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It was a silent morning in your apartment when Dazai uttered this words to you, his girlfriend of two years.
“Let’s break-up.”
Despite the indifferent tone in his voice, your expression didn't change as you silently drank your afternoon tea. Were you too shocked to process this information? Or, perhaps you knew you'll be parting ways with him?
You gently placed the cup down on the tea saucer, before meeting your soon-to-be ex's gaze. "If you truly want me to bawl my eyes out, you shouldn't have warned me in the first place, Osamu."
Before fate pushed you two to meet, Dazai recently passed his entrance exam as the new detective for the agency, and to celebrate his success, he chose to go to Lupin. And at that bar, you were there, drinking by yourself. After few exchange of glasses and, he found himself fascinated with you.
“Wanna go out?” You asked, lazily tracing the lid of your glass. "I'm serious about it."
Dazai looked down at his alcoholic beverage. He didn't know you well enough for him to warrant to have a relationship with you, but neither do you. If he pursued this relationship, maybe you would help him understand more about humanity.
“Sure,” Dazai smirked. “Although I agree to it, I just want to give you a heads up that our relationship will be short lived and one-sided.”
True to his words, he had the front row seats of his love story turning into a one-man show ran by you. What he didn’t expect, you stood by his side for the past two years. He couldn't pinpoint on what made you stay, but he liked to think that it had something to do with his love for dramatic flair. Afterall, you were just there whenever he needed someone to lean on. You never failed him. Because of it, he learned how to fall for you.
Except, him on the other hand, he lost count on the many times he knew you're disappointed on him. At first, he thought of many ways he could make up for it by showering you with gifts and affections. However, the moment you nursed him back to health from the annual flu, it became clear to him that you were never meant to be his.
Dazai Osamu was never gonna be your soulmate, because of how selfless you were. Perhaps, for the first time in his life, he feared the concept of 'us' between you and him, especially with his dark past and his line of work. He rather have you be well and alive, instead of fearing the possibility of you dying for him.
It was a strange idea for him to come into terms with it which it took him another 365 days to accept it. He always yearned to die with a beautiful lady like you next to him, but, his love for you wished that it wasn't you.
“I'm sorry, love.”
Like always, his apologies were devoid of life and meaningless. You never flinched away or got mad at him for it. It made him wonder why you're indifferent with his aloofness. Maybe you're aware of his shortcomings, or your too blinded by your love for him.
"What's there to apologize for?" You got up from your seat, before grabbing your used dishware. "It was nice while it lasted."
After what it felt like an eternity, he had to go and get ready for his mission in the afternoon. He left your spare keys to your apartment at the coffee table, and you assured him that you would drop his stuff at his place later in the day. All that's left of him was to open the door in front of him and leave.
But, his feet was cemented on the carpet floor like it was telling him not to leave. He already accepted the reality it wasn't you on his side at the end, but why does his heart kept trying to deny the truth?
“Osamu?" He looked behind, and saw you tilted your head to the side. "What's wrong?"
Dazai gently cupped your cheek with his hand, and his thumb brushed against your skin. He noticed three things immediately that brought a small smile to his lips. Your eyes were getting watery and red. Your temperature was unexpectedly hot. Lastly, the sudden stillness of your breath as if you have forgotten how to breathe after he touched your face.
It made him wondered. Were you putting that strong facade for the both of you? Or, to convinced yourself not to look pathetic in his goodbye?
Your warmth, your laughter, and the sound of his name from your voice, he wanted all of them ingrained it into his memory. He knew he’s a selfish and cruel man who loathe life itself, but…for once in his life, he wished he could change.
And, If he had the power to choose a life line, he would choose a different version of himself with a different set of personality and morals. Yet, it made him wonder if you still love him despite him being an entirely new person. He wished he could say 'I love you' to you without any repercussions.
But, his wishes and playing around the scenarios of what-if's were all in vain as you.
“I don’t…want to forget you that’s all…” Dazai took a deep breath before he smiled bittersweetly at you. "You're still beautiful that it made me left breatheless."