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Part One: Bubbling
"Would you like to try a bite?" Shunsuke asks, smiling innocently as he stares directly into the camera lens of Kento's phone. He holds up his fork, with a slice of strawberry shortcake perched on top of it, as if offering the cake to the camera.
On the other side of the phone screen, Kento’s breath catches in his throat. No matter how many times he tells himself it's all just an act, Shunsuke’s acting still has an undeniable effect on him. Careful not to make any noise, he exhales slowly, in an attempt to calm his racing heart. He then tilts his phone back and forth in a nodding motion, indicating an affirmative answer to his friend's question. In response, Shunsuke's smile widens.
Knowing what comes next, Kento parts his lips, and in one smooth motion, Shunsuke reaches forward, past the camera, to pop the cake into his mouth, just as he’s done a million times before. As Kento’s lips close around the fork, he ignores the shy warmth tickling the tips of his ears.
"Do you like it?" Shunsuke asks, his eyes again trained on the camera lens.
Again, without saying a word, Kento moves the phone in a nodding motion.
"I'm glad you like it. Now it's my turn to try some," he replies, grinning. He uses the fork to pick up a second piece of cake. As soon as he takes a bite, Shunsuke's lips curl into a satisfied smile. "It's so good!" He exclaims.
His smile is so bright, it’s practically blinding, but Kento can't bear to look away. He’s mesmerized by the way Shunsuke's eyes curve into happy crescents and somehow seem to sparkle under the warm lights of the cafe. On camera and in person, Shunsuke is beautiful. There’s pure joy reflected in his dark brown eyes, and Kento can’t help but feel the innate desire to protect that childlike happiness.
Not that Kento will ever admit that out loud. In reality, Shunsuke is actually a few weeks older than him, so he isn't supposed to think of him as adorable. But that doesn't mean the thought has never crossed his mind.
"Kento?"
The sound of Shunsuke's voice calling his name interrupts his train of thought.
"Oh! Sorry, did I mess up?"
Shunsuke never uses his name to address him directly while they’re filming, unless something’s gone wrong and they need to stop the camera. In their youtube videos, Kento is never seen nor heard. Unlike Shunsuke, who serves as the public face of their channel (under the stage name of “Micchi”), Kento is meant to stay behind the scenes, filming and editing the footage. Together, they create vlogs related to all sorts of topics, including food, fashion, and travel. Their most popular video series is The Boyfriend Vlog, where their thousands of viewers, secretly represented by Kento from behind the camera, get to go on imaginary dates with "Micchi."
Needless to say, Kento enjoys filming The Boyfriend Vlog , he really does. He loves being spoiled by Shunsuke and spending time with him, and sometimes, it really feels like he’s on a date with his best friend. The only downside is that he has to keep reminding himself that these dates aren't real. Because unfortunately, Kento has a big, fat crush on Shunsuke, but of course, no one is allowed to know. So here he is, going on fake dates with his one-sided crush, and it’s only slightly tortuous, to say the least. But it isn't like he’s going to say no to going on fake dates with Shunsuke. There are worse things in life.
"No worries,” Shunsuke laughs gently, easing Kento's panicked expression. “I just asked if you wanted another bite, but you didn't respond. You ok there, Kento?”
Kento nods hurriedly. “Yea, sorry. I’m fine, I just got distracted or something. Do you want to try again? We can do a second take.”
Shunsuke shakes his head. “It’s alright. Maybe we should take a break, we've already gotten a good amount of footage at this cafe.”
Kento stops the recording and places his phone down on the table. “Yea, a break would be nice,” he agrees, stretching his arms out in a yawn.
“Do you want to eat the rest of this strawberry shortcake? We’ve been filming all day; I’m sure you’re getting tired. Maybe the sugar will give you an energy boost.” Shunsuke offers, nudging the plate toward him.
If it had been anyone else, Kento would have politely declined, especially since Shunsuke is older and was the one who had paid for the cake. But Kento has always loved being spoiled by Shunsuke, so he decides to indulge himself. With an enthusiastic “thank you!” and a cheerful grin, he digs in. He hopes the warmth he feels radiating from Shunsuke’s fond smile isn't just in his imagination.
An hour later, while walking to the bus stop on their way home, the sun begins to set, and Shunsuke points out that this could serve as the perfect romantic background for a video. Kento readily agrees, and together, they come up with a basic plan: the two of them will walk side by side, and upon making eye contact with the camera, Shunsuke will reach out to hold hands with his “date.”
Before they start filming, Shunsuke pulls out his phone to check his appearance using the selfie camera, tousling his bangs to achieve his desired look for the shot. Kento smiles softly, wanting to reassure his friend that he already looks perfect, as always, but he doesn’t say anything out loud. He focuses on his own task at hand, readying his phone camera to record the video.
When they’re both ready, Kento starts by filming a close-up shot of Shunsuke’s side profile, to allow the viewer to feel as if they’re standing right beside him. The camera is intentionally angled upward, to account for a potential height difference, but this is also natural for Kento, since Shunsuke is practically a head taller than him. The sky behind Shunsuke is dyed with melting hues of pink and yellow, casting a warm glow on their surroundings. Kento thinks Shunsuke looks practically ethereal in this light, but it's a shame the camera can't quite capture all his beauty.
Before long, Shunsuke turns to look at the camera, and he flashes a shy smile before asking, “Is this okay?”, at which point, just as planned, Kento pans the camera downward, recording the moment when Shunsuke reaches down to thread his fingers between Kento’s, holding his hand.
Even though this was all part of the plan, Kento can’t control the maddening heat that flushes his cheeks upon Shunsuke’s gentle touch. He tries his best to ignore it, focusing all his energy on panning the camera back up to capture the embarrassed, yet hopeful expression on Shunsuke’s face. As usual, to respond to Shunsuke’s question, he moves the camera back and forth in a nodding motion, and is rewarded with Shunsuke’s beaming smile. They continue walking and recording for a few more steps, before Kento stops the camera and lowers his phone. He swallows hard, praying his deep blush has dissipated by now.
“I think that was perfect,” he says, fiddling with his phone as an excuse to let go of Shunsuke’s hand. He doesn’t trust himself to have extended physical contact with him without making things awkward between them, so he never allows himself to hold on any longer than necessary. He can’t risk exposing his true feelings.
“Great! We can review the footage while we’re on the bus,” Shunsuke says, hurrying Kento along so they can make it to the bus stop in time to catch the next bus.
By the time they finally climb onto the bus, the sun has crept below the horizon, and it's nearly dark out. Both of them heave heavy sighs as they collapse into a pair of empty seats in the back row. Reviewing the footage is the last thing on either of their minds. It's been a long day of running around and filming, and Kento had stayed up late the previous night, finishing an essay for his English Literature class. Being a full time college student while simultaneously co-managing a popular youtube channel was no small feat, but Kento was glad the two of them were doing this together.
He closes his eyes, muffling a yawn, and leans his head on Shunsuke’s shoulder, a movement that just feels natural. Shunsuke’s shoulder, perfectly positioned due to their height difference, is one of his favorite places to rest after a weary day. He knows his best friend isn’t going to push him away, and of course, he’s right.
Part Two: Fizzling
Two weeks later, at 7:28 in the morning, Shunsuke sends Kento a frantic text message, asking him if he’s seen the comments on their latest video. Bleary-eyed and confused, Kento sits up in bed, opens youtube, and clicks on the video they'd uploaded last night titled, The Boyfriend Vlog: Cafe Date . He scrolls directly to the comments section, and is abruptly confronted by a flood of impassioned comments, mostly all screaming about some instagram post.
Before he can even ask, Shunsuke’s next message is a direct link to an instagram post, and it doesn’t take much time for Kento to infer that this is the post in question that’s causing all the commotion. Not knowing if he should be scared or concerned, Kento clicks on the link before he can second-guess himself. Within a matter of seconds, he finds himself staring at a very familiar photo. He hasn’t seen this photo before, but he recognizes it immediately.
He’s staring at himself, sitting beside Shunsuke in the back row of a public bus. He looks like he’s taking a nap on Shunsuke’s shoulder, and Shunsuke is, in turn, resting his head on top of Kento’s, with his eyes closed as well. They look peaceful, and without question, they definitely look like a couple. The caption of the post reads, “Micchi from The Boyfriend Vlog has an actual boyfriend?” and the comments on the post, similar to their youtube video, are filled with exclamation points and emojis.
Is that guy Micchi’s boyfriend?!
I wish I could be the one leaning on Micchi’s shoulder!
Micchi is dating a boy???
As he continues reading, dread starts to pool in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly, his phone buzzes in his hands, startling him. He sees Shunsuke’s name pop up on his screen, and immediately, he picks up the call and puts the phone to his ear.
“Did you see the post? I can’t believe someone on the bus recognized me! Kento, what do you think we should do?”
Kento is at a loss for words, still barely processing what has happened. “I-I don’t know, you don’t think people are actually mad at us, right? I can’t tell… but it’s not like we did anything wrong. I’m just confused, why are people making a big deal out of this?”
There’s a pause, and he can hear Shunsuke sighing on the other end of the line. “Maybe you’re right, and it’s not a big deal. I mean, it’s not like we’re actually dating. Maybe we can put out a statement saying we’re just friends and we’re sorry for causing any misunderstandings.”
His words echo hollowly in Kento's ears.
It’s not like we’re actually dating… we’re just friends.
Kento bites his lip, shaking the thoughts out of his head. This isn’t the time to be overthinking things. He has to focus on working with Shunsuke to figure out what to do about this mess. He furrows his brows in thought. “A statement might be unnecessary. It may seem weird for us to apologize for just being friends.”
“That’s true… but what are we supposed to do? Just ignore all this? There’s a ton of people commenting on our videos.”
“Yea, but I think putting out a statement will make the situation seem much more serious than it really is. It might make us look defensive, like we’re admitting that we’ve done something wrong, when we haven’t.” Kento replies slowly, thinking through his words with care. He takes in a deep breath, preparing himself for what he’s about to say next. “Like you said, we’re just friends. And even if we were dating, there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that, right?”
Another pause, as he waits for a reply. The silence makes Kento so anxious, he feels as if his heart is about to burst out of his chest.
“You’re right. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that,” Shunsuke says finally, his voice soft.
Kento nearly sighs in relief, but Shunsuke doesn't stop there. “Kento, I've been thinking about it, and I don’t think we should make these boyfriend vlogs anymore.”
The words feel weighted, almost painfully so. No more fake dates with Shunsuke? Kento doesn’t know how to respond, besides a feeble, “Oh, what makes you say that?”
"With everything that's happened… I just don't want there to be any misunderstandings. I don’t want people to think you and I… you know…" Shunsuke’s reply is fragmented, and Kento can sense the strain and discomfort in his friend's voice.
He doesn’t want people to think we’re dating.
“I'm just trying to protect you,” Shunsuke insists.
Is he ashamed to be seen with me?
“You understand it’s nothing personal, right, Kento?”
“R-Right,” Kento mumbles, barely audible.
He isn't sure if Shunsuke even hears his response before he continues even further, “Well actually, on second thought, maybe we don’t have to cancel the series completely. But at least for now, until all this blows over, I don’t think we should make any more of these boyfriend videos,” he finishes, with uncharacteristic finality.
On the other side of the line, Kento swallows hard, clutching the phone in his hands. “Alright,” he agrees.
Part Three: Bursting
To Kento, being told that Shunsuke wants to cancel The Boyfriend Vlog feels strangely like being told that Shunsuke is breaking up with him. Of course, they’ve never actually dated, but the fact that Shunsuke is no longer willing to go on fake dates with him is disheartening to say the least.
But, if Shunsuke wants to cancel The Boyfriend Vlog , it's not like Kento can force him to change his mind. So his only choice now is to move on and try to put all of these feelings behind him. It's clear Shunsuke doesn't see him as anything more than a friend, so Kento needs to stop daydreaming and get back to reality. Maybe it would help to distance himself from Shunsuke. Doing so would give him time to bury his unrequited feelings and just move on.
But unfortunately, even though they’ve agreed to not make any more videos for The Boyfriend Vlog , they’re still uploading other content, so Kento finds himself spending several hours a week staring at Shunsuke’s face as he edits other videos of “Micchi.” This really isn’t helping him move on, but he can’t help it. He can’t say no to doing his job; he can’t let Shunsuke down. The best he can do is try to distance himself from Shunsuke otherwise. He tries not to respond as eagerly to his messages, he tries to make up excuses to skip out on some of their typical hangouts, and he tries to not think about Shunsuke outside of his video editing sessions. He tries, but it isn’t easy.
It feels like it’s been years since they posted their last edition of The Boyfriend Vlog , but in actuality, it’s only been about six weeks. The internet buzz around them has died down, even though they never ended up making a public statement to address what happened, which is likely for the best. They’ve been busy churning out other content in the meantime, and their youtube channel is as popular as ever. Kento is somewhat grateful for how things panned out, but beyond that, he feels empty inside.
Currently, he’s working on adding background music to a skincare vlog, in which “Micchi” introduces the viewers to his bedtime routine. Kento watches as Shunsuke smooths a white moisturizing cream over his flawless skin. He is tauntingly beautiful.
Sighing in frustration, Kento stands up from his desk and rubs his tired eyes. He needs to take a break. He’s getting too caught up in thoughts about Shunsuke again, when what he really needs to do is somehow force himself to let go of these feelings.
He decides to go for a walk, hoping the fresh air will help clear his mind. He manages to take ten steps outside the front door of his apartment before a familiar voice calls out to him from behind.
“Kento?”
He winces, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to mentally prepare himself to talk to the one person he’s been trying to avoid most. He puts on a smile before turning to face his best friend.
“Oh hi, Shunsuke, what are you doing here?”
Shunsuke smiles softly in return. “I guess you haven’t been checking your phone. I messaged earlier saying that I’d pass by your apartment on my way home. Wanted to see if you were free to grab dinner.”
“Oh, sorry I must’ve missed it,” Kento replies lamely, unsure how to explain that he had purposefully put his phone on silent in an effort to avoid receiving notifications from him.
“That’s alright,” he replies. “So… are you free?”
“I, uh, I was just about to, um, go on a walk,” Kento stumbles over his words, unable to make up an actual excuse to turn him down. He could’ve easily said he was on his way to eat dinner with someone else, or he simply already had other plans, but he’s never been able to lie to Shunsuke.
“Can I join you? We can walk together,” Shunsuke offers cheerily. And Kento gives in, knowing it’d be strange for him to refuse.
They fall into step naturally, but the silence between them no longer feels peaceful, and both of them can tell.
“Can I ask you something?” Shunsuke murmurs, so quietly it's almost a whisper. Their footsteps slow to a stop, and Kento nods in response. When he turns to meet Shunsuke’s gaze, he sees that his deep brown eyes are filled with an emotion he doesn’t recognize.
“Are you upset with me, Kento?”
The words are as soft as an exhale, and laced with sadness. Kento is instantly paralyzed with guilt.
Sensing his hesitation, Shunsuke goes on, his thoughts spilling out all at once. “Is it something I’ve done that’s been bothering you? If so, I’m so sorry, I've honestly never meant to make you upset. I… I just feel like you’ve been ignoring me or avoiding me, and… something feels different between us, and I don’t know how to fix it,” he mumbles helplessly, searching for words to fill the empty space between them. “If this is about the youtube channel, if you don’t want to do it anymore, we can stop. Your friendship means more to me than any number of subscribers or views or whatever. Please, just let me know what's bothering you, and I promise, I can try to fix it. I… I miss you, and I just want things to be normal between us.” He pauses, and his gaze lowers wearily before lifting to meet Kento’s eyes once more. “Can we please go back to the way things were?”
Kento doesn’t manage to hold his gaze for longer than a few seconds. He can’t stand seeing so much sadness in Shunsuke’s eyes, especially when he knows that he's the cause of it. He looks down at his shoes instead. He knows he's been selfish; he knows he should've considered how Shunsuke would feel when he started creating distance between them. But, maybe this is one of those times when he should just let himself be spoiled, maybe he should let himself be selfish for a little longer. After all, if he doesn't try to protect his own heart, no one will.
He gulps, then closes his eyes to strengthen his resolve. “I’m sorry, Shunsuke. I don’t… I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
“Wait, what do you mean? Do what?”
“Like all of this, not just the youtube channel, but all of this, everything,” he says, gesturing towards Shunsuke.
Shunsuke frowns, and there's confusion reflected in his eyes. “You don’t… want to be friends anymore? But why? We’ve been through so much together, I… I’ve always thought of you as my closest friend.”
The words feel like a stab to Kento’s heart. Shunsuke has always thought of him as a friend.
“I think I… I need some space.”
In the silence that follows, he sees the absolute heartbreak clear on Shunsuke’s face, and something inside of Kento shatters. He immediately regrets what he's done. He can’t go on like this. It hurts too much. He can't bear to lose his best friend like this. Shunsuke’s right, something has changed between them, and at this point, maybe it's time to just lay his heart bare in Shunsuke's hands. It’s too late to turn back anyway; there's no way they can go back to being regular friends, not after what he just said. He just tried to end his friendship with Shunsuke. What was he thinking?
In desperation, Kento decides to turn to honesty. After all, Shunsuke is his best friend. He deserves to know the truth.
“I'm sorry Shunsuke… It’s all my fault, because… because the truth is… I… think I like you too much.”
Another beat of silence passes, and he watches as the look of confusion slowly ebbs away from Shunsuke's eyes.
"You mean… you actually like me? More than as a friend?"
Kento averts his gaze before nodding wordlessly.
The next thing he knows, he finds himself enveloped in a gentle warmth, with Shunsuke’s arms wrapped tightly around his torso, and his body pressed against his chest. Without thinking, Kento buries his head into the crook of his neck. His heart is pounding, and he wonders if Shunsuke can feel it too.
He doesn't know what any of this means, but he doesn't care. He just wants to live in the moment; he wants to remember how it feels to fit perfectly into Shunsuke’s arms.
"I like you too much, too," Shunsuke's voice whispers in his ear.
Shunsuke then pulls away just enough so that their gazes can meet, and to his amusement, Kento's eyes are wide in shock. He giggles, cheeks tinted with a shy shade of pink. Kento is still in disbelief.
"Y-You do?"
It's Shunsuke’s turn to nod.
Kento murmurs, "But I thought you canceled The Boyfriend Vlog because you really didn’t want to date me."
"No, no," Shunsuke shakes his head quickly. "Didn’t I tell you? I did it to protect you. You said that we were just friends, so I didn't want to put out more content that would imply that we were in a relationship if you didn't want people to think that we were dating. I didn't want you to feel awkward about it."
"I only said that we were just friends because you said it first," Kento points out.
"Well I didn't want to assume…"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have assumed the opposite then," Kento interrupts playfully. He sighs, then rests his head on Shunsuke’s shoulder, with a smile tugging at his lips. "But it's okay, I forgive you."
In response, he's met with the sound and gentle vibrations of Shunsuke’s soft laughter.
Part Four: Overflowing
It’s 7:28 on a Thursday evening when Kento finishes editing their latest edition of The Boyfriends Vlog. He schedules the video to be posted, and then sits back in his chair with a satisfied smile on his face. The thumbnail of the video is a photo of him and Shunsuke grinning while sitting across from one another at a table in a cafe. The title of the video reads: Dessert date with the boyfriend!
Content with his progress for the night, Kento exits the browser on his laptop and shuts the lid. He has a good feeling about this video; maybe it’ll be their most popular one yet.