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“It's that thing when you're with someone, and you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it... but it's a party... and you're both talking to other people, and you're laughing and shining... and you look across the room and catch each other's eyes... but - but not because you're possessive, or it's precisely sexual... but because... that is your person in this life. And it's funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it's this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. It's sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don't have the ability to perceive them. That's what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess,” - Frances Ha
~~~
He’s never had his person.
The person who knows him fully and completely.
The person who knows he loves Saturday morning hikes and afternoon baseball games.
The person who knows why he prefers to rise early in the morning instead of sleeping in.
How when he was a child there was comfort in rising before everyone else, being able to start off his days without the drunken ramblings of his father or the heartbroken cries of his mother.
The person who knows why he isn’t an adventurous eater, knowing that the stability of his creature comforts ground him in a way his father always refused to.
The person who knows he cares more than he lets on.
The person who finds his eyes in a crowded room.
The person who knows both the big and the small things. The person who knows even the mundane things. The person who is his partner and best friend.
The person who knows his favorite film. The person who will rewatch his favorite film with him for the hundredth time just to see the smile on his face as he mouths the words to all of his favorite lines.
He thought he found his person a few times before.
He thought he found it with Isabel.
But ten years and a broken marriage told him otherwise.
He knew he found a friend in Angela.
Maybe a person.
But no, she wasn’t his person. His friend, yes but not his person.
He thought, for a fleeting moment, that he found it in Rachel, hoping that finally, maybe...
But no.
He hoped he found his person in Ashley.
On paper, they made all the sense in the world. The relationship was age-appropriate, she was nice, and he got along with her father. She was exactly what he was supposed to want. She was nice, and he had been content with her.
Except it wasn't what he knew it should be.
And she wasn't his person.
Somehow he knew who was his person.
Lucy.
“But that doesn't have to mean anything,” he says to himself as he watches her out of the corner of his eye while on a particular call.
He catches himself smiling at the way her lips quirk to the side, and how her eyes brighten in the crisp air as she speaks to the reason for the call, a shop owner who had an employee that insisted on bringing their pet monkey to work.
“No,” he tells himself silently as he watches her walk back to their shop, smiling when she tells him that he will never guess the name of the shop owner, and smiling even wider and letting out a loud laugh when she tells him said name.
Gerald.
So she's his person but that doesn't have to mean anything, he tells himself time and again.
Except it does.
Unless it means everything, he thinks one day after he is confronted with just how much she is his person.
He and Aaron had just spent an entire shift traipsing all over town for his radio.
His favorite film.
His favorite coffee cart.
“Whoever is doing this knows you really well,” he recalls Aaron saying.
She does know him.
She's his person.
But I'm not hers, he thinks regrettably to himself while he watches her walk away with Chris, wishing for so many things.
Wishing he hadn't set them up.
Wishing he hadn't wasted so long with Ashley.
Wishing he was her person.
But then suddenly one day they are back riding together and he sees it.
He may not be her person but neither is Chris, and she deserves to be with someone that is her person, he thinks as looks over at her.
But then she says something that takes his breath away, and suddenly he thinks maybe, finally, and wondrously they could be on the same page.
“If we do this, and it doesn't work, I will have ruined the most important relationship in my life,” she says in a rush as his mind reels at the overwhelming idea that he may just be her person as well.
She is his person, and it could mean everything, he thinks.
And so he jumps in headfirst when she says it's not worth the risk.
“Unless it is,” he says with a nervous smile.
And so he asks her to dinner.
And she says yes.
And now she is his person in all of the the ways.
And now he is her person in all of the ways.
They find each other's eyes in a crowded room.
She knows his creature comforts and relishes in them all with him. She watches his favorite films, and she mouths all the words to his favorite lines along with him. She gets up on Saturday mornings and hikes with him and Kojo. She knows why he gets up early in the mornings. She knows why he hates mushrooms. She knows how he loves to cuddle at certain hours in the mornings. She knows his favorite meals and his least favorite ones. She knows the scars of his past as well as the hopes he has for their future.
She knows him.
She knows him in all the ways.
She is his person in this life.
She is his person in every life.
And he is her person.
And it means everything.