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“Chuuya," Dazai murmurs, just loud enough for him to hear. He sounds almost... afraid.
Chuuya’s never heard him speak so openly before.
If there’s one thing Chuuya knows about Dazai, it’s that he doesn’t show weakness infront of anyone. Even when knocked unconscious, he always looks guarded, as if he could wake at any moment. Dazai has never said his name like that. So... vulnerable.
That’s why he has to chose his words carefully, one wrong tone and Dazai would return to his normal, guarded self, so he chooses the safest option.
"Dazai."
He hopes his voice shows that he’s listening and isn’t blowing him off. He begs for it to have the correct impact, to push the right buttons. Theres a long pause, and Chuuya dares to look up, only to see that Dazai seems... nervous?
He doesnt exactly know what to make of it. However as soon as Dazai notices that Chuuya has infact looked up, his face turns into something less uncomfortable, but still abnormally emotional.
"I’m going to tell you something and you need to not get angry."
A pause.
"Though that might be hard for you slug."
Chuuya could tell it was a weak attempt to bring some familiarity to the conversation they were having. Sitting cross legged on Chuuya’s bed in his new apartment that he may as well be sharing with Dazai, random books and research papers lay discarded around them. Nothing about this is familiar, so Chuuya surrenders, and sends Dazai the same glare he always does, except it's not as harsh this time, and for a second he thinks he sees a genuine smile from Dazai.
"Go on mackerel, or should I call you snail with how slow you’re talking-"
"I dont think we were meant to meet." He says it so quickly chuuya barely registers the words before the next sentence comes flying out of Dazais mouth.
"I dont think God intended for us to meet "
This time he says it slightly slower, still fast for Dazai’s usual talking speed, but chuuya has now processed it enough to respond. All he can say is:
"What?" He sounds hurt, fuck, he was really hoping he wouldn’t. Now dazai has the upper hand. His voice had cracked. If only dazai didn’t have stupidly good hearing for a seventeen year old. It was over.
But the corners of Dazais mouth only tilted downwards before he was talking again.
"But I think the universe knew we would meet, years before God even became a concept."
A pause.
Perhaps it was for chuuya to say something or maybe it was because Dazai was now pulling nervously at his hoodie sleeves, a trait he had picked up from Chuuya himself.
An inhale.
"I think even though God didn’t care for us to meet and he might’ve put in some obstacles to stop it…"
Dazai breathed in again, this time the pause was shorter, meaning that whatever this - confession? rant? - is, it’s coming to an end.
"The universe knows we always would. in every lifetime, we would meet."
A pause.
"Good or bad.”
A shaky exhale.
"Dead or alive,” speaking slower now, "we will always end up meeting.”
Dazai finally looks Chuuya in the eye. Uncertainty is evident in his sharp features, but Chuuya thinks he sees something akin to hope flash in his eyes. He seems desperate to gauge Chuuya’s reaction to what he’s about to say.
“Like you said, we are written in the stars,
but I don’t think we are written in the bible."
And that was it. Silence stretches on for what feels like hours, but Chuuya knows it has only been a few moments. Dazai wouldn’t have sat there for more than five seconds after that speech without any acknowledgment, so Chuuya will work fast.
Reading into Dazais words was pointless, he had said what he wanted to and he wouldn’t say a word more.Chuuya went for the easy option again.
"I was drunk when I said that. Don’t bring it up in your heartfelt speeches you waste of bandages,” he replied, tone light and lacking malice.
He just hopes Dazai will use his genius protege mind to realise that Chuuya does in fact want to continue the conversation, and ,for once, Dazai seems to do what Chuuya wants him to. His whole body shifts, he isn’t as upright anymore, his hands arent balled into tight fists, instead they lay loosely on his lap. A small smile tugs at his lips, Chuuya can almost see how his eyes light up.
"I'm sure you were slug, and for future refrence, don’t call anything I say a heart felt speech," Dazai responds, making air quotes around 'heart felt speech' and pretending to gag, returning to a version of himself Chuuya rarely sees anymore with his constant visits to Mori’s office.
Chuuya can tell a weight has been lifted from Dazai’s shoulders, he just doesn’t know why.