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Jaden's POV
As a child how to do take the feelings of seeing your parents fight everytime? It was the one of the most hated event in my life. I disgust our parents yet I love them still, even more deeper. I actually felt bad for my brothers that they have to witness such. The most hardest part, is that I even blamed myself for everything. Like at every fight they do, I always felt that I was the reason why. That I even named myself as the black sheep of our family. When was the last time I ever felt free? That there was no chain holding me? It was when I was really young. But now, all I get to feel is burden, pressure and how worthless I was.
I was really close to my brothers, we acted like we were on the same age, we always like to tease each other without minding what consequences we will face after. I love my family more everything, that in every dream I have, it was always them who's on top. The last time I ever felt we were a family is long way back. But it was all forgotten already.
"Can you just fucking shut up?!!!" I heard dada shout, "why? You're mad because you know that what I'm saying is right,.that it's all for the better?!" This time, it's dad's turn to shout. I always hated this. I want to speak up, on behalf of my brothers but I cared for them . I can't leave them here and let every exchange hurtful words sink into them.
"Hyunsuk, I just want you to support me this time. But why can't you do that?" Dad has always been like this, if he wants something he'll surely do everything for it but well, dad still thinks of the things that are better for all of us. "Support you? And then what? Let our kids stayed here with Jaden? You think it's the right decision?" Ouch. That hurts. Now, I see. Dada... he never cared for me now. Am I that bastard for him not to trust me of taking care my siblings?..
"you think he can stand that responsibility when he is that irresponsible kind of a child? If only marco is reliable, I would have agreed to you already!!" I always felt envious of my siblings, dada cared for them more than he did to me. Letting my tears fall down as the words coming out of dada's mouth pierced deep in my heart like a knife. It's bleeding. I am bleeding inside.
Im getting ready to face them, and let them know that I've heard everything. But I stopped on my track when I heard dada voice. "You know what, it's better for us to decide on our own and never like this again. How unfair can you be?!!" Dad angrily said. "How? Wanna know how? I can be unfair for as much as I want without holding back. Even if I have to be unfair with our kids. I don't care!!" It's now's Dada's turn to shout.
"You are much aware that I can here everything right?"
I saw the shocked face of my parents. I think it's time for for me to let everything out without holding back. If they want me to understand them, they better understand me too. It's give and take. "Y...y..you're h...here?" Dada stuttered. "I...I thought y.. you'll be out...of town since y... yesterday?" I just kept staring at them, with my eyes teary. I thought I'm used to the pain but I wasn't. "Yeah, you thought..." Standing there for more than an hour is killing me even more. Those look in his eyes, I hated it. I hated how it looks he never cared.
"Jaden... whatever you've heard, forget it hmm?" Dad said, but how? "Forget it? How can I forget that when it answered my question?" Yeah, it gave me lots of answers for every questioned I overthink for the who knows how long. "W...what do y...you mean?" Hmm? Should I let them know now? "What do I mean? You really want to know?" My siblings went out as they heard me. "Jaden? Is there something we must know?" Well yeah. I have to let things out now. For me to finally be free.
"Fine, do you know how I felt ever everytime you two fight? How I blamed myself for everything because of you? Dada, do you know how your words kills me everytime? How small I felt , how worthless it feels, how I envy my siblings, especially how I envy people I don't even know. How lucky of them that they have parents that cares for them, that supports them, that loves them, that proud of them, that... that was always there when they needed..." I paused. Seeing how their expression changed. They are pretty shocked.
"jaden..."
"You know what, dada. You always made me feel like I wasn't even part of this family. That I'm no one here. You always disregard my hardwork for this family. I hated how you always wanted to be right, I hated how you cared for that family, for that man's children. I. I was your child but I... I never felt you..."
"I have changed, a hundreds of times already only to be noticed by you. And guess what, you always did but not in the way I wanted to. It's always my mistake. If I did something bad, I always received tons of words from you. Yet, when I did good things, you never noticed"
"Jaden, son. It's not tha—"
"no dada. Because it is what it is, you cared for them more than me—"
"Jaden what are you talking about? Who's that man?" I realized I say something I shouldn't but dad deserves to know it.
"Nothing. Right Jaden?!" With shaky voice, dada is trying to stop me.
"Dad, I'll go there later, it's about me for now. How dada made me feel like I shouldn't have born—" slap. I can feel his anger now.
"Why did you slap my son!!!" Dad.
"I... I'm sorry, Jaden. I'm sorry..." No dada. You're not sorry. You wanted this. "No. Don't touch me. You're only making me hate you more"
"Dada, dad. All I want is for you to love me the way you love my siblings. You always said you love us just the same but why do I always felt I'm left out. I have no one to lean on because you hate me. How lucky it must be for my siblings, that they have to lean on. That they have me just fine. But what about me? Who am I gonna lean on? Who am I gonna share my problems with? Who am I gonna open up to? No one"
"But you have me and your dad... You can always lean on us. We are just her—" I cutted him off. "No. You know that's not true. How can I lean on someone who's not here. You know the truth? We are so used of not having you here. All we have now is us four. Only us."
That's the truth, not having them around when we needed them the most, we were so used to it. "And all I want is for you to support my happiness. But you can't even do that"
"I love you just the sam—" "dada, you know it's all just a lie. You have your favourite and that not me. It will never be me..."
"Just please think about how we will feel everytime you two fight"
Jun's POV
After saying those, he left and went to the room. While me and my husband? Here and was left struck by what our eldest child said. Never knew, we made him feel those. I feel really sorry. I looked at my husband with questioning look. What my son said still lingered in my mind. What does he meant? Who is he talking about?
"tell me now." I strictly said. "What?" Acting like he's clueless, I see. "Who the hell is that man MY son is talking about?!" I angrily said, emphasizing the My. "I..I d.. don't know " my husband said shakily. I left him there. Well I know there's something going on behind my back. I just didn't expect that my children knows it. And I think more than I thought.
I went on jaden's room. Wanting to ask for his forgiveness. I can't even imagine the pain he had been holding ever since. I knocked on his door thought he won't let me in but here I am sitting on the edge of his bed. "Dad, why are you here?" Jaden asks me. "Uhm I..I just want to say sorry for letting you feel those. I mean I'm your father and yeah I also have shortcomings but son, I am always proud of you. And I'll always be..."
"Dad, thank you for everything. I atleast know there is someone who's proud of me. That I have you now. Even though dada... I never hated one of you, you know? I...I just want some attention as well. Like... Like how you gave attention to my siblings" aww my eldest felt this way. "Jaden, I have always and will always be. Your dada, he's proud of you I know that. But don't be jealous of anyone, okay? I love you more than anything because you're my first child but maybe I was kinda unfair and let you felt that way. Also I've been supporting you. From everything you want. As long as it makes you happy. I want you to be happy... Hmm?" It felt new, Jaden never let anyone see him cry. But here he is, crying Infront of me. I opened my arms signalling that I want to hug him. I miss this. Me hugging my first child.
"Jaden, always remember that I'll be there when you needed me, when you needed a shoulder to cry on, when you need someone to cheer for you... I'll always be there for my children. So please, if you have any problems or something just call me and I'll always be there. You are just as important to me. And I'm glad I have a reliable son now. My first son, who teach me of how to be a father. You are the reason why I can take a good care of your siblings. It's you. All my first experience of being a dad was with you and you alone"
What a crybaby. But that's the truth. In everything, it was him that I was with. He's still crying like a baby in my arms, made me reminisce how he cried his heart out everytime he tripped or his playmates tease him for something. Jaden then soon fell asleep in his father's arm. But without them knowing there's someone who is listening to their conversation.
Dan's POV
I heard everything and I really hurt my family. I swore that I would never let them be in pain but I was the reason why they are hurting now. "I'm sorry, hobby and Jaden. It was all me. I have no excuses but I really do felt sorry for what I have done. I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me..."
After that I went to our room. And let my guilt eat the hell out of me. I hurt the most important people to me. Jaden... He carried all those for years... I just realized every compliment matters to him. Because that's how he rest his self that he did great. I cried and cried till I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up with my family happily eating their breakfast like nothing happened last night... "Good Morning hobby" Jun greeted me like he always do. "Dada you sit here and eat with us now" my youngest said. I love them... "Hobby, Jaden... I'm sorry" they glanced at each other before they speak, "it's all fine now dada and we actually heard you last night..." Wait what??? "I thought you...you fell asleep while hugging your dad?" I asked how in the world they heard everything? "Hobby, he woke up at around that time and ask me to check on you and we went to our room and heard you sobbing. And you were saying something and I heard you call our names, that's why we just eavesdrop. But my love... Let's put everything behind. We're okay now. See? Let's just do everything for this happiness to never fade. I love you " awww "and I love you all too" and after I said those, we continue our breakfast with so much laughter and love everywhere. This is my treasure, especially my husband and Jaden...
I'm Complete with Them...