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My closet…
It’s so dark…
It’s the darkest darkness…
No light to guide me…
What time is it?
Is it morning already?
Is it dusk already?
I really wish it were dusk…
That way I wouldn’t have to…
[Speak in public]
…
This is truly the worst. This is my rock bottom.
…Is it really?
Normally reaching rock bottom isn’t seen as something that bad, it’s seen as something good even. You have nothing left to lose. You can only go up.
Though for me, I don’t see a way to go up. I have things I could lose, but I already feel like I lost them.
I don’t see a way up nor a way down.
I am sentenced to remain stagnant in this pitiful state.
This is truly the best I’ll ever be. This is my rock top.
I finally managed to meet people who someone might call my friends.
I finally managed to meet a person who-
[No]
…
[Better forget about it]
As I lay here in the darkness, as I avoid everything that comes with friends, I lose it all.
I’m returning to my natural state.
I am meant to be alone.
I was always meant to be.
I should just stay in my closet.
Forever…
Not leave my darkness.
Ever…
A rock like me cannot shine.
Never…
There is no way to light my lowest point.
…
I better just-
[Light]
“My eyes…!”
[Sun]
“It shines so much…!”
[Kitaura]
“Hitori-chan! Found you!”
The door to my darkness was forced open. I can’t see with so much light.
“You shouldn’t hide! Come, we’ll be late at this rate!”
A hand grabbed me.
A warm hand pulled me into the street.
A soft hand dragged me to my rough destiny.
Why do I have to go?
Why do they have to make me practice public speaking?
Though I won’t talk in front of people yet,
I want to run away.
I want to hide.
Even if they all hate me…
…
“Kita-san…”
A pair of green eyes stare into mine.
They are so big. So pretty.
“...”
I can’t say no.
“What is it, Hitori-chan?”
I can’t bring myself to speak.
“...I-I…”
“...You shouldn’t be afraid to speak to me, Hitori-chan. If you can’t even talk to a friend, then there is no way you can shine in a band!”
[Friend]
…
There is no way I can refuse like this…
I should just accept my fate.
I should just…
[Starry]
It’s weird being here so early in the morning.
Though I guess we didn’t have a choice.
We had to come before it opens.
Otherwise we wouldn’t be allowed to…
Practice
…
“Ah! Bocchi-chan!”
Everyone is running towards me. How scary.
“Hurry! Hurry! You won’t be able to practice at all! Starry will open soon enough!”
Nijika-chan waves at me.
“A-Aah…”
No time to think. Everyone moves so fast.
[Stage]
I’m on stage already…
[Eyes]
…
[Cardboard eyes]
So early in the morning and my heart is already racing like that of a hunted prey.
The place is filled with cardboard cutouts of people.
They all stare at me. I can feel it.
I don’t like this…
[...]
I hate this.
Why do I have to practice public speaking?
“Come on, Bocchi-chan! It’s just cardboard! Nothing will happen!”
“...”
“Hitori-chan.”
[A hand]
…
[On my shoulder]
“...”
[Kitaura]
“Just introduce the song. You can do it!”
“A-Aah…”
[A smile]
“A-A-Aah…”
[A big smile]
“...”
[A wide smile]
“K-Kita-san…”
[A beaming smile]
“...”
[Still a smile]
“...Kita-san?”
[Just a smile]
“...?”
[A smile]
She doesn’t move…
…
Ryo-san?
[Not moving]
…
…
Nijika-chan…?
[Motionless]
E-EEEHHHHHHH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Nothing is moving.
Nothing is moving.
Why is nothing moving?
Why am I the only one that moves?
“...H-...H-...H-Hi…?”
…
[No reply]
…Is this some kind of prank to make me talk…?
…
There is only one way to find out.
…
[Stare]
…
[Nothing]
…
There is no way… There is no way I can make dumb faces in front of someone…
[Stare]
…Still, they didn’t move after all of this staring…
They must be paralyzed.
They are paralyzed.
They are paralyzed…
…
[...]
W-What do I do?!?!
How can I make them move?!
[The clock]
…
It’s not moving…
It’s not moving……
It is not moving………
No way…
Is time stopped?!
[The world]
I ran outside.
The world is stopped.
The birds are levitating.
The cars aren’t moving.
The people are still.
The whole world is stopped…
“N-No way…”
I run.
[Nothing moves]
I run and run and run.
[Nothing is moving]
I run for hours.
[Nothing will move]
The sun…
I’ve been running for so long, yet the sun hasn’t moved.
Time is really frozen.
Only I can move.
I look around.
[A crowd]
I’m surrounded by people. I’m surrounded yet I feel so cold, so lonely.
Why do I feel so lonely?
There are a lot of people around me.
I can touch them but they feel so distant.
I’ve never felt this lonely before…
“H-Hello…?”
[No reply]
Of course.
Of course no one replies to me.
I am the only one that can move.
I am the only one that can reply.
I am the only one…
…Is this how being ‘The chosen one’ feels?
Everyone is around me but no one can understand me.
Everyone expects me to do everything while they all just wait.
…
Is this how the sun feels?
So important, so shiny, so warm… Everyone needs it and everyone expects it to always be there, but no one can truly look at it…
Every planet is around it, every planet needs it, but no planet can get close to it.
Does the sun feel lonely?
Surrounded by everyone but close to no one.
Needed by everyone but needing no one.
Staring at everyone interacting while you help them exist.
So shiny no one can look at you.
So warm no one can touch you.
So big you stand out no matter where you are.
…
I walk back to starry.
…
Starry…
The starry sky…
Stars aren’t lonely…
Surrounded by equals, shining equally. Not many can tell you apart from the others, so the ones that can feel special. Stars are born, stars live, and stars die and barely anyone knows which stars are new, which stars are alive, and which stars are dead.
And amidst that starry sky…
[The moon]
A rock stands.
A loner among the stars. So lonely it stands out because of it.
The moon…
It can’t shine on its own.
[It needs the sun]
It can’t move on its own.
[It needs the sun]
It can’t be on its own.
[It needs the sun]
The moon on its own is just a rock.
Without the sun, it wouldn’t be able to come up every night. It would sink in the horizon.
Sink…
And sink…
And sink…
Until it reaches rock bottom like the rock it is.
The moon is useless on its own.
It can only reflect the sunlight.
It’s even more useless than the stars.
Yet, in its loneliness, it’s the only one that can compare to the sun.
Does the moon feel lonely?
Always chasing the sun.
A sun wannabe.
Doing it’s best to shine.
Doing it’s best to be as big as the sun.
Yet everyone sleeps on it, waiting for the sun to come out the next morning.
Even so, the ones that stay awake, the ones that look at the moon, admire its beauty.
Thanks to not being as shiny, people can look at it.
Thanks to the sun, the moon can be beautiful despite being just a rock.
…
I’ve never heard anyone say how beautiful the sun is.
…
[Starry]
I finally got here.
It’s been a long walk, but the sun hasn’t moved.
“...Kita-san…”
What if the moon could meet the sun for once.
What if they could stop being lonely for a second.
[Eclipse]
…Ah right.
Every once in a while, the moon reaches the sun.
They stare at each other in the eyes.
They touch each other.
The sun stops shining.
The moon stops chasing.
The both of them merge together, and for once, time as we know it stops.
There is no noon, there is no midnight, there is no day, there is no night.
…
I walk back on stage.
I put Kita-san’s hand back on my shoulder.
I stare at the cardboard in the eyes.
It hasn’t moved.
…The cardboard feels as alive as a person now to be honest.
…
When does an eclipse end?
When the moon runs away?
“W-We… We are…”
When the sun is left behind?
“U-Uh… I mean, hi…”
When they are both alone again?
“T-Thank you for coming…”
But…
“W-We are playing…”
The sun feels so good.
“U-Uhh… What are we playing…?”
Why would the moon want to leave?
“I-I guess Guitar, Loneliness, and Blue Planet…”
Even if it’s selfish,
“M-Maybe If I could be a constellation.”
the moon wants all the sunlight.
“Your unknown tale.”
…
“Fenis monja.”
…What if,
“...”
instead of the moon leaving,
“...Kita-san…”
it shone.
“...So pretty…”
And let’s the sun relax,
“...I love that smile…”
feel someone else’s shine,
“I love that face.”
and meet someone it can be with.
“I love Kita Ikuyo…”
“...Eh-”
[Movement]
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!?!?!”
[Everything is moving]
Kita-san is all red.
“U-Uh…”
Before I can say anything, she runs away.
“Guess we won’t be playing anything.”
Ryo-san is moving.
“W-Well at least she said something… W-Well done, Bocchi-chan!”
Nijika-chan is moving.
“...”
I don’t feel nervous like I usually would. I don’t feel ashamed. I just feel empty, as if something had gotten out of me.
We had to store the cardboard cutouts since we couldn’t play anymore.
…
……
My closet…
It’s so dark…
It’s the darkest darkness…
“It must be morning already…”
I opened the doors, letting the sunlight inside.
The sun, as always, is needed by everyone.
Everyone knows that it is there and everyone expects it to be there every morning.
So much social pressure, I wouldn’t be able to do that.
I already struggle enough talking to one person.
This is truly the best I’ll ever be. This is my rock top.
I finally managed to meet people who someone might call my friends.
I finally managed to meet a person who I love.
I don’t know if she loves me back.
I haven’t seen her since yesterday.
But for once, someone looked at the sun.
“The sun is beautiful today.”