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“Out of the way I need a pen!” Dasom screamed. Her little legs were carrying her from drawer to drawer at the speed of light, crashing into the piles of toys, books, and various boxes around the room. Namjoon trailed behind her clearing the way, putting the important books back on his desk where he should have put them before, and moving the toys out of the way so that Dasom wouldn’t trip while doing her inevitable second run around the room.
“Honey, you need to clean up these toys before everyone gets here or else I'm feeding them to Moni,” Namjoon said, halfway through packing them up himself. The dog was having a nap on the couch on the other side of the room when Namjoon woke him up, but he put his head back in his paws when nothing further happened. Dasom however, turned around so quickly at the mention of the dog getting her toys with the biggest gasp Namjoon had ever heard.
“No!” She yelled. Namjoons daughter was many things but quiet was not one of them, he blamed the influence of his best friends and honorary co-parents for making her this way. If Hoseok wasn’t barrelling through the door every time he walked into a room making a multitude of noises, Seokjin was yelling at the television as he and Dasom played Mariokart together, and if it wasn’t Seokjin, it was Jungkook wrestling with her and getting a noise complaint from the neighbours, and if it wasn’t him it was Jimin and Taehyung blasting their music across the small apartment, screaming the lyrics to whatever song Dasom asked for that day. Even if they didn’t know the words it was guaranteed they would make up for it with their volume. Yoongi never encouraged Dasom’s shouting directly, but he was the kind of quiet that didn’t mind someone taking over a conversation, a certain confident little girl he especially allowed to talk at him as much as she wanted. He wouldn’t just sit there either, he was soaking in every word she said, letting her know she wasn’t just being entertained but that she was an equal to him.
Dasom rushed over to the half-formed pile of toys and stacked as many as she could in her arms so that Namjoon could only see the top of her head behind it, and her little legs under it. She was wearing her annual pair of Christmas pyjamas, and the legs were slightly too long on her. Perfect, absolutely nothing could go wrong here. Namjoon thought to himself.
“Appa! Can you grab the door?” She was like a little cartoon character the way she waddled over to her bedroom door, Namjoon couldn’t help the smile that kept growing as she got closer and closer.
“Yeah, ’course, baby,” he reached over her to the doorknob, careful to not knock any of the toys out of her arms. He pushed the door open, and his eyes widened at the mess that was her room. She walked in and put the pile in her hands right next to her bed, he wondered how she knew where anything was.
“Okay, they’re cleared. Pen!!” She went back to her mission as soon as the door was closed again.
“I don’t think that’s how we ask for things Dasom. Santa’s still watching,” Namjoon grabbed a pen out of his bag and held it behind his back. Dasom sighed.
“Can I have a pen please, Appa?” Namjoon extended his arm handing it to her finally.
“Okay, but after you finish the letter we need to get ready for Seokjin and Hoseok. We want the house to be nice and clean for them right? Are your presents for them all done?” It was tradition at this point that Namjoon’s friends Seokjin and Hoseok would spend Christmas with him and Dasom. It started with Namjoon inviting his friend group over for Christmas Eve dinner, with his family tending to be away for the holidays he and Dasom ended up making their own traditions. They liked to invite all of Dasom’s favourite uncles for dinner before they all went their separate ways for the holidays. Taehyung and Jimin would alternate going to each other’s families on Christmas Day and usually spent at least a week in their hometown, and Yoongi and Jungkook tended to do the same. It eventually became tradition for Seokjin and Hoseok to be the ones to join them for the precious holiday. Namjoon and Dasom became the hosts of their group's “singles Christmas” in Hoseok’s words. While they liked visiting their families during the holidays neither Seokjin nor Hoseok liked leaving the little family on Christmas Day, so they always went home a few days after the holidays. Namjoon wondered how he got so lucky not only to have an amazing daughter but that he got to share her with his incredible friends.
“Appa, how do you spell Rudolph?” Dasom snapped him out of his haze. As he called the letters across the room he set out dinner plates for all of them, making sure to put Dasom’s Ryan chopsticks by the right place setting. It was tradition for Seokjin to bring over chicken to save all the cooking for the next day, and Hoseok would bring all the drinks (always making sure to bring Dasom’s favourite soda- grape). All Namjoon had to do was open his doors for his friends.
Just as Dasom had put her pen down, there was a knock at the apartment door. Namjoon had long ago given each pair of friends their own key to unlock the main door of the building, they’d all had keys to the apartment door too but they preferred knocking to give the family the warning they were coming in.
“Ho ho ho! I come bearing delicious gifts!” Seokjin peeked his head through the door and made his way inside.
“Seokjin-oppa!” Dasom’s face lit up as she ran towards the door. Namjoon busied himself with keeping Moni out of the chicken Seokjin put on the counter while the other two said their hellos.
“Hey Peanut!” Dasom jumped into Seokjin’s arms. “Have you gotten even taller since our last sleepover?” He swung her little body around the room making her giggle. He set her down to take off his shoes and coat.
“Probably, Appa says it’s because I’ve been eating my vegetables.” She smiled up at Seokjin, her eyes twinkling. She loved him so much.
“He’s right, if you eat all your meat and veggies, you can grow big and strong. Maybe even stronger than your Appa,” he whispered the last part, sending her a quick wink. Namjoon came into the hallway then.
“What secrets are you two keeping from me?” Namjoon said as he pulled Seokjin into a hug. “Merry Christmas, hyung,” he smiled softly.
“Merry Christmas, Joonie,” Seokjin smiled back, it was a special smile, not one that came out often, but that Namjoon had the privilege of seeing every time. “We were just talking about the health benefits of eating all your vegetables, right Peanut? Nothing else. You didn’t come up at all,” he explained coyly.
“Yeah, Appa. A very boring conversation,” she giggled. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face if she tried.
Namjoon rolled his eyes and asked Dasom to bring the chicken out to the table and wash her hands.
“Is Hoseok-hyung running late? Please tell me he’s not working on Christmas Eve hyung, he promised he wouldn’t do that this year.” Usually, Seokjin and Hoseok arrived together, being that they were roommates and all. But when he didn’t walk through the door behind Seokjin, Namjoon wouldn’t have been surprised to hear that Hoseok had stayed downstairs to finish up a phone call with his manager. The man was so kind, and he loved his job, which made it easier for his higher-ups to call him away from his personal time without a fight.
“No no, nothing like that,” Seokjin turned the tap on in the kitchen, lathering soap in his hands. “He won’t be joining us tonight. It seems he might no longer be in the singles club anymore.”
“He- What?” Namjoon was shocked, how had he not heard about this?
“We were doing some last-minute shopping this afternoon and Jimin called him asking him to join him and Taehyung for dinner. And for the day tomorrow. It seems they had some very important conversations to have,” Seokjin said, rinsing the soap off his hands and making room for Namjoon by the sink. “He wanted to let you know beforehand but he started overthinking, you know how he does and got distracted picking out an outfit.”
“Well, it’s about time,” Namjoon said. He began washing and rinsing his hands. “If I had to have one more conversation about Jimin’s smile or Taehyung’s voice I was gonna confess his feelings myself.” Seokjin passed him the hand towel to dry his hands.
“You’re telling me,” Seokjin took the towel from Namjoon and hung it back on its hook, he knew this apartment almost better than his own. “Imagine living with the guy.” The two of them chuckled and went out to the table, seeing Dasom already seated and eyeing the food. Namjoon opened the cardboard box and put some chicken on her plate.
“What about Hoseok-oppa? Shouldn’t we wait for him?” Dasom asked, picking up her chopsticks.
“Ah Peanut, Hoseokie is spending Christmas with Jimin and Taehyung this year. We can call him in the morning if you want to say merry Christmas to him though.” Seokjin opened the can of grape soda and pushed it across the table. “He didn’t forget to give me your presents, don’t worry.” Dasom almost jumped out of her chair.
“Can we call him Appa really?” her voice steadily grew louder.
“As long as we know he won’t mind,” Namjoon eyed Seokjin who gave a subtle nod, clearly having discussed this with Hoseok beforehand. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t. That way we can say hi to Jimin and Taehyung too.” He served Seokjin his chicken from the box, putting the plate down right in front of him.
The three of them ate their dinner rather quickly, with Dasom in a rush to put Santa’s cookies out before she had to start getting ready for bed. Namjoon had promised that if she was ready on time, and didn’t complain too much he’d let her stay up just a bit to watch a movie together.
“Breath test!” Seokjin yelled when Dasom came out of the bathroom in her snowman onesie. It was something the pair did whenever he slept over, he would kneel down after she brushed her teeth and “make sure” she did it. It had started one time when she was so excited to get to the movie that she skipped brushing altogether, she claimed she’d just forgotten and honestly, both of them believed her. Dasom might have been mischievous but she was honest. Dasom turned towards Seokjin and exhaled right in his face. As she pulled back he opened his eyes and smiled, “Minty fresh.” He picked her up and ran towards the couch. Dasom screamed and giggled.
“Appa! Seokjin-oppa is stealing me! Help me!” Her face was tinged pink from being tossed over his shoulder.
Namjoon got up from his spot on the couch and spread out his arms. “Don’t worry Dasom! Appa’s going to save you!” He mimicked the voice of a cheesy cartoon superhero.
“Joonie, catch!” Seokjin crouched down ready to throw Dasom out of his arms.
“I’ve got her, I’m ready hyung!” Namjoon held out his arms, ready to catch her.
Dasom shrieked, and wrapped her arms around Seokjin’s neck, laughing the entire time. Namjoon didn’t think she ever stopped laughing. Seokjin stepped a little closer, shortening the gap between the two of them, it was basically a handoff rather than a throw at this point.
“Okay 3, 2, 1!” Seokjin passed her to Namjoon and flopped down onto the couch.
“Oh thank goodness you’re safe Dasom, I was so worried about you! Did the toothpaste monster hurt you? Let me check your teeth, see if they’re all there,” Namjoon dropped himself onto the couch so that he was cradling her in his arms like he did when she was a baby, except now her legs dangled off his lap and her head was practically falling out of his arms.
“I’m fine Appa, I’m fine!” She struggled to catch her breath. She wrangled her way out of his arms to sit in between the two of them, grabbing the remote to open her Netflix profile.
“You ready, Peanut?” Seokjin asked putting his feet up on the coffee table.
“Mhm,” she nodded, focused on finding the movie.
It was a Christmas movie that had come out a few years ago, she had watched it with Hoseok a couple of times when Namjoon and Seokjin had been cleaning up dinner throughout the years. It was about a mailman who opened a post office in a town and tried to get everyone to mail letters. He teamed up with the school teacher, to teach the children to read and write, and an old man in the woods, to give the children toys when they wrote letters. Dasom always looked forward to watching it.
Around the halfway point, Namjoon felt a weight on his shoulder and noticed that Dasom had fallen asleep. He paused the film and carried her to her room, careful not to wake her. He put her in her bed and tucked her in, leaving a soft kiss on her forehead. He switched her unicorn nightlight on and shut her door as quietly as he could.
“Is she out?” Seokjin looked over from the couch.
“Like a light.” Namjoon walked over to the table to clean up some leftover dishes, bringing them into the kitchen. Seokjin followed him and started washing them for him.
“You really don’t have to do that hyung, just go relax and watch the movie,” Namjoon said.
“No no, I got this Joonie. Don’t you have some wrapping you should be doing anyway?” Seokjin knew him too well. He knew Namjoon always left his wrapping to the last minute. It was his own tradition in a sense, when he was a teenager he used to stay up on Christmas Eve with his dad and wrap all the presents with him. They’d watch Christmas movies until they were finished and team up to eat the cookies and milk, one of them always making sure to leave a note from Santa for his little sister.
Namjoon made his way to his closet, where he kept all his unwrapped presents for Dasom and brought them out to the living room. He laid them all out on the floor in front of him then went back to grab the wrapping paper. On his way back he went around the dinner table and grabbed one of the two cookies Dasom had left out and stuck it in his mouth.
“Hyung, do you want the other cookie?” He said, before taking a sip of the milk. Seokjin came up behind him to grab the other one.
“Well, if Santa insists,” he had a look in his eyes that Namjoon had never seen before, it lasted as long as it took for Seokjin to bite into the other cookie. Namjoon got his pen ready to write back to Dasom in Santa’s handwriting, quickly reading the note she left. His eyes scanned the paper.
Dear Santa,
I hope you like the cookies, me and my Appa made them just for you.
I hope it’s not too hard getting into our apartment, we’re pretty high up so I understand if
you get lost.
My Appa says you have magic powers so you will be fine.
If it’s not too much to ask Santa, when you get back to the North Pole can you send me
a video of Rudolph?
Merry Christmas and thank you for all the presents.
Kim Dasom
The cookie crumbs jumped to the back of Namjoon’s throat, his air being cut off almost immediately. He coughed, and coughed, and coughed, with Seokjin patting his back and asking if he was alright every couple of seconds. When it had calmed down he waved Seokjin away and took the last sip of milk left.
“Hyung,” Namjoon grabbed the note and showed it to Seokjin. “What are we going to do, I need to send her a video of Rudolph tomorrow morning, I can’t destroy the meaning of Christmas to her. But there’s no time- How would I even get a video of Rudolph, I think all those Santa video services are done for the year- Hyung, my kids not gonna believe in Santa after tomorrow morning- Oh my god.” Namjoon’s words sped up the more he thought about it, his brain always working two times faster than the rest of him.
Seokjin brought Namjoon back to the couch and put him in front of his pile of presents to be wrapped.
“Calm down Joonie, just wrap your presents. Hyung will take care of it. I’ll be back in a few hours,” Seokjin rubbed Namjoon’s shoulders. Namjoon was confused, and a little bit nervous, but he trusted Seokjin. He listened to the voice behind him and let the hands working his shoulders ease away some of his tension. It will be fine, Seokjin will take care of it, he’ll be back in a few hours, take care of your wrapping, it’ll be fine.
“Okay, hyung,” he took a deep breath. “Okay. So I’ll see you later?” he looked up at Seokjin.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” he tugged at the top of Namjoon’s ear and headed towards the door.
🎄
“Open up!” Seokjin knocked relentlessly on the door in front of him. “I know you guys are home,” he knocked again. “Jungkook, it’s a Christmas emergency!”
“Hyung, it’s so late what is going on?” Jungkook opened the door with Yoongi standing beside him. He had clearly woken them, as much as they would argue they weren’t asleep. Since moving in together, the two had turned into such an old couple, they would go to bed early and stay in together all the time. They acted older than Dasom’s grandparents did.
“It’s 9:30 calm down,” Seokjin deadpanned. “Joonie and I need your help to save Christmas, grab your camera and bring Bam. I’ll be in the car.” He turned around to head back to his car. Yoongi rolled his eyes and dragged Jungkook inside. He gathered their coats and called Bam, while Jungkook slowly made his way to their shared workroom to grab his camera and tripod.
When they’d all gathered in the car, Bam sitting right on Jungkook’s lap in the backseat, Seokjin explained what they were about to do. Jungkook was enthusiastic about keeping the magic alive for Dasom (his best friend in his words), and Yoongi just stared at Seokjin as he talked with a smug smile on his face and warmth in his eyes.
They arrived at the snow-covered clearing about a half-hour drive from the city, it was far enough away that Namjoon had never been able to take Dasom, so she wouldn’t recognize it in the video. Jungkook was setting up his camera while Seokjin took a Santa costume out of his backpack.
“Were you ever going to tell us you had this in your closet or were you waiting to surprise us?” Yoongi stared at the giant red jacket Seokjin was draping over his shoulders.
“You never asked,” Seokjin said as he buttoned it up.
“Wow, hyung. You make a very handsome Santa Claus,” Jungkook turned his camera to snap a picture.
“You say that as if you were expecting me not to be,” Seokjin secured the long, white beard. “That’s why you are on the naughty list.” He gave it a run through with his fingers and made his way in front of the camera. He slowly backed away from the camera. “Tell me when,” he said.
“Okaaaaaaaaaay,” Jungkook peered into the viewfinder, drawing out his syllable. “Almost there,” Seokjin got closer to the bike path running through the park. “Keep going just a little bit more,” Seokjin neared the tree line past the path. “Aaaand,” Jungkook busied himself with refocusing the camera as Seokjin felt the prickling of the branches on the back of his head. “So close, hyung.”
“Oh, you asshole!” Seokjin jumped once the branches nudged the backs of his knees and ran back towards Jungkook. “What happened to saving Christmas, huh?”
Jungkook cackled, it was the same cackle the Dasom said sounded like Elmo. He laughed so hard he was clutching his chest, as Seokjin’s ears turned as red as his jacket. He looked to Yoongi.
“Control your boyfriend!” He sputtered, but Yoongi only laughed as he secured the antlers on Bam’s head. “Okay for real this time, tell me when,” he backed away again, hoping to be just far enough away from the camera that Dasom wouldn’t be able to tell it was him. He was about ten feet away when Jungkook stopped him.
“So when I give the signal, throw the treat to the other side, and then let Bam loose so he runs across the frame- he won’t bark right? No we’ll be fine, Bam knows what’s at stake, he has a heart. Make sure to turn the nose on before you throw it, but close enough to letting him go that he doesn’t yank it off. It should last long enough that he won’t be in frame without it. Okay, okay. We’re good? We’re ready?” Seokjin ran through the plan one final time.
“Aye, captain,” Jungkook saluted, failing to suppress his smile.
“Ready whenever you are, hyung.” Yoongi secured Bam in his arms as his tail wagged.
“Okay, let’s do this,” Seokjin took his place off-camera and focused into character.
“And, action!” Jungkook yelled.
🎄
Namjoon was tying the ribbon on his last present, halfway through his second Christmas movie when he heard the front door open quietly. A few seconds later Seokjin came around the corner and sat on the couch right behind where Namjoon was seated on the floor, his knees resting on either side of him. Namjoon looked up at his chin, he could see the pink that dusted his cheeks and the tip of his nose from the cold outside.
“How did it go?” he asked.
“I worked my magic Joonie, you have nothing to worry about. What about you? Get everything all wrapped?” Seokjin’s hands made their way to Namjoons neck and were just as cold against his warm skin as he expected them to be, making Namjoon squirm not wanting to feel the cold hands on him but enjoying the affection nonetheless.
He never actively thought about it, but sometimes he would realize how little physical affection he got, sure Dasom was all over him, but it was different coming from his friends or other people close to him. He missed it. Seokjin always reminded him how much he missed that kind of attention but in the best way. Seokjin never hesitated to put a hand on his back, guiding him through a room gently, to rest his legs on top of Namjoon’s when they watched movies together, to lean his head on his shoulder when the conversation started to die down in the middle of the night, to squeeze the back of his neck or massage his shoulders when he saw Namjoon getting anxious, and Namjoon cherished every minute of it. The other boys were affectionate as well, always offering hugs throughout the nights they spent together, jumping into spontaneous puppy piles that Namjoon somehow managed to always be at the bottom of, but it was different with Seokjin. Seokjin’s touches were understanding, they were quiet, they knew Namjoon more than he knew himself, often soothing him before he even knew something was wrong.
“Just about finished,” he added the gift to the pile under the tree and leaned backwards into Seokjin’s legs. “Hyung, I don’t wanna clean up,” he closed his eyes and pouted up at Seokjin. His back hurt from being hunched over the presents all evening, and his hands were sore from all the ribbon tying. He just wanted to curl up in his warm bed, or on the couch with Seokjin, if he did that Seokjin would probably give him some kind of massage. Namjoon knew he wasn’t the best at initiating contact between himself and others, but he did know how to get other people to initiate it. He knew if he stretched his neck enough times Seokjin would pick up on it and find all the sore spots, he knew that if he yawned enough times during the movie Seokjin would pull his head onto his shoulder and play with his hair just the way he liked, the way he was doing now.
The second he felt the first touch of fingers at the nape of his neck, Namjoon knew he was done for. He felt his mind slip further into its sleepy haze, sinking further into the hands in his hair. Seokjin hummed.
“Why don’t you just finish the movie Joonie,” Seokjin moved to help Namjoon onto the couch. “Hyung will do it.” He helped Namjoon settle himself into the corner of the couch, his blinks getting slower and slower.
“You sure, hyung?” Namjoon mumbled, trying to act more awake than he was. Seokjin just looked at him, thankful Yoongi wasn’t here to see the way he gazed at the younger — he could already see the way he would have rolled his eyes at the sight.
“Of course,” he said. “Just relax Joonie,” he knelt down to start cleaning up the scraps of paper and the empty rolls of tape.
After putting everything away, Seokjin came back to the living room and sat down right next to Namjoon whose eyes were barely open at this point. He didn’t say anything knowing he would argue that he was watching the movie and was definitely awake and had been paying attention the whole time. He took the moment to stare at Namjoon. He could see the wear and tear of being a single parent in the bags under his eyes, in the scruff of hair on the tip of his chin, in the overgrown haircut, but he could also see the way his face was so relaxed in his state of pretending not to be dreaming. He could see the tension leave his forehead, what was usually a crease in between his eyebrows was smoothed over in relaxation, he could see where his mouth pressed up against the pillow, letting through little gusts of air as he breathed. He could see the signs of all the love that surrounded him, he could see the chipped nail polish on his right hand where he let Dasom practice on him, the necklace he wore that held a jewel that came from the earrings his mother wore on the day she married his father, he could see the friendship tattoo he had gotten with all their friends behind his ear.
As if knowing Seokjin was staring Namjoon slowly opened his eyes to look up at him.
“You’re so nice, hyung,” he slurred his words just the slightest bit. “How are you so nice?” he smiled the softest smile Seokjin had ever seen.
“It’s really nothing compared to you. You do so much for me, for Dasom, for all of us. You open up your home, you’ve shared your daughter with me, with all of us really, and you’ve let all of us join your little family when we all would understand if you didn’t want to. You’ve allowed us.. You’ve allowed me to have such a large space in both of your lives. I really don’t know how you do it, how you’re so selfless all the time, how you do so much, and how you do it all on your own.”
“Cuz I have you,” Namjoon whispered, and Seokjin saw his eyes widen quickly before relaxing again. “All of you. Because I have all of you helping me. Having Dasom, as hard as it can be, is easier with you.. With all of you of course,” Namjoon adjusted himself so he had his head on Seokjin’s shoulder. “You help so much. More than you know.” Seokjin could feel the warmth of his breath on his sweater as Namjoon spoke.
“Love you, hyung.” Namjoon’s words slowed again.
“I think it’s time we get you to bed, Joonie,” Seokjin pushed down what he really wanted to say and started lifting himself off the couch and gently pushing Namjoon off of him in the process.
“Mkay,” Namjoon hummed.
Seokjin guided Namjoon into his room, and they took their turns in the bathroom changing and washing up. Seokjin pulled the covers down on Namjoon’s side while he waited for him to finish brushing his teeth, and busied himself with his phone once he got settled under the soft blankets. This wasn’t usually part of the tradition. Usually Seokjin and Hoseok made up an air mattress and shared the living room, but Seokjin had just followed Namjoon into his room, pulled in by the sleepy giant. Had given it no thought before he hopped onto one side of the bed, he didn’t question it because Namjoon hadn’t questioned it, but now that he was left alone in the bed he wondered if Namjoon even noticed. Maybe he thought Seokjin just followed him to make sure he went to bed, maybe he was expecting Seokjin to go back out into the living room for the night. He was just about to jump out of bed and act like nothing had happened when he felt it dip on the other side.
“Thank you again, hyung,” Namjoon whispered, nuzzling himself under the blankets, his eyes closed. “For tonight, for everything.”
“Always, Joonie,” Seokjin whispered. “Anything.” He reached over to turn out the light. When the room turned dark, and Seokjin could hear Namjoon’s deep, even breaths as he fell asleep almost instantaneously, he finally answered Namjoon.
“I love you too.”
🎄
“Appa! Wake up! Appa, he came! Get up!” Namjoon was jostled awake when he felt the weight of his daughter sitting herself on his chest. He groaned and rolled over, sending Dasom tumbling in between him and Seokjin on the bed. She squealed when Seokjin wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him, Namjoon hadn’t even realized he was awake.
“Peanut, what time is it? Are you sure it’s Christmas?” Seokjin grumbled. He moved Dasom’s hair out of her face where it fell when she was squirming around.
“It’s morning, Oppa! Look outside! Come on, get up!” She started climbing all over Seokjin who had become dead weight on the bed. She grabbed onto his hand that was sticking out of the covers and started pulling. “Appa, help me pull Seokjin-oppa out of bed. He’s so heavy!” With that Seokjin perked up.
“Yah, Appa can’t help you that’s cheating!” He sent a playful glare over to Namjoon. “No helping!” Namjoon felt his heart flutter. Looking at this scene, it felt like Seokjin fit perfectly with his little family, he always had, he’d always been part of it, but something had felt different this year, it felt like he fit more, or Namjoon was noticing it more, he didn’t know, it was too early for all this thinking.
“Oppa, don’t you want to see the surprises Santa brought? I bet he brought you something super cool!” She kept yanking on his arm.
After what felt like too long of letting her try dragging Seokjin out of bed, Namjoon brought her into the kitchen with the promise of having hot chocolate and marshmallows for breakfast to give Seokjin some time to wake up properly and meet them by the tree. He’d busied himself with making an extra cup for him, adding whipped cream instead of marshmallows because he remembered Seokjin didn’t like them. Seokjin took the drink from him and gently pinched his ribs in thanks.
The two made their way over to the couch, and Namjoon handed Dasom her stocking as they got settled, Namjoon had done one up for Seokjin, and Seokjin and Hoseok had tag-teamed making one for him. Namjoon appreciated the gifts, but he couldn’t help it when his attention was drawn away from his own stocking by Dasom and Seokjin. She was making a big show of unveiling each gift with a loud, “Could it be? Could it be?” and without even looking at what she was holding she shouted, “It is!!” every time. He watched as Seokjin, while glancing at Namjoon to thank him for the fresh bottle of purple hair dye, focused his attention on Dasom, perfectly matching her energy with every gift she pulled out of the sock.
“No way!! How did Santa know that Ryan was your favourite? He’s so smart,” Seokjin gasped at the little plushie keychain in Dasom’s hands. “This would be perfect for your backpack wouldn’t it, Peanut? That way no one at school mistakes it for theirs and steals your delicious lunches,” Dasom just giggled in excitement, dumping out the loose pieces of candy that had gathered at the bottom of the stocking.
Soon enough, they had moved on to the presents under the tree. Dasom tore through hers faster than Namjoon could throw away the scraps of paper. He hadn’t been able to make it a big Christmas this year but he worked with what he had, and Dasom didn’t seem to care. Namjoon and Seokjin were opening the last of their gifts while Dasom gawked at all her presents already strewn around the room. The colouring book Jungkook made her was open under the tree and only half coloured in, the markers from Yoongi all surrounding it. She had the dolls that Jimin and Taehyung gave her propped up on the couch while she read from the storybook that Namjoon had bought her, her hair already tied into pigtails - by Seokjin - and decorated with the bows from Hoseok, and she rested her feet on Namjoon’s lap, wrapped in the Hello Kitty slippers that Seokjin had found for her. Seokjin was handing him his final present before making his way to the kitchen to put away all the empty mugs. Namjoon unwrapped the paper to reveal a new pair of headphones - the new pair of headphones he’d had his eye on for the past four months, and he could feel warmth bloom in his chest. He had the link to them bookmarked on his laptop for the longest time but had only mentioned them in passing to Seokjin twice, one of them being when he just happened to be in the room during a conversation Namjoon was having with Yoongi about their need for new equipment. He shouldn’t have been surprised though, of course, Seokjin knew exactly what to get him. Seokjin always knew. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard his phone ping, he pulled it out and saw an email notification from Seokjin. With the subject: Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas Dasom!
“Open it,” Seokjin said quietly as he walked back into the room and sat on the couch, leaving a space in the middle for Dasom. “Peanut, come here!” he called.
“What?” she yelled as she came back into the room.
“I think Appa has something important to show you,” Seokjin said turning her body so she was at a better angle to look at Namjoon’s phone, it was pure coincidence that it left her head leaning on his chest.
“What is it, Appa?” she kicked her little legs up so they were resting in Namjoon’s lap.
“I think,” Namjoon looked over at Seokjin briefly, who nodded in encouragement. “I think Santa might have sent you a message.” Dasom’s eyes almost bulged out of her head.
“Are you serious?!” she screamed, launching herself off Seokjin’s chest so Namjoon’s phone was inches from her face.
“Peanut, move back you’re going to melt your brain,” Seokjin pulled her away from the phone, but not too far as to drag her away from the excitement.
“Appa, what are you doing hit play!” she pretended to snatch the phone out of his hands, eager to see what Santa had to say. So Namjoon did and turned so the phone was facing her and Seokjin.
The black screen faded into Seokjin, dressed as Santa standing in the snow.
“Dasom! I almost missed you over there!” His voice had obviously been modified to sound not like himself. “Are you having a good Christmas?” He paused for a moment, and Namjoon looked over at Dasom to see her nodding quietly, her eyes filled with the most unbridled joy he had ever seen. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her this happy before. She had her little hands clasped to her chest in a way that reminded him so much of his mother, a habit Dasom had clearly picked up from her.
“Well, that’s very good! I’m sorry I couldn’t prepare a better video for you, Mrs. Claus and I aren’t the greatest at keeping up with all this new technology, I still need to ask the elves for help turning on my TV!” Seokjin let out a jolly laugh and clutched his fake stomach, shaking his shoulders.
“I think with a little time I can ask them to help me send you a better video next year! Would you like that Dasom?” he paused again, and Namjoon watched her nod again.
“I wanted to thank you for always believing in me Dasom, it makes me so happy to feel all your Christmas spirit every year. It’s because of kids like you that my sleigh can even fly! Without you, I don’t know how I’d deliver everyone’s presents in time! You’re very important Dasom. Never stop believing, okay?” Seokjin looked into the camera for a moment and Dasom seemed to float closer and closer to the screen.
“I can’t stay long, my reindeer need me to give them their food and water after such a long night, but you’ll see me sooner than you know it! Keep helping your Appa by keeping your room clean and eating your veggies, okay?” Seokjin paused again. “Merry Christmas Dasom!” he said with a wink.
“Oh! What’s that?” Seokjin turned around and there was a red light in the background, it was a blur but looked like something between a horse and a dog with a glowing red nose. “Rudolph! I know you wanted to say hello but you need to get back in your stable!” Seokjin turned back to the camera, “I need to go sort this out Dasom, but I’ll see you soon, and even if you don’t see me, I will always be there, believing in you the same way you do for me.” With that, the screen faded back to black and Namjoon closed his phone.
He could feel the tears forming in his eyes and he looked between Dasom and Seokjin.
“Peanut! Wasn’t that amazing?” Seokjin shook her out of the daze she’d been in. “I think if we ask him with enough time before Christmas he could make an even more special video for you!” Namjoon didn’t think any video could be more special than this one.
“That. Was. Awesome!!” Dasom yelled. “Appa did you see him? Santa said I make his sleigh fly!”
“He did!” Namjoon smiled. “That was super cool wasn’t it?”
“Best Christmas ever!” her smile got bigger and bigger. Namjoon looked just over her head to make eye contact with Seokjin and the two shared a smile. Warmth bloomed in Namjoon’s heart.
🎄
Namjoon loved it when he could hear the snow crunch under his feet, he always found it grounding whenever he was nervous, and he was definitely feeling nervous. The three of them had decided to go out for a walk after breakfast, which was more like lunch. Dasom always ran ahead of them but knew never to get too far and always checked for cars before crossing all the driveways. Namjoon knew he couldn’t stop her from being a wanderer but he was determined that she would always wander back alive. He and Seokjin hung back, each of them enjoying the way their steps slowly fell in synch with the other.
They were quiet. Quiet was never good for Namjoon, he always found himself talking about nothing to fill those quiet moments. Quiet meant an opportunity for his mind to race and for him to lose control of his thoughts. This time he could see his thoughts of Seokjin unravelling like a ball of yarn being tossed around by a cat, quickly and getting tangled and messy in the process. Not having Hoseok with them for the holiday made all the time he spent with just Seokjin and Dasom feel like so much more. He easily imagined himself leaning into Seokjin on the couch while they both watched Dasom open her presents, he imagined Seokjin wrapping his arm around him after he settled in, he imagined what it would feel like to have his person actually be his.
“You know, I really like the way fresh snow crunches like that,” Seokjin broke the silence, forcing Namjoon out of his thoughts. He looked down at his feet as they walked. “I like the way you can feel it in your feet, even through your boots. It’s nice, relaxing.”
“Yeah,” was all Namjoon could say. They kept walking in silence, and Namjoon kept looking at their feet.
They eventually found themselves at a park, and Dasom was running around expending all the energy from the chocolates Seokjin fessed up to giving her right before they left. She was switching between doing cartwheels and snow angels on the ground and adventuring around the play structure, or however much of it wasn’t covered in ice. Namjoon and Seokjin planted themselves on the swing set, moving back and forth, watching Dasom play, still in silence.
“When are you going to say it?” Seokjin said, turning to face him.
“What do you mean?” Namjoon jolted just a little bit.
“Joonie,” Seokjin said softly, the cloud of air leaving his mouth almost bigger than his words. He couldn’t feel his toes, he should’ve worn better boots. “You need to take the step, I can’t. You have Dasom, you have to take care of her, you have to say it’s okay.”
“Hyung, I’m scared,” He twitched his fingers to bring the blood flow back to them. “What if I mess everything up again? What if you leave?” He could feel the cool air on his nose, probably leaving it pink. He wondered what he looked like having such an honest conversation on a swing set with a nose that rivalled Rudolph’s.
“I won’t,” Seokjin smiled. “You won’t.”
“But what if you do?”
“I won’t.”
Namjoon told himself it was true even though he couldn’t really believe it. But why didn’t he believe it? Seokjin had always shown up, even when he didn’t need to, he loved Dasom more than anyone, he never hesitated to drop everything to help them, to take care of them, to simply be with them. It’s fine. See? He’s there even right now, he was here all day, and all night, and he’ll be here tomorrow if you wanted. He let himself smile back.
“So what do we do?” He asked.
“You say yes,” Seokjin got up from the swing and stood behind Namjoon, pushing him lightly. His feet brushed the ground, leaving drags in the snow under him.
“I might fall, or stumble, I guess,” Namjoon mumbled, sniffling when his nose started to run, definitely only because of the cold.
“I’ll be right behind you,” Seokjin stopped the swing to make his point, resting his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders. “Ready.”
Namjoon looked up at Seokjin’s chin, always amazed by how ready for everything he was.
“Okay,” Namjoon said, “Yes.”
“Yes,” Seokjin’s smile grew, “Okay.”
Seokjin looked around, checking if Dasom was around. Once he confirmed she was too focused on climbing the jungle gym to be looking at them. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Namjoon’s.
Namjoon didn’t feel fireworks, he didn’t feel his world change, he didn’t feel like everything around him ceased to exist, he just felt warmth. He felt the warmth bloom in his chest and spread back to his toes, he felt it all the way in his ears, he felt it in the way the hair at the back of his neck stood on edge as he felt Seokjin smile into the kiss. It felt like home. Seokjin slowly pulled away, taking only a little of the warmth that he planted with him, leaving Namjoon with a feeling he couldn’t name.
“Yes,” he said.
“Yes,” Seokjin smiled and squeezed the back of his neck.