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It wasn't supposed to happen.
When the siblings are sixteen, the world of the Umbrella Academy is turned upside down. The unthinkable happens. The one thing they were never prepared for. Someone dies.
Something goes wrong on the mission, Klaus is finding the details a little bit hazy if he's being honest. But there's blood, way too much blood and Ben isn't moving.
Fucking Jennifer. If she hadn't shown up, then Ben wouldn't have got distracted and separated from the rest of them. Klaus will never forgive her. Ever.
And Klaus is yelling for Ben, desperately trying to get to him through the chaos, tripping over rubble and pushing his siblings out of the way. But he knows deep down it's pointless. He's gone.
And then Diego has hold of his hand, pulling him out of the building and away from the wreckage. Klaus is screaming at Diego to let him go, he needs to get back to Ben. As soon as they make it outside, he lurches away from Diego and vomits all over the sidewalk. He's shaking so much he can't move.
They already lost Five to that stupid time jump. He's not losing Ben too, fuck that. Once his head stops spinning, he tries to push past Diego but his brother stops him with a firm hand to his shoulder.
'Klaus.' he says evenly. 'Don't.'
'Let me go.' Klaus says fiercely. 'I need to find Ben.'
Diego doesn't move his hand, and shakes his head sadly.
'I can't let you go back in there.' he says. 'I won't risk you too.'
'Let me GO!' Klaus screams at him, practically clawing at his brother to get past him.
Diego keeps hold of his shoulder, solid and unmoving as Klaus fights him. He's aware he started crying at some point, the tears dripping down onto the front of his suit.
' It's useless' a very small voice says in the back of his head. ' He's dead.'
Klaus stops trying to rip at the front of Diego's suit and feels his whole body sag. Fuck.
'I couldn't get to him.' he says to Diego, finally dropping his hands to his sides. 'He was too far away, I couldn't reach him.'
'It's not your fault.' Diego says, his voice flat and emotionless. 'None of us could have got to him. If only….'
He trails off, and Klaus knows he's thinking about Five. If their brother had been here, he could have blinked to Ben. Maybe he could have saved him. Klaus inwardly curses Five for his disappearing act.
Diego looks pale underneath the grime on his face and there are tear tracks on his cheeks. He wipes his eyes impatiently and looks back towards the building. His eyes are flitting back and forth, Klaus knows he's looking for Luther and Allison.
Then there's a crash and what's left of the building's outer wall collapses. Luther comes careering through the gap, Allison at his heels. He's holding a body in his arms, and the sight of Ben so limp and lifeless knocks the wind out of Klaus. The world tilts in his vision and he's worried he's going to be sick again.
'Oh shit.' he hears Deigo say but doesn't really register it. 'He's gonna pass out.'
Then Klaus' vision tunnels and goes black. He doesn't remember anything after that.
//
He wakes up in his room at the academy with Grace sitting on a chair at the end of his bed. For a moment he doesn't remember what happened and then he does. It hits him like a tidal wave of pain, Ben…gone..dead.
He tries to sit up but his vision blurs and his head feels like it's going to split in half.
'Don't try to move sweetheart' Grace says gently. 'You hit your head pretty hard.'
Klaus wishes he could just go back to sleep but if he does, he's afraid of what he'll see.
'Where's Ben?' he asks, his voice coming out hoarse and scratchy. He remembers screaming at Diego when he pulled him out of the building. No wonder his throat feels like it's on fire.
Grace doesn't answer him but stands up to pour him a glass of water from the jug on the bedside table.
Klaus begins to panic. His heart feels like it's going to hammer out of his chest.
'Where's Ben?' he repeats. 'I want to see him.'
He tries to get out of bed again but Grace pushes him down with a firm hand.
'You need to rest Klaus.' she says, picking up the glass of water and handing it to him. 'You're not well.'
Klaus doesn't have the energy to fight her any more so he takes the glass of water and takes a long gulp, only just now realising how thirsty he is.
He doesn't ask Grace about Ben again. In fact he totally shuts down. He doesn't want to think about a world without his brother in it.
//
Klaus stays in bed for three days until Grace and Pogo are convinced he doesn't actually have a concussion.
His father doesn't come to check on him. Klaus isn't disappointed, he'd have been surprised if he had.
Viktor comes and sits by his bed for a little while one day. He hadn't been on the mission when Ben died but his eyes are red and puffy from crying. Klaus knows he must be frustrated that he hadn't been there, couldn't have helped.
His presence is the only one Klaus can tolerate. Allison and Diego both poke their heads round the door but Klaus tells them in no uncertain terms to get lost. He blames all of them equally for Ben's death. Almost as much as he blames himself.
They failed and Ben paid the fucking price for it.
'Viktor?' Klaus says, and Viktor looks up from the book he's reading.
'Mmm?' He replies. 'You alright?'
'Have you seen him?' he says, his voice cracking. 'Benny?'
Viktor looks at him and the pity in his eyes is too much to bear.
'Don't do this to yourself Klaus.' Viktor says softly. 'You don't want to.'
Klaus grits his teeth.
'Tell me.' he says. 'Grace won't let me see him.'
'He doesn't…' Viktor says hesitantly. 'Look like Ben anymore. The Horrors...they really messed him up. It'd hurt you to see him like that.'
He lays a hand on Klaus' and sighs.
'I wish I could stop this.' he says sadly. 'You're in so much pain right now.'
'We let him down.' Klaus says, tears pooling in his eyes. 'He fucking died. '
His head is starting to hurt again and he really just wants to sleep.
'I'll leave you alone for a bit.' Viktor says as though he's read Klaus' mind. 'Don't be too hard on yourself.'
He grabs his book and leaves the room, and Klaus is alone with his thoughts again.
//
They hold Ben's funeral the day after Klaus is allowed out of his room.
It's horrible and Klaus doesn't want to be there. Not in the slightest.
He's also so spaced out that he doesn't really have a clue what's happening. Someone in their infinite wisdom had left a supply of sedatives on his bedside table.
Pogo had given them to him the second time he woke up, drenched in sweat and shaking from a horribly vivid dream about Ben, mutilated and covered from head to toe in blood. Klaus hadn't got a proper look at Ben's body so his imagination had decided to fill in the gaps in a viscerally horrific way.
The nightmare hadn't stopped when he'd opened his eyes though. He just got hit by the realisation that Ben was dead all over again, and that image from his dreams seemed burned into his eyeballs. He had started sobbing hysterically, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes to try and blot out the image of dead Ben. But he couldn't.
Finally, Pogo had pressed a pill and a glass of water into Klaus' hand and told him to take it. That it would make him feel better.
And it did. Within minutes of swallowing the pill, Klaus was so blissfully dreamy and numb that he wasn't even sure what he'd been so upset about.
So when Klaus sees the packet of tablets on the table as he's getting ready for the funeral, he swipes it and swallows two down without water. It's mercifully quiet in his head now, there's no ghosts giving him hell.
The downside is, he feels incredibly disconnected from his body, like he's watching the scene from a long way away. If anyone's noticed he's off his head on sedatives then they don't let on. Probably grateful that he's not screaming and thrashing around, and on that one awkward occasion, biting. He'd apologised profusely to Pogo for that.
He registers vaguely that his brothers and sister are bickering but his mind is too foggy to try and decipher what they're saying. Also he doesn't actually care that much. He wishes they'd all just shut up, the noises are making his head buzz and his nerves jangle underneath the haze of the drugs.
They must be wearing off because he's starting to feel things again. Well shit.
//
After his siblings go back to the house, Klaus stays outside, sitting alone on the sheltered benches in the corner of the garden. No one's going to come looking for him, they're all too wrapped up in their own grief and guilt.
The medication has more or less worn off now and he feels like he's back in the real world. He doesn't like that. He misses Ben so much already even though it's only been four days since he last saw him. Klaus doesn't know how he's going to get through a lifetime without him, without his best friend. It's unbelievably painful to consider.
Then Klaus' mind starts concocting a plan. It probably won't work, in fact he's sure it won't work. He's not strong enough. His father says he could summon ghosts at will if he put his mind to it, but he's never managed it. Though if he's being honest, his heart's never been in it, the ghosts scare him. But Ben doesn't scare him, he just wants to see him again. So there's an outside chance this could work.
Klaus shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath, feeling the power vibrating inside him like electricity. He concentrates on what he's trying to manifest. Ben. But not Ben who died three days ago, having that version of Ben around might actually be worse than not having him there at all. So Klaus pulls images from his memories instead.
He remembers them playing together in his bedroom before missions when they were little, Ben laughing at his stupid jokes, the way his whole face scrunched up.
He remembers more recently, the two of them watching movies together in Ben's room, sitting on the bed with a bowl of popcorn between them. Remembers them teasing each other mercilessly for their vastly different taste in actors, ending in Ben shoving Klaus a bit too hard so he toppled off the bed.
Klaus holds these memories as he repeats internally 'bring Ben back, bring Ben back.'
He feels the power vibrate through his hands, hot under his skin. The energy builds until Klaus feels like he's going to burst. Then just as suddenly it stops. He's too scared to open his eyes because he's not sure if it's worked or not. He doesn't want to see that he's failed.
'Klaus?' a familiar voice says and Klaus' eyes snap open, feeling suddenly hopeful. 'Where am I?'
He looks around and his heart leaps into his throat. Ben is standing in front of him, looking exactly like he did a week ago before they left on the mission. He looks scared and keeps glancing around himself like he's not sure where he is.
'It's ok.' Klaus says, unable to stop his voice shaking. 'You're back in the land of the living.'