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“You know there's this thing called the internet, right?”
The amused voice shakes Pietro's mind from it's internal debate and he makes sure to put his best scowl on, the one that makes Wanda laugh and poke at his creased forehead, warning him that if the wind changes he'll be stuck like that, but usually has other people, sane people, fleeing for the hills.
Scowl in place, Pietro turns around to glare at the smirking face of, quite possibly, the most beautiful man he's ever seen in real life.
The hot book-store employee, Clint according to his nametag, holds his hands up in mock surrender, smirk still in place (Pietro has a feeling that the smirk is a permanent feature). “Whoa. My bad, man. You just seemed a little lost. I mean, you've been awkwardly inching your way towards the human sexuality section for the past fifteen minutes. Just, if you're embarrassed, there's an easier way to do it, bro. The internet's not just for porn, y'know.”
Pietro feels his cheeks flush red. He'd though that he had been being stealthy and unobtrusive about his destination but clearly this guy had been laughing at him the whole time.
“Hey,” book-store guy's, Clint's, voice is softer now, the amusement fading into something more sympathetic. “I get it, OK. No judgement here, I've actually got a couple of these books at home. They were a big help to me at a time when I didn't know where else to turn. Is there something in particular you're looking for or...?”
Something in Clint's eyes or the tone of his voice makes Pietro feel safe, makes him want to ask for help. It's an unfamiliar feeling, Pietro hasn't asked anyone for help for a long time, at least not on his own behalf. When it comes to Wanda, though, that's another story. Giving Clint one last, assessing gaze Pietro decides to bite the bullet.
“I...I'm confused. About myself.” He cringes and waits for the inevitable mocking that will follow that ridiculous statement. Whoever heard of a twenty-three year old being confused about who they are. Clint takes it in his stride, though.
“Well, that's OK. There's no rule that we need to know everything about ourselves.” Clint smiles warmly at him and Pietro starts to feel just a tiny bit better. “What's got you so confused? Is it about your sexual orientation or - - “
“I like men.” Pietro interrupts Clint, needing to finally say it out loud.
“Yeah, men are pretty great. I'm partial to both myself. So, you seem to have that pretty figured out. Are you looking for more information on how that works or - - “
Pietro growls in frustration as Clint starts to head down the wrong path. This is where he always falls down, he knows that he likes men. He just...just doesn't like them in the right way.
“There's no right way to like someone.” Clint's gentle rebuke makes him realise that he had said that last part out loud, making him feel more like an idiot than ever.
“I like men.” Pietro repeats desperately, needing Clint to understand. “But I don't want to have sex with them. I don't want to have sex with anyone. That's not normal.”
He braces himself for Clint's reaction. Disbelieving laughter, Pietro has found, is the lesser of the two evils. He'd rather Clint think he was lying or stupid than face the disgusted accusations that his ex-boyfriend, his only boyfriend, his secret-even-from-Wanda boyfriend had thrown at him. Broken. That's what his ex had called him. Pietro was half-way to believing it was true.
Clint does neither of these things but instead, presses a book into his hands. It's the last thing Pietro expects.
Surprised, he reads the title of the thin, insubstantial looking book. “Asexuality: a brief introduction.”
He can hear Clint making apologetic sounds, explaining that there's very little actual published books on the subject and that he can recommend some really good websites, but it all fades into background noise as Pietro reads the back of the book, as the missing puzzle pieces about who he is, suddenly start to slot into place.
Asexual. Lack of sexual attraction.
It's...it's liberating to finally give a name to the feeling that's been haunting him for the past decade. Giddy with joy, he pulls Clint into a hug, dazed gratitude falling from his lips until he realises what he's doing and flushes in embarrassment, apologising profusely.
Clint doesn't seem to mind, grinning wide and proud at him. “Hey, my friend Bucky runs a LGBTA support group down at the community college. We meet on Wednesdays at 8pm. You should come. There will be other ace people there. They could help answer any questions you might have.”
Pietro bites his lip, unsure.
“I'll be there. We can..we can get coffee afterwards if you like?”
Clint looks so hopeful that Pietro really wants to say yes, if only to see Clint again, but he doesn't want to get into a situation like before, doesn't want to give anyone the wrong idea.
“Are you asking me on a date?”
“Was trying to, yeah.”
Pietro frowns. “But I just told you that I...”
“Hey. That doesn't mean you can't date. I understand what you can offer me and I want to take you for coffee.” Clint smiles at him and for the first time in a long time, Pietro feels like things just might be OK.
“It's a date.”