Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

            Cabby rolls up to the cliff where the first ever challenge of season three took place. She grips onto a file, the wind seemingly wanting to take it away from her. As if it's telling her that the files are useless to her. She knows better than to believe in the supernatural but even better to know that she needs those manila folders full of information. Information she would forget if she loses her files. Her files are her life-blood, without it, she can't even imagine how she would be able to live. No guide to help her through the conversations or encyclopedia to tell her the solution to any tricky problem. Without those sheets filled to the brim with knowledge, she would be lost.

            She ends her stride at the end of the cliff, the loose dirt tumbling away to the bottom. She puts away her fresh file as she gazes above to the night sky, speckled with luminous stars and the shining glossy moon. Lost in the wonders of the night, she tries to spot the constellations hidden among the darkness. In her search, she finds the big dipper in the inky dark yet she can't find anything else. The bright glimmering lights taunt her as she combs through them but too no avail. She opens up her cabinet of files and starts thumbing through them to pull out the file she made for constellations. By sifting through the files she finds something that was unexpected, her file that was full of logs about the first few months she spent on the island. There have been multiple files of the same kind since then but this one piqued her curiosity. It's been almost two years since the first episode and her opinions and knowledge back then must be different to hers in the present. She has come a long way since then. 

            Like an oblivious fish in front of a hook, she takes the bite and grabs the file. The file was smudged with ink stains of long ago around the edges and the paper was weathering. She takes no mind to any of these imperfections and instead, opens the file. A small smile creeps onto her face as she reads her excitement when she had landed onto the island and was exploring the grounds. She continues to delve into her first impressions about competing in the show and her fellow contestants, chuckling at some of her descriptions when her smile faded to nothing. She notices how her past self was into figuring out everyone's personalities, their hopes, their desires, their strategies, their connections... Skimming through the entire file, there was nothing but investigating the people and environment around her. She winces as she thinks about her elimination and Test Tube's words. Was Cabby really that bad? Surely not, these files were to help her understand and talk to people. She shakes off the looming thoughts and snaps the file shut, ready to return it back to the endless sea of other worn out files.  

            She shoves the file into her cabinet, almost loosening the pages within. She needs these files, of course she isn't bad. Test Tube wouldn't know that, she would never understand her. These files are a lifeline to Cabby, sever it and she wouldn't be able to remember a thing. She can't think of living without her files, it's her support after all.

            Yet, Cabby ponders if she is in the right. She considers the possibility that her "lifeline" was not as important as she had made it seem. Her wheels dig in the dirt as the opinions of others and her own thoughts become scrambled together into an incoherent mess. Those previous stances of her morality were crumbling as that sliver of doubt of her meticulous note-taking invades her brain. Cabby was in the wrong. She was in wrong. Her past self has shown a light on her ways. Her eyes, brimming with tears, lets the dams break and lets everything out. All these months, all these years, every single moment she ever wrote down a single tebit about anyone was done in ill-favor and Cabby was too oblivious to notice it.

            In her moment of uncertainty, she hears a twig break behind her. Cabby turns her wheels around in the coarse dirt and spots a familiar pink teammate in the midst of the bushy trees. They stumble around in the crowded forest before stepping out into the moonlight. The two don't way anything to each other, the oddness of the situation being apparent to the both of them. The wind grows colder as the pair stands there, neither of them making the first move to cut the tension that was building up. The tension becoming more and more uncomfortable until Bot breaks the silence.

"Why are you crying Cabby? Is it because of the elimination?"

            Cabby tries to think up of an excuse only to choke on her tears and cover her face in shame. Her misdeeds bring her mind into a guilt-driven haze and makes her unable to respond to anything in the outside world. Right now, all she wants to do is to block out reality and think of ways to forgive her of her wrongdoings. She has to find a penance equal to the damage she has caused. She needs to. The crushing weight of guilt is not something she can handle. She would be compressed in an instant. She couldn't bear the thought that she caused countless people's lives to be miserable all in the name of not forgetting. Why did she have to create those files when it was full of information that she shouldn't have? It would've been better to forget everything than spread discomfort to others around her.

"Cabby? Can you hear me? I don't know what you're going through but I'd like to help," Bot calls out in a soft voice as they make their way up the hill.

            Cabby gives out a faint reply. She wipes away her tears and puts down her hands. She watches Bot climb the cliff, helping them up once they got to the top. There, they sit down in front of Cabby, shivering from the sheer cold, and gives her a hug. On reflex, Cabby jolts back from the contact but brings her quivering arms around the small contestant to reciprocate the gesture. Bot chuckles as they extend themselves upwards to bring themselves to Cabby's level, making her have the urge to write this down but pushes it down. This is nice and warm, like the time she partnered up with Test Tube without knowing their downfall back then. This is something sweet that Cabby never had, like the fulfilling ambrosia of the Greek gods.

"Are you feeling better now Cabby?" Bot says as they release their arms from her.

"Yes, I think I am. Thank you, Bot. Did I get it right?"

"Right on the spot! How'd you know?" They ask with a cheerful grin on their face.

"I might've overheard you as you telling that to Paintbrush and Nickel. Sorry for eavesdropping." Cabby clasps her hands and looks to the ground.

Bot just smiles and gives a small laugh, "Don't be sorry Cab! I was planning on telling you anyways."

"You were?" Cabby says with intrigue.

"Ah well," Bot twirls one of their hands in the air, "You were the one who started my journey to discovering who I was. Sure, Test Tube could've told me who I was but I think she was too hesitant to say anything. You were the one who gave me my file, making me question my identity and getting Test Tube to tell me how I came to be. Without your file, I think I wouldn't have thought much about what I identify as or forced Test Tube to tell me sooner than she wanted to."

Cabby looks at Bot, shock evident in her face, "I did all of that, with one my own files?"

"Yeah! Y'know, those files can be helpful!"

"You really think so?"

"Of course! I mean, they helped me didn't they?"

"Well yes, yes..." Cabby mumbles out.

"You still seem sad. Is there still something wrong? I'm up for hearing it." Bot comments, concerned.

            Cabby opens her mouth to reply but nothing comes out. Instead, she looks at Bot and considers telling them about her memory issues. They thought her files were helpful. Maybe she can tell them about said memory problems? They'll understand why she writes her files. They saw the files' use. Then again, maybe they saw the files in a different light from her. Besides, what if she is indeed in the wrong for writing information about other people? One person doesn't speak for the majority after all. 

"Cabby? Are you there?" Bot's voice snaps Cabby from her thinking.

"Yes. I already told you I'm okay now. You can leave if you want to."

"Can I stay? I still want to talk with you!" Bot tries to smile at Cabby.

"I suppose you can. Just note that"—Cabby pauses—"I might write about our conversation tonight in your file..."

"Oh. I guess I'm fine with that. Do you mind me asking why?"

"Yes... truly I'm sorry for not being able to answer that."

"Okay then. It's cool. Anything you want me to talk about specifically?"

"Not really, no."

Bot smiles faintly. "Alrighty then! So—"

            Cabby listens to every word of Bot and takes out the respective file, correcting the outdated information in there as well as adding new facts. She looks back up from her writing to check that Bot isn't uncomfortable. To her surprise, they are rambling with a grin. In turn, Cabby herself smiles. She talks with them as she writes, feeling more at ease with them. The pair lose track of time as their conversation leads to a rabbit hole of topics.

            The night passes on until the two cannot stay awake. Bot shuffles closer to Cabby and falls asleep next her. Cabby puts her arm around them as she too closes her eyes. As she feels herself drift asleep, she ponders the question on if she should tell Bot the reason behind creating her files. She gives the same answer as before. When she can trust Bot, she'll tell them but for now she'll keep it to herself.

Chapter Text

Cabby wakes up to someone softly tugging her arm. She opens her eyes and sees that Bot is right by her side, the one tugging her arm. She chuckles and asks them what they want.

"Can I take a ride in one of your cabinets? I want to see how fast you can go down the hill!"

"I don't see why not. Just, please don't mess with my files okay? I really disliked Fan stealing them..."

"Got it Cabby!"

Cabby opens her lower cabinet, and Bot jumps in. She closes her drawers, taking a deep breath as she prepares herself to go incredibly fast downhill. She backs up a couple feet then, she dashes down the hill. The trees are flying by! The clouds are a blur! The winds flow beside her! It's as exhilarating as last time.

All too soon Cabby skids to a stop. She breathes for a bit before opening her cabinet to let Bot out. The smaller contestants springs out cheering and laughing, giving a playful nudge to Cabby. She in turn laughs with them as she pulls out a fresh file by instinct.

"Writing about our experience Cab?" Bot questions with slight jest.

"Oh I, well it was by habit. I'm sorry if you don't want it to be recorded..." Cabby replies, slowly putting down both her file and pen.

"Don't worry about it! I allowed you to write about last night so why not about this! C'mon, it's all in fun!"

"Yes... all in, fun." Cabby responds with a slight somber tone.

"What's wrong? Now you're sad again."

"Ah, it's nothing... Let's just go around the island and do things we like."

"Sure!"

With that, the pair walk around the island looking for things to do. They amble aimlessly, watching the clouds as they do so. A question here and fact every now and then to not have the trip in pure silence. They continue this routine when-

"AH! Could y'all be more careful with where you walk?"

Cabby and Bot look down and see the one and only Floor, grimacing.

"Sorry there Floor! We didn't see you there!" Bot apologizes before Cabby can say anything.

"Obviously... It's all fine though."

"Will do!" Cabby says, fiddling with her hands.

"Say, seeing that you are everywhere... have you seen anything interesting? Cabby and I have been wandering around searching for something to do!"

"If I recall correctly, Balloon and Silver Spoon were having a bit of a tussel. It's pretty entertaining! Follow me! Let's hope they're still at it!"

The Floor disappears and reappears a few yards away from the pair. Bot rushes forward, beckoning Cabby to follow along with them. Cabby follows along, glancing from side to side as if someone is going to pounce from the trees and attack them.

She snaps out of her fear-induced trance when she hears Bot and the Floor whispering to her. Cabby looks up to the pair, hiding behind a small shrub. Both of them seeming to try to stifle their snickering but doing it poorly.

She wheels herself over and ducks down as low as she can go. Cabby is about to ask why they're hiding and laughing, when she gets her answer.

"Silver Spoon, not to be rude, but you've already asked me to help you with creating this 'royal' party for the seventeenth time! Couldn't you have asked for Candle? Nickel even!" Balloon shouted, his hands by his sides.

"Oh Balloon. Aren't we in the same alliance? Surely you'd help an alliance member out to maintain their loyalty?" Silver replied, smirking.

"For all that's on this earth, you're trying to manipulate us now? First the votes, then this alliance..."

"It's a reality show, dear. Betrayals happen and trust breaks. Friendships never last long here for sooner or later they crumble due to the heat of the game."

"Then what about Candle?"

"She's"—Silver pauses—"she's just another alliance member salmon-colored one."

"With a look like that? I highly doubt she's just an ally to you."

"Shush! Just help with the party."

"Fine you win this time Silver but maybe next time ask for help from Candle."

Balloon and Silver Spoon then walk towards the Pix-Nix table. The newly formed trio crouch further behind the bushes. The three are no longer snickering, rather puzzling over the scene that played in front of them.

"Well, that was a turn of events." The Floor comments.

"Yeah... I guess the game is getting to them ain't it?" Bot says back.

"Mhm, but not us though. Right?"

"Ah of course not! I'm already eliminated and you two seem to be getting along quite nicely! Win or lose, I think us three will stick together." Floor replies back after Cabby.

"Ah okay... may I write about this in my files? I don't want to-I'd just like to log this down."

"Why not Cabby? I see no harm being done!" Bot reassures her; the Floor nodding along.

Cabby smiles at the pair then gets the same file she pulled out earlier. She writes about the argument Silver Spoon and Balloon had, periodically looking up and chatting with Bot and the Floor. She talks with the trio about their previous days, their likes, their hobbies. Cabby can't help but feel at home, letting her past fears fade away.

Maybe there is people who don't mind her files after all.