing a look up at Izuku. “A washed up hero,” he spat. Izuku’s brow furrowed, bringing one of their hands up to his mouth.

“They’re just jealous, couldn’t help but wish it was them getting dragged into a car by Lord Explosion Murder God Dynamight.” His tone was sincere, half joking to keep the mood light. “They’ve got some nerve insulting the #1 hero's boyfriend ,” he cooed.

Katsuki scoffed, rolling his eyes. Izuku was adorable, unfairly so. He knew no serious answer would calm his mind, but the teasing? He had to fight to smile, couldn't give him the satisfaction. With a heavy sigh, Katsuki leaned forward, kissing Izuku slowly. It was quiet, the distant sounds of the restaurant behind them as they blocked out the world around them. Katsuki pulled away, watching the reflected fire dance against the emerald of Izuku’s iris’.

“I love you too, by the way,” he said softly, releasing one of Izuku’s hands to reach for the menu. In detest of fully separating, he spread the menu on the table and scooched his chair closer for them both to have a look. Izuku leaned his head on Katsuki’s shoulder, reading over the menu - or, trying to at least, distracted by the smell of the other’s cologne.

“You’re still my hero, you know,” he whispered. “Every day. You do so much for me.” Izuku swallowed thickly, eyes welling as he fully took in the moment. God he was thankful, and - angry? Furious, in fact. How could they have said that? Something so - untrue. 

Katsuki clenched his jaw, chest tightening as he tried to compose himself. How did he deserve this? He just wanted to laugh it off, pretend he didn’t feel so strongly. He wasn’t good enough for Izuku, he knew that. But he hoped, maybe, he could prove he was. And fuck. Fuck, did he want that to be today. If it hadn’t been for that comment, maybe he really would’ve believed it, finally.

But he wasn’t worthy to have him, not yet.

Dinner came and went quickly, their bodies remaining close throughout the meal as they talked in unneeded hushed tones. It was intimate, even their laughs quiet as if it had all been a secret - just for the two of them. Izuku had insisted on bringing the flower arrangement home, having carried it out to the car with them despite Katsuki insisting it’d only die within a few days. It was not a discussion.
Arriving home, it was dark as they made their way up to the door. Katsuki paused, unlocking the door before moving to let Izuku enter first. With a quizzical look, Izuku turned the knob to enter, immediately pausing halfway through the threshold.

“Wha-?” Izuku’s mouth dropped as he slowly stepped into the room, eyes surveying the space as he took in the living room. The floor was covered in blankets, lit by a select amount of candles and the TV. Flower petals covered the area, leaving a trail from the door to the make-shift bed. With the click of the door closing behind him, Izuku swung around to look Katsuki in the eyes, a prideful smirk confirming he was the culprit.

“Before you hurt yourself figuring out how I did all this - I got a lil help from Kirishima. Idiot couldn’t of’ been happier to help.” Katsuki reached out to take the flowers from the smaller man, kicking off his shoes and going to set it down on the table. Izuku followed suit, making his way to the living room to take a closer look. His chest felt tight, constricting. All for him, he couldn’t be luckier. As his gaze moved to the TV he gasped, head swiveling to look at Katsuki who wasn’t standing far behind him - now smiling at the way his heart felt full when Izuku’s face lit up in that way.

“Is that?”

Katsuki smirked, nodding. “The new All Might documentary.”

“B-but that hasn’t even been released yet!?” his voice cracked.

“Yeah well, I went to the source. Surprised you didn’t think of that,” he teased.

“I could never…ask All Might for this sort of thing,” he admitted, cheeks dusting pink, embarrassed.

“Good thing I don’t care, huh?” His tone was playful, sauntering over to wrap his arms around Izuku’s, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Kacchan this is…” Izuku paused, hands coming to Katsuki’s face as he dragged him down for a kiss, firmly holding him in place. “I love you,” he confirmed, again. And he would continue to, again. And again. Katsuki smiled, running a hand through dark green locks. Dropping his hand to his chin, he tipped his head back, kissing him again - his response.

I love you too, more than words could ever convey.

Pulling back, Katsuki felt his chest flip, suddenly feeling nauseous. His head had not let up, not since the panic attack. He was a burden, he knew that, he could see it. He had given up back then, and what was he now? A washed up hero . With a deep breath, he fully pulled back from Izuku, hands going to his pockets.

“Alright nerd, go get changed. We’ll sleep down ‘ere tonight.” His hand fiddled with the coin, thumb gliding over familiar brass as he soothed his mind. I’ll make something of myself, I have to. Izuku gave him a firm nod, practically jumping out of his place in front of him as he rushed up to their room.

The room was silent for a few moments, the sound of Izuku’s rummaging coming from upstairs. He was sure, positive, he’d be coming back in his All Might onesie. As Katsuki listened, he scoffed, scolding himself once more as he removed his hand from his pocket. He felt physically ill as he took in the small, velvet box. His head pounded, flipping it a few times in his hand, eyes glancing up to look over the setup. One intended to celebrate not just Izuku’s new title.

Fuck.

He could keep blaming the paparazzi, but they were right. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t enough. Izuku deserved more, more than a failed hero . Their words rang in his mind, reflecting back on the past five years. Izuku pulled him from darkness that threatened to swallow him whole, helped him rebuild, and find hope in a life he’d decidedly discarded the moment his dreams were shattered. Izuku was everything.

“And I’m nothing,” he whispered, staring down at the small box. He flinched, hearing Izuku shifting not far up the stairs. In a quick motion he dropped the box back into his pocket to be hidden away for the foreseeable future.

Maybe one day he’d be worth it.

Chapter Text

The blaring screen burned as Katsuki bore down at his phone with tired eyes. The slight burning stung as he watched another call go to voicemail, his gaze hanging for a few moments before clicking his phone shut. Looking back up, he began to walk down the busy street, chewing absentmindedly at the inside of his cheek as he fiddled with the coin in his pocket.

He liked his routines. He looked forward to them. And up until now, no matter how busy - Izuku had always been there to offer words of comfort following his therapy appointments. He could even recall once, maybe twice? When Izuku had been tailing a villain, and even then, he picked up.

So what’s different now? What is it about that damned, captivating title - the thing he’d fought his life for - that was actively ruining his life?

Izuku had been busy. Busy in a way that kept Katsuki waiting up until 1 AM, whilst his other half filed stacks of paperwork in a frenzied bustle to get his agency inducted following his number one spot. It’d been nearly two weeks now, the list of missed calls driving a stake directly through the last piece of rope tightly wound around his sanity that kept him from breaking. His eyes stung, body heavy as he dragged his deflated sense of self through the busy streets of Tokyo. Muddled water, growing thicker as he tried to wade through his heavy mind.

I got Deku!

A kid’s voice sharply ripped through his ears, and he peered over to a few small children huddled over a gatcha machine. He watched, ears ringing as he saw them crack open their pods - the smallest of them, staring starry-eyed at a film card gleaming in the light. The gold foil around the edges caught the light, and Katsuki’s heart pulled as he caught the image of the very man he’d just been thinking of. A sense of pride - or maybe that was affection, and maybe he ignored the sorrow that wriggled beneath it all - flickered through him as he gazed over at the child who looked at the photo of the number one hero. It’s what Izuku had always wanted, it’s what he had - no, they - had always wanted.

He swallowed thickly, throat restricting at the thought. That was them once. The All Might card torn the day his dreams were shattered was still tightly tucked away in his pocket like always. He felt frozen in place, watching as the kid ran his fingers over the laminated paper he hoped he’d hold onto for years to come. There was something bittersweet, not just about this, but about all of it.

Whoa! Dynamite!

Katsuki flinched, willing his feet to move before the kid’s next words reached his ears. His chest constricted, stomach churning as he dreaded the disappointed reaction.

Wow they still make those!?

Another flinch.

Of course they do, idiot! He’s just like All Might, he risked his life for us.

Pause. Like All Might? No. Ridiculous. All Might spent years protecting people - Katsuki, almost laughably so, ended his career before he’d even graduated . Kids don’t know what they’re talking about - and he’d be an idiot to find some distant form of solace from one.

Pivoting, he started walking in the opposite direction - a sudden prickle of confidence washing over him. Maybe the kid was wrong, stupid even - but it still meant something to him, to see people still see him like a hero. Like maybe, maybe, he made his mark, even without a career. He pushed it down, deep breath leaving his chest as he headed towards Izuku’s agency. He was done rolling over for his own self pity - if Izuku wasn’t going to answer, he’d just go see him himself.

Putting his hand to the glass door, Katsuki pushed the door open to the agency. It was loud; even with the hearing loss incurred by his quirk he still felt fit to flinch at the blaring phones, squabbling sidekicks and general office ambiance. For a moment, he considered backing out and leaving. What was he even doing? He knew Izuku was busy, and for another second he cringed inwardly at the thought -  what the hell was he doing? Disrupting Izuku at work because he can’t handle himself? Where was that fearless hero, the one that boasted about being the best, about surpassing All Might?

“Bakugo?”

The voice jogged him from his thought, eyes snapping up to meet the source. Not that he needed to make contact with the piercing blue eyes and shaggy blond hair to know who’d called his name.

He blinked. Mouth popping open before promptly shutting, taking another step inside.

“All Might,” he returned. “What are you doing here? Decide to come out of retirement?” His tone may have sounded taunting to the unfamiliar ear, the smallest quirk of Katsuki’s lip pulling upwards as he warmly greeted this hero like an old friend.

“I should be asking you the same thing.”

A warm smile in return.

“I came to see how the nerd was doing - got more reason to be here than you-”
Cut off, a warm embrace was tightly wrapped around him. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did. Toshinori must know on some level the inner turmoil he’d been struggling with. Not to mention the media, the headlines - washed up hero - how pathetic. To have your hero pity you, he could laugh. His body slowly relaxed, standing motionless amongst the loud chaos, only vaguely aware of how everyone must be watching from the corner of their eye.

“It’s so good to see you. How are you, young boy?” Katsuki didn’t miss the way his voice cracked, or how his grip around him tightened ever so slightly. He fought, hard, to hide the way his body threatened to give way. He’d come all this way for a sense of comfort, release, to maybe bury himself in his boyfriend's arms for just a moment - but this. Breath caught in his throat, and he cursed himself in his mind. How could he expect his very symbol of hope to take him into his arms like he knew - no, he did know - that he could never ask. Not for this. Not for something so vulnerable.

“I’m-” He couldn’t finish the sentence, not without breaking. So he resolved, tilting his head down, eyes relaxing into Toshinori’s arm with a shaky exhale. “I’m not fine,” he started. This was perhaps the reminder he needed, that his life isn't over. Maybe he can still make a difference.

“But I will be.”

Katsuki stood in the doorway of the empty apartment, dark. He’d replayed the moment in his head, the way he’d tried his best to wipe the tears that’d betrayed him. Disgusting, he thought, hand reaching into his pocket to remove his wallet, fetching the small piece of paper given to him by Toshinori. 

A sign of hope, as always.

Izuku had caught him - loitering - as the nerd had put it, in his agency. He’d been excited to see him, at first. It hadn’t taken long for Izuku to realise he’d misplaced his phone during his scramble this morning, face falling in complete horror that he’d missed so many calls from his beloved Kacchan. The thought made Katsuki smile - definitely worth his own turmoil to see the nerd squirm in such a way. He wasn’t surprised when Izuku had to quickly dash off - but it wasn’t without a kiss and a promise to do dinner together tomorrow.

And that would’ve been enough.

But then Toshinori was asking him to dinner. And now here he was, home, full and holding the cross roads to his future.

He’d already followed All Might thus far - so why stop now?

As promised, the door unlocked in the early evening to a cheerful, excited as always Izuku returning home from hero work. Katsuki looked up from the kitchen where he’d been starting to prepare dinner, moving to wipe his hands off with a towel that was quickly discarded to reach for his other half.

“Jeez, at least act tired you damn nerd,” Katsuki slipped his arms snuggly around Izuku’s waist, the smaller boy’s hands slowly sliding up his neck to cup his jaw on either side. Izuku frowned, pouting up at Katsuki.

“I am tired! I had to work extra hard to get home early,” he whined, watching Katsuki roll his eyes before giving him a flash of teeth beneath a smirk. The blond dipped his head down, pushing his lips softly to Izuku’s and exhaling from his nose. With a shaky breath, he continued with fervour, arms tightening to pull him closer. Fingers dug into his face as Izuku sighed against him, melting into the touch. It was a thankyou, one that words couldn’t do justice. He was grateful, dumbfounded by Izuku’s continued devotion to even the smallest promises.

As he pulled away, they both sighed, Izuku’s hands sliding back down Katsuki’s neck to find purchase on his broad shoulders. Looking up from under his messied bangs, those gleaming, all adoring eyes stared back at Katsuki’s long wearied ones. The months of processing his injury had brought insomnia, anxiety, amongst other things, but what he didn’t expect was the newly found appreciation for the ability to be vulnerable with Izuku. Even when he couldn’t voice his emotions it was as if the nerd could simply look at him and know . Showing this side of himself felt terrifying, but he’d long resolved to the fact it was better, easier, when Izuku knew he was struggling. It made it easier asking for the hard things, asking him to just - be, here . With him.

“I love you,” Izuku whispered. Katsuki let out a tch , smirking as he leaned his forehead to the others.

“Fuck, I sure hope so,” he teased, not missing the way Izuku rolled his eyes. Dropping his head to Izuku’s shoulder, he sighed, a hand dragging through his hair in a slow, comforting way. “I love you too.”

They stood there for a few moments, parting only so Katsuki could return to the food that hopefully wasn’t slowly burning behind them. Izuku leaned on his shoulder, talking absentmindedly like he usually did. It was intimacy, one that Katsuki found himself longing for on nights he was cooking for himself. He loved the way izuku rambled, despite the way he teased Izuku about it. His enthusiasm was somewhat contagious, and hearing his passionate, excitable recountings of the villains he fought, or hero’s he met, like he never lost that childish spark made Katsuki’s chest swell with adoration.

With Izuku setting the table to eat, Katsuki plated the food and brought it to the small table in the centre of their small corner kitchen. They’d both agreed, despite the new title, they wanted to wait to get somewhere bigger, content with their small intimate apartment for the time being. Which really meant, when their - now shared - collection of All Might memorabilia outgrew its current room, they’d sprint for a bigger house. 

As they sat down, Katsuki paused with his fork shoved under some food. And of course - there it was - Izuku’s preceptive ass at it again.

“Is there…something bothering you, Kacchan?” Izuku said tentatively, always trying to be sensitive. It made Katsuki want to smile.

“I uh, yeah, I have something I want to talk to you about.” He met Izuku’s eye’s, a glimpse of worry making his heart squeeze. “It’s a good thing, potentially.”

Katsuki repressed the way his heart thrummed watching Izuku perk up, looking at him like he’d just been named number 1. Damn nerd, Katsuki swore. It sometimes felt unfair the effect he had on him.

“Listen, it’s not a for sure thing. I don’t know if I actually even want to do it. I don’t know if I’d like it, let alone be good at it-”

“You’d be amazing at anything you chose to do!” Izuku quickly piped in, the sudden remark taking the wind out of Katsuki’s lungs. Izuku’s passion seeped and cracked from his physical form on a regular basis, unable to be stifled by mere mortal containment. Izuku was a force, one that had enraptured Katsuki since childhood and even surpassed his fixation on his deepest desires.

Perhaps Izuku was his deepest desire, even back then.

Katsuki attempted to gather himself, letting out a deep breath and holding back the ‘ nerd’ that threatened to slip from his lips.

“I don’t want you to get too excited is all,” he started, “But I know that’s kinda hard for you.” He expected a pout from Izuku but was met with a small, guilty smile. At least the idiot knew. All Might,” he attempted to search for the words. “They’re looking for new teachers at UA,” he stated, finally. Izuku’s eyes widened slightly, a slight fidget of his body signalling to Katsuki perhaps he was trying not to overreact now.

“Kacchan thats,” he fidgeted a bit more, mouth straightening into a tight line. So he was trying to hold back. He opened his mouth, closing it again as he seemed to think carefully about his words. “What are you going to do?”

“I told’ em I’d think about it.” He turned his attention down to his food. “I think, maybe,” he contemplated for a moment. He hated sharing his thoughts when they felt unformed, without the confidence of a decision made. “I could do good. Maybe help some of those brats turn into good heroes, ya’know?” He looked up to Izuku who was still, obvious even to the naked eye, sitting uncomfortably still. “Idiot, just tell me what you think, honestly .”

“It’s perfect!” Izuku nearly fell off his chair, words blurted out almost uncontrollably and eyes wide as he popped up in excitement that’d been brimming to get out. “You’d be a fantastic teacher! Think of all those kids excited to get taught by the Dynamight!” Izuku’s enthusiasm spilled into rambles that filled their little apartment, unable to stop talking about how cool of a teacher he’d be.

Despite his eye rolls and kickbacks, Katsuki felt his chest tighten. His utter affection for the man who supported him so wholeheartedly, constantly making up for the lifetime of self depreciation. Izuku had always been in awe of him, and even now, when he’s the number 1 hero - that thought had Katsuki fighting back tears - maybe he’ll finally feel worthy to bask in his sunshine.

One day, someday, soon.