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Reo could only lie down and stare at the ceiling. He was filled with extreme desolation as he remembered the conversation that took place earlier. At this point he couldn't even cry anymore, it was as if all of the water had been drained out of him like he was a lake slowly drying up.
His head was spinning, a throbbing pain, he couldn’t breathe, and he swore his heart had literally broken into two.
“We need to split, Reo.” Nagi murmured, “We’re different people—with different futures, and we’re only obstacles in each other’s life.”
“What…? Huh?” Reo was utterly perplexed, this was completely out of the blue, “No…Sei…I don’t want this—we can’t!”
“It’s not only about you, Reo…I just—it’s for the better…”
Reo wanted to scream, he wanted to grab Nagi, pull him close, and tell him he was being insane, tell him this isn’t the right choice. Explain to him that this is a huge mistake…but he couldn’t.
His throat had closed. The words tried to pry their way out, but as he opened his mouth no words, no sound escaped, he stood there mouth agape in complete silence. A million emotions—a million terrible emotions coursed through his body—he wanted to scream, cry, break something, there was so much he needed to do—to express. He felt the tears well up, and his limbs went weak. Even if he tried, he would’ve never been able to catch up to Nagi.
There was no way he was going to school tomorrow. It was one of the last months of his third year. He had planned to go to university, buy an apartment, and move in with Nagi. The two could pursue soccer together, but now that was completely pointless.
His father was right…as of now, he would have to give up on his dream of winning the World Cup—of making Nagi the best. Instead, he was going to take over the company and live out his life in boredom.
No one would ever come close to Nagi.
No one would bring Reo the same thrill—the same excitement that Nagi did, the uncontrollable love he felt.
Reo didn’t care, he didn’t have a care in the world now, he’d spend weeks sulking in his room. Who cares if it was a first heartbreak, Nagi meant so much to him, and now he’s gone.
He wanted to scream, “Stay with me!”
He needed Nagi so badly.
He wished he could go back and relive—redo that entire breakup, but he couldn’t . He could lie in his bed all day, drown his pillow in tears, replay those desolate memories over and over again.
His phone began to buzz and ring, vibrating against his desk. Reo sat up quickly, sniffling, and wiping his tears. He grabbed the phone, checked the caller ID and prayed it was Nagi.
Princess .
He sighed. Reo knew he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. He hadn’t told Chigiri, nor any of their friends for that matter.
This breakup would cause too many problems that Reo wasn’t ready to deal with right now. He and Nagi shared a friend group, Nagi’s friends were Reo’s, and vice versa, so…the breakup was definitely going to divide the group into two. There was no way they’d stay friends after a breakup.
Especially one as messy as this.
Reo clicked the green ‘accept’ button on the call. He needed to know if Nagi broke the news, or what Chigiri knew.
“Hello,” Reo mumbled, he hated the weak sorrowness in his voice, the slight whimper as he spoke. His throat was killing him, he’d been crying for so long he doesn’t even know how much time has passed. His eyes were droopy, hard to keep open, swollen, puffy, and red, like the rest of his face.
“Reo…I’m so sorry…”
If Reo was being honest, he’d never heard Chigiri sound so genuine, he was used to Chigiri’s usual joking that always brought up the mood—the teasing that brought Reo into fits of laughter.
“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing,” Reo said sternly, he was filled with anger, and frustration, all because of Nagi .
“How’d you find out…?” He asked, his voice sounding weaker than before.
“Nagi told Isagi and Bachira, and they asked me about it. I don’t know who else knows.”
“Of course he did,” Reo murmured, rolling his eyes in annoyance. Probably trying to win them over.
“Do you need me to come over—do you want to come over?” Chigiri asked, “You sound terrible—sorry—I want to try and help cheer you up.”
“Wow, thanks .” Reo jokes, a soft smile forms as he said those words, “Can I come over? I’m not intruding right..? It is out of nowhere, not to mention late.”
“Trust me, my mom won't care, she loves you, Reo. Hurry up, I’ll set up snacks, and your favorite movie yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Reo called Ba-ya and got a ride to Chigiri’s house. He’d been there more times than he could count, Chigiri was his best friend after all, the two knew practically everything about each other.
He sat in silence on the ride there. In the backseat, where he and Nagi had spent so many days together. It was as if the tears never stopped. Reo felt like a broken pipe.
Everyone knew, well Reo felt as if they did, there was no way Ba-ya hadn’t noticed the wreck Reo was.
His mind was racing, he felt like a ticking time bomb, his emotions only second away from making him explode. Reo could only worry about losing everyone and being alone all in under twenty-four hours.
It was around 22:30, Reo probably wouldn’t be able to sleep, hence why he was skipping school tomorrow.
“Thank you, Ba-ya.”
It wasn’t long until they’d arrived, little traffic, and Chigiri didn’t live very far. Reo got out of the car, stretching his legs as he made his way to the door. He’d laid in bed all day, only walking in and out of the car.
Reo
im here
Princess
coming
The door opened quickly, light flooding out and onto the dark doorstep, Chigiri’s face coming into view.
“My mom made you some cookies, the sugar cookie ones you liked from last time.” Chigiri held out a cookie and ushered Reo inside.
“Tell her I said thank you…”
He followed Chigiri inside, taking the cookie from his hand. That’s when he came to the realization that he hadn’t eaten all day. Reo didn’t care enough to say anything, he wanted to shamelessly complain to Chigiri, cry his heart out, then curl up into a ball and pass out. The two made their way upstairs and into Chigiri’s room.
Reo hurled himself onto the bed, groaning loudly as he hit the mattress.
Chigiri sat down next to Reo, calmer than he did, and said, “Let it all out.”
Reo rolled over onto his back and then sat up, meeting Chigiri’s gaze, as those words were said, Reo felt himself flood with the same feelings as before. His lips began to quiver and tears filled his eyes.
Before he could even open his mouth the tears had already begun to fall.
“I don’t know— why — I don’t—why’d he leave? He just, it was so, I don’t understand, I thought everything was perfect— I thought we were perfect I —“ Reo cried, complained, his tone of voice louder than he wanted it to be, he couldn’t explain anything. In all honesty he didn’t understand it. Before he could continue his sentence Chigiri engulfed him in a hug.
Reo rested his head on his shoulder and continued to blabber, “He just—ended it! I don’t get it! What if I lose everyone just like I lost him! I just want him back—he didn’t even give me a chance to say anything!”
“Call it puppy love, but I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with him!”
“Oh… Reo… ”
Chigiri ran one hand through Reo’s hair, the other rubbing his back soothingly.
“You didn’t deserve that. Nagi, didn’t deserve you… ”
Reo sobbed, and he couldn’t stop, he was a mess, tears and snot running down his face. He’d have to replace Chigiri’s sweater, this is disgusting.
“I’ve never felt such love towards someone. I’ve had a girlfriend in secondary school, but she—I never felt the same emotions towards her…”
He took a deep breath, attempting to arrange his thoughts, but they felt like a puzzle with a missing piece.
“Every second I was around him I felt like I was overflowing with love, I wanted to spoil him, show him affection, express all those feelings I felt, the word love doesn’t even come close to what I felt…I just feel lost now. What do I do?”
“Take it slow. That’s what I can say, take the time to process your emotions, and rethink the future.” Chigiri reassured him, “ I promise you , everything will be okay.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.”
“I know. It won’t at first, but you won’t lose me , you will never have to worry about that. Me—and Rensuke—you know we will always be there for you.” Chigiri muttered, “Even if I tease you everyday, joke about hating you, you know, none of that is true. I will be here with you through it and beyond it.”
“Thank you.” Reo sniffled, “Thank you so much.”
“Mhm..” Chigiri hummed. He never pulled away from the hug, “If you ever need me. I’m here and you know that.”
Chigiri laid down, pulling Reo onto his chest. Chigiri’s head propped up on a pillow.
“Kunigami isn’t going to kill me for this… right?” Reo asked, referencing to the cuddling.
“No. He’d do the same thing. You need it.”
Reo sighed in relief, making himself comfortable, holding Chigiri tight. This is what he needed right now. The tears never stopped, he couldn’t help but feel bad for Chigiri. He’d have to thank him everyday for the rest of his life for this.
“Movie time!” Chigiri cheered, he smiled brightly and looked down at Reo, continuing to play with his hair, “Howl’s Moving Castle.”
“You never forget anything do you?”
“Nope!”
That was one of Reo’s favorite movies.
Chigiri would make a good therapist, well maybe not. a professional one. The two spent the night shit talking anyone and everyone, especially Nagi. Whilst watching the movie, and eating a mixture of snacks.
Chigiri’s family were so welcoming, his sister going out to the convenience store near their house to buy Reo’s favorite snacks and drinks. His mother checks on Reo— and Chigiri—mainly Reo, ever so often.
Reo wished he would’ve told Chigiri right after it happened because after spending all this time here he felt a lot better.
“Skip school with me tomorrow.” Reo mumbled, voice raspy and filled with tiredness, he had felt weary, about to pass out, “It’s a Friday, I’ll take the weekend to get myself together.” Reo knew it’d take longer than three days, but it was definitely a start.
“Can Rensuke come with us?”
“The three of us missing tomorrow? Kind of suspicious.”
Chigiri laughed, “Both of us missing is suspicious enough. We’ll go out and cheer you up, yeah?”
“Mhm okay.” Reo hummed, “Kunigami can come with.”
He didn’t remember much after, his eyes shut, and his breathing evening out, and he slowly fell asleep. This was probably the first time in hours he hadn’t cried, and he wasn’t even conscious. A start? I guess.
..
The sun peeked through the blinds, illuminating the once dark room, filling it with bright light from the sun.
Reo felt himself stir awake. He didn’t want to. He squeezed his eyes shut, and rolled over, burying his head into the pillow, attempting to fall back to sleep. He was unable to fall back asleep, groaning loudly as he sat up, rubbing his eyes, and finally processing the pain of the throbbing headache he had.
“Ow… fuck.”
Reo’s never crying again. He felt sick.
That was a lie.
The crying part, not the sick part.
“G’morning…” Chigiri mumbled, “You look like shit .” He chuckled, his voice raspy and lower than usual, filled with sleep.
“Fuck off …my head is killing me.”
Chigiri laughed once more, also sitting up, “I’ll get you medicine.”
Reo rubbed his temples harshly, everything hurt so bad; from his head, to his throat, eyes, and body, he felt weak.
He grabbed his phone which was almost dead. Forgot to put it on the charger last night. Reo rolled over onto Chigiri’s side unplugging Chigiri’s phone, and plugging his own in.
Reo had a far too many notifications. It was going to be a pain to look through them all. None from his parents, or Nagi… not that he expected anything.
“Isagi…Bachira…” Reo said under his breath, as he scanned their names looking through the texts.
Isagi
Morning Reo! How are you doing?
“Fuck off…”
“Rude!” He heard Chigiri giggle as he made his way back into the room. He peered over Reo’s shoulder looking at the message, “Oh…Isagi. Are you going to respond?”
“No. I don’t have the energy to, and he’ll probably tell Nagi everything I say.”
Bachira
Hope you're okay Reo! If you need to talk I’m here!! :P
Shut up… why did Nagi have to go out of his way and tell everyone. It hadn’t even been a day at that point. There was still time to communicate, well Reo thought so at least.
“Here.” Chigiri held out a pill and a glass of water, “We’ll go out later once you feel better, ‘kay. Rensuke’s still coming to hang.”
Reo took the pill, then stuck out his tongue, “Bleh, seeing you guys all “ couply” after a breakup. Wow Chigiri.” He joked, well half joked.
“Hey! You can be in the middle.”
“Third wheel.” Reo corrected.
Chigiri rolled his eyes and made his way out fo the room, “Going to wash my face if you wanna come with!”
Reo was definitely coming. He got a glance of himself in the mirror and—he looked absolutely horrendous . Dark eye bags under his eyes, his hair was tousled and a tangled mess, his face in general didn’t look like him, he was revolted by himself. Maybe he was being a little over exaggerated about how revolting he looked, but he still was a mess physically and mentally.
Reo washed his face, brushed his teeth, and got a change of clothes from Chigiri, their sizes weren’t the same but Chigiri had clothes in a larger size. He felt slightly better. He tied his hair into a topknot after brushing it then made his way downstairs with Chigiri.
“Thank you.”
Reo was going to thank Chigiri every minute at this point. He was doing too much for him.
“It’s nothin.’”
“9:20” the clock on his phone read.
He checked it as he heard a few dings.
Bachira sent 2 messages
He wasn’t going to shut up unless Reo responds was he?
Bachira
Where are you today Reo?
Bachira
Please respond everyones worried!
Reo sighed, his thumbs began moving against his phone, the soft sound of clicking filling the silence.
Reo
I'm at home.
Bachira
How are you?
Reo
fine. pay attention in class you idiot. don’t worry about me.
..
Reo had fun with Chigiri and Kunigami. It was like a breath of fresh air, helping him forget about Nagi, and everything going on.
Eventually, he’d had to go home though, and that’s why he’s sitting in his room, once again, overcome with a heavy feeling of loneliness.
Usually Nagi would be here…or they’d call…
Reo was in deep dejection, despite having someone to lean on, without Nagi, he was in misery.
His cold only lean his head against the window sill looking up at the stars. Reo loved stars, stargazing, all of it. Usually this was his escape. When he got stressed he’d look out the window and admire the night sky.
This wasn’t an escape anymore.
He felt his chest grow heavy as he remembered all the memories he had with Nagi under the stars.
The two lying in a field in a comfortable silence. Nagi told Reo how much he loved him, and it was the first time Reo had ever told someone other than family, “I love you too.”
Nagi cupped his face with both his hands and he kissed him gently—tenderly, and Reo could only feel himself overwhelmed with happiness. He was so happy at that moment he could feel tears begin to fall.
“I love you.” He’d say. He’d kiss everywhere, all over Reo’s face, everytime Nagi kissed him he would mumble an, “I love you.”
Reo could only smack his cheeks with his own hands, leaving a red hue, as he attempted to calm himself. He could feel the tears fall, and as he tried to hold back the pain in his throat only grew more.
“Fuck—fuck—why? Why did I lose you… my treasure.”
Reo shut the curtains in front of his window harshly. He collapsed onto his bed, silencing his phone, and lying on his side.
He just wanted the tears to stop, he wanted to stop all the pain, the hurt he felt in his chest, throats, head, everywhere, not to mention the overwhelming sadness he felt every second of the day. His heart was aching, Nagi had quite literally broken it. Was he going to die? He sure felt like it.
“I’m supposed to hate you…so why can’t I bring myself too.” Reo sobbed.
He rolled over and grabbed a pillow holding it tightly. “ I’m a complete mess.” Reo could only sigh, as he let his emotions overtake him.
It wasn’t much longer until he was asleep.
This was a cycle he had continued to repeat.
..
Monday came quicker than Reo expected. He’d hoped the weekend would last forever, and then he wouldn’t have to see Nagi’s face again.
The two were in the same class, just like the year prior, the year they met.
No matter how hard Reo tried, he was unable to forget Nagi. As to be somewhat expected. It had only been three days since Nagi ended their relationship, but Reo still felt as horrible as he did the day it happened.
He kept up the fake persona he always had waving to his fangirls, and smiling at everyone who smiled his way.
The muscles in his face were going to hurt if he kept this up…
He took his usual seat next to Nagi, who wasn’t there yet. Reo sighed in relief as he sat down, he wasn’t ready to see Nagi’s face again.
Reo didn’t know if he’d be able to keep it together even if he heard his voice.
Nagi never came.
Reo was confused, ever since they started dating, even began being friends he never missed school unless he was extremely sick.
The school day passed by excruciatingly slowly.
Not to mention he had soccer practice later. As much as he wanted to skip, he didn’t want to risk getting in trouble with the coach.
Soccer practice flew by unlike the school day, Reo rushed to change out of his soccer uniform, and out of the locker room.
“Isagi!” He shouted, following after the black haired boy who had finished up before him.
“Reo. Hi!”
“Do you know…where Nagi is?” That sentence felt so wrong, one, he shouldn’t have cared and two, that was the first time in almost a year Reo called him Nagi instead of Seishiro .
Isagi gave him a blank stare, “He’s upset…‘cause of y’know. He didn’t have the motivation to come.” He answered bluntly.
He was upset? He didn’t even care to console Reo after the breakup, leaving him in his dust to cry by himself.
“Hah? Seriously ?”
Isagi shrugged his shoulders, turning around as he was about to leave until Reo shouted, “Don’t leave. I want answers. Why is he upset?”
Isagi turned back towards Reo, “I take it, you broke up with him, right?”
Huh?
“Are you joking? You’re not funny!”
“I’m not. Nagi’s been upset since last Friday, Reo. That’s why I asked how you were doing. I wanted—we wanted answers.”
“Who’s this “we” and you’re wrong!” Reo hissed, “He left me. He was my treasure, you should know I wouldn’t leave him.”
“…Oh.”
“Oh? That’s it? You shift the entire blame onto me, and all I get in response is an oh? Seriously, what the hell is up with everyone lately.” Reo complained, he hastily walked off leaving Isagi behind.
So what exactly was Nagi doing? Not only was he extremely upset according to Isagi, but Isagi thought Reo left him? Hah? Really funny.
Reo hadn’t talked to Nagi since that day, he hadn’t even gathered enough courage to text him.
“Am I really going to do this…?” Reo mumbled. He laid on his stomach kicking his feet as he debated whether or not to text Nagi, “If I do this Chigiri will call me an idiot for texting my ex. Especially after three days, but what if Nagi responds? What if we fix everything? No…that’s unlikely to happen…”
“Why is love so complicated…”
Reo swore he typed a message and deleted said message at least a thousand times.
Reo took a deep breath and clicked send before shutting his phone off and laying his head down ignoring the world around him. He knew he’d regret it, but he’d regret not sending a message at all as well.
Only a minute passed before Reo heard a ding.
Reo
hey how’ve you been?
Seishiro
fine. hbu?
Reo could only sigh. He obviously wasn’t fine according to Isagi, but honestly what did Reo expect?
Reo
i'm doing better now.
That was a complete lie, but Reo didn’t want to tell Nagi how he really felt. Nagi made it obvious he didn’t care the minute he left without letting Reo finish his side of the conversation.
Seishiro
i’m glad to hear that
“Were you?” Reo asked aloud knowing he wouldn’t get an answer.
Reo called Chigiri, ready to take the lecture. He knew he shouldn’t have texted him yet he couldn’t stop himself.
“I made a mistake.”
Chigiri sighed, “Not even a Hello? What’d you do this time?” He asked, sounding disappointed.
“Texted my ex.”
“Reo! What’d he say?”
“I asked him how he was doing, he said fine , and then asked me how I’ve been, I lied and said the same thing.” Reo explained.
“You idiot…why’d you text him?”
“Isagi said he was doing terribly. So I was checking up on him.”
“You need to focus on yourself, Reo.” Chigiri muttered, “You’re doing terrible too and texting him is only going to make you worse.
“I know I know, I’m sorry, I’m going to shower now good bye.”
“Mhm, bye.”
Reo needed that. He needed someone to point out that texting Nagi was a mistake. If he ever wanted to forget him, continuing to talk to him wasn’t going to work.
..
The days moved as slow as ever, but each day one thing stayed the same. Nagi was gone, he missed school every single day up to Thursday, which was the current day.
Reo’s relationships all began to become strained as he ignored everyone except for Chigiri and Kunigami. Isagi would stare at him often as if he wanted to talk to him, but he would never approach Reo, so those words went unsaid.
“I’m really starting to worry…” Reo mumbled, he walked next to Kunigami and Chigiri as the three walked home together after school, “…he hasn’t gone one day this week.”
“Reo…what’d I tell you. You need to worry about yourself, I can tell—no I know you're still hurting.”
“But Seishiro —“ He sighed, “— no you’re right. It’s just, no matter how hard I try, I can’t forget about him, he still consumes my mind as much as he did when we were dating.”
“It’s going to be hard, Reo, but you’re trying and that’s good.” Kunigami reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Like Hyoma said probably a hundred times, it’ll all be okay.”
They could say that sentence a hundred more times and it’d still have no meaning like before. The sentence is supposed to be encouraging yet Reo can’t find it in his heart to believe it. Nagi was his everything, his escape from his boring life, and the only person he’s ever actually loved.
“I’ve lost everything…” Reo thought to himself.
Reo was continuing the same debate this Thursday night. He sat on his bed, phone in hand, but instead of texting Nagi, he needed answers from Isagi. Reo still couldn’t process the breakup, nor the depressed Nagi that had came from it.
Reo
can we talk please?
Reo had ignored the texts of all his friends this past week. So he honestly didn’t expect a response from Isagi.
With a ding and the glow of his phone, Reo’s eyes widened.
Isagi
About Nagi?
Isagi
Yes we can talk
Reo sighed in relief. He clicked the call button dialing Isagi’s number. He was immediately met with the call decline button, and a new message from Isagi.
Isagi
Let’s talk in person
Isagi sent over a location where the two would meet half an hour from now. Reo couldn’t describe how he felt, one side of him was happy, but another side had the constant feeling of his stomach dropping and extreme anxiousness.
Reo checked the location that Isagi sent, a small café, one that Reo and Nagi used to frequent. He really was never getting Nagi out of his mind.
His heart was overwhelmed with sadness as he remembered the multiple dates they had there, and all the evenings they spent engrossed in conversation with one another.
Losing Nagi was the worst thing to happen to him by far.
Reo wished he could shut his emotions off and never feel any of them again, but he couldn’t sulk right now. He needed to change, and get to that café.
He changed into a sweatshirt with patterns colored purple, blue, white, and gray pants.
Then Reo was off and to the café.
When he walked through the door of the café he saw Isagi sitting next to the familiar buzzing bee, Bachira.
Reo made his way over to their table sitting down across from the two.
“Hi Reo-chan!” Bachira buzzed, “It’s good to see you!”
Reo nodded, meeting the gazes of the two. This entire situation was so awkward.
“So…”
“How’s Nagi …how has he been?”
He still hated how foreign the name Nagi sounded leaving his lips. The two exchanged glances before looking back at Reo.
“He’s all over the place. He keeps his emotions in check most of the time , but it’s easy to see that he’ lost — confused .” Isagi attempted to explain.
“I don’t get why. What’d he tell you?”
“He didn’t say much. Just that he and you split, that’s why I assumed you left him. Y’know he always sounds so uninterested and dull, yet his voice managed to sound even more empty .” Bachira said, “Isagi and I have been with him since it happened.”
“So what happened?”
Reo brought that terrible memory back to the surface, the moment he had been working so hard to forget this week.
Reo sighed, “He told me we needed to split because we were too different, and only obstacles in one another's life…” Reo hated the way his voice quivered, the higher the pitch went as he struggled to speak, “…I tried to tell him this wasn’t the correct choice, and he told me it was for the better before leaving.”
“O—oh!” Bachira said in awe as if he had just came to a realization, “That makes a lot of sense now.”
“What?”
“Nagi’s been going on about how he didn’t deserve you, and that he’d dragged you down last year. How you need to marry someone who’s as perfect as you are, and stuff like that. He breaks sometimes, and we’ve been there to console him.” Bachira explained, “Nagi’s not a very good communicator…”
“He’s not. I just don’t know how to talk to him.”
“If you show up at his house he can’t turn you away. I doubt he lost the soft spot he has for you.” Isagi suggested.
“Maybe..”
“You should try it, Reo! I don’t like seeing both of you upset!”
“Okay, okay,” Reo chuckled, “I will.”
Bachira cheered, and Isagi could only shake his head while smiling, maybe everything would be okay.
That’s how Reo got to the point he was at. Outside Nagi's apartment, ringing the doorbell to tell him he’s here.
He could hear the sound of shuffling at the other side of the door, then the doorknob jiggling before it opens.
Nagi appeared, his eyes wide, hair even more of a mess than it usually is, and in his typical white hoodie, and white shorts.
“Reo…?”
“Hi. Let’s talk. Please?”
Nagi didn’t have a choice as Reo moved closer letting himself in, “Okay…” Nagi walked further in the apartment, Reo trailing behind him, the two making their way to the couch.
“What’d you want to talk about?”
What a stupid question.
“Us. Us Sei—“
“Don’t call me that.”
His tone caused a pang in Reo’s heart, he sounded harsh, cold, and angry, a tone that Reo had never heard before, especially not towards him.
“Sorry..sorry… Nagi.”
Nagi stared blankly at Reo as if he was trying to rush Reo to hurry up so he could kick him out.
“Why?” Reo asked, his voice trembling, “Why…?” He asked once more.
“I told you already, Reo. We’re too different. You’re a Prince and I’m a lowly peasant , the two can never be together.” Nagi spat, “It won’t work, Reo, as hard as we try… we won’t work.”
Reo felt the familiar feeling of tears welling up in his eyes as Nagi harshly reaffirmed their breakup, “Those relationships work in fairytales, stories, Nagi. Please !”
“ Fairytales, Reo. Stories, Reo. This is reality . Start acting like it, you are eighteen now.”
“Nagi! Please ! I’m begging you …I can’t lose you, I don’t know what you’ve heard, what you’ve been told, what you believe, but this isn’t right! You’re my treasure, and we were meant to stay together. Forever . You promised me that…”
Reo still remembered that night very clearly.
The first night he spent at Nagi’s apartment the two were lying in his bed, legs entwined, Nagi’s head against Reo’s shoulder as he spooned him.
“Never want to let go…” Nagi mumbled, burying his head further into Reo’s neck, “I love you so much.”
Reo felt his heart flutter, his cheeks flushed red, and he felt himself fill with a mixture of pleasant feelings from love to feeling so very safe in Nagi’s arms.
“I wish we could stay like this forever…” Reo murmured.
“We can…” Nagi whispered, “I’ll love you forever, Reo.” He held Reo tighter pulling him ever so closer to his chest.
“Never want to leave you…” He continued to speak everything on his mind as if he were writing in a journal, “Wan’ spend my entire life with you.”
“I love you sososososososo much.”
“I love you too, Seishiro.”
Nagi reached over and interlaced him and Reo’s fingers, holding his hand.
“I’m so lucky.”
Reo recalled that memory, playing over and over like a broken stereo.
“I don’t get it…” Reo’s voice broke, “ …what changed.”
Nagi’s eyes were empty, dull, pure nothingness, “I realized something I should’ve a while ago.”
“I think you should go, Reo.”
Reo bit his lip, holding back his anger, “I hate you!” He couldn’t do it, he had to let it out.
“I hate you so much!” Reo broke, “ I hate your stupidly beautiful face, I hate that I’m never bored around you, I hate your neverending affection, and most of all I hate that I can’t hate you !”
He paused, taking a breath before yelling again, “ I hate that I love you so much, I hate that this love won’t go away. I hate that no matter how hard I try I’ll never be able to dislike anything about you.”
Reo got up making his way towards the front door, leaving, because obviously he had overstayed his visit. The tears were falling, and they weren’t stopping, he didn’t care, he couldn’t care at this point.
“I hate that I can’t give up on you.”
He turned his head facing Nagi for what could possibly be the last time. His eyes were wide, and for the first time in a while, Reo saw the light in Nagi’s eyes. The light he always had when he was in Reo’s presence.
“Goodbye, Seishiro.”
He roughly opened the door, slamming it just as harshly as he left. He stomped down the steps, he didn't care about making a scene, or being seen throwing a fit. He had finally broke, and he had no idea how to contain himself or his emotions.
..
Now he was at Chigiri’s doorstep, completely breaking down. He knew he looked absolutely wrecked, and he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Reo
i’m at ur door please let me in
Reo
i made another mistake im sorry
Princess
coming, don’t worry
The door opened, Chigiri’s familiar face meeting Reo’s own. Reo could see a head of orange hair behind Chigiri. Kunigami.
“God… Reo what happened?”
“Too much.” He groaned, “I’ll explain it inside. It’s cold.”
He followed the two upstairs and into Chigiri’s room, he had been here almost exactly a week ago, crying over the same person, and the same situation.
“Nagi?” Kunigami asked, who else would Reo be crying over.
Reo nodded. Chigiri grabbed and handed Reo tissues off of the bedside table. The two sat on either side of him attempting to comfort him. Kunigami rubbing circles in his back comfortably, and Chigiri twirling and playing with Reo’s hair.
Chigiri threw his head into Reo’s lap, “Cry it out. Explain it all.”
“I hate him so much.” Reo began, “I went to see him after Isagi and Bachira advised me too, and I wish I would’ve never listened to them. I wish I didn’t even text Isagi.”
Chigiri shook his head as he heard Reo’s actions, Reo couldn’t blame him, he continued to make mistake after mistake.
“I asked him why? I’d been so confused, and even after getting his answer I still am. He told me that we couldn’t be together because I’m a prince and he’s a peasant, and those types of relationships only exist in fiction.” Reo gritted his teeth as he repeated the metaphor. Who said that couldn’t recreate fiction .
Reo took a deep breath, attempting to stop crying, “His tone of voice was so harsh …” Reo mumbled, “I asked him what changed, and he said he realized something, but he never specified. I’m assuming he meant the metaphor. After he told me to leave, and I snapped, and I yelled at him that I hated that I couldn’t stop loving him, and stuff like that y’know…”
“It hurt so bad…”
“What a dick.” Chigiri scoffed, “Like I said Reo, he didn’t and he doesn’t deserve you.”
“Hyoma’s right. You spoiled him to death, but I do think we need to consider Nagi’s side. It’s obvious that he’s struggling with his emotions and to communicate with you, but the way he’s going about it isn’t the best.”
Kunigami’s advice stuck with Reo, both he and Nagi were struggling to communicate. That was why they were in this situation, and this was why Reo was in the middle being spooned by his two sleeping friends.
He really needs to pay them for this.
..
The week passed, still no Nagi at school, then suddenly it was Monday once more.
Nagi came today. He looked as terrible as Reo, everyone knew what was going on at this point. Nagi wasn’t draping himself over Reo, begging for piggyback rides, the two weren’t even talking.
Reo didn’t know how to approach Nagi, nor the situation, he continued to walk with Chigiri and Kunigami after school, ignoring Nagi, and everyone surrounding him.
As much as he wanted Nagi back. Nothing would confirm that if Reo tried to talk with him that he’d get a response back. Take Reo showing up at his apartment last week as an example.
Barou was here. Why was he here? The four sitting in a restaurant booth, a sulking Reo resting his head on the table like a tired Nagi used to do so often.
Reo missed running his fingers through those delicate white locks.
“You two are constipated idiots.” Barou complained, “Can’t get your feelings across. Have you ever tried to fucking communicate?”
“Shut up, King. I did and he threw me out.”
“Have you tried not dating that stinky bastard?”
Chigiri and Kunigami could only awkwardly laugh at Barou’s aggressive advice.
“It’s not that easy.” Reo sulked, “If it was I would’ve done it. I have told him I hate loving him straight to his face.”
Barou cheered, “That’s a step in the right direction! How’d he react?”
“He looked shocked but he didn’t try to stop me from leaving.”
Barou pondered for a second. “Hmm, revenge? Have you tried that?” He asked.
The question elicited giggles from Chigiri and Kunigami. Reo could only sigh, “No! I don’t want to ruin his life.”
“I would’ve. What an asshole.”
Reo could only laugh at Barou’s take on the situation.
“You hate Nagi, your answers are biased.”
“It’s damn good advice too.” He said before stuffing his face with food, he swallowed quickly and pointed his chop-sticks at Reo, “And you know it.”
Reo tilted his head back and forth, “Some of it. I guess .” Reo didn’t have an appetite, his plate pushed away from him, his head where it once was, “I just don’t know how to talk to him. If I show up at his apartment again he’ll probably slam the door on me. I’ll cry if he does that.”
Chigiri smiled and laughed at the last sentence, “We’ll have to find another way then. Can’t have you showing up at my door late at night out of nowhere anymore.”
“Shut it. That was one time.”
“It’ll stay at one time.” Chigiri grinned, “Hopefully.”
The four sat in silence contemplating what to do. Kunigami spoke up, “This entire situation is confusing. I take it that Nagi doesn’t think he’s good enough, but if you tell him that’s not true he won’t listen”.
“That’s what I thought too.” Chigiri agreed.
Reo sighed, burying his face into his arms, letting out a hunch of groans that were supposed to be words. He lifted himself up the tiredness visible on his face. Reo wasn’t sleep tired, he was tired of everything going on. Stressed out. “This is so stupid. It’s not fair…” Reo moped.
“Like I said, just get over stinky.”
“If I could Barou… I really would.”
..
Reo feels like he’s made no progress at all. The conversation only made Reo’s take on the situation even more adamant.
On the other hand, it doesn’t seem like Reo’s tried to get over him. No matter how hard he tries to forget him, anything and everything reminds him of Nagi.
Reo couldn’t even cry anymore. He’s cried so much there’s no more tears to fall. He just wants Nagi back. He just wants Nagi to stop being an idiot and communicate.
Grabbing his phone he sighed, “I am going to regret this…that is undebatable.”
He moved his fingers quickly, typing out a message to Nagi before clicking send and then throwing his phone.
“I already wish I didn’t do that.”
Reo groaned, he got up and picked up his phone from where it landed on the floor. Still zero messages. As to be expected, he sent it only seconds ago.
He was unable to divert his attention away from his phone. He needed Nagi to respond. He needed to be there the second his phone dinged, but… it never did.
Reo fell asleep that night, the void in his heart only growing more. It felt as if his heart was being torn apart from his forlorn attempts to get Nagi back. Each time the feeling of rejection only stabbed and deepened the hole in his heart more and more.
He woke up the next morning to zero messages from Nagi. Reo clicked on their chat,
Reo
Please give me a chance to talk to you. Please.
Read: 00:28
“So he saw it!” Reo huffed, he wanted to break something. Why was Nagi so annoying, why did he fall in love with this annoying person.
He walked to school upset. He didn’t want to see Nagi and he stupid face. If he did he’d probably break out into sobs.
“You can’t be acting like this...” Reo mumbled to himself under his breath. He slapped his face with both of his hands leaving red marks, “…you have an image to keep up.”
Nagi didn’t show today. He was ruining his attendance over this.
Reo sighed in relief as he relaxed in his chair. He didn’t want to face Nagi. Especially after last night— last everything they’ve been through.
“Did you go see Nagi?” Isagi asked, as he approached Reo after soccer practice. The two still out of breath and sweaty.
“Yeah…”
Reo didn’t want to remember that conversation. He didn’t want to remember Nagi’s lifeless eyes, and entirely dull face. The anger Nagi expressed towards him—that anger Reo had never seen before.
“How’d—if you don’t mind talking. How did it go?”
“Let’s get out of here and then talk.”
The two were walking next to each other. Reo holding a drink in his hand, Isagi had thrown his out long ago as he listened to Reo’s words.
Reo’s tone of voice was filled with frustration and aggression, he was extremely upset, and he felt like he had a right to be.
He recounted what happened at Nagi’s apartment, just like he did when he told the other two; Chigiri, and Kunigami.
Isagi’s shock had only influenced Reo to express his anger more and more. He wanted Nagi’s closest friends to see what he’s done to his boyfr— ex boyfriend.
“Y’know something..?”
Isagi turned his head forward looking away from Reo, “Hm?”
“I really wish I could get over him, Isagi, I really really do. I wish I could hate him.”
Isagi nodded, he took in Reo’s words, and even if he couldn’t understand exactly what Reo meant, he tried his best.
“I feel like I’m on a leash, attached to him, and as I try to walk away I get too far, and the leash is preventing me from leaving no matter how hard I try. It’s always tugging me back.”
“I’m so sor—“ Reo cut him off mid sentence, “Don’t apologize. Everyone wants to apologize, it’s not your fault.”
“I texted him last night.”
Isagi’s eyes widened, guess he didn’t expect it. Not that Reo could blame him, who would want to text someone after all this .
“…What’d he say?”
“Nothing.” Reo said bluntly. He tried his hardest to prove he didn’t care, but on the inside he was collapsing—breaking—falling apart.
“Let me talk to him. I’ll try and get your point across.”
“Just tell him I want to speak to him. Without him
kicking me out.”
“Okay, Reo.”
..
Reo was standing outside of Nagi’s apartment, on the doorstep, Isagi had just left, and now it was Reo’s turn to try and fix everything.
He knocked on the door. He could hear footsteps on the other side growing closer and closer until the door finally opened.
The tall white haired man stood there staring at Reo, “You shouldn’t be here.” His eyes were as dull as they were last time Reo was here.
“Let me in.”
“Reo.”
“Just. Just let me talk to you. Ignoring me and acting like there's nothing going on between us isn’t the right choice.” Reo explained, “So please, let me in.”
“Okay…” You know I struggle to say no to you.
The two sat on the couch once more, keeping a large distance in between each other, “So…you sent Isagi here huh?”
Reo nodded, “You were just going to keep ignoring me.”
Nagi shrugged his shoulders awkwardly. He didn’t look at Reo, instead staring down at his hands that he played with in his lap.
“I’m going to ask you this again. Why?”
Nagi sighed, “Reo. Do you know who you are?” He avoided the question.
“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a Mikage, Reo. You are Mikage Reo.” Nagi stated, “And I’m Nagi Seishiro. No one knows who Nagi Seishiro is, but everyone knows Mikage Reo.”
Reo felt himself move closer to Nagi, who stiffened up even more as Reo’s presence grew closer.
“What if I don’t want to be a Mikage, Sei?” He whispered, “Nagi Reo doesn’t sound that bad. Does it?”
Nagi tensed up. He bit his lip and he turned his face away from Reo.
“We can’t…gay marriage isn’t even legal here either.”
“But we can. Is that the problem? Seishiro. We have the whole future to wait…to wait together.”
He interlaced their fingers before Nagi pulled away seconds later.
“That’s not it. That’s just part of it. I’m scared, Reo.” Nagi explained, “You make me out to be so much more than I am, and when I hear everyone asking who I am, and tearing you down for being around me. Because I’m nobody.”
“I don’t feel good enough for you.”
“I’m not enough.”
Reo looked shocked. It was as if everything was coming together.
“Seishiro…you— I’m sorry.” Reo apologized, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you felt like that. I wish you’d communicate with me more.”
“It’s hard…I didn’t want you to hate me. It hurt to hear you say that when you left last time, but then all the things you said afterwards made me feel different. Does that make sense?” Nagi turned his head back towards Reo, facing him, the two were a lot closer than before, “I didn’t want to drag you down. You have such a high status and I’m nothing. That’s why I didn’t want you to stay hung on me…I wanted you to find someone else…”
“Even if it was going to hurt me so bad.”
Reo paused, taking time to process all the words that left Nagi’s mouth. Reo didn’t know there was so much going through his head—racing through his mind.
“I—can I touch you—hug you?” Reo asked. Nagi nodded and threw himself into Reo’s arms, “I’m so sorry Sei. None of that is true though. You’re everything—and even if you don’t believe it you are. I wish you could see how I view you, see you through my eyes. You’re the best person I’ve ever meant, ever since you walked into my life you changed it for the better.”
Nagi tightly wrapped his arms around Reo’s waist, burying his head in his shoulder. Reo sighed in relief. He was worried there was going to be another miscommunication situation.
“I love you. You know that and you should know that that’ll never change.”
“I love you too.” Nagi mumbled, “Reo.”
“You better! You promised me you’d never stop.”
“You remember that?”
“I’ll never forget anything you tell me.” Reo said, “You need to promise me another thing.”
“Okay..”
“You need to communicate with me more from now on. Nagi Seishiro, you cannot end a relationship every time your emotions eat at you from now on. Okay?”
Nagi nodded, “I’m sorry…”
“I know. It’s okay. Like I said, I'll never be able to hate you.”
“I’m sorry…I’m really sorry, Reo.” Nagi continued to apologize, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to stop being your treasure.”
“You won’t. It’s fine. Just please communicate with me more from now on.”
Nagi pulled away from the hug, sitting closer to Reo than before, his dull eyes had the light brought back. He had a small smile on his lips, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of Reo.
“We’re still dating—dating again? I don’t know. Right ?”
Reo nodded, he never wanted to be separated from Nagi again. He felt himself become overwhelmed with so many emotions that were foreign the past week. The warmth he felt around Nagi, and the way his heart would flood with love.
“Then…” Nagi brushed a strand of Reo’s hair behind his ear, moving closer, “I can do this again, can’t I?”
“Yes.”
Reo’s voice was breathless. When did he start holding his breath? He couldn’t remember.
The two met lips, maybe it was too soon, but Reo couldn’t care. He missed Nagi way too much. It felt electric as if the new promise they made was sealed, and this was a new start for the two.
Nagi pulled him closer before pulling away, and hugging him again, “‘m so sorry. I love you, Reo.” Nagi was never going to stop apologizing. This shouldn’t have happened.
“I love you too, my treasure.”
Nagi pulled Reo down and on top of him. Reo really needed this. Even if they were rushing everything, Reo didn’t care. He wanted to kiss Nagi again, he wanted to lie in his arms, and he wanted to continue all of this until the day he died.
He loved Nagi way too much.
Not that he was complaining, he was his treasure after all.
..
Seven friends gathered in a restaurant together. Two of them, who happen to be a couple, are being scolded by the rest.
“Never again. ” Chigiri stated, “I am not going to be Reo’s therapist and Isagi’s information giver for almost two weeks ever again.”
“Never again.” Reo agreed, a wide beaming smile present on his face as he sat next to Nagi, their fingers interlaced on top of his thigh. He was so happy.
“Sorry Chigiri…” Nagi moped, he was getting most of the scolding, “I made a mistake I know…sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Reo whispered to him.
Barou pretended to throw up, “This means we have to see all their gross affection everywhere we go again doesn’t it?”
Bachira laughed and smiled.
“Better than a moping Reo!”
“Sometimes.” Isagi cut in.
“It’s nice…to see them happy again.” Chigiri commented, Kunigami nodding and the rest agreeing with him.
Reo missed times like this. Sitting gathered around the people he was closest too with the man he loved by his side.
He could explode at this moment. So many positive emotions coursing through his body. He missed Nagi so much, and he missed the others so much.
I love you, Seishiro, my treasure.
Reo couldn’t wait to put a ring on his finger.