Work Text:
I Seiya, I feel this, a strange emotion
I Fighter, I feel this, not my mission.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Insomnia was going to kill him.
Leaning back on the couch in the studio, Seiya tried to lull himself to sleep with the movement of the fan blades slowly spinning above his head.
Staring at them was, oddly, peaceful, though it definitely wasn't helping with his sleep issue.
"This has to stop now" he whispered in frustration.
His brain, that was tired but refused to stop thinking everything through, asked "What do you mean by this?"
The images of the last few days kept replaying on the projector on the back of his mind. Behind his eyes he saw again the sequence of actions that had his soul hanging by a thread: Usagi Tsukino had turned out to be Sailor Moon's secret identity, her brothers wanted to use her and her friends to distract the enemy and got terribly angry at her after Seiya ended up badly wounded in an attempt to protect her, the other Sailor Senshis had threatened him not to go near Usagi again and, to top it all off, his princess still was missing.
He felt her so close, as if he could touch her. Her scent was filling the air he breathed. It was making him furious.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"Hey, Seiya, calm down."
Seiya found himself playing the drums to get a little of all the emotions he had been repressing for months out of his system. Yaten's request only ended up driving him out of his mind:
"Damn it!" He hissed through his teeth, short of breath. "It seems like she's making fun of us... we sing and we sing and nothing happens. Why the hell doesn't the princess show up?! Why?!" he shouted, throwing his drumsticks down hard on the floor.
All that could be heard in that room was his gasping in anger, he was standing with his back to his brothers but he could feel their gazes on him. Yaten worried, Taiki was analytical.
He decided he couldn't be in that room anymore.
"Where are you going?" Yaten asked when he saw him reach for his red jacket.
"I'm going to get some fresh air."
He heard Yaten calling for him again but he didn't want to know any more about anything. He was done.
Tokyo was a city that allowed you to be easily distracted: the stores, the people, the lights, the sounds... However, there was no escape, Seiya kept on listening to Three Lights' songs at every corner he turned.
"Our song is already all over the city, why is she the only one who hasn't heard it?" he wondered as he watched the distant lights from a bridge.
He shook his head and decided to keep walking, he still didn't want to go back to his brothers and even less to the studio, where he knew he would spend another sleepless night. His feet were leading him along the familiar paths of the Juuban district. With his head down and his hands in his pockets, he walked as if on autopilot through the residential area where there was no longer a single soul walking the streets. After all, it was already dark.
He stopped when he realized he was in front of Usagi's house. His idiot head had brought him there without him even realizing it, another layer of confusion crossed his mind.
He remembered the first time he had gone there, when he had volunteered to be Usagi's bodyguard for a night. He also remembered how close he had come to confessing his identity to her that night, just because he didn't want to keep secrets from her; little did he know that she would turn out to be...
Sailor Moon was an entity he had not analyzed in depth yet. He held her in esteem, that is, he found her mission honorable by bringing back to life the zombies that had been stolen from their starseed. He recognized that she was powerful and kind, two qualities that were difficult to find in the same person at the same time.
But knowing that Usagi was the one who took the form of Sailor Moon had turned his world upside down. To know that she was the one who was being exposed when fighting, the one who was the leader of the sailor senshi of this planet, that she would probably be the one to face Galaxia... it was too much for him to bear.
He knew that fate very damn well: his planet had suffered it, and worse, so had his princess.
A painful sting crossed his chest as he imagined Usagi in the role of his princess. It was an image that made him retch and his stomach sink down hard.
Maybe, he thought, maybe it would be best if he forgot about the mission to find his princess and focused on helping Usagi. Maybe his planet was a lost cause, maybe destiny had brought him here to prevent her from suffering the same fate as his princess.
And he now knew what mistakes he should not make. He would give his life to prevent...
"I think I'm starting to go... crazy," he said aloud to himself.
He let out a long sigh with the intention of unclenching his body and forcing himself to walk back home but was soon petrified again when he noticed the balcony door open.
It was Usagi. Dressed in her pink pajamas and with a blanket over her shoulders. It took him no time at all to meet her gaze.
"Hello" he tried to sound cheerful.
"Seiya... Wait! Don't go, I'll be right down."
"Don't bother," he replied quickly. "I'm happy just to see your beautiful face."
He made her blush and his heart danced in his chest.
"What a thing to say, young man" Usagi replied with a mischievous look. "Boys who come to spy on a lady's bedroom are called… you know".
He laughed for the first time in days. It had come from his throat naturally and he had liked the way it had resonated in the cold air. That was the power Usagi had over him, even in his most confusing moments, she managed to convey peace and joy to him.
With a clearer mind he decided to return the ball to her:
"Usagi, you always talk such nonsense" he joked, managing to get a smile out of the girl who was talking with him from her balcony.
Those two minutes had done wonders for him. He felt light and his head was in the right place. He thought he should take advantage of his state so he could sleep and recover some energy, something told him it wouldn't last long.
"It was good to see you, see you later!"
Usagi caught his attention again by telling him about the school festival, telling him that her classroom would recreate a cafeteria and that everyone would be very happy to see him there. Before he could reply, Usagi showed him her waitress costume and tried to convince him with Makoto's famous cakes.
Behind her, Chibi-chibi peeked out sleepily, apparently the noise had woken her up.
He watched as Usagi took care of that little girl and decided he had never seen a more tender scene than that. It filled his heart and encouraged him to accept the offer.
"I'm leaving now" he said goodbye again, Usagi looked at him waiting for an answer. "I'll go to the festival."
"Really?"
"Have a good night" he concluded with a chuckle before heading back to the studio.
He had barely taken a couple of steps when an energy passing by gave him goosebumps. An energy? No, it was more like a scent, one he knew very well.
He looked back in bewilderment to where Usagi had been just moments ago talking with him.
"That scent was from…"
He couldn't be confused, that scent was that of his princess.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Why was his heart still on fire?
Why couldn't he feel peace even though the princess was asleep on his shoulder?
It had only been a few moments since he had sung their song in her ear and he had replaced the image of his sovereign with that of Usagi. At first he was surprised but his heart would not allow him to stop and so he let himself be carried away.
That song had been written to find his princess but now that she was there with him... he allowed himself to dedicate it to the blonde girl who refused to leave his mind.
He had been so heartbroken at the prospect of leaving Earth and returning to his planet, just as Yaten and Taiki had begged. He couldn't just walk away, leaving the girls to fight alone.
It was not honorable.
But his loyalty was with Kakyuu. He looked at her in pleasure but there was a void that his princess's presence failed to fill.
And then, he just knew. Though his loyalty was with his princess, his heart belonged to someone else.
"Odango..." he whispered. As if that playful nickname was the final conclusion.
Usagi had crept within him, taking everything. He realized that since everyone's secret identities had been discovered and he had stopped attending school, his catharsis had begun. All that frustration, that confusion, that pain... it was due to Usagi's absence from his days. And he had taken it out on his princess, accusing her of not wanting to show up, when in reality... he had never lost faith in her.
He had lost faith in him, that he would be able to complete the mission because now he wanted so badly to just take care of Usagi and Sailor Moon.
But whose mission? Fighter lived for Kakyuu only, that was her destiny and the reason for her existence. And he was Fighter, right?
He was Fighter and she was Seiya. At what point had her earthly alter ego stopped being just a disguise, a strategy? At what point had she stopped having control over her life as a senshi?
Because yes, he understood perfectly that the need to protect Usagi didn't come from the warrior she was, it wasn't duty. It came from... from love.
Love
"I love Usagi Tsukino" he repeated in a whisper, utterly incredulous that it had taken him so long to realize the obvious.
How long had his heart been beating for Usagi? At what point had he allowed himself to have feelings for his classmate?
His questioning was interrupted when his brothers entered the studio with bags from the market. The first thing they did was to ask about the princess' welfare, who was still asleep on Seiya's shoulder.
He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to see Usagi and tell her face to face what he had just found out and that they would have to take him back to Kinmoku on a bag because he wasn't going to leave her alone.
He asked his brothers to look after the princess and quickly fled before he could hear their complaints.
The sky was falling down hard in Tokyo so he resolved to call her first by phone, find out if she was still awake, and ask her to meet him somewhere.
Busy line
Again
Busy line
By the sixth attempt he realized he wouldn't see her that night. Who could she be possibly talking with at such late hour? A name popped in his mind.
Chiba Mamoru.
Usagi's infamous boyfriend who was studying in the United States.
Boyfriend.
His stomach sank down to his feet and he couldn't help but sob from the pain it had caused him. It was a realization he had completely forgotten.
Could she be talking to him? Would he be back soon?
He had to, he had to be there to protect her. He'd better be...
Because if Seiya were him, he would never have left her alone. Because if Seiya had the privilege of being him, there would be nothing more important in this world than Usagi.
And if he didn't come...?
Could he take his place? Would Usagi accept him? Could he stay on Earth?
The odds were...
The very idea that it could never happen tore him apart. Crying, he leaned against the pay phone. "This can't be happening... I've gone crazy".
He returned home in despair and all he could do was pull out his pen and songbook. If he couldn't tell her in person, he would tell her in song.
To the glow of the moon...
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
He was still alive.
Against all odds, after the cruelest battle of their lives, after all the warrior protectors of this planet had perished and they had lost their princess again... they managed to emerge victorious.
He recreated the image of Sailor Moon embracing her warriors and her boyfriend. Mamoru, who had also died at the hands of Galaxia long before they knew of her presence on Earth.
He felt guilty for blaming him for her Odango's pain.
And even though it hurt to know that now that he was back… now that he was back Usagi could be happy by his side, he could leave Earth satisfied, knowing also that he had accomplished the mission of protecting her to the very end.
Soon they would leave for Kinmoku to... perhaps never return?
Most likely; each of them would have to go on with their own lives as they were before they had crossed each other's path. Soon he felt stupid, of course nothing would ever be the same as before. That love he felt, he felt it eternal, and even if he could no longer see her, he would carry it with him to the other side of the galaxy.
But Seiya was an imperfect being and he knew it. Between his fingers he fiddled with a tape containing the recorded demo of the song he had written that night when he had finally realized he was in love with Usagi.
Would it be wise to give it to her now that she was back with her boyfriend?
He felt anxious at the thought that she might not listen to it out of respect for him.
Seiya was an imperfect being, he wanted to leave one last impression on Usagi's heart, no matter the consequences. He smiled mischievously: he would be too far gone to face her anger anyway.
He took the tape and headed for the most listened radio station in town. He said it would be the last song ever, in which Three Lights would say goodbye to their fans and the DJ felt like he had ground gold between his hands.
"It will be a hit, Seiya"
"I'm counting on you to make it so. It just... before you play it you have to send out a message".
And before leaving, he delivered into his hands a note with the specific command to be said everytime that song played on the radio:
"My heart is yours, forever, Odango."