Chapter Text
it’s the same routine he followed into every day. wake up to the blaring alarm to unlock his gross cell, given food that probably slowly kills him, waits hours on end staring at the ceiling, gets painfully dragged on the concrete to be sticked, poked and kicked until bruised form, then goes back to eat dinner plus sleep, then the cycle repeats again.
chan doesn’t even remember when he came to this place, he feels like he’s always been. always thrown into his cell shaking from overstimulation and new bruises to sob over until he sleeps. they know of his autism, just don’t want to accommodate, chan just accepts they don’t care.
he’s just another test subject, another person to be thrown around like a pair of loving jeans. wear and throw in the washing machine over and over until you grow out or they are unwearable, then thrown in the trash.
the brunet can’t wait for the day he finally is dead or this place gets busted. the non existent utter joy it would give him when he finally meets the light or hears bundles of men charging in everywhere to free them.
today, chan didn’t expect for a guard to be picking him up while he’s still sleeping, carrying him like he’s a stack of potatoes on his shoulder. he doesn’t dare to move as he can feel every step the guard takes, he knows now how many cells he has past.
the guards radio buzzed through the man’s footsteps something in jumbled korean that chan couldn’t even understand from the shitty service. he can feel the man turn somewhere, followed by a hum, then turning to the left.
chan knows where they are going now, the assessment room where all the other people who are kept here against their own free will are evaluated to see if the things they put in their body is doing anything.
this utters a confusion in chan as he hears close to four people talking now, and chan almost lets his body tense up before remembering he’s trying to pretend to be asleep.
“here you are doctor,” the guard says, setting chan in the familiar uncomfortable chair.
“thank you, you are free now,” chan’s most hated person on the planet says, and he can hear the guard leave.
now, it’s quiet. he waits a bit longer for anyone to say anything before he makes his decision to ‘wake up.’
“good morning, christopher,” the doctor says happily, chan can just feel his fake kindness from here. he almost wants to scoff knowing if other people weren’t in this very room he would be spewing curses and hatred left and right. chan rubs his eyes as he gets up, seeing two unfamiliar men in front of him, in nice clothes. “this is seo changbin and lee felix, they are volunteers at the regression center.”
“hello, christopher. it’s nice to meet you,” the blond man says, and chan immediately ignores his eye contact.
“i’ll leave you three alone for a while, let me know if you need anything,” the doctor plasters a fake smile, and chan watches in annoyance as he leaves with the same smile still on his lips.
“well, christopher, me and my husband, changbin, wanted to take you into our regression center, and give you a new life,” the blond explains. “away from here, we know it’s not the best.”
chan stays quiet as he stares at the familiar gross tile where he’s had plenty of meltdowns on the very floor. the brunet doesn’t say anything as it now turns quiet again.
“this regression center is completely safe, nothing to hurt you. it’s actually recommended by lots of doctors and therapists,” the black haired man now speaks softly, it almost sounds promising. “of course, you don’t really have a choice since doctor choi already signed everything for us to take you.”
chan feels his breath pause for a moment, his chest beginning to have that feeling like it’s caving in on itself. where were they taking him? to another facility to be poked and kicked?
chan’s vision is blurred when he blinks again, and he can hear the chairs scraping against those gross tiles. he can hear their expensive shoes clicking on the floor to walk toward him as he shakes, worried they’ll hurt him.
“we won’t hurt you, don’t worry,” the man’s voice is much deeper now that it’s flipped to english. it’s rich with chan’s home, or use to be his home—australia. “you will be safe with us.”
he’s just staring at their stupid nice shoes now. swallowing hard as the loud assessment room door swings open, and he knows it’s been long enough he’s left in here with them alone.
“hopefully he didn’t scare you too much,” doctor choi laughs lightly, and chan can feel his familiar cold, rough hand pull up his t-shirt sleeve. the familiar feeling of overstimulation covers his body, and it’s like the doctor knows when he tightens his grip on chan’s arm, coloring the already painful bruised skin. “he should be knocked out for a few hours, if he’s too much of a hassle . just call me, and he can come back here.”
“i don’t think we will have any issues, thank you doctor choi,” chan finally lifts his head watching as the oldest blond male walks out of the room. everything blurs out every second, and all he feels left is someone catching his shoulders with their hands.
felix bites his lip as he studied the arm the injection was put in, and he feels sick at the scars he sees on chan’s arm.
“he’s so fragile, bin. and, he looks like he hasn’t had a proper meal in years, if i picked him up now i’m scared i’ll just break something,” felix mutters, his voice almost breaking as he studied his other arm now. “bruised all over his arms, the rest of his body too probably. so many scars, plain to see injection marks. what have they done to him?”
“let’s just get home so he can get some deserved rest, we can talk about it over dinner, okay?” changbin plants a kiss on felix’s head before picking the passed out boy like he didn’t weigh a single thing.
once out of the facility, changbin opens the back door of their car, buckling chan in along with a bunny plush felix begged his husband to get on the way.
felix smiled lightly at how peaceful he looked from before. changbin started the car, putting in directions to their home with their new baby.
chan tossed and turned feeling something different from the material he was used to in the facility. harsh deteriorating bed covers to soft bedding covered with bunny characters, his body covered in a warm onesie, his hands covered in fluffy mittens, and a bunny in his other hand.
he almost whined from the unfamiliar material, but after while loved how it felt on his cheek. he rubbed and rubbed until he felt too exhausted to continue, then played with his soft mittens. opening and closing his hand feeling it brush in his hands like heaven to his brain.
chan hears the door click open, and he shuts his door closed, regulating his breath as he learned to do in the facility to miss a day of constant pain. it only worked if he was extra lucky and the guards didn’t feel like having to restrain him almost always when he did this trick.
“channie? it’s time to wake up, i know you are up, baby,” a kind voice says above him, slowly petting his back as he had his eyes still closed hoping the person would assume he was sleeping. “come on, i can’t let you sleep much longer, daddy will be mad.”
chan still didn’t budge, he didn’t want to be up right now, it felt too early. not that he would know the time anyways, the little rectangular window in the very top of his window was always dark when he would look as he would wake up to wait his daily dose of torture.
he feels the person above move their hands to his waist, and he freezes automatically completely forgetting he was suppose to be acting like he’s asleep. felix pulls him up to place him on the other’s hip even with how still he is with his muscles.
“nothing to be worried about, we are going to have a nice meal, okay?” felix assures as he undoes the ribbons on his pretty mittens, and chan frowns at the loss of the soft material. “daddy made some food i think you’d really like, he made sure of it.”
chan was so confused, he didn’t even want to ask, it felt like a chore to even open his jaw, so he stayed quiet as felix puts his mittens away and carries him to the kitchen.
it’s pretty, chan will admit. nice chandelier, nice island with pretty chairs tucked in, pretty appliances that went with everything else, so much things it was almost too much for him to take.
“hi, baby! hope you slept well!” changbin comes over after stirring something in the pot, petting the brunet’s hair softly. “almost done with dinner then we can eat. you must be hungry.”
chan just stays quiet as changbin continues his cooking and felix carries him to a high chair. the brunet squirms in felix’s hold, he doesn’t want to be here anymore, he wants to go back in that room and wake up back in that stupid facility.
chan doesn’t even want to admit that he saw that horrible place as his home, like he wasn’t a test subject to doctor choi and just someone’s punching bag to the guards when they were angry or he did something wrong.
he squirms harder as he comes more closer with the chair, then he has the urge to do something to make the boy let him go.
chan opens his jaw, and settles on felix’s shoulder now in front of him. he puts his mouth down on it, then closes his jaw as his teeth prick into the other’s shoulder.
a harsh hiss followed by felix harshly pulling chan’s jaw out from his shoulder.
“we don’t bite , chris. not a good idea,” felix continued to put him in the highchair no matter how much he squirmed or flapped his hands to get the blond to stop putting him in this uncomfortable plastic chair far up from an actual chair. “after dinner, we will talk about what you just did.”
chan just stares at his shaking hands, when had his hand became this shaky? sure, they shake normally from his always on edge feeling, but now it’s more shaky from felix’s stern voice and the almost consistent reminder that they could send him back any moment, drug him any moment, kill him any moment, do anything they want with him at any given moment.
changbin finally finished dinner a few moments later, placing two plates on each side of chan, then a kid plate placed on his little plastic table with some food that made him want to dig in already.
“eat up, honey, all for you and safe, ” changbin smiles at the end, petting chan’s head again like he did earlier. the brunet feels a warmness grow in his stomach at the assurance, even if it grows sick after awhile from the overwhelming thoughts that sting the good one dead. “i know your hungry, chris. come on.”
chan eyes the food, it does genuinely look good, finally something appealing to eat instead of the gross porridge he was surviving on twice a day.
he pulls a part of the chicken off, it’s warm in his hand. he places it in his hand and it’s almost like heaven in his mouth as he chews. he pulls more of the chicken off until he feels like he’s ate too much for comfort.
he sits there after realizing how much he ate and felix already putting his own plate away. it’s settled when changbin takes his plate and chan’s away, and taking the plastic table that was separating chan from the blond’s hands off.
“it’s bath time, come on,” felix smiles as he gets chan from the chair, and he’s already pushing hard to get off.
finally, he successes after a lasting push of all his strength, making him fall on the wood hard on his ass. his back begins to sting along with his eyes at the pain, and he groans. he really should’ve thought about that.
the adrenaline almost drowns the pain in a millisecond as he’s scrambling to run to hide somewhere, away from these weirdos. he scrambled down a flight of stairs, another pair struggling to follow as he’s met with an unfinished basement. he keeps going until he’s met with boxes to hide under, a tiny space enough for chan to snuggle into is shown from the moonlight.
he crawls quickly until he’s met with the concrete wall, his throat burning with every breath. he’s careful as he hears a person walk down the stairs to find him, and the adrenaline begins to wear off.
he’s met with flaming pain to his lower back, almost making it hard to stay quiet as the pain continues to pulsate up his back with time. chan would do anything to be back at that facility, not here with these weirdos who are keen on making him call one of them daddy.
“chris, baby? where did you go?” felix can be heard with his chilling deep australian accent. he was trying to lure chan out with his english, chan knew this very well for the many times the facility did it for him to trust them, thinking they were a safe place.
if only he knew then. if six year old him knew the shit he would’ve gone through until now, he would’ve never let that orphanage let that man adopt him.
not like he even had a fucking say, he was just told whoever had a better background check and looked the nicest was his new family. he was seen as an outsider at that facility, no one coming up to him to ask if he wanted to play with them—because they deemed him weird for rarely talking.
the facility was on a balance scale of knowing much about chan’s autism, they knew he didn’t like the texture of the porridge, but made him eat it anyways, they knew he had meltdowns from the constant poking when he was on edge (which was all the time), but didn’t do shit to help him and let him cry and thrash around until he passed out from his sobs and thrashing.
chan leans his head on the box of the little crook as felix still called out for him in english. as much as the brunet wanted to crawl out, he knew he would have consequences for running off and pushing himself off felix.
he was too overwhelmed, it made his head hurt. the crook was feeling tighter at the second as he breathed, he was begging now for felix to find him. he can’t take this hiding anymore, he will deal with whatever consequences they give him.
just get him out. he’s silently begging for felix to find him, he almost wants to start sobbing, so finding him is easier, but now he can barely mutter a cry out.
chan is losing it at this point, and finally his voice breaks the barrier and lets out a tiny sob as he feels more overwhelmed than before.
it’s not long until felix finds him, turning on the singular handing bulb light to see chan almost crushed in the crook he found.
“there you are, baby. don’t cry, dada is here,” chan doesn’t even want to think about what the blond referred himself to, he just wants out. “how did you get in there anyways, hm?”
felix carefully sets the boxes somewhere else in the basement before picking the brunet back up. his back pain is flaming now, it almost feels like hot lava rising in his back, and chan is crying harder at the pain.
“did you hurt your back when you fell?” felix asks, and it aggravates chan how obvious it is that it was. the brunet doesn’t want any injections or new bruises, so he just nods to be good. “i’ll ask daddy to get you some medicine from the cabinet when we get back upstairs, okay?”
chan just nods, he swallows hard as every step casts a even worse panic over his body as changbin is now doing dishes.
“found him,” felix says with a sigh, and changbin continues washing the last dish, placing it in the dishwasher, and drying his hands before walking over to them. “hiding in the crook of some of those boxes with old picture frames in it.”
“chris, we don’t do what we just did, you understand? if you do it again, there will be consequences,” changbin warns with dark eyes that almost make chan flinch, the brunet doesn’t even want to think about the possible consequences.
“bin, i thought we agreed not to scare him, what happened to that?” felix mutters, hoping chan couldn’t hear.
“after the shit he just pulled?” changbin turns back around to finish dishes. “draw him his bath and do whatever you need to do, i’ll come up there after i finish to help him get settled down.
chan shakes his head at the thought of a bath, even if no words come out he’s hitting his fists against felix’s shoulder.
“quit it, christopher,” felix grits his teeth as he walks up the stairs to take him to the bathroom. “you are taking a bath and that’s final.”
it’s a whole new level now with felix’s stern voice, chan stops right at the last hit of his left fist. the brunet is still on the peak of a meltdown, he couldn’t go through this stupid bath without having a full meltdown.
chan whines as the loud sound of flowing water into the tub sharpens in his ears, and he placed his hands on his ears to block the noise.
he was tipping in more and more into the sliding of a meltdown, and when they witness it, it’s all hell for chan.
then, it finally tipped when chan was placed on the toilet seat, and felix began to zip down his onesie. the brunet shook his head violently, hitting felix’s hand away as he uncovered his ears and began to flap his hands.
“no, no, no,” is all chan could say, like he was a broke record. felix frowns as chan begun to cry as everything hit him like a train at full speed.
his memories, the bruises, the horrible back pain he was feeling to an undeniable extent, his head felt like it was sweating and detached while everything else felt like static, his head hurt, the bath water was so loud, he doesn’t want to take a bath, and he doesn’t even know who these people are—they just came in, drugged him, and took him.
“baby, you need to calm down,” felix says calmly, his voice back into a comforting tone. “can you do that?”
chan feels like he’s underwater, he can’t understand a word, but he nods anyways from his subtle rocking. he feels felix slightly tilt his head up, doing over-exaggerated breathing to help chan calm himself.
“i know you don’t want to, but i will be quick. it’s just apart of the routine, chris. please?” felix asks in almost a sincere tone. “i’m not—we aren’t like those men at the facility. we aren’t going to hurt you, we aren’t going to stick you with needles, we aren’t going to touch you in places that aren’t needed to be touched unless we need to, for example to change you or bathe you. even then, i won’t even be looking, neither will daddy.”
“promise?” chan’s throat cracks with hurt and exhaustion, felix can tell.
“i promise, daddy does too even if he’s not here,” felix says, a small smile tugging on his lips. “can i help you take your clothing off and set you in the tub?”
chan nods, but felix just sits there, what is he waiting for?
“yes.” chan mutters for good measure as felix continues to unzip the warm onesie, the brunet didn’t really get a moment to look at it. the colors complimented each other nice, he liked it, honestly.
once felix was done undressing him, he placed the boy in the bath, the warm water settling into his joints. chan was so use to freezing showers constantly, always shivering as he got out, uncomfortable with everyone staring at him like he was prey.
felix began to wash his hair when changbin walked in, sitting on his knees besides the blond which made chan flinch as he sat.
“hi baby, were you good for dada?” changbin asks, hoping to get a verbal answer, but chan was too exhausted to speak.
“he freaked out earlier, but other than that he was good,” felix replies, but it’s muffled from the exhaustion chan felt from everything. “can you go heat him a bottle for when i’m done, thank you bin.”
felix continued to wash him, when he was done, he flipped the switch to drain the water. along with grabbing a warm towel changbin must’ve brought him on the way up here and he didn’t notice.
felix looks away as he lets chan step out into the towel, once he’s there the blond still doesn’t look as he wraps him up.
“see? wasn’t so hard, baby,” felix says as he lightly rubs the warm towel on his shoulders. chan stares off somewhere as felix looks at him. “your cheeks are so pink, how cute.”
chan wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to pull at felix’s hair until his stupid blond hair came out. tug, tug, tug as felix cried.
“time to get dressed,” felix says, picking the little up and chan squirms not liking the feeling of felix’s shirt on his legs. “you are just so fussy aren’t you?”
“i wouldn’t be fucking ‘ fussy’ if you didn’t treat me like a baby,” chan bites back, earning back a glare from felix. if chan had ears on his head, they’d be pinned to the back of his head in terror from the look felix gave him.
“we don’t use those words, if you are upset, use better words, chris,” felix warns, still carrying chan to the nursery. “now, let’s see, let’s get you in something more comfortable, hm?”
chan is set on a white changing table while felix looks through the drawers for clothing. a diaper and a onesie comes into the brunet’s view, and his throat turns dry in utter disgust.
they were treating him, a 25 year old man, like he was a baby. chan wasn’t a baby, he was an adult.
chan is laid down, and he squirms against the feeling of the now gross towel pattern. he feels sweaty again, and this time it becomes more harder to breathe.
he begins to sob at the feeling of felix’s warm hands on his body, he wants to vomit. his hands begin to flap harshly, making it harder for felix to continue.
“chris, calm down, im almost done,” felix mutters, placing the last strap of the diaper on chan, before moving onto the onesie. the brunet was flapping more harshly now, he didn’t want to feel that onesie on his body.
he wanted normal adult clothes, he wanted his old clothes back even if they were gross and gave him a meltdown all the time.
chan bit down on his bottom lip hard as his hands continued to flap, felix finally had enough struggling, pinning one of chan’s flapping hands to the changing table, slipping the horrible feeling on chan’s skin.
only creating a worse problem, that made chan begin to hyperventilate as he continued to cry. felix continued to put the onesie on fast as possible, then picking up the hyperventilating brunet to comfort him.
“oh baby, dada is sorry. i can’t let you be cold,” felix soothes, bouncing the brunet in his arms. chan continued to flap his hands as he cried, harsh sobs break through over time. “shh, you are okay, bun.”
changbin came in with a warm bottle tossing in his hands from the warmth settling too long on his hands one by one.
“oh, baby, don’t cry, come here,” changbin places the warm bottle on the dresser, holding his arms out to welcome the crying brunet into what seems like danger to him. he’s passed to him anyways, even if he’s squirming and flapping his hands to be left alone, he wouldn’t even care if he was dropped on the harsh carpet. “here baby, drink some warm milk.”
chan shakes his head as the nub of the bottle pokes against his tightly shut mouth. changbin frowns as the brunet continued to sob and flap his hands, his cries signaling he wouldn’t be stopping until he was passed out.
“bin, he won’t stop crying,” felix mutters lowly as changbin placed the bottle back on the dresser, and moved them to the rocking chair.
“he will probably just tire himself out, lix. he’s new to all of this, he’s going to cry like this,” changbin began rocking him and chan in the chair, the brunet cried even more at the feeling of movement that he brought his hand to his mouth, biting it harshly with his mouth. then, a spike of pain rushes up his arm, signaling drawing of blood. he bit too hard.
it felt comforting to him, almost setting him back on earth. his tears were washing with the blood pooling on his hand, and once changbin noticed, he gasped.
“felix, get me the first aid kit,” changbin spoke calmly as he pulled chan’s bleeding hand from his mouth. “honey, we don’t bite ourselves.”
chan cried harder as everything became too much. changbin, felix, the diaper, the onesie, the bath, the rocking chair, and his bleeding hand were too much.
“why don’t you use this, hm? it’ll help calm you down,” changbin pulls something from his jacket pocket, a purple pacifier with a blue ring comes into chan’s view. he pushes back the disgust his face would’ve shown, and continued to cry as the panic of sleeping medicine was placed somewhere. “nothing on it, it even has the safety on it.”
chan being too exhausted already from the second meltdown in the span of an hour, let changbin slip the pacifier in his mouth. the raven was right this once, it did calm him down more as he begun to suck on it.
it calmed the buzzing of his skin, the tears, the gross feeling all over, everything. his eyes began to feel heavier with every blink, his eyes blinking slower with every suck, then he was met with darkness.
“i got the first aid kit,” felix mutters, walking in on chan sleeping on changbin’s chest, the pacifier in his mouth. “poor thing tired himself out.”
“yeah, he was crying pretty hard. he was just scared,” changbin takes the kit from felix, opening it up as quiet as he could, getting out the supplies he needed. “did you talk to the doctor about getting his medical records?”
“should have them by tomorrow night, the doctor is coming over tomorrow as well to do a check up on him,” felix says, eyeing the forgotten bottle on the dresser. “bandage his hand then put him in the crib, and make sure he can’t get out. i’m going to put this bottle in the fridge for morning, i’ll see you in bed.”
felix grabs the bottle from the dresser, walking out. changbin sighs as he pulls chan’s injured hand away from the brunet’s chest, a noticeable bite mark in the middle of the boy’s hand.
changbin dabs some cleaning spray on a cotton pad, dabbing it as softly as he could not to wake up to another crying fit from chan.
a whine escapes the brunet’s voice, a curse almost escapes changbin’s mouth.
“just cleaning your hand, go back to sleep,” changbin comforts, using his hand to pet chan’s hair before going back to disinfecting.
“hurts, hurts! stop!” the last part is the loudest changbin’s ever heard chan speak, it almost scares the other, but he continues to clean the brunet’s hand anyways.
as much as chan wanted to continue to beg him to stop from the pain, no words came out when he tried—signaling he went non-verbal. only hot, silent tears rolling down his cheeks as changbin now places a cartoon bandaid on the wound, sealing it with a kiss that makes chan want to vomit.
“alright, time for bed, little one,” changbin smiles, placing all the aid kit supplies on the dresser to put away later. chan still squirms in the other’s grip as the same comforter welcomes him as he’s laid down, the pacifier fixed in his mouth.
he feels something tight around his left ankle, his head peaks up a bit to see a chain surrounding it. what the fuck?
chan’s breathing picks up again, and changbin catches note to it.
“no need to worry, chris, just until we know you won’t try to run away into the scary world,” changbin explains in stupid child-like terms that make chan want to rip his hair out. “get some sleep, baby. you look exhausted, dada and daddy love you.”
changbin wraps his hands in those mittens he stupidly loved so much from only feeling them once before he feels changbin’s lips on his forehead, then it just lingers as the dark-haired picks up the aid kit.
changbin shuts the lights off, leaving chan in nothing but a nightlight—how convenient of them.
chan spends that night sobbing in the crib until his body gives out on itself. leaving chan in the utter darkness, again for another day.