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James Wilson is a good person. He makes personal connections with his patients, he donates to charity, he volunteers at a soup kitchen, and most importantly, he is the only person in the world who enjoys spending time with Greg House. Wilson knows he’s a good person, he doesn’t have much doubt in that. So why, right now, does he feel a twinge of happiness somewhere deep inside his heart?
The situation is nowhere near a happy one. House sits across from him at the small table in their hotel room, downing his third bottle of minibar schnapps. From what Wilson can tell by his previous experiences with House’s non-existent emotions, he’s about to cry, or at least he would cry if he had feelings. The two of them had just returned from having dinner with Cuddy and her new boyfriend, a meal House barely managed to get through. He’s still in shock from finding his former private investigator in a serious relationship with the woman he loves. However, Wilson’s not at all listening to what House is saying, as he’s way too focused on his inexplicable spark of joy. Earlier, when House had unrestrained feelings for Cuddy, he felt sad, almost weighed down. And now, after this whole mess, he feels a strange sort of relief. This makes no sense, and why should it? House is his best friend. There’s no reason for Wilson to feel happiness at his misery. And yet, he can feel it building. The happiness won’t go away, and that fact alone makes him feel so deeply horrible about himself he almost can’t bear it. House has always been a jerk, but he’s still been the best emotional support Wilson’s ever had.
He finally manages to push the dilemma to the back of his mind, and he tunes back in to House’s ramblings.
“...him? He’s a loser, an idiot. He doesn’t deserve her, and I know that because I don’t deserve her either.”
Wilson sighs.
“House, put down the schnapps for a second.”
He buries his face in his hands while he decides the right thing to say; a balance between true and reassuring.
“It’s not that you don’t deserve Cuddy, she’s just in a relationship. And that sucks. It really, really sucks, but it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. At least not this time.”
House puts down the bottle and leans back in his chair. He seems to have finally resigned himself to the fact that no amount of scheming will successfully result in both Cuddy’s current relationship ending and her not hating him.
“Do you think one of the hot nurses in Peds would date me for two weeks if I paid them?”
Wilson should have known better.
“If you really wanna make Cuddy jealous, you should date me instead.”
Why the hell did he say that? He didn’t actively consider it, but he obviously thought it somewhere in his stupid brain.
“And you tell people you’re not a closet case,” House laughs.
Wilson gives a half-hearted chuckle, still in awe of the stupid shit his brain can come up with sometimes. Still, why did he say that? He could have suggested house date Thirteen, or some other ridiculous option, but he chose himself. House has started rambling again, so he decides to dissect these thoughts later.
A week later, Wilson finally closes the deal on Cuddy’s dream loft. He knows, rationally, that apart from finally moving into a larger place, his main reason for doing this is to get back at Cuddy for breaking House’s heart. Yet, some part of him can't help but feel the same strange lingering sense of happiness that House and Cuddy aren’t together, though he ends up brushing this off as happiness that she’s finally in a healthy relationship. After about a week of living in their new loft, House has regained his motivation for trying (and failing) to seduce Cuddy. After what was at least 5 failed attempts, House finally asks for Wilson’s help.
“I think this time I should try to give her something.”
“Like a prescription for Vicodin? Because I think that’s your idea of a gift, judging from past experiences.”
House gives a dry, sarcastic laugh.
“Seriously. I’ve tried doing more clinic hours, offering to buy her dinner, telling her-”
“Wait, you offered to buy her dinner? You’ve never bought me dinner.”
“Wilson, if I was in love with you I might go so far as to pay for dinner.”
That was a classic stupid House comeback, but somehow it causes Wilson’s heart to jump a little. He passes it off as just worry about House’s emotional stability.
“So what do I buy her? What does she like?”
Wilson takes a moment to think. He goes through a mental catalogue of conversations he’s had with Cuddy, about her annoyances, pet peeves, and the things she likes. He knows she likes lilies-of-the-valley, white nail polish, chardonnay, and she loves to wear red. He also knows she doesn’t like
“That Italian lemonade; the bitter kind.”
“I should give her that?”
“She loves it. Stock a minifridge full of it.”
“You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever known.” House gets up, grabs his cane and coat, and walks out the door, leaving Wilson alone with his thoughts.
What the hell did he just do? He knows for a fact that Cuddy hates that lemonade, she’s complained to him about it on around four separate occasions. Instead of pushing this thought back, he consciously tries to figure it out. After almost 20 minutes of pacing back and forth and staring at the ceiling, he finally decides that, most logically, he was subconsciously playing a prank on House. He knows that Cuddy would appreciate the gesture, and she would know House had no idea she hates the lemonade.
He must be going crazy.
“Wilson, I love you!”
He jumps in his seat. House has burst into the condo with an actual smile on his face.
“I take it Cuddy enjoyed the lemonade?”
“She actually gave me a hug. Can you believe it?”
“I…really can’t.” Apparently, Cuddy really did appreciate the gesture instead of the gift itself. Rationally, Wilson realises this is a great thing for House; it improved his relationship with Cuddy without any adverse effects. But, somehow, Wilson can’t help but feel sad for some reason, like the part of his brain that told House to give her the lemonade in the first place is unhappy its prank didn’t work. At this point, he’s aware something is messed up in his brain, although it doesn’t feel like a neurological condition, just feels… weird.
“So, do you think you have a real chance now?”
“Not sure, but the chance has gone from around one in a million to one in nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine,” he smirks.
Wilson gives him a genuine smile; no matter how weird his brain is right now, House is still his best friend, and he's happy for him. He sees a strange look in House’s eyes. One he thinks he’s only ever seen around Cuddy before, but he doesn't have any energy at all to think about that right now.
“I think I’m going crazy.”
“What?” Cuddy stands up from behind her desk, a concerned look on her face.
“I.. I’ve been having some weird thoughts lately, and I can’t control them” Cuddy’s expression worsens.
“Like what? Do you need some time off work?”
“No, it’s not that serious.” Wilson sighs. He has to tell Cuddy about the lemonade to explain this, but he doesn’t want to ruin House’s gift. After a minute, he decides he really needs someone else’s help at this point.
“What I’m about to tell you, you can’t mention it to House, and you have to pretend you don’t know about it around him, okay?”
“Okay…?” Cuddy says, the worried expression still not lifting from her face.
“You know how House got you that Italian lemonade?”
“Wait, was that your idea? I thought you knew-”
“Hold on. He really wanted to give you something, but he was worried you wouldn’t like whatever he got you.”
Cuddy nods, less worried now, but still not fully convinced Wilson is okay.
“He asked me what to give you, and before I could think, I told him to get you that lemonade.”
“But you know I hate the lemonade.”
“That’s what’s wrong!” Wilson shouts. “I have no idea why I said that, and it’s been driving me crazy. Also, I can’t shake this weird sense of happiness at House’s lack of a romantic life.”
Cuddy sits back in her chair, understanding the situation. She looks at Wilson sympathetically, trying to think of what to say to him.
“Maybe you’re in love with him.”
Wilson is taken aback. That was the last possible thing he could have expected her to say right now. It takes him almost a full minute to form coherent thoughts, and when he finally does, it comes out as
“What!?”
“I know it sounds like a stupid joke, but I’m being completely serious.”
“I-I’m-” Wilson stammers, “What would even make you think-”
“Hear me out. You’ve been feeling inexplicable happiness at his romantic failures, which is completely out of character for you, and you actually gave him bad advice on purpose for yet another attempt at a relationship.”
“Maybe I’m just sick of his failing relationships.”
“Maybe. But, knowing you, it seems… different.”
“I-” Wilson doesn’t even know how to finish his sentence, as he’s too distracted by the way his heart rate seems to have increased, and his face feels oddly hot.
“I’m not in love with him.” He finally finds his words.
“Ok.” Cuddy says. “But if anything else happens you can always come back here.”
Wilson thanks her, and gets up to leave. She smiles at him, and he gives a half-hearted smile back, still incredibly confused about his own thoughts.
Over the next few days, Wilson hears Cuddy’s words in his head over and over at every interaction with House. Every time House makes a snide remark about Wilson being attractive, or about the fact that people think they’re gay, he remembers what Cuddy said. He’s still entirely convinced that she’s wrong, but the thoughts won’t get out of his head, and he still feels his heart rate increase ever so slightly every time it happens. After almost two more weeks of this, Wilson can’t take it anymore, so he goes to talk to someone else.
“I have something to talk about, and I just thought it would make the most sense if I came to you.” He starts, nervously.
“Okay. Is everything alright?” Thirteen asks, noting his nervousness.
“Physically, yes. But, recently…” He trails off. He can’t bring himself to even consider what he wants to say, much less actually say it. Thirteen gives him a sympathetic look.
“Take your time, I’m right here.”
“Okay. to premise this, I’m not sure about anything; it’s just a possibility, and I need you to not mention this to anyone, ever.” His voice is shaky, and he’s staring down at the table he and Thirteen are sitting at.
“Of course, I’ll respect your privacy no matter what.”
“One of my friends recently, while we were complaining about our issues, brought up the fact that I could possibly…” Wilson’s voice breaks off, and he still doesn’t look up from the table.
“If this is about what I think it might be about, don’t worry. I’ll be here as long as you need me, just try to get the words out.” This level of caring is out of character for Thirteen, but she’s pretty sure she knows what Wilson’s going through, and she understands the help he needs right now.
“... that I could possibly be attracted to a man.” WIlson finally looks up at her, and he looks on the verge of tears. Thirteen sighs and leans forward in her chair.
“Yeah.”
“That’s all you have to say? Yeah?” A single angry tear rolls down Wilson’s face, though he doesn’t seem to notice it.
“I know the exact feelings you’re having right now. Confusion, fear. Your whole self-perception starts to crumble, and it's worse if the person is someone you’re close with.”
At that last part, Wilson tenses up a bit, which Thirteen picks up on. He puts his head down again, relieved that he finally told somebody.
“I know this is absolutely none of my business, and please stop me if this is way too far over the line, but…” Thirteen hesitates wondering if asking this question will help Wilson or make everything worse. She decides to go for it.
“... is it House?”
Wilson says nothing, but he slowly lifts his head to look at her. The look of slight defeat and helplessness, but mostly relief and transparency on his face tells her everything she needs to know. Wilson slumps forward with his head on the table and his arms stretched out in front of him. Thirteen lightly puts her hand on top of his, and they sit in understanding mutual silence for a while.
It takes another two and a half weeks for Wilson to completely accept that he has feelings for House. Even after all that, it still feels so unreal for him to think about. The worst part is, that after going through the beginning, middle and end of a sexuality crisis, he now has another problem: what does he do with his feelings? Obviously, he could never do the cliche of running into House’s arms proclaiming his undying love (as much as he might want to.) He needs some way to get the feelings out without letting House, or anyone else for that matter, pick up on enough to put the pieces together. So, like any reasonable person in his situation, he resorts to being “jokingly” flirty.
The next day, when House walks in the door, Wilson decides to finally start acting on his feelings, just enough to get his brain back to functionality.
“Hi honey, how was your day at work?” yells House, unaware of the effect his affectionate nicknames have on Wilson’s emotional state.
“Not as fun without you there,” Wilson smirks. Oh my god. Did he actually just smirk at House? He will never live this down. Amazingly, time actually keeps moving past that moment, and House springs into the details of his case of the day. He recounts every detail, every stupid mistake Chase made, and how he managed to solve it in the end by figuring out the patient was accidentally poisoning himself. Wilson gives House his undivided attention, but he barely hears a single word. All he can think about is how cute it is when House gets all excited about his medical mysteries, as long as he doesn’t kill anybody. God, did he actually just think of House as cute? He needs to get ahold of himself, fast.
The next time WIlson works up the courage to flirt with House again, he does it in front of his fellows. He had been sitting across from House in his office, having finally gotten him to come into work on time for once. House’s fellows walk in, and they seem to almost jump when they see house sitting at his desk before 11:00 am. Chase looks at Wilson and asks if this was his doing, to which Wilson simply shrugs, before standing up to leave. On his way out, Wilson turns to House.
“See you at home, honey.” WIlson blows House a kiss before walking out the door. In the hallway, he nearly collapses on the nearest wall as he realises how that display of affection was both adorable and completely stupid. He can make out the voices of House’s fellows, mainly Foreman, wondering why he was being so affectionate. Either way, he has to go to his office before his first meeting of the day.
During lunch, House is busy with his new case of the day, so Wilson decides to finally go talk to Cuddy about his feelings.
“You were right.” Wilson slumps into the couch in Cuddy’s office.
“About what?”
“About… House.” He looks up at her with both confusion and acceptance.
“Oh.” Cuddy takes a moment to contemplate what he said, then walks around her desk to take a seat next to him.
“Okay.” She seems completely unsurprised, which Wilson doesn’t understand.
“Okay? You’re not at all confused or concerned? I’ve been panicking for a week!” Wilson puts his head in his hands. Every time he admits this, to someone else or himself, it seems to hit him harder.
“Listen.” Cuddy turns to him. “I think I could always just tell that there was something more than friendship between you two, whether you noticed it or not.”
Wilson lifts his head up to look at her.
“Really? I never even considered it.”
“Now that surprises me.” Cuddy gives a small laugh. When Wilson still seems to be in emotional turmoil, she continues.
“It’s going to be okay. I have known House for… a long time. Too long. And I am completely certain that he has always had at least a little bit of a crush on you.”
“What??” Wilson is so confused he can’t form any more words than that.
“Honestly. There’s always just been some kind of romantic tension between you, and not just one-sided.”
Wow. Wilson takes a few minutes to really process this information, and it hits him harder than his own feelings did. Cuddy smiles at him.
“So, you don’t have to act on anything right now, because I’m sure it's terrifying, but I just wanted to tell you that your chances are, “she looks him in the eyes, “very good.”
Wilson smiles for the first time since he walked into her office.
“Thank you.” It’s possibly one of the most sincere thank yous he’s ever said.
With his newfound confidence from Cuddy’s words of affirmation, Wilson decides to go bigger in his “fake” flirting with House. The next time he finds himself sitting in House’s office while his fellows walk in, he takes the opportunity to have a… somewhat dramatic exit. As Chase, Foreman, and Thirteen walk in, Wilson stands up, walks over to where House is sitting, leans down, and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
“Have a good day hon” Wilson nonchalantly walks out the door. As soon as he gets into the hallway, he almost collapses under the weight of his own body. Although, this time he decides to just embrace the butterflies in his stomach instead of fighting them. He walks to his office with a smile on his face.
Finally having fully accepted the situation he’s in once and for all, Wilson goes back to talk to Thirteen.
“I’m in love with House.” Wilson smiles at her.
“That’s amazing.” Thirteen can’t control the smile that breaks across her face, she’s so happy that he’s finally worked through his feelings. “I mean I kind of assumed when you kissed him.”
“Yeah. But, I don’t know what I should do now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, do I tell him? Do I just wait to get over it? I don’t-”
“Tell him.” Thirteen interrupts him with certainty.
“Why are you so sure?”
“Are you serious? He’s obviously in love with you”
Wilson is incredibly confused at this point, as two people have told him this, yet he sees no sign of it at all.
“Honestly? I’ve never noticed anything like that before”
“Wow you really are oblivious. I’ve never seen him be anything but mean to anyone, but he’s actually nice to you. That’s love.” Thirteen smiles again.
“Wow.” Wilson sits back in his chair. “Wow.”
“So, I think you should tell him. Or you could just kiss him the next time you see him, that would work equally well.” She stands up to leave, but turns to look at him again. “Good luck.”
“Thanks,” Wilson smiles again. He can’t believe that he could have missed the signs that everybody else so clearly saw.
Wilson walks into House’s office before he leaves for the day. His fellows are still sitting at the table, though their case has been finished. Wilson turns to them and asks if he can talk to House alone, giving Thirteen a look out of the corner of his eye. Thirteen stands up and practically drags Chase and Foreman out the door, confused looks on both of their faces.
“What’s up Wilson?”
“Listen, House. I have to tell you something, and I’d appreciate it if you wait until I’m done before you make fun of me.”
House gives him a look of genuine concern, a very rare emotion for him.
“So. I’ve recently gone through a lot of self-discovery, and I’ve realised some things that I don’t know how I missed before.” Wilson looks down at his feet, not daring to meet House’s piercing eyes.
“Before I start rambling, I want to just get to the point.” He takes a step towards House, still not looking up.
“After months of not knowing how I feel, not knowing so many things, I’m finally sure enough.” He continues walking towards House, until he’s only a few inches away, still not meeting his eyes.
“So, House. I-” He finally looks up at House.
“I-”
Wilson is silenced by House’s lips meeting his. For a few seconds, the pure shock of the moment doesn’t allow him to react, but he then kisses House back. It’s not rough or messy, just the quiet expression of feelings they’ve both had for way too long. They break apart after a few seconds, breathing a bit heavily. Wilson takes one step back, and House reaches out for him reflexively, before pulling back.
“H-How did you know?” Wilson stutters, a bit disoriented.”
House simply smiles at him, leans down a bit and states simply:
“Cuddy hates Italian lemonade”
“Oh my god.” Wilson sighs. How could he be so stupid? “So you knew since then?”
“Well, no. I figured it out after you kissed me, but I knew something was up then”
“So why did you give her the lemonade?” Wilson asks, incredulous.
“Couldn’t let you get suspicious,” House shrugs.
Wilson shakes his head, his brain finally processing everything that just happened.
“So, how long have you-” Wilson has to know.
“Since your third divorce.” House smiles at him. “You?”
“Well I realised about two months ago, but when I really thought about it, it must’ve been years.” Wilson walks back towards House. They share another kiss, shorter this time, and Wilson gives House a hug.
“Don’t knock me over, hon” House smirks at him.
Wilson lets go of him, takes his hand, and they walk out of House’s office together.
Wilson and House are sitting together on the couch in their apartment, WIlson’s head on House’s shoulder. House stands up and starts walking to the bedroom.
“Come to bed honey, it’s late,” he says. While the affectionate nicknames he uses are sarcastic exaggerations of his feelings, he really does love Wilson, and they both know it’s the only way for him to express his emotions without needlessly worrying about how to get the words out. Wilson stands up so he can also get in the bed, the two of them having finally bought a king to share, and turning the other room into a guest room. As they get comfortable under the sheets, Wilson turns towards House.
“I love you.” He knows House won’t say it back, but he also knows he would if he could.
House waits a minute, thinking Wilson has fallen asleep, even though he hasn’t yet.
“I love you too.” he whispers, before Wilson drifts off.
–