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The rain had started up not too long ago. It showered down onto Earth, not caring for who it fell upon. The droplets soaked into the ground, aiding the plants and trees of many. The sun had sucked away the moisture from the last rainstorm so the plants rejoiced in what should have been a second chance in life. Yet the rain would soon wash away the blooming flowers that worked hard to have their fair share of existence.
As the harsh weather continued to rage around her, a soft whistle emerged from a young woman’s lips as she proceeded to wrap her robe tighter around her waist. She finished walking down the stairs, yawning into her palm as she turned the kitchen kettle off.
Her tea bag was already sitting in her cup and happily soaked into the steaming liquid she poured. With a little milk, she added as many spoons of sugar as her heart desired before beginning to mix away.
She lifted the cup off the counter, practically gliding to the couch. With a special day off as such, she planned on fully enjoying herself with her pre-recorded television show.
Her feet sunk into the furniture before she rested her body on top, allowing herself to curl up. She reached for the remote, bringing the cup to her lips, yet, there were three distinct knocks at the front door.
The young woman paused, slightly annoyed for being disrupted. She hoped whoever was there would have something important to say to not waste her time.
Upon getting up, she yawned a second time, gently rubbing her eyes as she walked over. She swung open the door, fully expecting there to be a dedicated salesperson standing there, ready to spew their practiced lines. Instead, it was her dedicated ex.
“Franziska…?” The woman in front of her cracked a small, weak smile.
“Hey, Maya. Long time no see, huh?”
It had been a long time. Nine months to be exact. She thought she was gone for good. She thought she had truly moved on. Maya’s fingers curled around her doorknob tighter.
“Mind if I come in? It’s a little cold…” She hadn’t noticed at first but the blue-haired woman was soaking wet. Maya wanted to say no. She knew she should have said no. Instead, she stepped off to the side and drew the door back a little farther.
She was too weak to deny her.
And Franziska knew that.
Once inside, Maya shut the door and ran off to grab some towels as well as a change of clothes for her unexpected visitor.
“How did you get caught up in the rain anyway?” she questioned as she returned down the stairs.
Franziska sniffled, rubbing at her eyes.
“I-I was…”
“Nevermind, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain right now.” Maya handed over the towels and the clothes. “Well…” she paused, her voice an octave higher than she’s used to, “you know where the bathroom is.”
The woman simply nodded, sauntering off to change.
Maya twisted her hands before rubbing them against her robe, a failed attempt to calm her nerves. She knew Franziska well. This visit will bring nothing but harm. She promised herself she would move on, but how could she just turn her away? As much as she tried to bury it, there was still a small piece of her heart that cared for the woman.
How unfortunate.
Within no time, she returned, wearing a large pair of sweatpants and Maya’s favorite thick sweater. She could feel a lump of sorrow sitting in her throat. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw her in her clothing.
Maya’s mouth was parted open to speak but dejection was threatening to spill from her lips. She forcibly swallowed it down and proceeded to the couch. She could hear Franziska follow her lead, sitting down beside her. Once their bodies settled, they stared off into space. Thoughts filled Maya’s mind, yet she didn’t dare to share them aloud.
It was strange seeing her again, to say the least. After all, the last time they saw each other, it wasn’t exactly a pretty goodbye. Tears, yelling, swears. It was an emotional mess that Maya wanted to put behind her, but of course, Franziska didn’t get the memo.
“I’m terrified of dying alone.”
Maya’s head snapped up at her, catching her attention. Her words were clear and concise but her voice shook.
“I keep telling myself that it won’t happen, but who am I kidding?” She turned to look at Maya. “I messed up. I messed up with you. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for that. Ever. It haunts me every night.”
Maya reached out her fingers, resting her hand on hers.
“Frannie… You won’t die alone. There are so many people that care about you.” She pressed her lips together before speaking again, “And you will find someone that loves you.”
The woman finally turned her head to look at her, her glossy eyes staring into her own.
“Right… It was silly to still think you care about me. I don’t know why I even came here.” She stood up abruptly, ready to depart when Maya tugged her arm.
“Don’t you dare pull that on me!” she cried, her fingers tightening around Franziska’s wrist. “I do care about you. Fuck, more than I should at this point. I just can’t love you the way I used to, Fran. You told me not to! You said that it would hurt you more to leave if I still did… so I stopped.”
The grip on her wrist loosened and the hot tears that sat in her eyes made their escape down her cheeks. Maya wanted to make it stop but revisiting this made her realize that she never healed from the pain. She brushed it all aside and continued on with life, after all, she couldn’t officially drop everything she had to grieve over the woman she swore was the love of her life.
“And how do you think that made me feel? I really want us to work out, Maya. It’s just scary to think about the future. You know this!”
A deep rumble of thunder shook the house as Maya’s stomach stirred. Did she purposely use the present tense or was she just too caught up in the heat of the moment? She preferred not to think about it too much as Franziska sat back down. Maya wrapped her arms around her and leaned her head against her shoulder.
“I’m sorry… you’re right. But it’s hard for me too, you know? I missed you. I missed us. I want this to work out, but-”
Before she got a chance to finish, Franziska interrupted with a request.
“Can we not talk about it anymore? I just want to be with you right now.”
Maya bit down on her bottom lip, desperately wanting to get rid of the pain weighing on her heart, but respected what her ex wanted.
“Yeah, sure.”
Within a few minutes, the women were laid down, Franziska on top of Maya, as they embraced each other in silence. Maya couldn’t stand it. She was always one to make conversation and engage in silly banter, yet the air was stiff and muggy. On top of it all, she was subjected to listening to the rain resounding, and it was not calming her down as she expected. Alternatively, she began to trace circles into Franziska’s back. Having her fingers busy partially distracted her brain from the current situation.
“Do you remember the day you swore it wouldn’t rain on our date and refused to use the umbrella I carried along?”
A bittersweet smile curled onto Maya’s lips as she too recalled the moment. She was one of the more stubborn people on the planet and even when going on a date, she refused to curl her pride down to agree with simple logic. While her favorite skirt slowly became wet, she pretended as if the sun was shining on her skin the whole day.
“You were always a special one, Maya Fey. Perhaps that’s why I can’t let you go. It’s pathetic, really,” she scoffed, lifting her head up. Maya made eye contact and they held it for a moment. Their eyes stayed glued to one another and like opposite ends of a magnet, they closed the space between them. Lips latched onto each other, eyes fluttered shut. They melted into each other like muscle memory. This was the dance they knew best, no matter how long it has been. Slow, careful, passionate. Two touch-hungry souls connecting to their other half.
Maya was the first to pull away, confused by Franziska’s actions.
“I don’t get you,” she exasperated, her head falling back onto the couch and her eyes focused on the ceiling. Franziska nestled her head into the crook of her neck, not responding. “Do you want me or not? You say you can’t do us, but you continue to return.”
“I do want you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
A wave of fatigue rushed over Maya after those words left Franziska’s lips due to her weight and the additional warmth her body gave her. She accepted the comfort of her subconscious, dreaming of a life in which they could live together. A life where there is no questioning or arguing. A life that she has always dreamed of, yet dreams are dreams for a reason.
A loud bang caused the young woman to jump out of her sleep. She looked around, her sleepy state of mind seeking to understand what the noise was and where it came from. The fading crackle helped her calculate it down to thunder. Maya exhaled, sitting up gradually and placing her hands on her face to rub her fingertips into her skin.
She caught sight of the clothing she lent her ex folded on the coffee table right beside her teacup. Maya leaned forward, curling her fingers around the forgotten mug. It was cold to the touch from neglect and Maya stared at the contents inside with a blank expression.
It was the same every time. Nothing will ever change. Just like the water cycle, it will always repeat. The rain will always continue to pour and Maya will always be tricked into believing lies and holding onto false hope.
Maya gave her cup a mediocre swirl before placing her lips against the brim and swallowing it down in one gulp.