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It was a bright and beautiful day on September 1st. Crazy:B had just finished their practice for their upcoming live.
Little baby bingus looked over at Rinne and noticed that he kept checking his phone, "Rinne-han what do ya keep checking yer phone for?"
Rinne laughed and put his phone in his pocket and responded, "My sexy handsome charming hot attractive amazing boyfriend just hit 9 months of pregnancy today so we are expecting the baby very soon but Kohaku-chan is probably too young to know about this stuff KYAGAHAHEHSHSWHXJDJ!!"
Kohaku just ignored the last part of his statement.
The second Rinne started to laugh as if he were the spawn of satan himself HiMERU just left the room like a sussy baka without another word.
Seeing the scene Rinne put on a frown and said, "Why does Merumeru always leave so fast, he should care about his besties baby!!"
Niki just facepalmed, "Rinne-kun I think he doesn't care because you haven't shut up about Childe for the last 9 MONTHS!!"
All of a sudden Rinne's phone buzzed and he immediately pulled it out and took a look at his screen. The room went silent as Kohaku and Niki both look at him waiting for him to say something.
"He's gone into labor."
---
1 hour earlier
It's around noon and the sun is super hot, since Rinne had practice with his unit today Childe promised Zhongli that he would go shopping at the market in Liyue today with him because Zhongli needs his wallet of course.
"Xiansheng how long are we going to be looking at rocks for? The sun is so hot I'm practically melting!"
Zhongli looked back at Childe and said, "Alright, then why don't we buy these and go get a drink to cool off?"
Childe immediately agreed and pulled out his wallet to walk up to the register, his heart nearly dropped out of his buttocks when he saw how much money he was about to spend and he knew he would be paying for their drinks too.
Why am I always paying for everyone!! I don't mind if it's for Rinne though...
Childe quickly pulled himself out of his silly thoughts and bought all of Zhongli's things and the two headed down to Wanmin Resturaunt to get some drinks.
Once their drinks came Zhongli immediately seemed happy after taking a sip, "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember... But where are those who share the memory?"
Dead. They're all dead you old fuck!
Child didn't dare to let out his thoughts, he was just so tired of hearing the same line over and over again everytime they go out to get drinks.
After they both cooled off Zhongli looked at Childe's huge stomach then at his face and said, "When the baby is born are you and your Bee boyfriend going to get married? You know, back when I was younger I had a wife-"
Childe immediately panicked, not wanting to hear about his dead wife for the billionth time he quickly cut him off, "We don't know yet! Well..." Childe blushed a little, like an uwu discord kitten, and continued, "w-we haven't really talked about it yet."
All of a sudden Childe felt a weird movement in his stomach and it felt like he was shooting out cum like no tomorrow. He looked down and his entire pants were wet.
He looked up at Zhongli in a panic, "X-xiansheng my water... just broke..."
Zhongli started driving Childe to the hosiptal so Childe took the opportunity to pull out his phone and text his boyfriend a message saying, "Rinne! Babe! My little cutie pie! My favorite alcoholic bee! My number one idol! My water just broke, Xiansheng is driving me to the hospital right now please come ASAP!! 🥺🫶🫃👨❤️💋👨💞💗💖❤️💝💘💕💟🐰🌹👶"
---
30 minutes later
Childe was already in his hospital gown and on anesthesia when Rinne arrived in his room. Zhongli, Niki and Kohaku all waited in the hospital's waiting room.
Rinne ran straight to Childe's bedside and held his hand, he asked, "How are you feeling my little Tar-Tar??"
"I'm in a lot of pain right now because of the contractions but the anesthesia is helping... They are about to do an ultrasound to see where the baby is going to come out of."
The Nurse, her name was Steak, suddenly cut in, "We have all the preperations ready," Steak looked at Rinne, "Please move aside for a moment, if you both are lucky we might even be able to see the baby's gender during this."
The amazing nurse did the ultrasound very quickly and Childe and Rinne got the chance to look over and see their baby, but they couldn't tell clearly what the gender was.
Rinne was the first to speak up and he asked, "Ms. Steak, do you know where Childe will have to give birth out of now?"
Both men could see clearly the amount of panic that was on the nurse's face, she wiped away her sweat and replied while looking at Childe, "Sir, I'm afraid you are going to have to have a penis birth.. But don't worry too much, with the right amount of care, medicine, and surgery should anything major go wrong everything should be able to grow back normally."
Childe was scared and confused, "Grow back?? What is going to have to grow back?"
Rinne for once in all his years of life seemed to catch on, maybe because it was such a serious moment. "But.. Ms. Steak won't this birth take too long I mean.. my boyfriend's... Childe's penis is really.... long."
The nurse quickly said, "That's why I mentioned the regrowth, don't start panicking too much even if his penis is long, we are talking about a full grown baby here, the baby will be longer than it so it won't take too long to come fully out."
For the first time in many years Childe's dead eyes started to show emotion, they showed fear. "No, Ms. Steak you aren't understanding clearly what Rinne is saying." Childe pulled up his hospital gown some and his 8 mile long member came piling out onto the floor.
The nurse suddenly froze, she had never seen anything so long in her entire life so she immediately ran to get other nurses and doctors who quickly ran bag in with multiple IV bags and blood and started hooking them up to Childe.
Childe's pain continued to get more and more intense and so the nurse told him, "Mr. this is going to be very painful okay? The baby is already too close to your dick so we can't choose any other birthing options now.. To get this over with as soon as possible you should start pushing the baby, the sooner its out the safer you'll be."
Rinne was extremely stressed out, he was mad at himself for letting Childe carry their baby, he didn't think the size of his manhood would effect the birth of their child. But it was too late to worry about that now and all he could do was be here for his beloved boyfriend. "Baby, my one and only harbinger, my favorite fatui member, my little almost nation destroyer, you can do this once we are done we can take our baby out to drink and gamble! It'll be my treat!!"
Childe knew that it would end up being him who payed anyway but since he was in so much pain he could hardly speak right so he just gave Rinne the best smile he could.
The next moment Childe felt an excruciatingly sharp pain in his balls and he cried out in pain. Rinne was still holding his hand so he gripped on tightly for support.
The nurses were all nervously running around, it was Steak who was the first to call out, "The baby is coming! Keep pushing you can do this Mr. Tartaglia!"
Childe's ballsacks suddenly burst open, fluids and blood was going everywhere, he had never been in so much pain in his life.
All that was attached now to Childe's body was his long 8 mile penis, the anesthesia was hardly helping anymore and he could feel the nurses and doctors stepping on his length as they tried to move around the room but this was the last thing he was worried about.
Rinne was pushed back by one of the doctors, "Mr. Amagi if you don't step back it's going to get really bloody, you might not want to see this."
Rinne didn't even need to think about it for a moment before he grabbed Childe's hand again, he knew he needed his support to get through this so how could he just leave him? This was their own child's birth after all.
It looked as if the part of Childe's length that was connected to his body was getting bigger, this was how everyone instantly knew the baby was starting to come out through it.
Childe felt an extremely painful stretching and tearing sensation and he instantly knew this was not going to end well at all.
Childe was already crying, the second his penis was beginning to rip off he started to scream himself hoarse. He thought he was going to die.
He was loosing so much blood but thankfully they had several bags of blood hooked up to him desperately trying to make up for the massive amount of blood loss.
Childe looked down at the ground and saw it laying there, he looked at it and croaked out in a hoarse and raspy voice, "So... you are... are my... penis."
Rinne instantly knew he was making a joke about Crazy:B's hit song, 'Risky Venus' but he could hardly laugh seeing the state his boyfriend was in. He just squeezed Childe's hand tighter to let him know he acknowledged his joke.
Now that everything attached to Childe's body was gone they could see half of the baby's head sticking out of a hole that had ripped from where his penis was all the way to his butthole.
There was so much blood that nobody could see anything about the child clearly yet.
Childe kept on pushing even though he was on the verge of passing out from all the pain.
The second the baby's mouth was free from Childe's body you could already hear it start to cry despite not being fully out yet.
Steak turned to Childe and Rinne and quickly said, "The baby is almost out! Keep pushing Mr. Tartaglia, you are so close!!"
What had sounded like a baby crying two seconds ago suddenly turned into something that sounded more like, "Oh-I Oh-I Oh-I Oh-I."
Since the situation was so chaotic no one had any time to pay attention to the noises the baby was making. They needed to get the baby out, it was almost there.
After a few more painful moments of pushing the baby was completely out, Steak immediately took the baby off to get cleaned up.
Rinne and Childe were both so relieved it was delivered somewhat safely, they could hear the baby mumbling in the background but they couldn't focus properly on it.
Rinne took both of Childe's hands in his and kissed him saying, "My wittle uwu fatui harbinger boy! You did it KYAHAHDAHFTH!!" Rinne was elated.
Childe couldn't really speak properly right now because he screamed himself hoarse just a few minutes ago, he could only nod his head. They were both crying.
Steak brought their baby back and placed it gently on Childe's lap, "Congratulations you two!! The gender of your baby is ginger!"
The couple looked at the baby, it was holding a guitar as it sung out in a perfect and angelic voice, "I'm in love with the shape of you, push and pull like a magnet do."
Rinne was staring lovingly at their baby ginger and started to sing along with it, "Although my heart is falling too, I'm in love with your body."
Childe looked at his boyfriend and his baby Ed Sheeran and cried tears of joy, he was so happy.
The end.