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When things returned to “normal”, Yuuta really thought that they could just resume life as if the whole ordeal was a simple stain on a white shirt that could easily be washed away. Apparently not.
It was the small things at first, like going in the wrong direction when going home. Entering the wrong bathroom, admittedly he’s done so much and has gotten called many names for it, which he can’t blame. He deserved it. He did the same thing once.
He found himself getting into trouble more often. He wasn’t doing it purposely. He was just having a bit of difficulty acting like how “Yuuta” was supposed to. The amount of times he’s been scolded for entering the wrong classroom and numerous concerns from his teacher about his grades being worse than “usual”. That word was starting to piss him off, but what could he do? He can’t just say “Oh, that wasn’t me. That was Yui! We switched bodies in elementary!” Yeah, right. He might as well tell people he was insane while he was at it.
Friends… That was a bit more complicated…
Kikuchi… He didn’t dislike him. He was nice and very passionate about music. He liked his music. But every time he’d say or do anything, Kikuchi would look at him oddly as if he’d done something weird. Something that “he” would normally never do. He tried being closer to him. Kikuchi was, after all, Yui’s friend, and he didn’t want to lose one of the first friends she’s made on her own. He didn’t want to ruin it. But he noticed immediately when Kikuchi was avoiding him. He would always try to give him some excuse as to why he couldn’t talk to him with an uneasy expression. He gave up when he caught Kikuchi hanging out with Yui. His face held a different expression when he hung out with her. It wasn’t the constant uneasiness he would always see. Kikuchi had a smile on his face. It lifted a weight in his chest that he didn’t even know was there.
Kazuma… He thought that they would hang out more after things returned to how they were supposed to be. He visited him in the hospital often, and when he was released and could go to school, Kazuma was there for him. They were together a lot at first. Then the time they spent together started to dwindle and- well… Before he even realized it, they stopped. They still talked from time to time, but he couldn’t help but feel like Kazuma was doing it out of obligation. He appreciated it - he thinks- so he would never complain when he left. He didn’t want to be a bother. Plus, he knew Kazuma wanted to be there for Yui, so he didn’t mind.
Tachibana though… he didn’t know what to do.
Tachibana is special to him. Out of everyone he’s known, he felt like he could be himself with him. He could be more honest. The thought was ironic. He technically wasn’t himself when he was with him. He was Yui. But he definitely did feel like it, though. He felt more himself with him. More than his family, more than Kazuma, and more than Yui. Every time he’d go to school, he would always come looking for him.
If he’d had known that things would change so much between them, then maybe being Yui -at least till graduation - would have been better.
He remembered the first time they talked after the accident. Or at least the first time he’s talked to Tachibana after the accident. He’d forgotten that this was probably the first time Tachibana has talked to him–well… ever.
He was sitting on the rooftop chewing his sandwich when he heard the door creak. He looked over and brightened up when he saw a familiar set of orange hair.
“Mornin’ Tachibana!” He greeted him like he always did but he saw him jump, seemingly surprised. He saw him stare for a moment with a face he’d been all too familiar with these past few weeks. It was almost like Kikuchi’s…
There was a strange tension between them. Tachibana wouldn’t even look at him. Sometimes, he’d be ignored, but it was never like this. Tachibana cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “So… you’re the kid who got hit by a truck… right?”
When Tachibana said that, his mind suddenly went blank. Then it hit him. Tachibana didn’t know Yuuta, he knew Yui. Everything they did together, every word spoken… that was all done with Yui. He’d been so used to being himself with him, he’d forgotten that Tachibana technically didn’t know him.
“Yeah, that’s me!” He could hear his voice tremble.
“So..” Tachibana said awkwardly, “What are you doing? Up here I mean? Don’t you have- well friend?” His voice sounded unsure, as if to make sure he wasn’t offending him.
‘I wanted to see you,’ as if he could just say that. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. So he just said, “Eh, they’re off doing something else. Having a bit of trouble with friends lately. Haven’t really been talking all that much.” It was true. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, it felt a bit lonely being alone most of the time.
“Oh…” He sounded empathetic. “Guess we’re both having issues, then.”
“What’s up?” he asked curiously.
Tachibana was silent for a second, contemplating if he should. “Well, my friend hasn’t really been talking to me… I think she’s been avoiding me. And when I’d look at her… she seems upset.” He sighed and sat down next to him. “Pretty sure it’s my fault.”
He raised a brow at that. “How so?”
Tachibana’s cheeks turned pink. “Well, I did something that I shouldn’t and, well… she avoided me after that. We started talking again after a while. She said what I did was fine, but now I can’t help but think she was just saying that so I wouldn’t feel guilty..”
“That’s not it.”
“Huh?”
“She wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t say that if she didn’t mean it.” He explained.
Tachibana looked away and said in an angry tone, “How would you know?”
How he wanted to just let it all spill out and tell him everything. That it wasn’t his fault. That he shouldn’t feel guilty. That it was him. It was him that night. It was him who he had shared that night with. It was him who he kissed… But he couldn’t. Not now, and probably never. The best he could do was reassure him.
“Yui. It was Yui, right?” Tachibana looked at him, surprised. “How did you-” “She wouldn’t say that if she didn’t mean it.”
“How can you be so sure?”
He sat there quietly just for a moment, thinking about what to say. “I’ve known her for a long time. She wouldn’t do that. Especially to you. She wouldn’t lie to you. Even though she’s the worst. Even though she’s always running away. You’re special to her–” You’re special to me–
”and she would never want to lose you.”
Tachibana seemed stunned. They sat there in silence when he felt his cheeks wet.
Tachibana placed a handkerchief beside his hand, and he took it and wiped his tears. He just sat there, a bit embarrassed, and hid his face with his arms.
Before Tachibana could say a word, the bell rang, saving him.
He felt Tachibana’s presence leave his side. He waited for the sound of the creaking door but he heard Tachibana instead. “You coming?” He heard him ask in a gentle tone. He just shook his head and Tachibana nodded. He heard the door creak, then it shut.
He is alone now. Alone again.
Alone with his head. He thought about these past few weeks. Kazuma was with Yui. Kazuma, the only person who really knew what was happening. The only person they could both confide in yet it seems like only Yui could.
It’s unfair. He was bitter. Why was Yui able to keep someone by her side? She always had Kazuma, who would always be there for her. So who’s there for him? It feels like he’s the only one who lost something. He lost someone special to him. He had no one to talk to. He had no one to be with. Now he’s lost the person closest to him.
Where the hell do my feelings go?
He wants to rewind time somehow. Rewind before he confessed to Yui. Before he asked for an answer. He really thought that he could just resume life and somehow have things remain the same.
Apparently not.