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Chapter Text

Eren hastily placed the book in his bag. It came with a bottle of water, a notebook and a pen.

He was headed for the beach.

Keeping all his thoughts inside was unbearable, and it seemed like the only way to deal with the situation.
Patting the horse on the neck, Eren hopped deftly on it and galloped away before anyone could notice his absence. It was a deep night in the courtyard, everyone was asleep, and even if there were any Titans on the island he wouldn’t have to kill them. Although, Eren was still equipped in ODM gear which he'd hastily grabbed from the warehouse just in case.

After a few minutes of fast running the horse started snorting loudly and Eren was a little exhausted. The last time he rode this fast was during the battle in Shiganshina which took place more than a year ago. And the last few months had consumed him with a frightening silence that was eating him alive from the inside.

When he reached his destination, Eren caught a glimpse of the beautiful scenery - the full moon reflected in the waves of the calm sea. The glare was so bright that it was a little blinding to his eyes.

Eren hung the lantern on his saddle and removed his bag from the saddle, heading toward the shore. He didn't immediately notice the dark object to his right, but after it moved, Eren, to his embarrassment, didn't hold back a squeak.

“Shit!” An unknown shadow shouted.

“Floch?!” Eren asked loudly, recognizing the impertinent voice a little.

Floch Forster took a few steps forward, letting the glare of the moon from the waves illuminate his displeased face. “Eren. Haven't you seen enough of this miserable beach for the first time?” Floch grinned rudely. “Why are you here without your pet blond? Or is he hiding somewhere?” He waved his hand towards the big stones.

Eren could barely contain his growl, anger and rage running through his bones. Who the hell was that redhead to point anything out to Eren? A pathetic, cowardly rookie who only joined the scouts just because it was growing in popularity. “You better shut up before I knock your teeth out, asshole!” Eren hissed, picking up his bag.

Floch didn't seem impressed by the threat. After standing in tense silence for a while, he kicked one of the pebbles in the sand and snorted. “So what are you doing here?” Floch asked again softening his voice a little but still sounding as if the person he was talking to had once killed his favorite kitten.

“None of your damn business, get lost.” Eren sat down and spread the things from his bag on the sand and realized he'd been stupid to leave the lantern on the horse.

“Come to paint landscapes for your friend while he's shaking in his closet?” Floch almost chanted as he stared at Eren's book.

Eren realized that was the last straw. Swinging with all the strength he had in the deep night Eren punched Floch in the stomach. The force of the blow was enough to make Floch fall to the sand, crossing his arms over his stomach. Without fully getting up Eren crawled on top of the guy, swinging for another punch, as suddenly Floch raised his torso sharply and hitting Eren with his forehead. It was a rash move, because it hurt both of them and Eren had the advantage of being a shifter. But on the other hand Yeager still instinctively pressed his hands to his forehead squirming in unpleasant pain. The world before his eyes became unstable and dizzy. Floch took advantage of the situation and threw the boy into the water.

Eren struck another blow at Floch without aiming exactly anywhere but seemingly hitting him in the jaw. Forster knew he was losing, and his only option was to grab sand in his fist and throw it in Yeager's face.

“Piece of shit! You bastard!”Eren hissed, trying to shake the sand from his eyes with one hand and blindly striking what he thought was Floch with the other. He only hit the air.

Floch, growling aggressively, grabbed Eren by the shoulders and pulled his head under the water. He put pressure on Eren’s neck to make sure he strangled him.

But Eren was able to stab him in the groin, for a second getting out to the air. “'You won’t kill me.” Eren grinned spitting salt water. His eyes tingled terribly.

To amuse his ego a little Floch dipped Yeager under the water again holding him there a little longer than the first time. After a little enjoying of Eren's efforts to get out of the water Floch let the boy go and stepped back a fair distance.

Eren sat up, trying to catch his breath.

“You wee bastard, Forster” Eren grunted rubbing his eyes which were constantly tearful and terribly painful.

“You started it.” Floch replied trying unsuccessfully to shake off the wet sand.

“Yeah, and you almost killed humanity's only hope, according to Erwin” Eren grinned deliberately pressing on what he suspected was Floch's weak spot. “Though it would be more accurate to say the hope of Paradise.” Eren muttered, for a second recalling the memory that had come over him after he'd kissed Historia's hand.

“The only hope was Erwin himself, everyone understands that except you and your little girly friend! Although no.. Even little Armin knows that he was the wrong choice!” Floch raised his voice while spreading his arms out to his sides.

Eren responded with a blank look.

As he stood up, he realized that the ODM was completely waterlogged. He tapped the device trying to get it to work.
This action was interrupted by a rustle coming from the trees nearby.

Eren met his gaze with Floch who had no ODM or even a gun with him. What the fuck was he doing here, anyway?

“Stand behind me.” Eren ordered preparing blades that were functional no matter what.

Floch was visibly hesitant - after the fight he had just had a minute ago he clearly wasn't going to trust his life to the so-called enemy.

“You want to live, don't you?!” Eren hissed.

For some reason this question stumped the redhead and he stayed stupidly still forcing Eren to approach himself.
Logically if it was a titan it wouldn't be too hard to deal with given the time of day. But such rustling was uncharacteristic of a titan. Abnormal, maybe? It was a few steps to the forest and Eren gripped his blades tighter listening for the rustling.

Suddenly, a huge palm swept in front of his face barely touching him. He was saved from the blow by Floch's hands grabbing him by the waist and pulling him back. Both of them collapsed in the sand from the sudden movement.

“Fuck! Where'd it come from?!” Floch yelled right into Eren's ear.

“How should I know? Let me go!” Eren hissed breaking free of the peculiar embrace and in a leap cut off the titan's arm in two deft moves. Luckily, it was a two-meter little one. The second arm was soon severed and the titan became essentially helpless.

“Kill it!” Floch shouted.

“No!” Eren screamed cutting off the titan's right leg.
The titan fell unable to move. Eren ran up to Floch who had already risen from the sand. “Jesus!” Eren exhaled not knowing whether to thank the redhead for, in fact, saving him from a facial injury or worse. Not that it mattered with regard to his abilities. Fortunately for him Floch clearly wasn't expecting any words in his direction. Throwing one last glance in the titan's direction, he exhaled and turned away from Eren.

“Thanks, I guess. If you hadn't come, I probably would have died.” Forster mumbled reluctantly.

“Y-You could have run away on a horse.” Eren stammered feeling the shock of gratitude though it was peculiar.

Floch didn't answer and stared dumbly toward the shore. Eren stood to the left of the guy awkwardly peering into his face expecting to see hatred or fear there. But instead all he could see was the reflection of the moonlight on his skin as if it were made of crystal. Floch's face seemed to shine, his eyes gleaming in the rhythm of the unhurried waves of the night. Before Eren had a chance to realize what the sight was making him feel he noticed a looming bruise on the guy's jaw. Spontaneously, some sort of concern entered his head as to whether he had accidentally broken something. Maybe that's why he's remain silent..?

“Stop staring.” Floch muttered turning his head toward Eren.

Eren turned his head so sharply in the opposite direction that his neck crunched a little causing a prick of dull but well-deserved pain.

Floch grinned and headed for his horse.

Eren coughed gustily, drawing the boy's attention. “Um... You saw that there were still titans left, so.. Maybe we should go together?” Eren suggested awkwardly rubbing his sore neck.

“And what about your confidence that I could easily outrun a titan on a horse?” Floch raised his eyebrows, sneering.

Eren frowned.

“Suit yourself, I was going to stay a while longer anyway.” Eren muttered as he walked over to his horse and took the lantern off it.

He didn't see Floch shrug, but he heard the stomp of hooves. Floch rode away.

Walking back to the bag, Eren placed the lantern next to his hip and sat down with a rumble, glancing furtively at the titan who had no ability to move from now on. It wasn't for long, but Eren held the sword tightly in his hands, just in case it regenerated.

Opening his notebook with his left hand, Eren was painfully aware that nothing but Floch's face reflecting the moonlight came to his mind.

///

On the next day, the cafeteria was unusually loud.

The few newcomers were loudly discussing the disappearance of one of the ODMs as if it were something impressive and terribly interesting.

Eren chewed modestly on his stale piece of bread, not wanting to admit that the loss of the device was his fault. It was only now that he thought about it, that it was foolish to throw away a non-working device somewhere in the middle of the field. Firstly, it could still be repaired, and secondly, by this action he increases the already high chance of being detected. If this situation became even more public, the ODM would be found quickly, and sooner or later they would realize that it could only have been Eren.

Mikasa of course didn't know that he was missing that night, because she wouldn't have let him go so easily. But as he walked down the corridor, Eren did across a few gawkers on their way to the bathroom or drink some water.

But what surprised Eren most was Floch's silence. Ginger knew exactly whose fault it was that the device was missing, but he remained meekly silent, not even touching his food. Sure, all his friends were dead and he was sort of a loner, but in the past Floch would have told the situation aloud without even thinking in order to draw attention to his overindulging nature.

Once again, Eren was faced with the fact that everything had changed dramatically. Although one particular detail was still unclear…

“Eren?” Armin called, poking his friend gently in the side.

“Huh?" Eren came to his senses, realizing that all this time he had been looking at Floch that turned out to be staring back at him. Eren turned his head as sharply as he had yesterday. “Agh.. excuse me, I was just thinking ‘bout stuff.”

“Do you think it's Forster?” Armin asked, alluding to the missing ODM gear.

Eren’s heartbeat accelerated his regimen; how could he be so careless?!

“Are you okay?” Mikasa interjected herself into the conversation.

“Yeah. And no, I don't think Floch is... - Eren squeaked out, staring at the bowl of soup that had long since gone cold. He had no appetite.

“Are ya goin’ to eat soup or not??” Sasha Braus smiled hopefully.

Eren silently moved his plate to her, receiving a joyful squeak in response.

“I wonder how does she manage to keep in shape…” Connie wondered.

“Well, we work out all day and night.” Jean answered, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah... But we haven't been doing anything lately. Hanje and Levi are silent.” Springer exhaled.

Eren was unpleasantly stung by this fact. Indeed, even after all they'd been through, there were still secrets lurking from them. It was infuriating.

“So who could it be? Any ideas, Armin?” Jean changed the subject.

Armin's gaze on Eren didn't go unnoticed, lasting only a fraction of a second.

“No idea, I don't think it's as important as the others are trying to make it out to be.” Armin exhaled, rising from his seat. "Dinner's over, right?”

“Yeah. Let's go do nothing” Jean said with feigned joy.

“Yoo-hoo!!!” Connie imitated joy, raising his hands to the ceiling.

“Sh-sh-stop!!! H-haven't finish’ eating!” Sasha shouted through the food.

While the light and familiar dialogue began again between the others, Eren was immersed in his own thoughts.

Spotty recollection of the future flashed through his mind. He looked at Sasha, vaguely recalling her last words.
It made him nauseous. Why were those last words? Was she going to die?

Eren asked himself these questions as he stood up from the table as if in slow motion, leaving his friends anxious.

“Eren!” Mikasa called, rising from her seat.

“Don’t follow me!” said Eren, rushing out of the room.

He anxiously looked for a place to be alone. The weight of knowledge took over him again. Eren didn't know if he should cry, or if whatever he did would prove pointless anyway, and no one and nothing could ever help him. He panicked.

The most deserted place turned out to be the small patio. They were now in one of the southernmost headquarters, which made the sun burn harder than usual.

Eren sat down under the wall of the main building, and dropped his head in his hands.

He was not alone with his thoughts for long when he heard the sound of footsteps. Eren held back an annoyed groan and looked up to see Forster in front of him.

“Why aren't you hiding in your room?” Floch asked straightforwardly, stopping in front of him.

“Don’t know…” - whispered Eren, dropping his head back, unable to keep it straight.

Floch evidently took pity on the wistful lad and did not answer caustically. Instead, he gingerly settled down beside him. “It's my place, you know.” He hummed.

“What do you mean?” Eren asked, his voice muffled.

“Well... This is usually where I hide out.” Floch admitted.
"This place is surprisingly unpopular with the cadets.”

Eren tilted his head with interest, one eye on the annoying redhead sitting next to him. This time, his face was beautifully framed by the rays of the sun instead of the moon, which made Eren strangely irritated.

“A lot of coincidences lately, don't you think? Everywhere I go, it's you!” Eren grumbled, being down in the dumps.

“I'm not happy about it either, you know!” Floch answered glumly. “I feel like you're stalking me. Yesterday you came to kick my ass on the fucking beach, today you've been staring at me all lunchtime, and now this! I've been coming here for a whole fucking month and it's after all this you decide to came here!Of all the days possible!” Floch scowled, waving his hands vigorously, emphasizing his displeasure.

“Bitch, how the fuck should I know why you're sticking to me like a fucking glue!” Eren replied, finally straightening up.

“It's a question of who's stuck to who!” Floch hissed, squatting down in preparation for the fight.

Eren exhaled. His fists itched to punch the redhead, but on the other hand, he figured the company might not be so bad now.

“Let's just sit in silence then.” Eren suggested, meeting his gaze with Floch who looked shocked at the suggestion.

“Whatever you say, I didn't come here to fight, after all.” He replied, staring somewhere else.

Eren couldn't help but remember the future, however paradoxical it might sound. He saw scraps with Floch, who seemed to be smiling back at him. The hairstyle was different, completely unlike his current one, which made Eren take a long time to believe the reality of these memories.

The fact that at some point in time they would begin to communicate as if they were good friends... intrigued Eren.

He didn’t know what was going to happen to stop Floch from being so arrogant. And what Floch would have to do to make Eren stop seeing him as just an annoying newcomer.

The second point was much easier to answer, though, when the person in question, though being terribly annoying, still as a magnet attracted to himself rays of the sun that reflected so delightfully from his amber eyes, and his hair, giving in to the glow, shone in that rare golden.

“You're staring like a freak again." Floch exhaled, turning his eyes on Eren.

Eren didn't know what to answer, and his neck was already sore enough to twist it sharply once more. Coming to terms with his strange behavior, Eren brushed it all off on their future collaboration, hence camaraderie, and just smiled.

Floch arched an eyebrow, looking incredulous. “Um... Something on my face?” He asked, putting a hand to one of his cheeks.

“No, it's just…” Eren didn't know what to say without sounding strange. “Your hair style is unusual. I can't figure out how you do it, or why you do it.” He finally managed to wriggle out of it, holding back a chuckle.

Floch, surprisingly, blushed a little.

“Well... I don't style my hair, it's just... It’s just the way it is…” Floch was embarrassed, letting him know there was more to it than that.

Eren, intrigued, leaned over slightly and took a closer look at the boy's hair.

“I thought all redheads had freckles, but... you don't seem to have any.” Eren hummed, noticing the boy's jaw, where a faint bruise had blossomed. He felt a very faint prick of guilt. But more upsetting to him was the fact that Floch didn't have any friends who could worry about him or even ask about the bruise.

“And I thought all men of the famous Survey Corps were capable of thinking and making informed decisions, but, as you can see, the world is a cruel place.” Floch grinned.

Eren once again fell for this simple trick and felt a surge of anger.

“Armin is my friend, I wasn't thinking rationally.” He muttered, not realizing the heavy gravity of his words. “After all, it was Levi who made that choice, so go and argue with him if you so need to voice your displeasure!”

Floch didn't answer for a long time.

Eren knew that ginger felt angry and thought that Levi's choice unfair, but found the courage to argue only with Eren or Armin, afraid to confront Ackerman directly.

Eren could imagine the pain Floch is going through, but it is no different than the pain that Armin, Mikasa, Levi, Eren himself and any other soldier goes through as well.
Everyone suffered from this war, and Floch just hasn't gotten over it yet.

Everything will come with time.

“Well, it was a pleasure sitting with you.” Floch quipped, getting up from his seat and walking into the building without turning around.

Once again Eren felt abandoned.

Chapter Text

Eren Yeager has made a lot of mistakes in his life. There were many situations in which he could have done otherwise.. How different would his life have been if his mother had remained alive? Maybe he would still be eager to join the Survey Corps, but on the other hand, he would live with the knowledge that he could always return home, where he was welcome. At home, where a delicious soup with vegetables and poultry would already be on the table. Would his mother have asked about his father's disappearance, would she have guessed? Maybe not, he didn't know. There are many things he doesn’t know about and he can only speculate about how the future he sees will turn into his reality.

Memories came in spurts, though they certainly peaked when he kissed Historia's hand.

Everything was mixed, he sometimes wasn't even able to grasp reality.

It was well into the evening before Hange decided to gather everyone in the dining hall.

Outside the window was the calm of a hot summer day, and the room was cool, even the large number of people did not disrupt the light atmosphere. Someone had already begun to dine, munching on bread and sour chowder. There was a muffled muttering inside. Few people were really paying attention to the commander.

After whispering to one of the cadets, who was the one who discovered the ODM, Hange clapped hands loudly, attracting everyone's attention.

“As we all know, the omni-directional mobility gear was brazenly stolen yesterday, which in itself is incredibly horrible and rude! But after examining the blades a bit, I came to the conclusion that they are a bit dull, which tells us either that there are titans left on the island that are dangerous to us, or that someone decided to destroy those titans that are not a danger to us.” Hange stated too cheerfully to match the content of the words that being said.

Mikasa, who was lurking between Armin and Jean, covered her ears slightly. She looked as if this conversation did not interest her at all, and Hange's excited voice put too much pressure on her eardrums.

Armin, on the other hand, became visibly tense, staring at Eren, who was squirming in his chair.

“I have an idea, actually" said Floch in a calm voice, leaning against the wall near the entrance to the room. Next to him stood a tall, smiling blond man.

Eren, sensing a second of rage, stood up abruptly from his seat.

He was angry a lot; he never tried to contain those feelings in himself. But usually he expressed them in public. Lately, though, he was often angry with himself: in his room, at night, smashing the mirror with his fist, picking up the shards and wishing he could cripple himself deeper, so that he would be scarred, but instantly feeling frustrated by his regeneration. He hoped he could learn to control it, as Reiner had once done.

And it was Floch that was pissing him off now, as it had before. It was as if Eren hadn't changed, as if the world around them remained the same.

“It was me! It was me!” he screamed as if his life depended on it.

There was a silence in the room, heavy and resounding like a silent gong. It was as if time stood still for a few seconds while dozens of eyes turned toward Eren. He sat back in his chair, rubbing his knuckles. It's funny, Eren knows, especially funny on his part, because he can't think of why he told it. He puts his hands down at his sides.

“Ooh! Who'd have thought!” Hange was having fun with a slightly ironic handshake completely unsurprised.

“Eren?” Mikasa murmured, staring at her friend from under her forehead.

“Come on! Tell us more!” Hange asked.

When what was said was truly unstoppable, Eren stopped hesitating and agreed to tell them practically the whole story.

He monotonously recounted how he had wanted to go to the sea and compare it with Armin's book. He did not mention his unkind encounter with Forster, but he told how he was attacked by a titan and what happened next. All in all, without much detail, the story was told and no one seemed particularly doubtful of its authenticity.

“I see, but why did you throw the device away in the middle of a field where it's too easy to spot?” - Jean suddenly asked, teasing Eren a little as before.

“Yeah, and will you please tell us how you fell in the water?” Floch grinned mockingly, in his eyes, despite the distance, was seen a mischievous light.

That confused Eren. Did the ginger asshole want a bunch of soldiers to know how he'd fought the Attack Titan and almost strangled him? How much he didn't care about his reputation anymore that he'd be willing to allow himself to be branded like that...

“Because I tripped over a rock as I got closer to the water, I fell into it ruining the device.” Eren almost growled, not taking his eyes off the smirking Floch. “Then I threw the ODM away, just because it was broken. I didn't think it would be found.”

“You underestimate us.” said the cadet standing next to Hange, who nodded in agreement.

“Well, that's just awful. I think that to prevent this from happening again, all the guys from 104th corps will need to go on an extra scouting trip around the island beyond the walls tomorrow, looking for titans that are dangerous to us!” Hange announced, rubbing her chin thoughtfully as she prepared to leave.

Someone who wasn't from 104th Corps laughed. The rest of us were outraged.

“What?” Jean wailed.

Sasha and Connie groaned in time with each other, looking as displeased as possible.

“It's out of the question. We'll get up at dawn!” Hange threw in one last word as she left the room.

“Well…” smirked Armin, “why didn't you tell us yesterday?” he asked quietly, alluding to himself and Mikasa.

Eren looked at his friends in silence, unable even to feel shame. He used to really hate the fact that their entire friendship had constantly sought to distance them. But now, it seemed strangely natural.

The room, meanwhile, had become lively, now that everyone had a new topic of conversation.

Early in the morning, the few members of the former 104th Training Corps gathered in the front yard of HQ next to the stables, as was the custom.

It was a nice summer weather outside. A cool, slightly rubbery and hay-scented breeze was blowing, and the bright green leaves of the trees were swaying gently. All the people standing there were familiar and close to Eren, so he didn't even feel like he was participating in any kind of punishment. The throbbing of his soul was so insignificant that it was as if he felt at peace, for the first time in a long time.

Some were talking among themselves, some were standing silently, waiting for Hange's signal.

Sasha was trying to steal an apple from Jean that he wanted to feed to his horse, while Connie was laughing at his friends, reminding Sasha that she wasn't such a fruit fanatic and didn’t had to fight Jean so hard.

Armin and Mikasa were standing just behind Eren, talking muffledly about how they might need to drag Eren along on some ride meant just for them. Eren tried to pretend he couldn't hear what they were talking about.

Daz and Sam were saddling their horses.

On the whole, the atmosphere was pleasant. No one was even really mad at Eren. Maybe even grateful in a way. Except for Floch, of course.

The redhead looked sad and furious at the same time. His hand was rubbing the hem of his gray-blue T-shirt, signaling that he clearly didn't like the company of people he found himself in. His lips even quirked in a desire to express his obvious displeasure.

Before Eren could say anything, Jean broke away from Sasha, giving her the apple, and gave Floch a friendly nudge to the side.

“Relax, man, it's better than doing nothing.” Jean smiled encouragingly.

“Oh yeah, it's like I'm in a fairy tale.” Floch replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

As if to save them from the awkward dialogue, Hange walked out of the building, slamming the door loudly.

She took great pleasure in dividing everyone into three groups and sending them off in different directions. West, East, and South.

As everyone settled on their horses, Eren could barely contain his frustrated exhalation. Of course, of all people, he ended up in the group with Floch and Daz. It felt like a strange mockery, because Mikasa and Armin were also in different companies and looked unhappy about that fact. Especially Mikasa.

No one argued, though.

Maybe Hange knew something about that night by the sea. Could she have guessed that Eren and Floch had quarreled at that spot? If that was the way to reconcile them, well, maybe she could, given Eren's visions of Floch. But for now Eren couldn't even imagine how it would come to that.

For several dozen minutes, the trio sat silently in their saddles. The horses paced slowly along the dirt road, field crops surrounding them. Behind the walls, people were already gradually settling in. Farms could be spotted everywhere, and here and there fishermen could be seen fishing on the rivers closest to the wall. All sorts of people who saw the passing soldiers saluted them, smiling broadly. These people were few in number, but each of their smiles warmed the heart. Those smiles were worth fighting for.

They were headed toward the east side, so the rising sun shone directly on them, painting the sky with bright shades of orange and pink.

Eren stubbornly stared ahead of him, deliberately ignoring the other two. He played nervously with the ODM outfit, occasionally feeling the intense stares on his face.

Daz's gaze flickered from Floch to Eren with some concern.

“Guys?” he asked, getting no answer.

They were passing the survey corps stopping point when the tension began to be felt so strongly that even the horses seemed to feel it.

That was the last straw.

“All right, I've had enough!” Eren roared, stopping the horse.

“What's the matter?” Floch grinned, irritating Eren with his ease even more.

“I don't know why you hate me so much, but shove that hate up your ass and talk like a normal person!” Eren raised his voice.

“What? Who says I hate you?” Floch was almost genuinely surprised.

“It's written all over your face!”

“You didn't even look at me the whole trip. Walking all frowning in front of us, how do you know?” Floch's getting angry.

“Uh, honestly, Floch, but you r-really look like you want to strangle h-him..” Daz admitted in a shaky voice.

“Whose side are you on?!” Floch staggered.

“He's on the side of the truth.” Eren grinned, not letting Daz to answer.

This situation quickly turned into a non-serious altercation, which honestly amused Eren.

“What the hell do you want from me?” Floch groaned, getting off his horse.

“Uh, where are you going?” Eren jumped up and jumped down after him.

Instead of answering, Floch took turns looking at Daz and Eren, and walked closer to the stopping point. He stopped beside the well that had been built beside and tossed the bucket into the depths, almost immediately twisting it back out. His ODM rested lightly against the wall of the well, forcing the guy to twist in a rather strange pose.

Eren stepped closer when Floch had already pulled out a bucket full of water.

“W-what are you doing?” Daz asked, voicing Eren's thoughts. They had water to drink with them, which made the redhead's actions seem a little pointless.

Floch silently dipped his head into the bucket. He stood like that for more than ten seconds, which looked alarming. Eren couldn't hold back a surprised breath.

“Do you want to drown yourself?” he chuckled without laughing.

Floch stood up. His hair was wet, and that peculiar nest on the top of his head had become unnoticeable. The redhead's face flushed from the cold water. Sighing heavily, he looked at Eren with fierce anger.

“Are you warm or something?” Eren asked.

Floch's eyes narrowed dangerously, not a good sign. As if on cue, he grabbed the bucket with both hands and yanked it with all the strength he had, so that the icy water flew straight at Eren.

“What the fuck?!” Eren screamed, instantly wrapping his arms around himself.

“What? I thought you were hot, and just decided to help..” Shrugged Floch, barely hiding a smirk. He put the bucket down and headed back to the horse with light steps.

Daz looked shocked, but it was noticeable that he could barely hide his laughter, angering Eren even more.

“I wasn't fucking hot!” growled Eren into the back of Floch, who had already climbed onto the saddle of the anxious horse.

“And I don't hate you.” said Floch, encouraging the horse to move.

That instantly shut Eren up.

Subsequently, the ride surprisingly was no longer as strenuous. Eren, though shivering from the cold, still felt a little lighter.

Sometimes the trio even exchanged light phrases, though there was no full-fledged dialogue. The Titans were nowhere to be found, so after several hours of searching, Eren, Floch, and Daz decided it was time to go home.

On their return, neither group found any titans, which greatly upset Hange.

///

After a few weeks, Paradis managed to establish contact with Marley, from where the titans had been sent all along. Elena and Onyankopon, their newfound allies, proved surprisingly kind. And with a little help from intimidation by the power of the Attack Titan, a few others, though reluctant, also joined in this unofficial treaty between them.

It seemed that life on the island was finally beginning to settle down.

But the most unexpected in this relationship was Zeke. Eren's paternal brother. No one was particularly happy about it, especially Levi and... Floch.

Naturally, they didn't like the fact that the man who had killed one hundred and ninety-nine of their comrades, including Erwin, was now their so-called ally. Yes, they had not seen him in person, since his words were only relayed to them by Elena, but the pain and rage was palpable. It was hard to accept that they now had to trust Zeke. At the same time, it was necessary; it was almost the only thing they had left. It was a chance to connect with the rest of the world.

Eren, understanding all this, simply did not know how to feel. There was a growing lack of clarity among his companions, few of whom expressed their thoughts accurately about what was happening. Everyone just seemed to accept it.

Eren last saw Zeke the day Shiganshina returned. It was a painful memory, for then he was certain that his best friend Armin was dead.

Now, with the juxtaposition of some future and present events, Eren was confused. He remembered that he would be involved in a conversation with Zeke in a strange setting, to say the least. His vision was limited, as if one of his eyes were covered by something. Gradually, he would remember everything and it would start to make sense, but at the moment it was too strange. Why would he want to see Zeke... Was it for…

That's right, Zeke was a shifter of royalty. It was frightening, because it was a last resort plan.

Eren shook his head, getting rid of unnecessary thoughts and memories. What mattered now was the new project that Hange had good-naturedly initiated them into, making them work in the sweat.

Today was the first day of construction of the railroad, which, alas, almost everyone was involved in, and which in the long run meant enormous technological progress for Paradise. Though this undertaking promised to linger for years, given how extensive the construction was.

Hange looked absolutely happy and mentored the soldiers, who had only two duties from now on: building and a little patrolling.

During the break, Connie, Sasha, and Jean had a rock-throwing battle.

Mikasa, Armin, and Eren settled down nearby under the shade of the cart. It was a terribly hot day, and the guys were all two shades tanned. Mikasa tried unsuccessfully to cool herself off with fan-like movements with her hands. For Armin it was a little lighter than for his best friends thanks to the blond hair, though it still didn't save him from sweating.

Eren finished the last of the water from his bottle, wishing he could go back to his room and stand under a cold shower.

“Do you need more water?” Mikasa asked, holding out her bottle, which was more than half full.

“Nah, thanks.” Eren brushed it aside, turning his gaze to the other group of friends.

Jean was apparently winning this uphill battle, as Connie lay motionless on the sand and Sasha quickly ran away. But maybe Connie passed out just from the sun overheating his bald head.

Eren chuckled quietly.

“Hey! What are you doing, we're on break!” shouted a satisfied Jean winner, turning to Floch who was stubbornly installing sleepers.

Floch did not reply, and Eren could not help but wonder whether it was because he was working tirelessly. Maybe he was trying to forget himself, feeling lonely among other people's friends.

“Hey! Forster!” Jean called out again, stepping over Connie and taking a pair of pebbles as big as half a child's palm in his hand.

Floch visibly tensed but remained silent, hammering into the board a nail that had long since been hammered in.

Jean had no intention of giving up. Eren noticed that lately he and Floch had sort of begun to make contact. They had similar attitudes and even behavior, which was even a little bit, because Floch thanks to this spontaneous connection was no longer as detached from the others as before, and therefore might become less annoying.

Jean swung and threw the stone, hitting Forster right on the back.

There was silence for an agonizingly long couple of seconds before Floch dropped the hammer and wrapped his arms around his face. A muffled sound, remotely resembling a sob, was heard. Eren jumped up from his seat, running toward the boys.

“Forster?” Jean called confusedly.

Floch was curled up, muttering something. His back shook in time with his rapid breathing.

“What did you do?!” Eren shouted, turning to Jean.

Jean shrugged his shoulders, looking genuinely perplexed, which made Eren with great willpower yet muffle his sudden anger.

“Ow ow ow!” Hange’s voice was heard, "Jean, did you seriously throw a rock at him?” she asked from her seat in the cart without even bothering to get up.

“Y-yes…” Jean answered.

“Oh! Don't you know? Oh, well, I'll explain later. Sam, calm him down!” she ordered, drawing Samuel to the event who at this time quietly stroked his horse, unaware of what is happening.

“Huh? Again?” he was surprised, glancing at Floch, that he hadn't changed his position, “Ok, one s---”

“I'll do it!” Eren interrupted, taking a seat next to Floch.

“Eren!” Mikasa called.

“Do you know how?” Hange asked, getting no answer, “Well. As you wish, Attack Titan. Then the break is over for the rest of us!” she announced, taking a red apple in her hand and taking a big bite out of it.

Sasha joined Jean in expressing her displeasure, and Connie struggled to get up, asking about what had happened. Jean was in a stupor, glancing at Eren.

”I-it's okay.” Eren whispered, trying to look in Floch’s eyes. Apparently, the tactic of convincing him that everything was okay didn't work when objectively nothing was good.

“Everything we went through back then... For the sake of that fucking beast to become our ally?” Floch muttered, “He'll kill us all, you know. He's a monster. This time we're all going to die, we don't stand a chance... He wouldn't let…” he raised his voice, sounding as if someone had driven a sharpened glass across his throat causing a lot of pain.

Eren almost recoiled at the intensity of the guy's voice, which sounded as haggard as Eren had ever heard anyone.

“You mean Erwin?” Eren asked cautiously, still not fully understanding the reason for this panic.

Floch grinned bitterly, removing his hands from his face. They were trembling madly.

”Floch, I wanna understand you..” Eren admitted quietly, touching one of Floch's hands for a moment. His palm was painfully cold and clammy, despite the heat outside.

“Eren, they're all dead.” Floch answered in a voice empty of emotion, his hands trembling violently, “I haven't changed a damn thing. Why did I survive? Tell me why it was me and not him? Why I'm still alive if it's all going to fuck up anyway?”

Eren couldn't hold back a surprised sigh. Floch's feelings were insanely familiar, so much so that it felt tight and painful in his chest. It wasn't pleasant. He didn't like seeing himself in someone.

“You're wrong about one thing.” Eren shook his head, recalling some fragments from the future where he knew and saw exactly how Floch had been transformed and how self-assured he seemed to have become, “All is not lost for us. You can see how life on the island is starting to get better. Hell, we're even building a goddamn railroad, man, ain't that cool?” Eren spoke confidently, raising his voice slightly from the whispers. A slight smile graced his dry lips as he gazed intently into Forster's eyes.

Floch didn't look like he believed those words, but the trembling of his limbs diminished considerably, which Eren counted as his small victory. Tears began to accumulate in Forster's eyes, and Yeager's heart snapped unpleasantly at the sight, almost putting him on edge.

“Maybe want some water?” he asked, holding back his own tears, for which he found no justification in himself.

Floch raised his head quietly, revealing red inflamed eyes and nodded briefly. Eren ran briskly over to Mikasa, taking her offered bottle, quickly thanked her and walked back. Floch, in those brief seconds, had already managed to straighten up and even come to his senses. Though fear was still evident in his facial features. Eren handed him water, which the redhead eagerly drank. Eren noticed that Floch's personal bottle lay empty beside him. How long had he been thirsty?

“Would you like to take a rest? After all, you haven't had a break.” Eren offered, offering Floch a hand to lean on.

When their hands touched for the second time, Floch's palm was much warmer than before. It felt so much nicer. But Eren quickly pushed that embarrassing idea to the back of his mind.

“Sounds good." Floch nodded, staring at one of the wagons.

Eren understood and led the boy there.

“Would you like an apple? Or maybe a pear?” Eren asked affectionately, letting himself have the behavior of a caring mother. Even if this behavior, especially from Mikasa, pissed him off terribly.

“Apple is fine" Floch replied, leaning against the side of the wagon. He looked awfully tired and uncomfortable. He was clearly unpleasant that his panic attack had been taken care of by none other than Eren Yeager, whom he seemed to have nearly drowned recently. Almost twice, if it counted.

Eren took one of the apples that were in the bag lying on the cart and wiped it with his T-shirt, though he knew he wasn't really cleaning it that way. He handed the apple to Floch, receiving only a faint nod in return.

That was the end of his work in general, and Eren with a sense of accomplishment returned to his seat where he had many, many more nails to hammer.

Mikasa and Armin stared at the guy in silence and shock.

Eren's hand reached up to his neck, rubbing it awkwardly.

“Huh, well. Let's get to work.” he hummed, avoiding his friends' gaze, turning away from them and the world.

Chapter Text

With the morning sunshine and the rhythmic singing of birds, Eren got out of bed without sleeping a minute.

Thoughts, memories, and trivial fear consumed his nightly routine, preventing his brain and heart from settling down to drift into a world of dreams. In spite of this, Eren did not feel sluggish; his titan power must have played a part.
Eren stretched himself sweetly and opened the window, letting the fresh and warm summer air in. It was hot, but the light breeze, though warm, was refreshing and took away all unnecessary worries, leaving only peace. In the daily grind, it's easy to forget that he and Armin were suicide bombers. Armin had only twelve years to live and Eren only seven.

It was a catastrophically short period of time for people who knew the exact date of their death. Eren already understood what he had to do to make his last years really have weight. But it would have to wait until putting it off was no longer an option. At least half of his remaining time could be spent in supposed tranquility.

Which, of course, did not help him much.

After all, with each passing hour reality was hitting him harder and the corrosive feeling in his chest was only becoming more painful.

Eren's enjoyment of the fresh air was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Are you awake?” Armin's voice sounded, "Let's go to breakfast. They promised us some kind of assignment today.”

Eren turned around with interest, the heaviness in his chest receding into the background. Guesswork took over his head. Inwardly begging that it not be road construction, Eren nodded to himself and began to change his clothes.

The assignment turned out to be... chopping down trees.

“Well, it seems that the survey corps is pretty useless now that all we are good for is chopping trees and hammering nails!” Jean was indignant as he walked along with Eren, Sasha, and a couple of other new cadets who were talking amongst themselves and not even trying to make contact with the veterans.

“I like it though, it's not bad!” Sasha smiled, looking around carefully for some animals.

“Easy for you to say, you're not dragging a wagon.” Jean grunted, twitching his shoulder, causing the wagon, which contained several axes and saws, to sway and rattle.

Eren decided not to insert his two cents into this dialogue and silently thanked Hange for the fact that they were here without horses and ODM. It was all strangely refreshing. It even gave the impression that they were ordinary people living an unremarkable life. Almost.

The morning chill and dampness had already completely disappeared, leaving behind an unpleasant heat. The shadows from behind the trees were creeping up. There were many beasts lurking in the forest - wolves and elk, hares and wild boars. Sasha would sometimes run away to try to catch them, luckily for the animals, she didn't have a bow with her.

It didn't take long for a familiar face to appear before them.

“Oh. Hi!” Armin was in front of them, waving cheerfully. Behind him, Mikasa was smiling at Eren.

“Huh? You were going the other way, weren't you?” Jean wondered as he abandoned the wagon and walked a fair distance away, casting a hinting look at Eren, who only rolled his eyes in response.

“Hmm... I guess one of us got a little lost.” Armin smirked, rolling out a large map with a distinct red marker in front of it.

“Probably us.” said one of the soldiers, who had been walking with Eren and Jean's group the whole time. He looked sullen, his blond hair sticky from the high air temperature.

“Hey!" There was a disgruntled shout from Connie, coming from the other side. Floch, Sam and Daz were following him.

“Wim, Holger.” Floch greeted the named boys as he passed Eren, who involuntarily straightened up.

They smiled back, patting him on the shoulder and discussing something that Eren couldn't catch because of how hard Jean had yanked on his shoulder.

“So maybe we should all cut down trees together here, then?” Daz arched an eyebrow.

“And then why were we divided into two groups?” Sasha asked reasonably.

“Okay, that's not really important. Trees are the same everywhere.” Armin suggested awkwardly, getting incredulous looks in return.

“No way! I couldn't get lost, it was you! I know this forest like the back of my hand!” Jean said proudly, saluting with one hand.

“Yeah, for real...” Sam muttered.

Eren caught himself thinking that he wasn't particularly pleased with the fact that they ended up together. On the contrary, the fewer people around him, the better. They shouldn't have trusted Jean to work the map.

Exhaling doomfully, he turned to grab his axe from the wagon, but stopped when he felt a lot of heavy stares.

“М?” Eren turned around to look at everyone in response, and stopped at Mikasa, whose eyebrows were slightly drawn together.

“You haven't said anything at all in, like, forty minutes since we entered the woods, are you okay, man?” Jean asked.

Now literally everyone was looking at Eren. Feeling the accumulation of sweat on his neck, Eren coughing awkwardly and shrugging his shoulders.

“I dunno, what is there to say?”

His friends looked at each other incredulously, but still seemed to take it as an answer and relaxed.

Gradually, there was a tool in everyone's hand. Someone had even begun to chop down one of the low trees. Armin, assuming a kind of leadership, held a leather-bound notebook in his hands, controlling the work of others and telling them who was doing what.

Eren settled down on the stump of the first tree he felled, glancing from time to time at Floch, who had very suddenly become friends with Wim and Holger. It was only yesterday that Eren was sure he didn't have any friends…
Eren, though, felt something between joy and embarrassment at this fact, and he himself didn't understand why it bothered him so much.

“Eren, get up.” Mikasa called out, tugging at the shoulder of the boy lurking under the tree.

“Ah?” Eren smirked, not bothering to look up at his sis.

“Let's go, we need to cut down that tree.” Mikasa grabbed her brother under the shoulder, lifting him out of his seat. With her free hand, she pointed to a nearby spruce.

Eren exhaled again, spontaneously feeling slightly dizzy. Resigned to his fate, he struggled to pick up the saw that meant for two people from the ground and offered one of its ends to Mikasa. She quickly grabbed the instrument and mapped out a spot on the spruce for the saw. And so, swaying from side to side, they slowly but surely sawed through the wood.

Mikasa kept her insistent gaze on Eren.

“Um, guys, we've got a food cart, and I think a lot of people are getting hungry, aren't we. We could have a lunch break, don’t you think?” Armin's voice came up.

Eren exhaled, feeling grateful.

“Just a little longer.” Mikasa nodded, picking up her pace, which only made Eren more dizzy. The rapid motion made him feel nauseous, too.

Finally, the spruce began to fall. Eren dropped the saw, putting his hand to his head.

“I'm gonna take a piss, will be back later." he said to Mikasa before he walked briskly away in the opposite direction from the others.

Hiding behind one of the huge trees, Eren grabbed his head, trying to recover his rapid breathing. The nausea gradually went away.

Suddenly, he heard a rustling noise nearby.

Assuming it must be Mikasa, Eren got up with a crunch in his knees and went to the source of the sound.

Contrary to expectation, he encountered Floch.

- Huh, I've got to stop being surprised," Floch snorted, stopping.

Eren stared at the guy in silence, as if he couldn't quite believe it was really him. His hair... looked different.

“Hey, I didn't bump into you on purpose, man, I never even wanted to see anyone” Floch folded his arms across his chest, looking disgruntled. He puffed his cheeks slightly and squinted his eyes, looking ready to leave at any moment.

“Wait..!" Eren almost shouted, feeling a sudden fear, "I...”

Floch slowly unfolded his arms and stared questioningly at the guy.

“Anyway. Let's sit for a while, like we did once before.” Eren blurted out, feeling a tingling sensation in his neck area. “If you don't mind, of course.”

“Um...” Floch looked around, as if surveying the area for other people in the vicinity, “All right. Let's sit down, then.”

Eren nodded, inviting Floch to sit where he himself was a moment ago - under a giant tree that could easily hide two large men or three small ones.

“Well...” Floch fidgeted awkwardly, “I guess I should thank you for yesterday.”

“Ah?”

“For... For helping me to calm down...”

“Ah. I thought you'd be mad, actually…” Eren admitted, not meeting his gaze with the close sitting guy.

“Huh, and all I ever did before was throw cold water on you, just from how much you pissed me off.” Floch reminded good-naturedly, “So it’s more amazing that you actually helped me.”

“Well, yeah, well, that was weird of me...”

Floch grinned in surprise, prompting Eren to look at him after all, causing the tingling in his neck to increase.

“Ehh?”

“Look, I don't care who calms me down. Especially since you handled it better than Sam. Thanks anyway.” Floch smiled, the sun as if by chance it had softened his features again, “I haven't had a panic attack in a long time, and I almost didn't think I'd have one anymore.” Floch added after a moment's thought.

Eren pondered his words, distracted only slightly by the way the sun's rays hit Floch's eyes, causing him to wrinkle unhappily.

“You're welcome, Forster.” He said as he exhaled, closing his eyes and gathering his thoughts. “In fact, there's something I want you to know...”

“What’s that?”

“If...” Eren took a deep breath, preparing for the consequences of his words, “If I could go back in time, I would still fight for Armin.” For some reason he felt compelled to admit it.

Floch hummed thoughtfully. Eren opened his eyes fearfully, meeting a cheerful Forster.

“I know.” he shrugged, “Not that it matters. The choice was Levi's anyway, like you said.”

“But... But you're so mad at me.” Eren wondered.

“I was angry.” Floch corrected gently, “But not because you influenced Levi's choice or anything, but because you're such a sentimental dumbass. So are all of you. Except maybe Jean.”

After these words, so simply thrown by Floch, Eren failed to carefully control his jaw muscles, causing his mouth to open slightly.

“Hah.” Eren whispered faintly, staring blankly at the guy.

For several insanely long seconds, maybe even minutes, Eren stared at Floch's face in silence, not even bothering to cover his mouth.

“What, my beauty can't even make your mouth shut?” Floch arched an eyebrow in mockery.

Eren, to his amazement, could not deny it. He covered his mouth, though, and turned his head toward himself. “New hairstyle?” he said instead.

“Thank you for this great discovery, Yeager.”

“How did you get rid of that awful bundle?” Eren inquired earnestly.

“The mighty power of the comb.” Floch winked.

Eren's stomach rumbled at the request to fill it. If he remembered correctly, he hadn't eaten in a couple of days. It was hard to keep track of that when his mind was a mess of events. That must have been the cause of the nausea.

“Shit, go eat.” Floch arched an eyebrow.

“What about you?” Eren asked, getting up from his seat.

“I'm fine here.” – the redhead shrugged, lifting his head to look at Eren.

“Aren't you hungry...?” Eren let out a sigh as he swallowed.

For some reason unknown to him, sweat began to collect profusely on the back of his neck.

Floch shrugged again, but said nothing, keeping his gaze steady.

Eren seemed to nod, and quickly left the place, not fully aware of his actions. He was quickly greeted by Mikasa, handing him a meat and vegetable sandwich. Behind her, there was practically a feast, everyone talking animatedly and chewing loudly. The food looked surprisingly appetizing.

“There is also soup and fried fish. It seems to be from Niccolo.” Mikasa explained monotonously, bringing Eren closer to the others.

“Yep! Niccolo-chan is so talented!!!” Sasha shouted with her mouth full, tears came to her eyes from enjoying the food.

“Niccolo? Is this the prisoner that cooks for the port?” Eren interrogated, watching Sasha with a slight smile.

“He’s not a prisoner for ya! He’s da best cook in da world!” - Sasha blushed, either because of the delicious fish, or because of personal sympathy to this great chef.

“Yeah, whatever, but do not forget that I come right after him.” Jean smirked.

“Are you going to remember that eating contest for the rest of your life?” Connie frowned, grabbing some strange orange fruit from the basket.

“Sasha's meat won objectively; you must have put something in your omelet!” Sam said, apparently still grateful for Sasha saving his life.

Of course, it was the perfect time to ruin it. Eren squeezed his eyes shut, disgusted by the feelings that would come his way in the future. Once again, memories came flooding back at him in an avalanche-they crammed together, swiftly succeeded each other, and then suddenly receded into the background, leaving only one thing in his mind.

His friends... will go against him.

Eren opened his eyes and looked at Mikasa, who was calmly eating her sandwich. With a shake of his head, Eren didn't hesitate long to grab enough food for two people and duck out of the way of his friends, who seemed to be shouting something at him.

It didn't matter, because none of them followed him, even though he didn't stop them.

He quickly found where Floch was lying relaxed and threw a sandwich and some fruit at him.

“Аrgh.. What the fuck?!” Floch grunted, getting up on one arm, but then falling back down again.

“Lunch.”

“Did I fucking ask you to feed me?” Floch grumbled, taking the food from his stomach in his hands.

“If you don't eat for a long time, you get nauseous. And when you nauseous you don't want to eat. Eventually - death.” Eren said, taking a seat beside.

“Since when are you my mommy?” Forster squinted his eyes, peering suspiciously at the orange, round things they didn't recognize. “What's that?”

“I'm not your mom, I just don't want you to die, okay?” Eren frowned, “It's some kind of fruit, I guess. Maybe a vegetable, though.”

“Why do you give a fuck if I die or not” Floch laughed, “And how do you eat that fruit or whatever?”

“Your life was saved for a reason.” Yeager fidgeted in place, grabbing one of the fruit-vegetables in his hand, “Let's find out how you eat that.”

This time, Floch didn't respond in any way. He sat down in silence, put the sandwich in his lap, and took the remaining orange thing. Eren rubbed his own through his shirt and tried to take a bite, instantly coughing and spitting and tasting the meat on his tongue. He wished he had brought water with him.

“Kinda looks like a tangerine.” Floch suggested, trying to pry the rind off with his thumbnail.

Eren nodded in agreement. “Oh.” he grinned as he took a few more bites and finally tasted the sweetness of the fruit.

Eventually, both boys began to nibble on the delicate and blissfully delicious fruit.

“Well, it certainly smells strange.” Floch summed it up “But taste is good for real.”

Eren spit out the seeds and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, instantly regretting it because it was all sticky.

“You smell weird too.” he blurted out, looking away.

“Like that fruit?” Floch asked perplexedly, sniffing at his shirt.

“N-not really. You smell like milk or something.” shrugged Eren.

“What...?” The redhead froze in place.

Eren dropped his head to his knees, frustrated by his inability to keep his mouth shut.

“Well... I mean, I kinda drink milk every morning or some. But, uh... How did you even smell that?” Floch was confused, with his back to the tree.

Eren was uncomfortable with how hot his cheeks were. “I don't know. You just smell like milk. And that... yummy stuff.” mumbled Eren to himself in his hands, which he covered his face with. “I'm not saying it's an unpleasant smell. It's just a bit of an odd combination.”

“Hmm, well..” snickered Floch.

After the fever in his cheeks subsided slightly, Eren slowly lifted his head to meet Floch, who was indefinitely spinning a sandwich in his hands.

“You shouldn't have eaten the fruit first.” Eren smirked slightly.

“I guess.” Floch smiled back, and that was all it took for Eren to feel a little more cheerful than usual.

His cheeks were still flushed, but it wasn't unpleasant anymore. With a feeling of warmth in his chest, Eren rose to his feet.

“I think lunch break is over.” and with those words, he left without waiting for an answer.

He was afraid he might do something he would regret again.

Despite the brief relief after his conversation with Floch, it didn't take long for Eren to feel relaxed.

In fact, Eren felt very sick.

He was nauseous after eating, and his temples were cramping in unbelievable pain. He even wanted to cry. The weight of the coming choice still managed to completely engulf his mind, leaving nothing else to do.

Armin and Mikasa were sitting next to each other, talking muffledly about something. It seemed that they were going to go to the sea and swim.

The sea...

Eren dropped his head to his knees, his arms slumped motionless at the sides of his body. Mikasa, smiling, suggested that no one else should be invited to their day off, that only the three of them would enjoy the sea, just like in the old days. Perhaps they had discussed this idea before, Eren couldn't remember exactly. A sense of dejavu enveloped him.

Eren's jaw was cramping with the immense force of the squeeze. He wanted to empty his stomach. There was blood in front of his eyes, the smell of it as if it had reached his nose.

“Do you agree, Eren?” Armin asked in a cheerful voice, gently placing his hand on his friend's shoulder.

Eren nodded, not daring to unclench his jaws. His teeth were beginning to ache. A tremendous amount of death. His fault. Too many visions at one time. He couldn't take it.

But he had to, didn't he? Otherwise, everything he'd been through wouldn't make any sense.

With some effort, Eren lifted his head, turning his gaze to his best friends, who quickly shifted and pretended they hadn't been watching him the whole time.

“Are you sure you're full?” Mikasa asked, frowning slightly.

Suppressing a bitter chuckle, Eren shook his head, getting up from his seat and suggesting that they continue chopping trees.

So, in empty, stifling silence, two or three hours passed. Gradually it began to get dark, and Armin, having organized the others, suggested they return to headquarters.

“Does he think that because he got the serum over Erwin, that makes him commander?” There was a whisper of dissatisfaction.

Eren's insides clenched unpleasantly. He didn't know what to feel. There was a bloody desert before his eyes, filled only with painful screams.

And Armin... For the umpteenth time, he pretended not to hear the murmuring and led his friends with a smile. Connie and Sasha were chatting loudly about something, while Jean broke away from his group and joined Eren.

“You've been so gloomy lately. But you've peaked today. What’s the matter?” Kirstein asked him sincerely.

Somewhere in the background Mikasa and Armin looked at each other nervously, Eren tried not to pay attention to them.

“What do you think, Jean. What happened?” Eren smiled crookedly, "Maybe a hundred and ninety-nine of our comrades died not so long ago? Or maybe my titan's power gives me a lot more inconvenience than you imagine?” he pressed on unexpectedly.

Jean walked beside him in awkward silence for some time.

Mikasa almost stopped to say something, but she was interrupted by Armin grabbing her arm.

“You mean your life term? That you have less than seven years left? Look, man, we're all death row in here.” Jean shrugged, but there was clearly a nervous sweat on his face. “Anyway, I'm sure we'll find an antidote or something, so don't sweat it. You can count on us, you know.” Jean grinned tautly, obviously regretting having started this conversation in the first place.

Eren decided not to answer and nodded silently, hopefully not too lusciously grateful. He slowed his pace, lest he walk beside Kirstein and anyone else who would cast pitying glances at him.

So, in complete silence, after about thirty minutes, they finally arrived at the stopping base, where the horses were waiting for them. Hange, Levi, or anyone else wasn't around, so once again Armin decided to take matters into his own hands, even though there was no pressing need to do so. Still, he looked a lot more uncomfortable than before.

Armin made it clear which soldiers to sit on which horse, and who would be in charge of the carriage. No one really argued.

Eren, still ignoring everyone around him, was suddenly grateful that Armin had set him up on the wagon. He nestled himself in the very corner, relaxing on the cold tree. There were birds chirping in the distance, which he decided to focus on.

He was alone in this wagon. The other soldiers were either driving horses or sitting in groups in other wagons.

“Thanks, Armin.” Eren grinned, closing his eyes and giving himself up to a long-awaited sleep.
...

...

Eren was well aware that he was in a dream world.

He was wandering along the shore of the ocean, or the sea, it didn't matter. His bare feet were gently enveloped in the breeze, and the water tickled his toes lightly.

It was surprisingly clear and sensual for a dream, but Eren knew for a fact that it was not a memory. For in visions of the future, the past, and even the present, he had never felt so alienated.

The very sea he had dreamed of all his life no longer made him feel anything but disgusted. Eren walked in the opposite direction from the shore, not recognizing the place he was in. Bells could be heard in the distance, as if calling out for sorrow with their ringing.

Death was needed to get justice. Eren looked up, but the sky was empty. So many thoughts ran through his head, sad and unbearable, but with a brief glimpse of the sky, everything else disappeared.

The emptiness.

“Hey!" there was a piercing scream.

Eren opened his eyes with an exhalation, wrinkling momentarily from the light of the setting sun.

“Sasha...” he grunted, gently pushing the girl's face away from him.

“Here we are!” she smiled.

Eren realized belatedly that she was leading his wagon. Nodding indecisively, he stood up from his seat, feeling a pain in his lower back.

The nausea passed.

As he looked around, he mentally noted some of the absentees. Apparently, he woke up when most of them had already done their work and left.

“Are we free to go?” Eren asked.

“Yeah, you were supposed to help carry the logs, but seeing you sleeping we took pity on ya.” Sasha scratched her cheek as she jumped off the wagon after Yeager.

“Did Hange say anything?”

“Nope.”

With a sniffle, Eren headed to his room, kindly allotted to him personally, while the others had to cram in and share them several at a time.

On the way, Armin grabbed his arm.

“Tomorrow morning after sunrise, we meet here and go ashore, okay?” he asked excitedly, his hand sticky and hot. Waiting for Eren to nod back, Armin smiled and continued, "Don't forget to bring extra underwear and a snack.” he chuckled, finding something very funny in that phrase that Eren didn't share.

Nodding once more, he left.

All that awaited him next was another dream filled with emptiness.

Chapter Text

Morning came quickly, given the lack of visions or dreams.

Looking out the window, which had been open since the previous day, Eren was met with a view of the earlier morning. The sun had just begun to rise, and the morning was cool and uncomfortable. The clouds seemed to be gathering together, heralding rain.

Eren hummed, wondering if this would mean cancelling any plans his friends had. He closed the window and decided to treat his empty stomach to a cup of tea or coffee. He left the room, heading for the kitchen.

It was relatively spacious and was designed for easy cooking and quick snacks. A stone stove took up most of the space, and there were several barrels of water beside it. In the corner was a small table with four chairs, two of which were already occupied in spite of the early morning.

Two guys lurked silently at a table, one of them, with blond hair, lazily running a strand of his bangs between his fingers.

“Oh, Eren.” the tall, blond man snorted, sticking out his bulging, pointy nose.

“Hi.” Eren weakly replied, feeling embarrassed that he had forgotten their names.

He remembers these guys in the back of his mind. Next to the blond sat a slightly shorter guy, with dark hair and a piercing look.

“I'm Wim, he's Holger.” the dark-haired man introduced himself as if he had read Eren’s mind.

Eren nodded, remembering. These are friends of Floch's, it seems.

He turned toward the kettle, happy to find it full. Putting it to warm in the kitchen stove, which was still lit for some reason, Eren ventured over and sat down next to the suspiciously silent soldiers. It was summer heat, and the heat from the fire didn't help.

“But water in the kettle is warm” Holger arched an eyebrow, lifting his mug.

Eren squinted his eyes, automatically looking at the kettle, the water in which had already gradually begun to turn gaseous, signaling a boil.

“I guess for me its temperature was barely warm” Eren shrugged, imagining the heat forming inside his titan.

“Hot guy, huh?” Holger joked, taking a bite out of an apple.

“Probably..” Eren laughed nervously, pouring hot water into a glass he'd found next to the water barrel.

“It's Floch's glass” Wim pointed out.

Eren slowly turned in their direction, somehow feeling too excited by this news.

“It's no big deal” a new voice said.

Floch Forster came into the kitchen.

A fresh, cool breeze blew from the open door after him, slightly easing the heat inside the room. He was in his night clothes. A light, padded-looking sweatshirt and casually large pants of the same white color. He reeked of a strange coziness.

“H-Hi.” Eren lowered his head.

“Hello, everybody.” Floch smiled almost sweetly as he sat down next to Holger. “God, it's hot in here.”

“Well, the window does not open. The designers of this room suck.” Holger snorted as he finished his apple. Floch chuckled slightly in response but showed his displeasure.

“How did you sleep?” Wim asked, momentarily losing his attention to Yeager.

“Could have been better, you know.” Floch waved, turning to Eren, “Are you going to stand there with my mug? Or are you changing your mind about tea?” he grinned sarcastically.

Eren shook his head in disagreement, but still didn't budge.

Floch arched an eyebrow incredulously. He got up, picked some herbs from a shelf that gave off a pleasant aroma, and poured them into Eren's mug.

“People don't usually drink empty boiling water. Sit down.” Floch nudged Yeager subtly by the shoulder toward the table, where there was an empty seat.

Obediently Eren sat down next to him and shrank a little.

“Oh, fuck, I forgot.” Floch hissed, getting up again and this time leaving the room entirely.

Holger arched an eyebrow, asking a mute question.

“He promised to let us taste the peaches.” Wim explained.

“Peaches?” Eren asked quietly, remotely feeling interested.

“Yeah. His family seems to have grown them.” nodded Wim, finishing his drink and putting the mug down on the table loudly.

“Oh, that's right. His sister came to see him the other day.” Holger remembered, putting his cheek on his fist.

Sister? Eren shrank back even more, though it seemed impossible.
He knew so little.

“Why are you so nervous?” Holger wondered, lowering his head, trying to look into Yeager's eyes. “Don't worry, bud, we’re all friends here, so to say."

Eren was saved from answering by Floch himself, who returned with a wide excited smile and hands full of rich pink-red fruits.

“I couldn't find the basket or something”, he exhaled and let the peaches fall onto the table. They predictably began to roll in different directions, but thanks to the deft hands of the soldiers nothing managed to fall. “Yeager, take some too, I'm generous today.” Floch continued to smile, putting his hands on his sides in a proud pose.

“Wow, I thought they were smaller.” Wim's eyes widened as he eagerly grabbed one of the fruits.

“Yeah, my sis sure loves me. Just hurry up and eat it. The others will be here soon.” Floch warned, taking his seat. “Yeager, are you going to drink or not?”

Eren didn't feel nauseous, but he knew for sure that he couldn't drink the fragrant drink completely without consequences.
He shrugged and took the first sip. It was delicious.

“Do you like milk?” Floch asked.

“I guess I do.” Finally, Eren answered in a voice, raising his head.

“I usually add milk, it tastes even better. Would you like some?” Floch offered, rising from his seat for the umpteenth time.

“Damn, you’re so restless.” Holger laughed.

“God!” Wim, sitting next to him, was gorging on his first-ever peach with great gusto. His eyes glittered. “It tasted so fucking good.”

“I told ya.” Floch twiddled his thumb as he grabbed some fresh milk off the shelf, “Here. I'll tell you this, Yeager, the mystery of good milk is to come to the kitchen early in the morning when the milkmaids are just bringing it in. People don't pay taxes for nothing. This shit tastes insanely good.” Floch smiled, eliciting a flood of mixed feelings in Eren.

Forster stepped dangerously close to Eren, leaning in.

“Tell me when you've had enough.” Floch squinted his eyes mischievously, lifting the jug of milk over the mug.

Eren nodded. The air grew hotter, and his skin tingled as if under the bright sun.

Floch began slowly adding milk to the glass, biting his lower lip. Eren endured what seemed like a long time. The stream of milk flowed so slowly that the boy's cheekbones cramped and sweat broke out on his forehead.

“Enough!” He shouted so loudly that Floch flinched and was lucky not to spill milk all over the place.

“Geez..” Floch exhaled, rising from his seat, “Don't scare me like that, or you’ll have to deal with my panic attack again.” Floch laughed nervously, passing the milk to Holger, who also looked alarmed.

Wim spit out a bone that fell to the table with a thud, prompting Eren to raise his head fully and look anxiously at Floch. “I'm sorry.” he apologized sincerely.

“Whatever.” Floch scratched the back of his head, “Better try this tea.”

Eren nodded and sipped a large quantity of the drink at a time. It was faintly warm, but no less subtle, with a hint of bergamot and other herbs whose taste was overshadowed by a mild, barely perceptible sweet, salty milk.

Eren blissfully sipped a couple more times before the familiar nausea began to creep under his insides.

“It's... very tasty.” Eren licked his lips, gazing reverently at the self-satisfied Floch.

“There's your new suitor, Floch.” Holger grinned.

“My replacement since I don't like milk.” Wim leaned back in his chair.

“But now you like peaches a lot.”

Floch was watching them with a smile which pleased Eren. Floch seemed to be gradually recovering from the Shiganshina.

Despite his nausea, Eren tried to drink his tea in full, not wanting to upset such a radiant redhead. The sunlight fell on Floch’s face again, gently enveloping his features, reminding Eren of the time of day. He glanced out the window, noting with regret that the sun was almost up, and the clouds were slowly beginning to part.

“You must have got up early for a reason” Wim said.

“Unless, of course, you're just like Floch, who gets up for tasty milk from under a cow.” joked Holger, with a sly grin, taking a bite from a peach.

“I don't get up just for that, you idiot.” Floch frowned, continuing to stand beside Eren, who sadly felt the nausea building up.

He urgently needed to get some fresh air. He stood up, finding himself close to Floch's face and noticing that he'd gotten a little taller since the last time they'd stood like this. Maybe he could outrun him in height at this rate.

“Have a peach for the road while I'm being nice.” Floch offered smilingly, holding out the two fruits to Eren.

Yeager's heartbeat increased to too dangerous a speed to be adequate. He took the peaches, trapping his fingers in Floch's newly cool palm.

Wim coughed.

“T-thank you, thank you!” Eren exhaled curtly, noticing how the expression on Floch's face had changed from joyful to frowning.

He walked quickly out of the kitchen, almost stumbling on the threshold.

Stepping outside provoked instant relief. The fresh air filled his lungs, and breathing became easier. His cheeks, which appeared to be hot, gradually cooled. He felt disgusted with himself for not being able to taste the peaches. He shouldn't have taken them in the first place.

Eren covered his eyes, letting the sun take away all his worries.

But the sun gradually disappeared.

Eren opened his eyes.

Huge black clouds.

“Doesn't look very good..” Armin smirked as he came up behind his friend, scaring him a little. “Oh, ha ha, sorry, didn't mean to scare you.”

“I-it's alright.” Eren exhaled noisily, hiding the peaches in his pants pocket.

“We'll go to the sea anyway.” Mikasa decided firmly as she approached the couple.

“It's dangerous to be near water in a thunderstorm...” Armin said sadly.

It was difficult for Eren to look at his sadly colored face.

“We don't have to swim, though. We can just sit in the stopover lodge until the rain passes.” Mikasa suggested, boldly shaking Eren's hair out of the places where it got into his eyes.

“Then we need to hurry, so that we don't get so wet.” Armin nodded, taking a couple of steps forward, “Ah, by the way, I warned Hange, so we can go safely.”

“Great, let’s go!” Eren tried to be optimistic, smiling with expression chosen from another time. He was worried that at one point he would forget what a face should look like when one is genuously happy.

He walked to the horse at a sluggish pace.

He didn't like the rain much.

The hurried ride quickly turned into something quiet and peaceful. The snorting of the horses combined with the warm summer breeze.

Swaying from side to side, Eren felt a small drop of rain fall on his nose.

Slightly patting his horse on the neck, Eren lifted his head up, meeting the black cloud that was rapidly increasing the pace of the falling raindrops. Somewhere in front, a lone yellow leaf flew into his face, reminding him of the imminent arrival of autumn.

A reminder of mortality.

Eren relaxed, absorbing all his attention into the feeling of the drops hitting his face.

“Shouldn't we speed up?” Mikasa asked distantly.

“Maybe this would be a kind of substitute for a bath? It's not cold rain.” Armin chuckled, and imitating Eren, raised his head.

Mikasa shrugged but didn't argue.

They were somewhere far away. Their conversations were beyond the vacuum into which Eren's mind had turned.
He was devastated, but at the same time so calm. His hip muscles relaxed dangerously, loosening his grip on the horse. But he didn't care.

The rain turned into a downpour. A downpour that would one day wash the blood from his hands. Eren straightened with horror, his hands went numb.

“Eren!” Armin shouted.

“Eren, we have to speed up.” Mikasa urged him on.

Eren stared into her face and suddenly remembered Floch, smiling nonchalantly at his friends. How does Floch cope with the terror of the future? How does he get over the death of all his friends...?

“Yes, let's go.” Eren frowned and galloped his horse with confidence.

Within a couple of minutes, they were next to the hut of the reconnaissance corps stopping point where some of the new soldiers were on guard.

“Eh??” cadet was surprised, tentatively grasping his rifle, “Eren Yeager?! Um... Did something happen??”

“Nah, everything is fine, we’re here to wait out the downpour.” Armin reassured the soldier. Jumping off his horse, he wrapped his arms around himself, “Is there any firewood inside?”

“Y-yes, sir!”

Inside the room, the trio melted the stove and took off their outer clothes.

“This is going to be awkward...” Armin smirked, leaving himself in just a T-shirt.

“Nothing to be awkward about, Armin, Eren. I've seen you both naked.” Mikasa shook her head, causing Armin's cheeks to flush redder.

“W-what? Eh, b-but how about you?” he hesitated, slowly pulling off his wet T-shirt, as if he expected Mikasa to change his mind.

“I have more layers of clothes, I didn't have time to get soaked through.” she replied monotonously, keeping her eyes on Eren.

“Me too.” Eren said, deciding to keep his shirt on.

Mikasa frowned faintly.

“Damn, this is even more embarrassing now!” Armin muttered, hugging himself with his arms. He sat down closer to the stove.

There was a slight silence and Eren expected that at any moment his friends would start questioning his uncertain state of mind. But that never happened. For about an hour they were inside the cabin, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. The rain was tapping pleasantly against the window, causing a strange but very pleasant feeling of safety.

It almost reminded Eren of the days when the three of them hid from the fall rains under the roof of one of the buildings until Hannes, always flushed and drunk, found them. He didn't scold them, on the contrary, he had a lot of fun; he settled down next to them and they waited for the downpour to end together. Hannes told them how he had once been drunk out of his mind when he woke up to a comrade kicking him under the belly. Maybe Hannes was trying to hint to them that drinking wasn't so cool, but the kids found the story incredibly hilarious at the time, Eren almost wanted to try some alcohol, but Mikasa quickly discouraged it with a stern look on his face. It was several months after Armin showed his book to Eren. Life seemed so much easier then.

Near the end, Mikasa took off her scarf and lay down on top of him, feeling comfortable. The downpour gradually stopped, and Eren exhaled.

“What now?” he asked.

“We can still go to the sea... At least not for long.” Armin hummed, already dressed in his dried shirt. He looked fresh and clean.

Eren wondered how disgusting he must look himself. He exhaled, agreeing.

The recent rain had made the road slippery and muddy, so they decided to drive more carefully to avoid falling.
It was about noon, and the sun was shining pleasantly, allowing the friends to enjoy the fresh air and the beautiful view in front of them. They drove past green fields and pastures and listened to the sounds of nature.

Eren looked ahead with rapt attention, trying to enjoy the weather and the road.

When they finally reached the sea, it was decided to stop at the beach.

Armin dismounted first, dropping his boots into the grains of sand. Though he didn't look as happy as he had the first time they had seen the place, he was still smiling. Mikasa jumped down next, getting closer to her friend.

Together they stared at ease into the distance.

Eren, on the other hand, stared into the backs of his dearest people and let his thoughts drift away. He thought about his life, about his mother, about how things might have been different if not for his father, if not for himself. His horse snorted often, prompting him to dismount.

Recently it happened exactly what once in a distant childhood seemed a pipe dream - he saw the sea. But instead of joy, the last few months had been consumed by a vague feeling of dissatisfaction with life, a kind of hopeless despondency and despair. He had seen too much; he didn't know how to live with it. Sometimes he just wished someone would cut his life short and he could sink into a void where nothing could possess him anymore.

Eren was terrified of a future that seemed invariably approaching. But his greatest fear was that at some point he would not be able to continue. He was terrified of how weak he had become.

And it was only that he himself was becoming more flawed, depriving himself of good feelings, losing his peace. His friends were genuinely happy for the first time in a long time, and all he could give them in return was to become more miserable by the day.

When the trio finally enjoyed the view of the choppy sea, they headed back. To their only home, if it can be called one.

Chapter Text

A few days later, Eren found someone in the mirror with dark bags under eyes. It was strangely unnatural, considering his love of long sleep.

He slept a lot, slept often. There were just as many dreams, mostly they were about something completely far away. About how he was in a horse race, or how for some reason he was picking fruit from trees he didn't know about.

All in all, it was a form of escapism. Eren was truly afraid of reality and was blessed with the opportunity to escape from it in dreams. But it didn't always work out that way. Dreams abounded, and yet sometimes he dreamed of an inescapable reality. The past, unchanging and irrevocable, and the future, terrifying in its details, which sometimes seemed incoherent and meaningless.

In any case, morning always came, traditionally bringing a lot of pain into Eren's life.

Now he tried to shave off the light stubble, but he cut his cheek instead. And it wasn't healing.

In fact, nothing has really changed in these days. The cutting of trees was repeated one more time, it turns out that the planks are only needed for the furniture industry, and cadets were divided up by groups originally just for the purpose of communicating with the new soldiers. It did not turn out very well, of course.

Communication with the rest of the world was, as usual, scarce. Elena did not often reward the islanders with her presence, as the Azumabito family was still a bit unsure of what to do. Likewise, they still hadn't seen Zeke in person, and the dubious plans that stretched over many years didn't inspire any joy.

Eren just had to wait; he hoped desperately that there would be another way out of the precarious situation.

Grinning bitterly at his worthlessness, Eren threw the shaving blade into the sink with exaggerated force and stepped away from the sink. He pulled on his pants, which he hadn't washed in a long time, and discovered the heaviness in his pocket.
Peaches.
He had forgotten about them. Regretfully, he pulled them out, examining them from all sides and noting the beginning of rot. Eren threw the fruit away, and with some kind of insecure he felt that despite their condition, he was obligated to eat them. He hadn't fallen that low yet, though.

On the other hand, it was the perfect timing to think about Floch Forster again. These thoughts had visited Eren with enviable regularity in recent days. They hadn't met in the kitchen since, at least not directly. But the thoughts swirled, danced around him, as if Forster's very gut were a black hole that drew everything around it to itself, never letting go.

Eren tried to find out what exactly it was about.
Maybe he was influenced by visions of the future in which he and Floch seemed close.
Maybe in Forster he had found a man who could understand him.
Or maybe he just really wanted to fight him, to stretch his itchy fists.

He decided that this last option was the closest to the truth at the moment, quickly threw on his shirt and left the room.
But, to his slight disappointment, Hange met him on his way out of the room.

“Please hurry up with your breakfast and get to the road building! You don't have to sit around here all day” the one-eyed smiled, and then, without waiting for an answer, she left without so much as a glance at the boy.

Eren felt a tickle on his chin. He raised his hand to brush whatever it was off. There was blood on his finger. He grimaced, but dismissing all thoughts and desires and went meekly to the kitchen, where his friends were already waiting for him.

Being on the field, Eren hardly worked at all and watched Mikasa and Armin aloof. He stood aloof, simply looking around at his comrades, surrounded by dirt and dust. Though most of the planks had gone to other uses, some remained, now serving to build the railroad.

Even a couple of days ago, when they were sawing those trees again, Eren was forcing himself to do more. Now it was hard for him to even stand among the others. There's noise and commotion all around, everyone's working in the sweat of their brow as if they were fighting a hard battle. Each of them is busy doing their own thing, and Eren feels more flawed and useless than ever. He hasn't changed at all.

As it was a few years ago, it still is. He was always on the sidelines while his friends were doing something important. No matter how hard he tried, he was always just a burden. What hope of mankind is there of him if he was so much looking for any other way in which he would not participate? Every last person around him could die until only himself remained on the island, and he would just watch it with tears in his eyes, unable to do anything.

That's what will happen if he doesn't change anything.

The railroad is a small contribution to the common cause, to the future of Paradis; it will soon be completed, and Eren knows he must do everything in his power to make sure it is not in vain.

Eren glances at Floch, who, along with Holger, is diligently reinforcing the railroad bed. And this is where he once had a panic attack over a small rock.

On the way back to the housing, Eren could hardly keep his eyes open; his body suffering from the heat, producing a nasty, sticky sweat. He gratefully remembered that a cold contrast shower awaited him, which had recently been installed in front of the dormitory. It was a wonderful idea, whoever was responsible for it, Eren was grateful as hell.
He may have made little or no effort to build today, but that wasn't his role either. He reassured himself that one day he would find enough strength within him to preserve all that his people had done. His nation.

With a slight smile, Eren grabbed his home clothes and a towel, about to go outside. As to his surprise, the object of a large percentage of his thoughts met him just outside the shower stall.

Floch didn't pay attention to the guy at first, knocking on the door of the shower stall with a disgruntled look.

“Get out of there already, you filthy scarecrow. You'll use up all damn water!” he raised his voice, pushing himself fully against the door.

There was no reply. Eren walked lightly toward the redhead, hiding his agitation poorly.

“Who's there?” he asked with his voice trembling only slightly.

“Dunno. Some dick.” Floch shrugged, answering in a low voice, only glancing over at Eren who approached, “Come out of there, or I'll come in and rip your fucking balls off myself, you bastard!” he shouted again.

“Okay! Okay, chill!” a vaguely familiar voice was heard, muffled by the flow of water.

“Oh, thank you! Didn't they teach you that a street fucking shower isn't designed for an hour's washing?!” Floch muttered, stepping away from the door and standing almost close to Eren.

“Um...” Eren cleared his throat, “So I can't even count on a shower then?”

Forster stepped away from Yeager, grabbing his change of clothes and other supplies from a bench nearby. He shrugged.

“I'm not sure, but that jerk's been in there a long time.”

Connie came out of the cabin. His cheeks were eerily red, and his hands were shaking. Maybe it was the cold, or most likely it was the fear of the stern Forster. He wrapped himself more tightly in a funny pink towel, apparently not having had time to change under the onslaught of the redheaded beastie.

“Sorry, heh.” with that hasty apology, Springer dashed out of his seat at the speed of a bullet.

Eren instantly blocked Floch's path.

“What?” The redhead frowned, looking menacingly down at Eren, though his height advantage was not particularly great.

“Let's make a bet.” Eren smirked.

“A bet? Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Whoever wins, gets washed.”

“If you want to wash your filthy ass so badly, let's go together and not waste my time.” Floch offered nonchalantly, giving Eren a nervous breakdown.

“W-what?” he felt his cheeks heat up rapidly, and his grip on his clothes and towel loosened abruptly.

“What's the problem, we're both guys.” Floch frowned harder, clearly irritated.

“Eh... N-no... Let's wager... Hand-to-hand combat. F-fist fight. Whatever...” Eren mumbled, vaguely aware that in such a weak state, he would never beat Floch.

“Yeager, I just want to wash the sweat off me. Why the fuck would I fight you if on the condition that I lose, I'll be just as sticky and filthy for a few more hours?” Floch's logical response, completely killing Eren's stability.

“O-okay... Go on, then. Sorry.” Eren shook his head vigorously and stopped blocking the aisle.

Floch breathed a sigh of relief and took one last look at the boy.

“Are you sure you, though? We can do it in underwear, if you're shy boy.” He asked, lifting the corners of his lips in a sneer.

Eren took note of the size of the shower stall, painfully aware of how cramped it would be for two guys. He swallowed hard and shook his head.

“Nah... I'll take it later.”

“Whatever you say.”

The idea of what might have happened if he had nevertheless agreed never left Eren's mind for a long time.
Now he wanted to kick his ass even more.

In the past, Jean had been the deliverance from destructive thoughts, but now it was different. He didn't want to beat up Floch because he annoyed him or anything. Not at all. He just wanted to feel again how easy he felt after their fight by the sea. It was refreshing, it was better than any confrontation with Jean or any shower, no matter how cold it was.

Eren knew that he was likely to win this fight, but he also knew that he was just as likely to succumb.

He knew much, had seen much.
Since the day he had kissed the hand of Historia, much knowledge had come to him. But he had never seen a reason why Floch would become so sure of himself, so steadfast, that next to him Eren would feel nothing less than dependable. He wanted to come to that feeling as soon as possible, but he didn't know what it would take.

At some point in the next day he decided to talk to Historia. He came to her without much need; he did not even realize how he had made that decision. But he remembered exactly how long he had stood in front of the door of his room, raising his hand against the handle and not daring to move it.

“So, touching me only brings back memories in you under certain circumstances?” Historia asked, distracting herself from work with the children to hold hands with Eren.

“Looks like it. I don't feel anything right now.” Eren smirked, exhaling disappointedly. The sun was setting.

“How does it work?” Historia wondered, finally letting go of the hand.

“I don't think there's an answer to that.” Eren shrugged, “But I can guess it depends on the intensity of the touch or something like that.”

“You mean it was more intense when you kissed my hand than it is now when you just shake it?” Historia grinned, leaning against the sharp-edged wooden fence.

Eren shrugged again, turning around to appreciate the charms of the queen's life. She had an innocent and peaceful life, the kind of life many people dreamed of, but not everyone got. Children's laughter could be heard in the distance, and cows were mooing on the other side. Nearby grew wheat whose sprouts shimmered beautifully in the setting sun.

Historia smiled softly, looking somewhere in the direction of her home.

Eren could not allow anyone to interrupt her peace. He didn't want anyone, not even her, to know about the benefits of a royal-blooded shifter.

Historia deserved some stability.

“Maybe you're right. Although I got some of Ymir's memories just from touching her writing.” She bowed her head sadly, her smile faded. “Anyway, how’s it going in general?” Historia asked in a low voice, not looking at Eren.

“It's a difficult question.” He said, trying to avoid answering.

“Tell the truth, I can tell when you're lying.” the queen frowned.

“Okay, honestly, right? It's bad. It's just awful.” Eren admitted, turning around at the birds flying across the sky. “It's not interesting at all, you'd better tell me how you're doing.”

“I just hope this whole thing with Elena and your... brother... will paid off.” nodded Historia.

Eren obviously shared her hopes; in fact, he was living it, even though he knew it was too shaky and disgusting for him to go for it. Considering that the 50-year plan is a lie, at least on Zeke's part.
After all, he wants to do something different.
Eren couldn't remember exactly. Soon it would all be revealed.

“How are Mikasa and Armin? I haven't seen them in a long time.” Historia translated the subject.

Eren stared at the blonde, surely having no idea how to answer. He didn't know how they were. It was as if they had grown too distant in this short time. Even though he saw them every day.

He wondered if they knew how he felt? Or had they also felt this coldness and estrangement growing between them.

“It's probably just as bad.” After a long pause, he answered.

“Nothing good at all?” Historia wondered, looking sympathetic.

“I don't know. Maybe there is something good, I'm not sure.”

“You're completely lost.”

And that really described him well.

In the evening, Eren stared at the ceiling and, for the first time in a long time, felt a lack of desire to sleep. He wanted to hide, to escape reality, but not like this. The dreams were vivid and happy, and with each passing day it became more and more painful to realize that they were just dreams.

He wanted madly to see Mikasa and Armin, but he didn't know what to tell them. He couldn't tell them anything. This hopelessness squeezed his chest painfully.

He got out of bed, heading for the bathroom. On his way there, he heard strange noises coming from one of the rooms closer to the kitchen. Maybe someone had decided to have a night game or worse. The women's dorm was in a different building, but it was across the hall and there was no problem in climbing over each other's windows. And henceforth, compared to the past, the swanky conditions of their rooms, which at most were shared between three, were just right for teenage frolics.

With disgust at the natural human desire, Eren relieved himself and washed his hands in the cold water for a long time. On his way out, he almost jumped on the spot when he heard an eerie creaking sound, like a human trying to slowly and silently open an old cabinet made of decrepit wood, ending up with just the opposite. Eren ventured to go to the sound and found that it was coming from the room of Floch and his roommate, whose name he did not know.

He was startled, and automatically knocked on the door, which became abruptly silent. After ten seconds, which seemed like an eternity, it opened; behind it stood a half-naked, blond kid about Eren's age. His cheeks were distinctly red, even in the barely visible night light.

“Erm, what’s up?” the guy hummed, shifting from foot to foot.

“Just wanted to tell you to be quiet, you're disturbing my sleep.” Eren said in a tired voice, trying to peek behind the guy's back out of the corner of his eye.

“Sure, no prob!” replied the blond man, about to close the door, when a woman's voice called out to him, causing Eren to automatically put his foot in the doorway, "Eh? Anything else?”

“Where's Floch?” Eren asked in an overly sullen voice.

“Oh, h-he's outside!” the boy chirped.

Eren took his foot off and the door slammed shut immediately. What a shame.

He went outside. A brief search led him to the redhead sitting alone on the street bench. Though the full moon was shining brightly outside, everything seemed black and white in its ghostly silvery light. And a dark, cold shadow from a nearby tree covered Floch's face, making it hard to tell if his eyes were open or not.

Eren walked slowly over to the boy, who responded by tilting his head.

“Awake?” Eren asked, almost jumping up and down with sudden excitement.

“As you can see.” Floch answered, straightening up in his seat. He squared his shoulders as if he were preparing for battle.

The faint breeze made the leaves of the tree sway gently, making a pleasant murmur. Eren sat down next to the redhead and tried to relax.

“Can't sleep?” Floch hummed, laying his head back on the wooden plank of the bench. The moonlight softly enveloped his face, the glare playing beautifully in his eyes.

“First time I can’t.” Eren admitted uneasily, staring faintly up at them as he straightened his legs.

“Really? Unexpected.” Floch seemed genuinely surprised, tilting his head toward his companion, his mouth slightly open.

“What's so unexpected?” Eren asked thoughtfully, averting his gaze and now watching as some light strands of Floch's hair fell to his forehead, moving slightly in the wind. His skin was dangerously pale.

“You know, we all have nightmares. It's hard to sleep.” Floch shrugged, “Everyone deals with it the best they can. But you sleep like a baby.”

Eren himself didn't fully understand why he slept so well in the face of what he'd been through. Back in the days when he'd slept in a room with Armin and the others, he'd often been awakened by their cries and wails. When he opened his eyes, he always saw a sad picture before him - no one was sleeping. But to him sleep would return at once.

“I have nightmares, but... They don't disturb my sleep, somehow...” Eren shrugged a little confused.

“Yeah, you really are special.” Floch grinned involuntarily, shaking his head.

“You think I'm special?” Eren froze.

“Don't think there's any hidden meaning to this, Yeager. Everyone does think that.” Floch snorted, fidgeting slightly, as if he were momentarily uncomfortable.

Eren gave a muffled chuckle and decided not to answer. He only noted that Floch was wearing a light T-shirt and nightgowns. Despite the fact that it was summer, he looked like he was cold.

The silence, awkward but not irritating, lasted a few more minutes. Suddenly, the cicadas began to roar loudly nearby.

“Why do you let your neighbor... kick you out?” Eren asked nervously, resisting the sudden urge to pull his legs closer to himself and curl up.

“Kick me out? What gave you that funny idea?” Floch raised his eyebrows.

Eren was glad that his eyesight had gradually adjusted to the darkness, and now he could see the sharp features of the guy across the street almost clearly.

“Funny indeed. But what are you doing here then?”

“I wasn't sleeping anyway, so why not let the guy relax.” Floch replied nonchalantly, turning his torso toward Eren. “You're the one who lives alone here, you can have all the fun you want all day.”

“How generous and noble of you!” Eren sneered, feeling insulted.

“Look, I came here just to feel sorry for myself alone, so you'll have to find somewhere else.” Floch frowned, wrapping his arms around himself.

Surprisingly, the irritation that had already come from nothing was blown away, and Eren was silent, pondering the boy's words. The wind was making his hair too much in his face, forcing him to tuck a particularly long strand behind his ear. His hair had gotten pretty long, almost like Mikasa's already, but he didn't care enough. His maximum was to shave his face, which was already given with great diligence.

Floch silently watched the Eren's jerky movements, his crease between his eyebrows gradually smoothed out, he no longer looked angry, rather tired.

“Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?” Eren finally asked, his cheeks reddening slightly from the stare.

Forster exhaled in frustration, almost rolling his eyes, and turned his head the other way, staring out a window where the light was on. Another unhappy man, unable to sleep.

“I'm just an insignificant coward, can't I feel sorry for myself?” Floch asked with a direct intonation, implying that he didn't need any answer.

“Maybe then we can feel sorry for each other together?” Eren suggested, grinning sadly.

“I'm cold, I don't have time to feel sorry for you.” Floch said, rising from his seat. He deigned to look at the other, as if waiting for him to act.

“I don't think your neighbor's done with his business yet.” Eren lowered his head, not sure what he was getting at.

“And what?”

“I.. Well, we could go to my room or the kitchen if you don't want to.” Eren blushed.

“Why?” Floch smirked, but he didn't look like he was enjoying the situation; he was literally shaking with cold.

“You’re shaking badly.. You aren't sick, are you?” Eren asked, rising too quickly from his seat. A petal landed on his neck, which he picked up. A yellow dying leaf.

“What I meant is why would I go anywhere with you in particular?” Floch interrogated without answering the question.

“Oh, okay, well... I can't speak for you, but the way I feel.... I think it would be good, or rather... I've always felt better after talking to y-... someone. So, I suggest we talk so you don't have to feel sorry for yourself alone, you know?” Eren barely made it out, wiggling in place, his sweat habitually starting to accumulate on the back of his neck, prompting him to put his hand there, scratching lightly.

Floch pondered, as if forever, on his words, and to Eren's relief, he nodded back, turning away and finally stepping into the warm building.

Eventually, they ended up in Eren's private room. Floch stopped as soon as he entered, looking around with interest, while Eren lit the desk lamp. He could have used a lamp with a titan’s crystal, of course, but the disadvantage was that it glowed constantly, and he liked to sleep in total darkness.
With a slight wince from the harsh light, Eren turned away and turned his full attention to Floch, who was wandering back and forth with interest.

“I was going to say make yourself at home, but you seem to be fine already.” Eren joked, leaning against the wall without taking his eyes off the other person in room. It felt a little unaccustomed.

“Hell, you could have told me you didn't like peaches.” said Floch, inadvertently peering into the trash can where the rotten fruit was lurking.

Eren's mouth dropped open in an attempt to justify himself, but nothing came to mind in the end. He bit his lower lip, averting his gaze. It was a terrible start.

“I'm sorry.” he said.

Floch shook his head and turned his attention instead to the blank gray walls. At the empty desk, covered with a thick layer of dust. At the cobweb in one of the corners.

“I wonder how Levi didn't kick you out.” Floch marveled as he ran his finger across the surface of the slab, instantly regretting it.

Eren silently pointed to the other side, where the water faucet was.

“You even have your own sink? Damn, upscale accommodations for an Attack Titan.” Floch whistled as he washed his dirty finger, clearly finding a shaving blade in the sink, but deciding not to comment. “Well...”

Eren, deciding to postpone the conversation for a while longer, started rummaging through his closet, which contained all his clothes, luckily not scattered all over the floor. He found a white pullover hanging lonely in the corner, which he'd only worn, he think, once, and handed it to Floch.

“Here, you're cold.” Eren smiled a little, touching Floch's still-wet hands for a moment as he took his sweater.

“Thanks, I guess. I went out in a hurry, didn't realize it could be so cold in the summer.” Floch might have blushed as he put on his pullover, if Eren wasn't imagining it because of the warm lighting.

“Y-yeah, well, it's the middle of the night...” Eren hummed, hurriedly making the bed and sitting down on it.

He was preoccupied with his own thoughts and was about to break the long, awkward silence when Floch sat down beside him, but as far away as possible.

“I agree with you. It does make me feel a little better, if only a little, after talking to you.” Floch confessed, clasping his hands in his lap. “I guess that's why I'm here… There's been less and less talk like that lately. Honestly, Yeager? Since all my old friends died in Shiganshina, you were the only one who'd let me talk like that. It's very strange.”

“What about Wim and Holger?” Eren asked heavily, feeling an unpleasant tightness in his chest. It was harder to breathe with each word.

“I like them, they're tough guys.” Floch nodded, “But they're in the same position now as I was when I first joined the survey corps.”

Eren knew exactly what he meant. It was depressing, in a way. To see that innocent and determined hope in the eyes of people who had imposed a death sentence on themselves and would very soon realize it.

“What I'm trying to say is... I appreciate all this, I really do. I don't understand why you're wasting your time on me, though.” Floch exhaled, his eyes gleaming with the fire in the lamp.

“What?" Eren asked stunned, struggling to keep his hands still.

“What?” Floch arched an eyebrow, looking at the boy incomprehensibly.

“What exactly don't you understand? You feel the same way I do.” Eren frowned, leaning in slightly.

“Same way? Don't tell me all your friends are dead and you have no one left. Forgive me if I'm being rude, but you didn't lose anyone close to you in that one battle. Mikasa and Armin are still at your side. You could be sitting there talking to them right now!”

Eren was speechless. As usual, the words coming from Floch were unbearably painful, as if he had hit the mark, knew what to push. Eren felt no resentment toward him, on the contrary, he was stunned at how true it was. Mikasa and Armin were still with him, but?

“God...” Eren lowered his head in his arms, feeling the nausea growing. Unwanted tears began to come to his eyes. He didn't want their conversation to lead to such an outcome. He wanted relief, but he got a heavy load. “I have a confession to make.” Eren blurted out, not quite in control.

Floch didn't answer for a long time, and though Eren couldn't see him, he could feel him fidgeting in his seat.

“Okay.” Finally, a whisper was heard.

“I.. I can see the memories of absolutely every shifter of the Attack Titan.” Eren squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get the words right so he can be understood, “It's unstable, fragmented and echoing. M-my father and the others could see my memories, and I can see them now. In this way, I can kind of see the future, not just the past.”

“You can see the future? Well... And what's going to happen in, like, a minute?” Floch asked absurdly, apparently not completely believing it.

“I can't see everything in detail. Like I said, just bits and pieces.”

“O-okay.. So... What did you see?”

“I... I can't tell you everything, but... Please believe me. Anything that happens now is very likely to fail to live up to one's expectations.” Eren exhaled, feeling weak and guilty.

“What are you talking about? The Marleyans plan?” Floch asked.

“Y-yes, I know for a fact that their 50-year plan won't work.”

“Too bad... But why are you telling me this?”

“Because, for some reason, I trust you more than anyone else in the future.” Eren finally admitted, pulling his face away from his hands and dropping his back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. His face was crumpled, and his insides were shattered.

Many minutes passed. Five or even ten. Eren dared to look at the redhead, but expectedly saw only his back.

“Floch, say something.” Almost begged Eren, amazed at his pitiful voice.

In response, Floch slowly turned his head to face Yeager. His facial expression expressed nothing.

“Even assuming it's true…” Floch began uncertainly, “It doesn't make sense at all.”

Eren might have agreed with him at first, but as time went on, it started to work more in terms of logic.

“But it does.”

“Well.” Floch sank down next to Eren. The mattress sagged softly under his weight. Weightless butterflies fluttered in Eren's stomach as he realized that they were just lying next to each other now. “And who else knows about your superpowers?”

“Everyone knows that I have seen the past. But only you and Historia know about the future.” Eren answered quickly, the conversation was beginning to bore him quickly.

A great weight had been lifted from his soul from, but now the time of day hastened to remind him of himself. He yawned sweetly, fighting sleep. Still, it would have been uncomfortable to fall asleep in that position; his feet were still on the floor while his upper body lay across the bed. And there was someone else's body next to his, something he wasn’t used to.

“Am I in a row with the queen herself? Wow.” Floch chuckled, stretching his arms out in front of him.

“Lucky you.” Eren smiled, closing his eyes. “I've got the urge to sleep again.” On the other hand, he could basically deal with having someone lying next to him. After all, it was a fairly common occurrence when he and Armin were in the same room.

But unfortunately for him, Floch didn't take those words quite as originally intended.

“All right, I'll leave you to it.” said Floch, rising from the bed, shaking off the non-existent dust.

“Why don't you stay?” Eren suggested, yawning again and rolling onto his right side.

“Hah, where? On the floor? Nope, thanks.”

“Your loss.”

“If you say so.” Floch snorted, walking quietly out of the room and forgetting to return the pullover.

Eren finally fell asleep.

Chapter Text

In the clearing in front of the camp there was usually a lot of stomping and shouting, fierce arguments, laughter, and scolding from morning until noon. The cadets tried to find all sorts of ways to amuse themselves. Few stayed inside the dormitories, despite the approaching cold of November. Fall had already arrived, but it was still stuffy and hot, changing daily life only with the bright colors of the trees.

One of the leaves of those very trees landed next to Eren. He grasped it thoughtfully, scrolling between his fingers. But his gaze never left the book, which had recently been discovered aboard one of the scout ships from Marley. They've been coming to the island a lot lately; it seems as if they have nowhere to spend their resources in wartime.

Those on the ship who did not surrender voluntarily were either killed or taken by force. Eren was a regular assistant in these ship-grabbing operations and this time he got in, finding some interesting books in one of the hostage cabins.

Eren looked up, counting down a few seconds to go back to his reading. His distraction made it difficult for him to follow the story. Not far away from him, a captive Marleyan was talking about some kind of ball game with a big smile on his face. He was listened to with interest by several soldiers.

A pang of anger ran through Eren's body, and he went back to reading the book, this time really reading.

The protagonist of the book, having read enough chivalrous novels, decides to become a wandering knight, to protect the oppressed and to punish the oppressors. Eren snorted, finding it utterly ridiculous. But in spite of that, he had almost finished halfway through the book, which he was very interested in, when a rustling sounded nearby.

Eren looked up to see an embarrassed Mikasa in her usual scarf over a light pink shirt, and a long gray skirt. Her hair was incongruously braided into a low ponytail, and she was looking away.

“What are you doing?” Mikasa asked, rocking from side to side on her heels.

Eren moved a little, inviting her to sit next to him. They hadn't talked in a long time, and he was actually glad.

“Just reading.” Eren said, watching the deliberately slow manner in which she sat down next to him.

“Tell me about it.” Mikasa suggested. Her cheeks flashed a slight blush of embarrassment from her tan.

With renewed interest Eren began to retell the plot of what he thought was a childish and naive book, but for some reason had captured his mind. But, in spite of everything, his oratorical skills were awful, making the retelling crumpled and hurried. Mikasa barely made eye contact with him, not helping at all.

“I stopped at the part where they got into the woods, but, you know, we can read the rest together if you want.” Eren smiled weakly as he finished his retelling, feeling the accumulation of sweat forming on the back of his neck.

He looked at Mikasa and was tensely silent. She was staring at the ground, the smile gone from her face. She had been silent for several minutes.

“Didn't you like it?” Eren finally spoke, but not in his relaxed tone, but in a stilted way.

“I'm sorry, Eren, I must not have been listening to what you said.” She looked directly at him, and behind her eyes, as usual, it was impossible to make out any emotion.

“That's okay…" Eren smiled tightly, “And where's Armin?” He asked, hoping that at least with him he could share his interest in the book.

The sun began to sting unpleasantly, and his fingertips began to itch. Eren closed the book with a loud clap and decided he wasn't going to read it any further.

“Armin is in the basement.” Mikasa replied, as if it were perfectly normal information.

“What?” Eren wondered, “In what basement? What is he doing there?”

“In the basement with Annie, he's often there.” Mikasa nodded, somehow pleased.

Eren's mouth fell open trying to get the words out, but all that came out was a doomed sigh. He didn't know how to describe what he was feeling right now. The abundance of emotion he was now unable to control made him rise sharply to his feet, thereby startling Mikasa.

The girl looked at her friend in confusion, pulling her legs closer to herself.

Armin was in the basement with the crystallized Annie? He was there often… but what was the point? Why didn't Eren know about it...

“What was he doing there?” He asked, inwardly afraid of the answer.

“Talking,” Mikasa tucked her nose into her scarf, clearly not wanting to talk about it anymore, “I followed him once, accidentally. It seems to be his secret.”

Eren clenched his hands into fists so that his fingernails dug painfully into his palm. Anger. That's what he felt.

Anger and disappointment that Armin chose to talk to the crystal rather than to him.

“Don't be mad, Eren,” Mikasa shook her head, "Are you hungry?”

He was hungry. But most of all he wanted to go and hit something. Reality began to darken around him, as if he was about to faint, the difference being that he could clearly feel himself on his feet.

The pleasant autumnal smell of morning dew wafted under his nose, somehow taking all his attention and calming him down.

Maybe Armin's prompting to talk to Annie had something to do with Bertholdt's memories. Eren could remember Reiner's conversation with him back then in the big trees, it seemed they were discussing his little crush on their mutual blond friend. It was a weak explanation, but at least it allowed Eren to relax. The subject was not closed to him, but for the moment he could put it aside. There was one dry disappointment left in place of anger.

“Yep, I’m hungry.” He finally answered.

“It's just about breakfast time, let's go.” Mikasa nodded, getting up behind him and walking forward towards the building.

Mikasa must have come just for that. To take care of little and silly Eren, who usually skipped breakfast, unable to get out of bed. Only this morning he got up as early as he could in the morning, all because an unhealthy interest in the books he had discovered on that ship had awakened in him. Books, though, had always been his weakness.

Eren cast one last glance at the Marleyan surrounded by soldiers and followed his friend.

Breakfast was simple - coffee or tea, if desired, topped with bread toast and jam of delicious wild berries.
Eren chewed the bread at a loss, not taking his eyes off the empty space beside him. Breakfast time was almost over, and Armin was still gone.

“I bet Niccolo has never tasted a mango!” Jean pounded his fist on the table, squinting softly in Sasha's direction.

“Niccolo has tasted everything! He is the greatest cook ever!” Exclaimed Sasha, pushing from side to side with excitement, now and then hitting Connie, who was frowning in front of him.

The justification for his scowl was Floch, sitting next to Jean. Wim and Holger seemed to have given up breakfast today, in favor of straightening out the interrogation of the naughty Marley hostages. So, Jean took great pleasure in inviting Forster to join their table; after all, all the remaining of the survey corps' oldest veterans; they had all known each other for a very long time, and there seemed to be no problem in sitting next to each other. But Connie clearly disagreed.

Eren was a little annoyed by this, but he decided it was more expensive to speak out about it, since no one really knows that he had managed to get closer to Floch. He just wanted to wait for Armin and pretend that everything was all right, that nothing had changed.

“Well, from what I heard there are no mangoes on Marley!” laughed Jean, kicking Floch under the side.

Sasha couldn't find anything to say, so she silently stole toast from Jean and devoured it in two bites with a wide grin.

“Hey! What the fuck?!” Shouted Jean as he was interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

It was Armin. The sun's rays entered the room with him, illuminating his hair as if he had descended from heaven.
Eren exhaled a sigh of relief and pulled out a chair for his best friend.

“You're a little late, buddy, where have you been?” Jean turned his attention away, forgetting all about his so unfairly stolen toast.

Armin blushed profusely and shrugged as he sat down next to Eren.

“Oh-ho-ho, someone's got a girlfriend!” Connie smirked, finally turning away from Forster.

“Wha- N-no?! I don't have a girlfriend!” Armin denied, causing a wave of laughter with his words.

“Where were you then?” Eren asked, frowning.

“N-nowhere. It doesn't matter, Eren!” Armin giggled nervously, looking hopefully at Mikasa.

“Eren, calm down and eat.” She said.

Whether that was the last straw, Eren didn't know, but the toast he had in his hand landed on the table with a thud. His eyebrows furrowed more than ever.

“I don't understand why you're hiding!” Eren was indignant.

“What do you mean?” Awkwardly asked Armin, putting his breakfast aside in Sasha's direction.

“Why don't you just tell me where you were!” Eren almost shouted.

“Wh-what difference does it make? You hardly ever go to breakfast, and we don't ask you about it.” Armin was aroused.

There was silence in the room, and the other few soldiers at the other tables lurked to listen to the argument.

“That's the problem, Armin!” Eren smirked, suddenly feeling his eyes begin to water against his will.

“Hey, Eren!” Mikasa got agitated, lifting up in her seat. Eren waved to her, signaling that everything was all right.

“What's the problem, I don't understand? Is it that we all have our own personal lives?” Armin was indignant.

“That's not the point.” Eren shook his head, wiping away the tears that left as suddenly as they came.

“Um, guys, what's going on?” Sasha squirmed in her seat, glancing over at the others, but everyone looked just as worried.

“Eren, what is it then? Am I not allowed to keep secrets? Or since you and Mikasa chose me over Erwin, does that mean my life is only under your control now!” Armin muttered frustratedly, his face wrinkled.

“What? No! I didn’t say that!” Eren was indignant, unconsciously shifting his gaze to Floch, who froze in place without moving and stared at his toast with a blank expression.

“I don't know what you all expect from me! I've always been okay with the fact that I wasn't the right choice!” Armin almost cried as he rose from his seat.

“Armin, we weren't even talking about this right now.” Mikasa whispered with pain in her eyes.

“About what then? Just let me have my secrets. Even if I didn't choose my life...” Armin exhaled, clenching his hands into fists.

“Arlert, please shut up." Floch put in his word quietly, covering his eyes.

Next to him, Jean tensed sensibly and raised his hand to pat his shoulder approvingly, but at the last moment he changed his mind, evidently realizing that he should be on Armin's side. He lowered his hand in embarrassment, staring into his mug of cold coffee.

Once again there was a tense silence.

“Floch, I've always agreed with you.” Armin shook his head, blocked from Floch only by Jean, who suddenly rose from his seat and spread his arms out to his sides.

“Hey! Let's just have breakfast and split up. Maybe we'll play ball foot or whatever…” Jean smiled prettily, looking at Armin, who only frowned in response.

“Don't care, it doesn't make any difference.” Floch replied in a half-whisper.

“I know, and I'm sorry I ended up the one who survived.”

“Will you fuckin' stop it!” Floch raised his voice and widened his eyes, surprised at himself. “Just stop talking about it.” He continued much more quietly, closer to a whisper again.

“Yeah, let's drop it.” Eren agreed, feeling a pain in his chest. He'd already regretted coming here a thousand times for starting this dialogue. To drown out thoughts of this absurd quarrel, Eren was ready to think about anything, even the book he would never return to again.

He ran his finger across the hard table and found a peeling layer of old wood that was comfortable to scratch against. He pressed on it and got a slight tingling sensation. If he pressed any harder, his finger might bleed or be a splinter.

“No, look, I think we should talk about this, so there won't be any more questions,” Armin shook his head. “Everyone here agrees that Erwin was the right choice, right? But it was me who survived. So why should I ignore it, as if nothing had happened? Like I don't notice the strange and disappointed looks from people I don't know?”

“Armin, can we really just drop the subject already?” Connie tried unsuccessfully.

“No! I want you all to admit it! I want you, Eren, to admit that I shouldn't be here right now!”

“But I don't think so.” Eren muttered.

“Then why are you so controlling of me?”

“I don't control you. I don't see how that's connected at all.”

They were interrupted by Floch getting up from the table. Jean awkwardly grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt, stopping him from possible further unpleasantness.

“None of you here knows a fuck what you're talking about, so shut the fuck up!” Floch bellowed, glaring tensely at Armin, “Your pathetic demeanor now only confirms to everyone here that your current existence is a mistake. Why the fuck are you whining while you could be doing something? You think if Ervin was the right choice, that automatically relieves you of all responsibilities? Pull yourself together and try to prove that you're not standing here by goddamn mistake, but because it was meant to be! Don't make the others who agree with me hate you even more.” Floch almost spat out the last words, twitching his arm and wrenching himself from Jean's weak grip. After a peculiar monologue, he left the hall to the silence of everyone.

For several minutes, or more, no one dared utter a word. Armin sat back in his chair, burning the rough surface of the table with his gaze.

Eren was finally able to close his mouth, after the recent shock, and looked at Mikasa, who reached out a hand to Armin to reassure him. Everything was in a slight fog; what Eren's simple and easy jealousy had led to was devastating. He tried to calm his accelerated heartbeat, which was driving his chest to pain.

Gradually, other soldiers, who were unlucky enough to have heard the altercation, began to leave. Eren could only guess how many hours this argument would become known in Shiganshina, if not the entire area inside the walls.

“This is fucked up.” Connie wheezed as he walked out of the room.

Sasha and Jean hesitantly followed their friend, casting pitying glances back.

When there was no one left in the hall but him and Mikasa and Armin, Eren stood up. “I'm sorry.” he said, before walking out after the others.

On his way out, he was greeted by a heat that burned his skin. The inside of the building was cool, which created a sharp contrast, but it was surprisingly pleasant. Light clouds could be seen in the distance, heralding a faint rain. It was soothing; it was nice to know something ahead of time not of supernatural ability. Somewhere in the distance, the cadets were still laughing, filling the frightening silence with a cheerful echo.

After a short time, Eren finally emerged from some kind of trance and looked around, noticing Jean, who was being pulled insistently away from the slouching Floch. They were standing under a tree, the day's colors dancing merrily on the active Sasha, who jumped out of the shadows from time to time, trying to pull Jean behind him. Connie was standing beside them, right in the sun, his hands clasped in a disgruntled gesture, and he was frowning at the bright sunlight.

Floch was perched entirely in the shade of the still-green tree. Jean tugged at his arm and said something to him that Eren could not hear.

When at last the trio left Floch, Eren slowly approached the boy. Really, he didn't know what to say.

“I don't need pity if that's what you're here for.” Floch snorted, lowering his head so low that his eyes weren't visible at all.

“Who said I came to pity you? You insulted my best friend.” Eren said, his hands shaking slightly and his finger tingling.

“Then why aren't you with him now?” Floch lifted his head, his tone of voice changing to an impudent one.

Eren swayed in place, hiding how hard he tried to look into the redhead's eyes. Eventually, he was able to catch the look on his face; it didn't make him happy. Floch looked shattered.

“Mikasa is with him.” Eren answered, mostly to himself, trying to find an excuse.

Floch finally lifted his face and looked incredulously at the long-haired man, but he didn't argue in any way.

“…Well,” Eren averted his gaze, “Um... Well, if you want me to leave, then tell me. I just don't know what to say.”

“Why are you here then, again?” Floch exhaled in frustration, but all he got in return was a shrug of the shoulders. “Then maybe you'd like to go somewhere with me?” He suddenly asked, walking over to Eren, blowing a faint stream of wind from his rapid movement.

“Um? Where to? The capital?” Eren assumed confusedly.

“The capital? Where did you get that idea, hah?” Floch grinned genuinely, giving Eren a pleasant tingle on the skin around his neck.

“I have no idea.” Eren smiled back as he watched Floch emerge from the shadows-the sun enveloped him like family. Beautiful, insanely beautiful highlights played in his golden-red hair, taking all the attention.

“No, I... I'd like to go to a place where...” Floch frowned, the smile gone from his face, “Where y-your brother was...”

“Huh?” Eren groaned, feeling as if someone had knocked the air out of his lungs. An unpleasant tension sowed in the air. It wasn't right.

“I'm afraid that if I go there alone, I won't be able to come back.” Floch added briefly, walking quickly away toward the stables.

Eren rushed after him. The air was thickening around him. Luckily, the stable was far away, so the trek didn't take more than five minutes.

“What do you mean?” Eren asked later, when they were unloading their horses from their stalls.

“Mm?” Floch snorted questioningly as he climbed up on his horse.

“Why would you go there at all?” Eren added to the question, awkwardly scratching the mare's mane as he hesitated to ride.

“Erm... I avoided the place ever since..” Floch muttered, “And it doesn't help.”

“You think going there will help?” Eren arched an eyebrow, remembering that day, and recalling the feelings that gripped him as they walked to the basement. He was at the scene of his mother's death, but it didn't make him feel any better about it.

Floch was about to step on the same rake, but Eren didn't think to talk him out of it. Much less leave him alone.

“Yes.”

“What are we waiting for, then?” Eren hummed unhappily, pushing his horse into a run.

The boys rode most of the road in silence, and for some time all that could be heard was the quiet grunting of horses and the slight crackling of hooves.

The weather deteriorated for the first time, darkness hovered over them, but it did not shed a single drop of rain on them. Finally, they approached the wall of Mary, the storm subsided without beginning, the red sun rose, and the whole earth, covered with white brocade, sparkled with gemstone so that it hurt the eyes to look, and they could not tear themselves away from its play in any way.

“By the way, what did you mean when you said the 50-year plan wouldn't work?” Floch asked, apparently trying to distract himself from what they were rapidly approaching.

“That plan implies ... something I don't agree with.” Eren answered awkwardly.

“What’s that?”

“I.. We haven't heard all the details yet, and I can't remember exactly, but they'll tell us soon.” Eren exhaled in frank denial, he didn't quite understand why he was lying, “Okay, maybe I know what to expect, but I don't want to believe it.”

“You don't want to talk about it?” Floch sincerely cared, slowing his horse slightly to make it easier to talk.

Eren followed the lad's example, and slowed his pace, feeling exhausted. His thigh muscles were aching from being unused.

“I want to tell you... But. I don't want to hear it from myself, if that makes sense.” Eren shrugged, his cheeks slightly heated, from shame or the blazing sun.

“It probably does not make sense. But I won't insist.” Floch hummed, "We're here.”

Two riders dismounted from their weary horses, tying them to a surviving fence. A human presence could be felt here, but no one had made any major repairs yet. If Eren was not mistaken, this place had become a rather famous bogeyman among children. He'd heard some scary ghost stories from a little girl who tried to scare her friend while he and Armin went to the capital to talk to the military police. It was somehow like Chinese whispers, considering that the farther away from the scene they talked about the situation, the more confused and ridiculous it became.

Eren never bothered to imagine what exactly happened here. He was struck by the fact that all the soldiers behind Shiganshina were dead, but he never thought beyond that. He was a little ashamed of his carelessness, but after all, here he was, standing here on this field where his half-brother had killed more than a hundred soldiers.

Floch walked silently through the thickly grassed clearing. The buildings that had once stood there were ruined and long since overgrown with moss. Fall had managed to color the bright green into something close to a dirty yellow, enhancing the dullness and grayness of the place.

They had walked quite a distance before Floch finally stopped and stared at one point.

“Here was Marlowe, walking all the way.” Floch said hollowly.

Eren followed his gaze and stared at the ground, almost imagining that there had once been a corpse lying there. He could practically see the blood, but he shook his head, banishing the images from his mind; they haunted him often enough as it was. He didn't want to disturb his sleep with nightmares.

“I was somewhere around here when I woke up,” Floch continued, pointing his finger a little to the side, “All I saw was an ocean of blood and corpses. It was a nightmare, I wasn't thinking straight, just got up and went looking for survivors.” Floch nodded and slowly, as if retracing his steps, walked back toward Shiganshina.

For a few minutes they moved in silence until Floch stopped again and sat down on the ground.

“And here was Erwin.” Floch hummed, settling himself more comfortably on the soft ground and resting his hands on his knees.

Swallowing heavily, Eren stepped closer, staring at the place where Erwin had once been. All he could imagine, though, was Armin's burnt body. It made him nauseous.

“If only I did kill him here,” Floch whispered, "what would happen to me now?

“Then if you'd seen us apply the serum to Armin, you'd only be mad at yourself,” Eren suggested, glancing up at Floch, “But now you can be mad at me.”

“Yeah, definitely a plus.” Floch grinned, covering his eyes with his hands.

Eren was horrified. Is he crying?

“Um, F-Floch...”

“I don't hate him.”

“Huh? Who?”

“Arlert. I told him in the d-dining room that I hated him. That's a lie.” Floch sobbed, causing an unpleasant squeeze in Eren's chest with that sound.

He had to do something, but he was never good at soothing.

“This is good news. Hate is a disgusting feeling.” Eren let out, stepping a little closer.

“Yes, indeed.” Floch cried softly, trying unsuccessfully to hide his sobs, and dropped his head in his hands, covering his face completely.

Eren crouched down beside Floch, doubtful of his future actions. He could only remember what had helped him when the panic attack overwhelmed him. But, still unable to find the words, he was only able to place a trembling hand on Floch’s shoulder.

Floch almost stopped shaking.

“Huh, here we are again, me being little crybaby.” Floch grinned bitterly, not raising his head.

Eren began to gently draw the infinity sign on his back, hoping it would help. “It's okay.” he whispered several times.

“Come on, Lord, I'm not a glass vase.” Floch snorted, taking his hands off his face. His eyes were slightly puffy and red.

“I'm sorry, I... I actually had something to say last time,” Eren pursed his lips, tears welling up in his own eyes, but he never found the strength to free them, "Now a lot has changed, really.”

“Not as optimistic as you used to be?” Floch smiled weakly, leaning closer to the boy.

Eren almost bit his lip until it bled, but he held back the force of his clenched jaw in time and tried to relax. He reached out with his other hand and put it on Floch's shoulder, inviting him into an awkward embrace.

“Sorry, I knew it wouldn't do you any good, but I didn't stop you.” Eren muttered, fluttering into the back of the boy's neck.

Floch froze in place briefly, but still broke into a hug, exhaling loudly. “But you're wrong,” he shook his head, tickling Eren's cheek with his hair, “I've been afraid of this place for so long. And here I am at last, hugging with the great and mighty Attack Titan. If not this, what else will help me?”

Eren chuckled and began silently tracing strange patterns on Floch's back. He felt so comfortable and relaxed, the light milky scent creeping pleasantly into his nose, almost putting him to sleep.

“Wh-What the hell did you draw me there?!” Floch gasped, shaking his back.

Eren laughed almost loudly, the sound coming from his own throat pleasantly startling him. He gave Floch one last big squeeze, causing him to wheeze unhappily, and let go.

“If we keep cuddling like this, I'll fall asleep and you'll have to carry me all the way to Trost,” Eren smiled, his cheeks reddening profusely from his recent actions. He thought, too late, that perhaps this was a little more intimate than the usual hugging of friends.

“You jerk, I'd have just kicked your ass and woke you up.” Floch rolled his lighter eyes as he rose from his seat. “It's the second time you've made me feel comfortable or whatever, and I don't know how to repay you.”

“You've already paid your debt enough, don't worry,” Eren waved his hand as he stood beside me. “Shall we go?”

Floch grunted incredulously but nodded.
Together, they reached the horses and headed back; their return trip was slower and filled with Eren's easy conversation about his memories.
Floch listened intently, unaware of what the future held for him.

Chapter Text

“What? Again?” Eren wheezed, getting up heavily from his cozy, warm bed. He threw back the blanket, meeting his gaze with Hange's.

It so happened that his restless but still sound sleep was interrupted by the arrival of another scouting party from Marley. It was beginning to get annoying, and the people in charge of these missions had lost all sense. Not a single ship has ever returned, all stuck on demon island, and some even found paradise here, as ironic as that may sound.

The Marleyans didn't send any other people of Eldian blood to the island, but perhaps they never realized that it would do nothing to stop people from such an ancient principle as conversation and human interaction. Sure, there were casualties, but a hell of a lot of people gave up and found things to do on the island.

And so, in the middle of the night, another ship arrived and Eren urgently had to wake up and intimidate the unfortunate military men as quickly as possible.

“Our dorms should have been moved outside of Maria's to get to the sea faster.” Hange reasoned as she defiantly rummaged through Eren's closet for suitable clothes. She threw a dark cardigan and the same color pants at him.

“Maybe we should build a cute little house on the beach.” He snorted, getting out of bed in just his underwear and T-shirt and struggling to pull his clothes on.

“Damn foolish idea, my dear Attack Titan,” Hange flashed an eye with her hands at her sides, "Let's go!”

“What's so foolish?” Eren groaned as he followed the commander out of the room.

She didn't answer, instead she moved too slowly and sloppily down the dark corridor.
The wooden walls reflected the ghostly bluish glow of the full moon, making them look like titanic crystals from how blue they had become. Everything around them began to seem lifeless and frightening.

It was too unnatural for Hange to be so silent. Eren almost thought he was back in one of his dreams, where reality was mixed with memories, where something disgustingly stuffy and unrealistic was going on around him, but at the same time similar to something he had experienced once before.

Fortunately, there were occasional sounds coming from other rooms, making him come back to reality and realize that no, this is not a dream, this is really happening.

Eren shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling a slight chill on his back and the pervasive darkness that surrounded the building. Perhaps he was going crazy.

After many minutes, they walked out of the dormitory and Hange exhaled loudly, as if she had been holding her breath the whole time.

“Get on your horse, come on, come on!” She whimpered, jumping on her horse and waving to Eren.

At that moment he could see Wim standing nearby with a lantern in his hands and some other soldier with a military police uniform.

“Are you sure you need me? I think you can handle yourself.” Eren shrugged.

“First of all, our equipment is cool, but it's not very good for defense, and we're not going to kill everyone there after all. Second, the ship hasn't sailed yet, and we've got time. Our sentry saw the light coming, so if we hurry, we can make it there in time.” Hange said.

“Nope, we're too far away, especially since the sentry still took some time to relay that information to you.” Eren frowned, climbing onto his horse.

“Don't worry, titan.” Hange may have winked, it was hard to tell, considering she only had one eye.

Another trip to the beach that was so much hated by Eren, took long enough that one could almost see the rising sun. Although, to his sincere amazement, they arrived just in time for the ship's arrival.

The Marleyan warriors had already docked, but were still unsettled in their new location and were leisurely preparing to leave the ship. Many shouts and various commands could be heard from, presumably, the captain.
Eren jumped off his horse and habitually took a bite of his hand, though he had been offered a knife many times before, for relief. Bright lightning struck his body, and for a second it got incredibly hot, and his vision darkened. A moment later, he was already seeing through his titan's eyes. And what he saw were terrified soldiers.

As scheduled, he grabbed the ship and began to lift it slightly, causing many nervous and stunned cries. The force curbed him, causing him to be either relieved or afraid of himself. Becoming a titan was always... a moral challenge.

“Give it up, guys, you're not the first, you're not the last! Although it would be better if you were the last!” Hange shouted, waving her gun. Eren lowered the ship and stood in front of her, protecting her in case she was attacked.

As usual, most surrendered. Some had to be killed.

And Eren was tired.
He lay on the sand, faintly listening to Hange talk so familiarly about how she was flattered by the Marleyans' agreement to join her. Not all of them seemed pleased with this alliance, but it was nothing new.

It was the same thing over and over again, just the same. It pissed Eren off to the point of pain in his head; he rolled over on his stomach and dreamed only of burying himself, of not being able to breathe and finally continuing his dream, which had been so brazenly interrupted for some scum who hated him so much.

He was about to slip into a cozy dream world when he felt a light tap on his side. With a grunt, Eren turned to find that it was Wim. The lantern in his hand lit his face amusingly from top to bottom, making his eyebrows look wide and as dark as possible.

“Get up.” Wim said dryly, holding out his hand.

Eren grabbed it and got up with a crunch in his knees, looking around and sloppily shaking off the sand. No one was rushing anywhere, Hange and that military policeman were talking to the Marleyans, discussing something.

Now would have been a good time to get on his horse and ride back to his cushy bed, but something was unnerving about Wim's stare. Eren coughed and met his gaze, frowning his eyebrows and feeling like an exhibit in some museum.

“Leaving?” Wim asked, scratching his cheek as if he hadn't been staring at the guy for minutes.

“Uh, yes?” Eren answered uncertainly.

“Would you like to explore the ship? You seemed to like it.” Wim suggested, pressing his lips together into a thin line.

“Why would you?” Eren smirked, inwardly deciding that exploring the ship probably wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe he could find another book there, and even make up with Armin by offering to read it together.

“I want to, uh, maybe look for something.” Wim shrugged, already walking away toward the ship.

Eren looked back toward Hange; she certainly had everything under control, he could relax and just go inside. Yeah, why not, he figured it wasn't bad at all if it helped distract him.

With Wim, he went inside, the smell of sweat and something bitter, like alcohol, hit his nose. A wide, drunken smile immediately appeared before his eyes, belonging to a tall, blond man who looked much older than he really was. The wrinkles around his eyes were deep, but appeared there from his frequent smiling, which gave his personality a kind of tenderness. Hannes was a wonderful uncle to Eren. Was.

Eren followed the tall brunette, not really looking around. They went into one of the booths where the smell of alcohol reverberated the most.

“Um, did you come here for the booze?” Eren muttered, taking one of the bottles of dark red liquid in his hand. There was something written on the label in a language he did not understand.

“Yeah, even though I don't like to drink, I get drunk quickly.” Wim admitted, following Eren's example and grabbing a few bottles and swirling them in his hands.

“How did you know there would be alcohol here? It didn't seem like there was last time.”

“It seems that the warriors finally realized that these reconnaissance missions are a one-way ticket,” grinned Wim, taking the most attractive bottles with him and heading out. Eren followed him without thinking, “Aren't you going to take anything?” He asked the moment later.

“Dunno. Maybe a book.” Eren shrugged.

“But different language.” Wim arched an eyebrow.

“Maybe an Eldian heritage? You know, Reiner couldn't just talk to us, we have the same language, but they must have some kind of special writing.” Eren pondered, pointing at the label of what was probably a wine drink, deciding not to mention Annie and Bertholdt.

“God, they're scum.” Wim spat, surprising Eren with his violent reaction.

“Y-yeah.” Eren agreed, in a slight stupor.

In the other quarters, on a quick inspection, there were no books in a language he was familiar with. Eren exhaled disappointedly, deciding that this was a stupid idea to begin with, and headed for the exit, which was swiftly blocked by Wim, laughingly trying to to hold several bottles in one hand.

“Well, what did you take?” Not at all suspiciously nervously asked Wim.

“Nothing? Why?” Eren asked incredulously.

“I just thought…” said Wim, confused, staring at the bottles in his hands, “Since you and Floch are friends... No, well, maybe you've got something of your own. It's just that everything here is unique, you know.”

“Huh? What's Forst-Floch got to do with it?” Eren coughed and looked away, uncomfortable for some reason.

“I mean a gift.”

“A gift? Why would I give him anything?”

Wim stared at Eren intently, almost as he had before on the beach. The silence didn't last long, but it was very unnerving.

“It's his birthday tomorrow.” Wim exhaled with an impenetrable expression.

“B-Birthday...” Eren whispered as if he couldn't believe his ears. He seemed to remember that Floch had been born in October, but he couldn't remember the date or the fact itself.

It was such an unimportant fact, so rambling and quickly forgotten, that he had no words for it now. When was the last time Eren himself had celebrated his birthday? For some time that date had ceased to have meaning and significance for him. When you're only left with seven or even six years, celebrating your birthday would seem to be a report before your imminent death.

It was hard to tell if his age should even be counted when you have memories, feelings, and visions from different years and moments jumbled together in your head. Physically, he was seventeen, but was every seventeen-year-old filled with the amount of knowledge and lived experience that he had?

But Floch is different. He wasn't burdened by... that. He was relatively free in his mind as a teenager, celebrating his birthday like the rest of them. He had suffered, suffered terribly from this war, but he was himself, he felt only himself, no snippets of something alien burst into his head, unpleasantly tearing apart his sense of reality.

Eren had almost forgotten what was around him, everyone arriving in a relatively normal state of mind. What really mattered to someone was that day on the calendar, when the years lived increased by one unit.

“Oh, you didn't know.” Wim shook his head.

“Thanks for reminding me. I'll find him a present.” Eren blushed slightly, turning around on the spot and wandering back to the cubicles.

Going through the various bling, he couldn't help but think about why it had suddenly become so important for him to find a gift when he hadn't even given one to Armin and Mikasa in years. Another way to pretend nothing was going on..?

Wim left, taking the lantern with him and not even offering to stay behind to maybe advise him on something. Eren, as much as he hated to admit it, knew practically nothing about Floch. He saw him often, they talked often, but not that he ever took the time to ask about his hobbies or what color he liked best.

In the depressing silence, Eren decided he would just try to find something unique and expensive.

Eren stepped out of the ship, facing Hange, a sad Marleyan standing beside her.

“Good morning.” Hange smiled, shoving Eren aside and making his way into the ship.

Eren looked around and noticed the sun had indeed begun its rise, illuminating the golden sand where the newly arrived soldiers of both the police and survey corps were already standing. There was no one among them that Eren knew intimately, and he decided that the moment had come when it was time for him to leave this not very pleasant place.

The road back was filled with something he couldn't quite identify, but it wasn't pleasant. It was all too wrong; it seemed to Eren that he should have done something, something useful and decisive.

Alas, all he was capable of at this point was to drive back to the dorms, go to his room, dodge the attentive Mikasa, and lie in bed going back to sleep without dreaming.

Eren woke up to a particularly bright ray of sunlight resting too clearly on his face, causing him to wrinkle his nose. He suppressed the urge to sneeze, and slowly rose, regretting having gotten up. Just as he wanted to lie back down, a heavy tide of memories enveloped him headlong; he saw insects, the large number of insects that usually can be found somewhere in the darkest corner of a forest of big trees when he accidentally step on a nest of these things. These insects were forever crawling over the graves, destroying the flowers that the mourners brought.
Disgusting, slimy creatures.

Eren felt sick; he wouldn't sleep again. It was so disgusting that his fingers began to shake uncontrollably, as if trying to shake off the critters.

He got out of bed in a frenzy and some kind of fear when he realized that he hadn't changed his clothes since that morning's trip to the beach. There were grains of sand under the layers of fabric, and he wanted to peel his skin off and feel regret that he still had regeneration. And the will to live.

It's Floch's birthday tomorrow, so Eren should probably wrap a present, or is it not worth it? How much of what he found on the ship could even be considered a normal gift for someone who has come out of the worst year of his life.

Maybe Eren should have found a redhead to talk about it. Probably.
He basically just wants to talk to him.

But the nausea went away. The desire to sleep, and to go somewhere far away, was restored.

And so, tormented by guilt, Eren collapsed on the bed again, stupidly afraid to leave the room and move on with his life.

He was awakened by an agitated Mikasa.

Eren struggled to his eyes, instantly feeling an eerie pain in his head from oversleeping. Mikasa's face was slightly lit by the orange glow of the setting or dawn sun. Without giving much thought to how she had basically penetrated him, Eren gently pushed her assertive hands away and stood up, looking around as if not fully aware of the place he was in.

“You literally slept all day, Eren! You weren't at breakfast or lunch, you can't do that!” Mikasa was angry, stubbornly trying to put her hands back on her friend's shoulders, not accepting that he didn't want her hands there.

“Oh,” Eren squeezed his eyes shut, finding no excuse. His head was bent on destroying itself, insinuating to him what an idiot he was. “Shit, I must be dehydrated or something.” Eren whimpered, feeling the last of the water in his system come out with the cold sweat and sticky soak into his clothes. He needed to wash himself, he was nasty. A small note of wonder flashed through his train of thought as to why Mikasa wasn't disgusted by touching him.

“Come on, get up, I'll make you some tea.” Mikasa nodded, lifting Eren onto his shaky legs with a slight effort.

Eren immediately remembered the delicious tea Floch had once made him and wished desperately that Mikasa had made something similar, if not exactly the same.

“I'll wash first.”

“Okay, then come to your kitchen.” Mikasa said sternly, feeling too comfortable in the men's dormitory building.

Childhood friends parted on their way out of the room, and Eren, taking a change of clothes with him, went to the bathroom, feeling a little lost.

Mikasa met him in the kitchen, as she had promised; there was already tea on the table, which Eren greedily gorged himself on, quenching his thirst. He could hardly restrain himself from drinking the water from the bathroom, stopping himself only because the water was as dirty and disgusting as he was.

“Thank you.” Eren smiled slightly, placing his empty mug on the table.

Mikasa sat across from him, examining him carefully. There was a slight look of concern on her face, which meant she was insanely excited. Her face rarely showed any emotion at all. Eren cringed in place.

“You slept all night and all day. It's almost night, or rather sunset.” Mikasa established, realizing that Eren might have been a little lost in time.

Eren nodded, staring out the window, which still didn't open, not helping the overall stuffiness of the room. The sunset was coming to an end, and Eren couldn't even find it beautiful, though he usually always admired this natural phenomenon, no matter how mundane it was.

“I don't know what's gotten into me, I just want to sleep all the time.” Eren decided to open up a little, though he didn't feel Mikasa could understand him the way he would have wanted to.

“You're tired, there are a lot of ships coming in lately. If they woke me up today, I'd go with you.”

Eren suppressed a slight chuckle, realizing that this might have been suddenly rude.

“What am I tired of? Nothing is happening. We're not doing anything.” He asked, with uncontrollable bitterness in his voice.

“Like I said, you're tired of dealing with ships.” Mikasa insisted unwaveringly, pouring Eren more tea. It was hard to tell who she was trying to convince with those words, Eren or herself.

The tea was rather bland, but Eren was too thirsty to give it too much importance. Water is water.

“Yeah, you're right.” Eren quipped, finishing his second mug. With an exhale, he set it down on the table and relaxed in his chair. He had to figure out what to do for the night. “Thanks, Mikasa, I'll go... read.”

Mikasa suddenly looked tired, and she nodded, getting up. “Just don't do that again, Eren.” She said, walking out of the kitchen.

Mikasa never stopped giving him the impression of a mother.

Eren didn't read, in fact, he just went outside, dejectedly counting the stars in the sky. The sun, which was no longer visible, was still very slightly illuminating the smallest part of the horizon, but the sky was dark and overpowering.

The windows of the buildings gradually began to reflect the light of the lamps from the rooms. Most had gone home, some were reading, some were washing, and some might be staring at the wall, as Eren usually did.

The breeze tickled his neck freely, developing his long hair. His muscles relaxed, his eyes ran from star to star, his brain kept going off counting.

“I was read fairy tales as a child that the stars we see are dead people.” Eren heard a soft, quiet voice next to him.

Eren's heart jumped, though he was not frightened. He looked at Floch, who had quietly crept up on him and was now standing beside him, looking at the sky with interest.

He was wearing Eren's pullover and soft-looking white pants. He must have been getting ready for bed, but his soul refused to let go of his nightmares, not allowing him to sleep peacefully. In complete contrast to Eren's situation… Eren could only dream of sharing at least a fraction of his desire and ability to sleep for long periods of time with Floch. Maybe then there would be a balance.

“They used to tell tales like that when we were still in the training corps,” Eren said, now unable to tear his gaze away from the guy. Something about him was far more appealing than a million stars. “Only then we were told they weren't just dead, but our comrades who had died for us.”

“Times were easier when we thought we were the only people in the world, weren't they?” Floch grinned, taking a seat beside him.

“Sometimes I think it would have been better if it had remained a mystery.” Eren hummed, feeling warm in his chest no matter what.

“So that we could suddenly be destroyed, and we wouldn't even know who did it, or why? Hmm, I don't know.” Floch shrugged.

“Yeah, we'd die in peace.”

“You're just fooling yourself, what about your desire for freedom? No peace when you worry every day that the titans won't destroy all the walls.” Floch frowned, suddenly finding the subject serious.

“It's easier to die from unknown titans than from people you can understand.” Eren pursed his lips.

“You underestimate the fear of the unknown.” Floch shook his head, raising his head to the sky again; the sun was already completely gone, leaving only the white, cold light of the moon, "Tell me, are you afraid to imagine being somewhere out there?” Floch pointed upward.

“Among the stars?”

“Yeah, we don't even know what that is.” Floch lowered his hand, glancing at Eren, who wasn't even looking in the direction he was pointing. Perhaps that upset him, and he frowned.

“I used to hate the unknown, but when I got the chance to find out, I was disappointed. Sometimes it's better if something remains a mystery.” Eren hummed pitifully, wrapping his arms around himself. Disappointment was an understatement.

“Yeah, sometimes I think you're just trying to be something you're not.” Floch hummed thoughtfully.

“I-it's not like that,” Eren blushed, hiding his cheeks behind his hands. “What are you doing here, anyway? Stalking?”

“Yeah, sure.” Floch replied without a laugh in his voice. He took a deep breath and began to pointlessly and idly trace his finger across the dying grass.

“We need to find you something for your nightmares.” Eren suggested, feeling sad again.

“It's all right, I don't want them to go away.”

“What?”

Floch was stubbornly silent for a moment, choosing his words. His lips were pursed, twitching slightly. It was a sad sight, Eren almost applying his already-working hugging tactic, as Floch shook his head sharply, as if shaking something off.

“I'm the only one still here who's been.. there.” Floch began in a whisper, gradually raising his voice until he reached his usual volume, “If I stop having nightmares with them, I'm afraid I'll forget about them. The memory of what happened then is my nightmares. They don't have to go away, they're part of me now.”

Eren couldn't find the words, his mind replaying the guy's words over and over until it meaning was hammered into his brain. A meaning that was terrifyingly desperate.

“You don't have to say anything now, and you don't have to feel sorry for me. I don't need it, i just... Decided to say.” Floch exhaled, as if he'd been holding his breath the whole time.

“I don't... M-maybe I don't have what you have, but dreams... I can understand their importance to you, even if they're painful.” Eren shook his head.

Floch nodded silently, seemingly unwilling to pursue the subject.

But the silence was interrupted almost immediately by the birds, who soared into the sky with a deafening screech, and behind them the feathers swirled, slowly descending. Somewhere around here was their nest, Eren was often distracted by the chirping of chicks from one of the trees.

One of the feathers dropped into Floch's hair, causing Eren to have an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

“What the fuck?!” Floch surged, not understanding the reason for the other guy's laughter, but clearly frightened by the sudden rise of the birds.

“Damn, your hair looks p-pretty much like a nest!” Eren laughed, brushing a feather from the redhead's head.

“What?! That's not true, I combed my hair!” said Floch frowning, patting himself on the head and brushing Eren's hands away roughly.

“When was that, this morning?” Eren chuckled, calming down.

“God, just shut up. What was that, anyway?” Floch sulked, staring after the birds, who had flown quite a distance.

“They must have decided to fly somewhere warmer.”

“Yes, it's about time.” Floch snorted, sharply pushing himself off the ground and getting up.

“Wait! Do you think it's the next day yet?” Eren asked, not too ambiguously.

A young moon shone over Floch, surrounded by thousands of stars, while the wind framed his face. He looked pensive, but finally just grinned.
“Of course not, it was sunset a couple minutes ago.” He said with a sneer in his voice.

Eren restrained his eyes from rolling; after all, Floch remained as cranky as usual. It wasn't annoying, but it was still a little unnatural.

“Fine.” Eren pouted, turning away from the criminally handsome guy. Now that was really annoying.

“Okay. I'll go inside.” Floch nodded, wiping the smirk off his face, "And you?” he added after a few seconds of hesitation.

“Are you inviting me in now?” Eren smiled, looking at the feather in his hand. A long feather, decorated with various brownish hues that looked black and white in the moonlight.
“Nah, don't want you to meet my roommate.” Floch snorted, indulging in some not very pleasant memories.

“Well, shall we go back to my place, then?” Eren suggested, wondering where Wim was going to have the birthday bash. In the kitchen or somewhere far away from here?

“Let's go.” Floch said easily, entering the building.

It was much warmer and cozier inside the room, though not so much that it was completely comfortable. Eren led Floch into the room, not allowing his thoughts to enter the rather strange territory that he simply preferred to ignore.

Floch walked in, as he had done the first time, looking around carefully.

“I'm having severe déjà vu,” Floch moaned, running his finger across Eren's desk, but there was no dust on it. “Wow.”

Eren frowned, not remembering that he'd actually wiped the countertop; he didn't even have a rag for it. Could Mikasa have done it? It wasn't too much like her...

He decided not to say anything, but the feeling of unease came over him in a not very pleasant wave.

“By the way, I should probably give you your sweater back.” Floch's cheeks flushed visibly, even though there was no light at all. Eren lit his paw, feeling an urgent need to fix it. “But, um, it just needs to be washed.”

“What for?” Eren muttered, getting used to the bright yellow light of the lamp. It smelled like matches; Eren had always liked that smell.

“How about that. Would you enjoy wearing something after someone? Gross, isn’t it?” Floch arched an eyebrow incredulously, tugging at his pullover.

“No?” answered Eren, though the tone of his voice sounded more like he was asking.

Floch was silent, staring incredulously into the long-haired man's eyes. “Well, then... I'll take it off now.” He said uneasily.

“No, wait, there's no need. It's chilly anyway.”

“In that case, it's more like you just gave me this sweater for forever.” Floch grinned, instantly warming Eren's cheeks with those words.

“Y-yes, think of it as your birthday present.” Eren smiled weakly.

They stood at different ends of the room, but the tension became so palpable, as if the space between them were shallow, and so much so that their breathing became abruptly too loud.

“Ah... Birthday...” Floch exhaled, taking a seat in the chair that was set up next to the table.

“Y-yes.” Eren nodded nervously, approaching the boy. Something didn't seem right.

“I forgot about that.” said Floch, dropping his head on the table.

“Forgot?” Eren repeated, feeling his own heart rate rise.

“Yeah. I... It's weird that life still goes on no matter what, you know?” Floch hummed, not raising his head.

“Uh-huh.” Eren exhaled with relief, regaining his composure because he understood Floch. He was afraid for a moment that he'd missed something. “In that case, it was just a gift. Not a birthday present. Considering it wasn't tomorrow yet.” He smiled, putting his hand on Floch's shoulder.

“Cool,” said Floch, finally raising his head to meet Eren's gaze, "Thank you.”

“That's not all, um... I found something, well, I'm not sure you need it, j-just,” Eren stammered, stepping back to his bed and going through the blanket looking for what he found on the box, “It's, well, that!” He smiled as he finally found the thing.

Floch looked interestedly into Eren's hands, which involuntarily began to shake in spite of the weight of what was in them.

“A pocket watch?” Floch raised his eyebrows in surprise. After Eren nodded, Floch gently took it from his hot and slightly sweaty hands. “They're heavy.”

“I think it's pure silver. Well, if not, then... Something cool either way, heh..” Eren said nervously, waiting for the redhead's reaction.

Floch twirled the round watch in his hands, examining it carefully. Its lid was convex, making it look like a balloon when closed. The chain dangled, producing a pleasant crackle of metal. Eren was able to relax.

“It doesn't run.” said Floch, trying to wind it.

“Try shaking it.” Eren suggested.

“Oh. It works.” smiled Floch, holding the watch up to the light of the lamp, still examining it carefully.

“Do you like it?” Eren inquired, with little hope in his voice.

“Yes, it's cool. Thank you for this gift, which is definitely not for my birthday.” Floch sparred, still smirking.

Eren smiled back, feeling the movement in his stomach. It felt good.

A few more hours or so passed in a relaxed atmosphere. They talked now and then about everything and nothing, until Eren, to his great disappointment, fell asleep, leaving Floch in a position where he had no choice but to leave, putting out the lamp on the way.

Chapter Text

The Azumabito family were always eager to evolve, perhaps from selfish intentions, and finally decided to come in person to the small island that caught their attention at just the right moment. Kiyomi was confident in her strength and knowledge, and for some reason decided to risk her life.

After some research, also not without the help of Azumabito, Hange came to the conclusion that the island needed new equipment to protect it from various threats that were not titans. Although it was not an easy task, she began discussing ideas and suggestions, during which Kiyomi fully explained the essence of the fifty-year plan.

The first two conditions didn't matter that much to Eren, but the third was the retention of the founder titan's power in a family with royal blood. This meant sacrificing the queen and her future children.

Eren knew, he saw it. But deep down, he didn't believe it. He thought that maybe everything spinning around in his head was a lie. But if it wasn't, since he heard it with his own ears and saw it with his own eyes, what did that mean?
Everything he saw is bound to happen.

It terrified him.

“I didn't try hard enough.” He whispered mostly to himself as he made his way swiftly outside.

Despite the winter chill and his light clothing, he was hot as hell.

Azumabito... Mikasa's family, were here for resources. They had no interest at all in the survival of the island demons.

Historia... Should eat Eren. And then have her baby eat her. And so on until the end of time. Eren snorted, thinking about it. It was bloody stupid.

He pulled back the collar of his dress shirt, which he had barely put on this morning. It was choking him, preventing him from breathing properly.

There was no freedom in it, it was hell, it was a cage into which they had to voluntarily lock themselves. Historia had made her choice back then in the cave, Eren would not allow her to indulge the rest of the world. He will not allow himself to be indulged, he has a choice. He knows what he must do, but....

Cold. The wind blew over him and a couple of snowflakes fell on his nose, instantly melting and spreading across his face like tears. Puzzled, Eren looked around him, noticing a large number of nameless to him soldiers beside. Each one of their lives was more important to him than the rest of the world.

Such familiar, in some ways even soothing anger engulfed his body. He clenched his lower lip between his teeth, almost biting it through, but stopping the moment Armin was in front of him.

“Huh?” Came out of Eren's mouth as he surveyed the figure of his best friend, and inwardly wondering why he was here and not inside with the others.

“Eren! Why did you leave?” Armin asked excitedly, extending his hands slightly forward.

“I.. I need some fresh air.” Eren exhaled, he wanted to punch something.

“Let's go back, we have a lot of overseas sweets.” Armin smiled uncertainly, putting one hand on Eren's shoulder.

“I was going to Shiganshina.” Eren admitted, staring down at the floor.

“What? Why?” Armin was surprised.

“I just... I want to freshen up.”

“Oh,” Armin looked like he'd been punched in the stomach. It was a strange sight. Eren frowned at the thought that something about it hurt his friend so badly, “O-okay.” Armin agreed, as if he was being asked, and slowly lowered his arms.

Eren nodded and walked past him.

In the days of stagnation, when the future was not predetermined, everyone hung around doing nothing, occasionally taking part in railroad construction, which consisted mainly of cracking the ice that had formed on the rails. It was as pointless as anything they had been doing lately.

Eren, for a while, just tried to float along in a measured current, not trying to be active or even think. But in letting his friends make all the important decisions, he made a mistake. He should have trusted himself.

All those scrappy memories given to him after kissing Historia's hand did not give him an exact answer as to how the island's fate would unfold in the coming years. But everything fell into place. He was left with only one option, one that he was so afraid to even admit out loud. Even in his thoughts, he was wary of it.

He saw Floch with his new haircut, he saw Zeke looking surprised, as if Eren had four little mice running out of his mouth or growing a second head.
And everything that happens now is of his will.
He has chosen to believe in his friends, which has led to little. Historia is in danger; the island is doomed to perpetual fear.

He believed that any future conjured up for him by the reminiscence of the Attack Titan was vague and capable of change. Eren sought freedom, and one of its main aspects was always the right to choose.

And now that he has made the wrong but conscious choice to believe in friends who are so sacrificial, so much so, that they will go against him, just because they don't care, they have their own moral, they are far away from him.

Eren had to admit to himself that Floch was probably the person closest to him right now. He was almost certain he would take his side if he had to.

He hurried out into the center of Shiganshina, where there weren't many people, surprisingly, even though it had been more than a year since this town had been liberated.
That's why he's here, though. He is in search of the very moment when all his disgust with his present self can fade into the background, consumed by the feeling that everything is as it should be.

After figuring out a tentative course of action, Eren left the narrow street and entered a bar near which, in his memory, young girls often used to hang out. Looking around the room, Eren tried to ignore the slight fear that enveloped his muscles as everyone inside turned their attention to him.

He needed to plan how to trick Zeke properly.

Almost every seat in the bar was taken, though there were four tables along the oak wall, separated from each other and from the rest of the room by decorative wooden partitions. It was dark and warm inside, and it smelled of alcohol mixed with something sweet that Eren couldn't make out.

But first he have to gain his and Elena's trust.

The gaze of one of the girls lingered on him longer than the others, which sent a wave of shivers through Eren. There was one of the few empty seats next to her. It was as if the whole town was in this very room at this very hour and minute.

Silently, Yeager sat down next to the momentarily flushed girl. The sunset light streamed through the white translucent curtains, laying on the girl's chubby face. The reddish-gold sheen of her curls accentuated her pale skin, which was also highlighted by small lips that glistened with pink lipstick.
She smiled slightly.

“You're the Eren Yeager, aren't you?” She asked with marked hope.

Eren nodded.

“Did I do something wrong?” The girl tilted her head shyly, playing with her fingers.

Eren noted that the sun on her cheeks did not beautify her; on the contrary, the rays worked against her, only accentuating the roughness of her skin and even the barely visible pimples.

“No, don’t worry,” Eren smiled, as reassuring as he felt, “Actually, I used to live here.”

“Yeah, everyone knows that,” the girl chuckled shyly, leaning slightly toward him, “A lot of people are still scared of you.”

“Sure.” Eren nodded confidently, ignoring the second part of the girl's words for a while as the realization of what was happening came over him with painful force.

Is he really...?

“You're all tense, don't you?” The girl winked, finishing her dark red drink at once, rising from her seat. She was drunk. “Don't worry, I'm only a year older.” She smirked. Her dress fluttered, it was plain, but an attractive blue color.

“You're very drunk.” Eren muttered, getting up after her. He didn't quite know what was going on; that wasn't why he'd come here.

“Don't get the idea, I'm not a whore. I just want an interview with a celebrity.” She giggled.

“An interview?” Eren asked incredulously. The tips of his fingers tingled; at some point he held them in the snow too long. It was hard to say exactly why he did it. “Okay, why not?”

The girl smiled toothily.

And there they were, already in the little room the girl kindly led him into, glimpsing that this was her rented place while she was moonlighting for her landlord.
Her gait was shaky, but her words confident.

“That's it, great,” she laughed, grabbing Eren's sweaty hand and pushing him closer to the bed. “And s-so. My first question.”

Eren glanced around the room, which was decorated in light colors. There were rows of bookshelves and shelves in the center and along the side walls. Several acrylic landscapes hung on the wall, describing something unlike anything seen in Shiganshina. The curtains framing the surprisingly tiny window were a defiant red, from which, a reflex of color stained the floor and nearby furniture.

Meanwhile, the girl, whose name was still unknown, took off her low heels and staggered barefoot to the big closet that occupied most of the room after the bed. After rummaging around in there for a while, she snatched up her linen pants, pulling them right under her dress.

The situation he was in was strange. But he just decided it was a great way to distract himself. It was okay, he could work with it.

“Fine, then tell me what you want.” He whispered, stretching his shoulders.

“I wondered what it would be like to be in a titan's body.” The girl asked with mischief in her eyes.

“Hot.” Eren answered dryly, but it was honest.

“Ha-ha! I-I always wondered how you weren't burned up inside!” The girl laughed hoarsely as she sat down next to him.

Eren could only think of how many titans he'd killed. Or rather, the people trapped in the titans. Had they felt fear as the intelligence corps hacked them to pieces? Did they feel regret for what they could not control?

“Okay, next question. What's going to happen next?” The girl didn't ask so actively anymore, at the end even yawning.

It was a question that bothered him just as much. But hearing it from the stranger's mouth made him realize how hard it must be for the average citizen right now. They know nothing at all. And they don't know what he will do. It made him doubt the reality of what was happening, considering how little he remembered on the way here.

Yes, he has made up his mind. He's going to do it. It's the only choice for him.

Eren jumped up on the bed, turning around at the drunken girl. He hadn't noticed how he'd tired her out himself. She had fallen asleep, her breath slightly lifting a couple of curly hairs that fell over her nose. It didn't matter if she was real or what had just happened - what mattered was that he drew conclusions.

Eren walked carefully to the door of her room, afraid to make the slightest noise so as not to wake her up or dispel the illusion and stepped outside.

This whole situation was reckless; Eren was ruthlessly stupid if he thought it would really help him.
He was deep in a place from which he would never get out.
His whole life had been fixated on trying to free himself from the cage, so why would he think it would be any different this time.

He returned to the dormitories toward evening; he was having a hard time coping with what he had recently decided. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to vent his anger and the rest of his all-consuming emotions somewhere. Eren nodded to himself somewhat curtly, and decided to head for the firing range, unable to think of anything better to do. It was getting close to sunset, which meant that there would probably be no one there, since all the soldiers were usually out shooting in the morning.

All he has to do is touch a man of royal blood and set the earth humming. Destroy all humanity off the island. Millions, no, billions of innocents would fall at his hands.
He was born here, he lives here, this is where he will leave his legacy. This place will be free. And that is the price of freedom.

With a sort of frenzy, Eren had almost run to the range when he noticed a familiar redhead who was treating his shotgun with gun oil.

Floch was dressed in a dark brown coat, a gray fluffy sweatshirt, and their soldier’s uniform pants. His style certainly didn't evoke any warm feelings in Eren.

With fierce ferocity, Eren reached the boy with loud strides and bit his lip. Under his feet, the snow crunched the way the bones of innocents would crunch under the feet of titans.

“Oh,” Floch wondered, raising his eyebrows. Waiting for Eren's still-unanswered reply, he put aside the shotgun and the oil and spoke again, in a more subdued tone, “And how was your trip to downtown Shiganshina?”

“I know you hate it as much as I do.” Eren frowned, dropping his hand on the wooden beam. The snow on it was frozen and prickly.

“Yeah...?” Floch nodded, lowering his eyebrows and his gaze.

“So can we talk about it?” Eren asked, getting very nervous.

“It's not going to change anything. We're fucked. You're going to get eaten.” Floch shook his head, not looking up, a deep pain oozing in his voice.

“It's not over.” Eren shook his head fiercely, gripping the fence tighter, his palm digging painfully into the ice.

“Well, yeah, not for us. For you.” Floch corrected himself, shaking off the snow particles. His fingers were very pink; he was barely able to move them. This made Eren's irritation and anger increase.

“Fuck this whole thing. Fuck the fifty-year plan, fuck the merciful death plan!” Roared Eren, turning away.

“The merciful death plan?” Floch's question was interrupted by a hard blow. Eren was standing next to him, his fist turning violently red from how hard he'd hit the nearby wall. “What the fuck?!” Floch almost squeaked.

Without answering, Yeager swung for another punch against the wall, and before Floch could stop him, the street was once again filled with the sound of decrepit wood breaking from the collision with his knuckles.
Eren staggered to look at his hand, which was shaking violently. Bright red blood was oozing between his fingers, and the skin was peeling off unsightly. The cold air felt like it was burning the wound, but it only made him want to cut it open more.

“God, that's enough!” Floch shouted as Eren took another swing.

With a sort of grunt, Floch tried to let go of the guy's hand, now concentrating on trying to calm him down.

“No, don't touch me!” Eren snarled, pulling himself out of the easy grapple with force and slamming his back against the wall.

“Calm down, all right, what you're crippling yourself isn't going to help you at all!” Floch gibbered, stretching out his arms, reminding Eren of Armin.

With tears in his eyes, Eren turned around and stepped back slightly, grabbing his stomach. He struck again on another piece of wood, and not as hard as before.

Floch, apparently deciding that softness wouldn't help here, swooped down on Eren, grabbing his shoulders and pushing down, pulling him down. Eren jerked in his arms like a wild animal.

Kneeling roughly against Eren's stomach, Floch took advantage of his hesitation and wrapped his arms around his hands, trying not to touch the wound.
“Enough,” Floch exhaled with some relief as he felt the boy beneath him slowly relax, “Don't hurt yourself in a fit of feeling, you idiot, or you might turn into a titan!” Floch raised his voice, not fully aware of the reaction this would cause.

Eren opened his eyes wide, as if horrified. He sobbed, wrenching himself out of Floch's arms, while sniffling painfully at the itchy skin on his arm. “Let me go! Or else you'll die!” He wheezed, pushing back with his knees and trying to crawl back, thanks to his elbows.

Floch, trying to restrain the boy, ran his hand unsuccessfully over Eren's wound, causing him to squeak.

“Let go, I don't want you to die!” Eren put his hands to his face, trying unsuccessfully to hide his cries.

“If you calm down, you won't turn. So, breathe and, you know, stuff.” mumbled Floch, turning his disgruntled gaze skyward.

“You're an idiot, you don't appreciate life at all!” Eren snorted, actually calming down.

“It's not about me now, you know?” Floch asked sadly.

“It's about you, too. And the others.” Eren shook his head. Steam came out of his hands, signaling regeneration. He let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he wouldn't turn into a titan now.

“I'm sorry.” Floch tilted his head, meeting his gaze with the guy below.

Eren nodded and, not listening to his voice of reason, if any remained, raised one hand, lightly touching Floch's thigh. “What if there is a way out?” He asked, the blood had already stopped oozing from his knuckles, leaving only dull pain. Pity, because he liked the feeling of flowing blood.

“You mean that merciful death plan, or whatever it was?” Floch arched an eyebrow, not moving.

Eren raised slightly on his other arm, finding himself a little closer to the guy sitting on top of him. The hand on his hip was now half-bent, allowing Eren to reach much farther. He moved his hand very slowly from his hip to Floch's stomach.

“What are you doing?” Floch asked, though he didn't sound like he really cared.

“No, I don't mean the merciful death plan. Like I said, fuck it.”

Yeager wasn't very comfortable with his legs straight, so he lifted one knee, forcing Forster to move a little closer to his pelvis. Instantly regretting it, Eren blushed profusely.
His hand was still resting on Floch's stomach. He couldn't feel the warmth of his skin because of the thick layer of clothing. But the coat was pleasant to the touch.

Something was twisting violently in his stomach, and his limbs were suffering from the cold. There were particles of hard, frozen snow tangled in Eren's hair, making him feel as if his head was frozen through. He thought maybe his brain was frozen solid.

“Do you like my coat that much?” Floch grinned, his cheeks eerily flushed from the cold, a single trickle of sweat running down them, gleaming from the sun that was about to set over the horizon.

“Uh-huh.” Eren answered in a husky voice. It was time for him to stop before this went too far. He was unaware of his actions. Floch's passive reaction didn't help matters one bit. “Why don't you ask what other way out?”

“You'd tell me if you wanted to.” Floch shrugged, looking so nonchalant that the old rage was almost back to Eren.
It seemed to Eren as if Floch didn't care... Or did he just not believe...?

“Floch, don't lose hope.” Eren pleaded, not letting go of his hand. It’s almost regenerated and the blood's completely gone.

“What do you suggest then?” Floch laughed, tears in his eyes, obviously not from joy.

Those words finally introduced some common sense into Eren's head, and he too quickly, as if scalded, ripped his arm from Floch's body and fell to the ground, trying to climb out from under the guy.
Floch stood up, letting him.

“I..” Eren’s voice shook eerily as he tried to squeeze his legs together. He felt himself on the edge of excitement and intense sadness, “I'm sorry, I don’t... I'm not... ready to tell you.”

Floch arched an eyebrow incredulously, not looking at Eren and instead picking up his shotgun from the floor.

“I'm afraid it's going to break you.” Eren panicked, still not finding the strength to get up off the ground.

“Even more?” Floch asked sarcastically, glancing sideways at the boy in his awkward position. He mercifully reached out his free hand to help him up.

“Yeah, I haven't handled it myself yet... I don't want to take it out on you.” Eren muttered, shrinking.

“We could handle it together,” Floch shrugged, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders. “You all right?”

“Not really.” Eren whispered.

“You're frozen to the bone, let's go inside before you freeze your last brains out.” Said Floch, shaking the snow off Eren's head.

Eren nodded.

Inside the dormitory, they hardly spoke. Eren tried desperately to warm himself next to the kitchen stove while Floch silently made tea, looking dejected at the same time. His hands were shaking and his lip was twitching just a little, causing Eren to feel some kind of pity inside him, but at the same time only fueling his confidence that when he felt better himself, he would tell Floch everything.

When the time comes.

Chapter Text

Along with his eighteenth birthday came the inevitability.

The months passed quickly; the way time usually runs out before something so frightening. Conversations with friends almost died down; most of all, Eren was absorbed in working out a plan. He already had a rough idea of what was to come. Avoiding the others was painful, he just couldn't look at their faces. He skipped breakfasts, lunches, dinners; all he had left was a small room that clogged up faster than usual, and in which he spent most of his time.

It seems that the development of new equipment has begun. Eren was glad in a way, but he couldn't get the thought of how his loved ones would use this new technology to fight against him.

And now, he forced himself out of his room, which increasingly reminded him of a prison, and faced the last day of the railroad construction. Eren rode in the same wagon as his closest friends. Months ago, he had told them that he wished them a long, happy life. Now he was preparing to have to fight them. The fire in his chest blazed with endless force, making it difficult to focus on the faces of his comrades and friends. Even knowing this, he still wasn't going to take their will, he wanted to make sure that in trying to gain his freedom, he didn't take it from others.

Maybe he's wrong, it doesn't matter, because today is the day when there's no going back. Eren had hammered the last nail in this construction long ago, and it was time to celebrate, to forget what it meant to be happy at all.

He stopped sleeping a long time ago, too.

“Eren, let's go here,” giggled a not very sober Jean, waving his hand toward the table with sweets, "before Sasha eats everything....” He added, frowning slightly.

It was sunny. It was bright and sweltering. And a lot of people crowded around Jean, flushed and happy.

Eren was throwing up so badly that he could not stand it. Mikasa approached him in the same way, offering some kind of flat and round pastry that did not arouse any appetite in Eren at all. It was a flattened something with some kind of berry syrup of a delicate orange color dripping down it. Mikasa's hands were sticky, soaked in this syrup. Eren gulped, vehemently refusing any of the food that was offered to him now and then.

He endured, held on. A faint breeze picked up his light summer hat, blowing with a light whistle. He needed to find an excuse and leave this place as soon as possible. Elena wasn't quite far away from here, and Floch was her personal guard, which made the job a little easier.

“I have to go.” Eren exhaled, staring straight into the gray eyes of Mikasa, who immediately stopped smiling.

“You can't just leave, it's a special day.” Mikasa pouted, placing her pancake on the table beside her.

Armin, standing nearby, turns around with interest, pretending that he hasn't been watching Eren out of the corner of his eye the whole time.

Eren didn't know exactly what he expected them to say. He knew it wasn't the most special day, and that he would have something even better for them. It's just not the time yet. Right now he should be fixated on something else. He's in cahoots with Zeke, he's arranged to meet with Elena.

The setting sun was light on Mikasa's coal-black hair, who waited patiently for Eren to give some kind of answer. He knew that if he couldn't come up with something worthwhile, she would find him wherever he was.

“I don't want to be here.” Eren squeezed out but decided that perhaps sincerity would help him this time.

“Why?” Mikasa asked, raising her eyebrows.

“I'm going home, tell me tomorrow how it went, okay?” Eren cut off and turned away, not really waiting for an answer.

“S-sure... What happened?” Shouted a perplexed Mikasa, but Eren didn't listen to her.

A sense of regret, a raw responsibility for what he was about to do not only to Floch, but to the rest of the world, came over him as he moved quickly toward where Elena was staying. He was in a hurry, even though it wasn't necessary.

Floch met him at the entrance, his eyes slightly obscured by his grown bangs as he tilted his head. Floch corrected it with his free hand while the other held tightly to the strap that held the rifle on his back.

“Eren?” Floch wondered, his eyes widening slightly, their color looking especially amber as the sun shone down on him from behind the horizon. Soon it will be night.

“Hey, Floch,” Eren smiled briefly, looking behind him, "I need to talk to Elena.”

“May I ask why?” Floch hummed, lifting the corners of his lips just a little in response.

“Are you staying here?” Eren asked instead, completely ignoring the question.

“Um. Yeah, I'm with her round the clock.” Floch shrugged and stepped aside to open the door.

Eren nodded and quickly ran inside. Elena turned around at the sound of the door opening and immediately smiled sweetly. Wlile talking to her, Eren had to pretend, as usual, to agree with what was being offered. He knew that Floch was standing right next to him, just behind the wall, and could hear everything perfectly. He also knew how much Floch didn't like it.

What's needed.

The sun was long gone when Elena, with a wide, slightly unnatural smile, nodded and offered to drink some green tea before Eren could leave.

“Honestly, I'd like to stay.” He said, casting a single-minded glance at the room where Floch was nestled.

“As you wish, there are just two beds there.”

Eren, despite his best efforts, still blushed a little. A tiny white mug of an almost colorless liquid was placed in front of him with a thud. Green leaves lay at the bottom, rising from any movement. Eren stared at his reflection, rehearsing the speech he was about to make. He took a small sip, feeling the unpleasant bitter without-sugar taste of the drink on his tongue and smiled lusciously, looking at Elena.

“Well then, I'll leave you to it,” she smiled, looking at him with such admiration that Eren involuntarily cringed in place. She's very much mistaken in him. “Have faith in Zeke.” She said, walking away.

After waiting until Elena was sure to leave for her bedroom, Eren poured the rest of his tea and knocked on the door leading to Floch's. He opened it almost instantly.

“Ah. It's you,” Floch exhaled, “I thought it was Elena.”

He was in a soft-looking nightie. Bare feet and rifle at the ready.

Eren took a deep breath, getting ready to talk.

“Can I join you?” He asked, almost certain that Floch would not refuse him. Though there was some part of him that was afraid of rejection. Not that it mattered much.

“For the night...?” Floch mumbled uncertainly, looking Eren over from head to toe.

“To talk.” Eren shook his head.

“Well... Okay? Come on in,” Floch nodded, relaxing. “How are you?”

Floch would back him up, he knew it. Eren's plan would be the goal of his life. The plan would change him dramatically. And Yeager was selfish; even through pain, even through gritted teeth, he would still blame the unsuspecting Floch for everything that had been on his mind all these years. Was it fair? No.
Had he done everything for his personal freedom, was it so important to him to save everyone else if it meant killing his friends?

“I'm fine. I want to tell you something important. I need you to listen to me carefully first, and then answer me, okay?” Eren bit his lip, feeling the guilt eating away at him. How he wished it hadn't been necessary.

Maybe Eren's mind was shackled by a strange, nasty attachment, it was hard for him to judge. But he longed for peace and serenity, and only Floch could give him that, as he sat down on his bed, which was already spread out.

“No problem.” Floch shrugged, pointing to the other bed next to him. While Eren settled on it, he lit the lamp on the table that separated the two beds.

“Well, I...” Eren started as he became insanely hot, “I'll probably stay the night after all, if you'll let me?”

“Okay.” Redhead agreed, “But I don't have any clothes I can lend you," he added after a few seconds.

“That's okay.” Eren replied, kneading his muscles as he stared at the wall.

He just needed to concentrate.
Taking a few big breaths, Eren tuned in. The moment had arrived.

“I'm going to pretend to agree with Zeke's plan. And I want you to do the same.” Eren began, nervously rubbing the edge of his T-shirt, which was a little dusty.

“So what's next?” Floch asked incredulously, looking terribly tired, "You don't think we have any choice, do you?”

Eren stared at the boy, picking his words. Floch certainly looked sad; he must have been tired of his perpetual tossing and turning. The situation on the island had never been so close to extinction, especially when their enemies were now not just empty titans, but an entire human race. There is only one way out here, the only one that will keep the inhabitants safe. Whether anyone expected Eren to take such a massive action, he wondered.

“We'll destroy the rest of the world.” Eren said gravely, after a few minutes of stifling silence.

“Huh?" Floch looked astonished, looking at Eren as if he'd grown a second head.

“Destroy every creature that's off the island. Every last one of them.” Eren grimaced, furrowing his brow and trying to keep his voice cold, filled only with the endless anger that was almost the only thing left in him.

“You're not serious…” Floch came to his senses, his gaze transformed almost to a sneer, “You came here to make silly jokes, didn't you?”

“Do I look like I'm joking?” Eren chirped, sitting up straighter. An itch appeared on his fingers, signaling that he would soon no longer have the strength to act so indifferent.

“No, but... And it doesn't seem true.” Floch hummed, lowering his head, causing his hair to cover his gaze again. But it was noticeable that he was biting his lower lip.

“All I have to do is touch a titan of royal blood.” Eren continued.

“But the military police are going to kill Zeke as soon as he gets to the island. Are you going to... do it while you're eating him?” Floch marveled, his eyes wide.

“No, I... Not really. You were eavesdropping, weren't you?” Eren asked, waiting for Floch's uncertain nod as the signal to continue, "I'll get to Marley.”

“S-Shit. Right. And when?” Floch shrank back, his breathing quickening.

“Not now. Not today.” Eren nodded, smiling weakly.

“Are you sure you're up to it?” Floch asked, meeting his gaze, “I mean.... Destroying the whole world thing.”

“I can do it.”

“I'm.... I find that hard to believe.”

“I understand," Eren nodded, rolling onto his bed, staring at the interesting ceiling. The flickering flame of the lantern, casting bizarre dark shadows on the brick vault of the ceiling. If he squinted, he could see some human or animal figures in them. All those who have to be killed, “I'm sorry.”

“For what?” A distant, slightly inviting voice of Floch was heard nearby.

“For taking it out on you.”

There was a rustling sound on the bed, and then a shadow loomed over Eren. He turned his eyes to meet Floch, who was standing beside his bed. His features were folded in a kind of meek brooding.

“So that's it,” Floch muttered. Eren thought for a moment that his eyes flashed bright yellow. “You've been him all along.”

Eren arched a silent eyebrow in mute question as he felt goosebumps of some slight fear.

“You're my devil.” Floch smiled softly.

“Huh... Devil... I guess you could call me that, really.” Eren replied nervously, watching with bated breath the man he'd just broken.

“You want me to take over the affairs of the island, don't you? Have you spoken to the queen about it?”

“Not yet.”

“Are you sure you want to take it out on her?”

“Yeah. Because I won't screw it up.” Eren nodded confidently, still lying on the soft mattress. He threw his legs up on the bed, making himself a little more comfortable.

“Wow,” Floch grinned, hovering over the boy, “I can't believe you kept it to yourself for so long.”

“Others and I had time to think of something else, but as you can see without success.” Eren replied briefly, scrutinizing Floch's face, lingering a little on his lips.

Floch noticed this, and he glowed slightly as he leaned in. His lips touched Eren's forehead gently and tenderly, causing his heart to clench painfully. Any words or apologies were suddenly unnecessary.

Floch smiled, pulling away.

“Wait.” Eren wheezed, sitting up. He unconsciously touched his forehead, as if he couldn't quite believe that this was really happening. In some ways it was even more impossible than destroying the whole world.

Floch stopped halfway to his bed and looked thoughtfully at Eren, still not waiting for any words from him. “Consider this my oath of allegiance to you.” Floch said in a velvet voice, his cheeks darkening subtly.

“Listen, Floch.” Eren exhaled, holding out his hand, "When I get back, I... Maybe I'll be a little different than I am now.”

“I understand.” Floch nodded, taking Eren's outstretched hand in his own, warming it in his warmth.

“But I want you to accept me when I come.” Eren murmured, feeling a little stiff calloused fingertips on the outside of his palm.

“Where did that come from?” Floch smiled, chuckling a little.

“I don't know. But it's been here for a long time.” Eren looked at their bound hands, and his expression softened, “Thanks for the trust, anyway.”

“What, you think you don’t deserve it?” Floch grinned, sounding completely non-serious.

“Apparently not." Eren sniggered, letting go of their hands.

Floch nodded uneasily and lay back on his bed.

All night long they stayed awake, but at the same time not a single word was uttered. The silence seemed to be deafening between them. But Eren knew there was a promise between them that each would keep his word. And maybe when he returned to this island, instant happiness would indeed await him with the man he knew he loved.