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The wall is cool against Jun's forehead. He leans against it and focuses on breathing deeply, but it doesn't do much to calm his racing heartbeat. A sink piled full of dirty dishes is waiting in front of him, and he needed a time out as soon as he caught sight of them, because this is stupid, and his life is stupid, and he's meant to be an idol in training but he's instead cleaning up after a bunch of rich kids who pay absolutely no mind to him.
No, that's not quite right. They don't usually take the time to care about his suffering. But when they do? They relish it.
"Jun-san?"
Jun whirls around in an instant, and takes the care to ease the scowl off his face, because it's Tatsumi. He's standing in the doorway with a pile of folded laundry in his arms. The sight of it stings a little, because of all the people who don't deserve to be doing ridiculous chores, Jun figures Tatsumi should be at the top of the list.
He's looking at Jun now with concern writ large on his face. "I'm sorry to intrude, but is everything alright?" His eyes stray to the sink. "Oh. Oh, no, that's a lot to wash by yourself. Don't you have a partner assigned to the task too?"
"Yeah, I did. He dropped out this morning," says Jun dully.
Tatsumi's brow furrows. He steps inside, and carefully places the clothes on a countertop. "No need to worry, I'll help you."
"Kazehaya-senpai, you don't need to-"
"I'll help," repeats Tatsumi firmly, and that's that. They roll up their sleeves and get to work. Tatsumi picks up a sponge to wash and rinse the dishes, so Jun takes that as a sign he's on drying duty.
He feels a little calmer just by being in Tatsumi's prescence. There's little sound besides the rhythmic slosh of water and clink of plates being placed in the drying rack, until Tatsumi says suddenly: "Jun, are you feeling alright?"
"Hm? Yeah," says Jun roughly, anything to not broach that topic of conversation.
He feels Tatsumi glance at him without even looking up to see it. "Come on, now, I know that's not true."
"I..." Jun scrabbles for the words to explain himself, searches the recesses of his mind, and just doesn't find them. He sighs. "... Sorry. I just..."
"It's alright. It must just be hard to talk about it, right? Your feelings. You're not sure how?"
Jun's fingers grip the plate he's drying a little tighter. Tatsumi's being so patient, but he feels so stupid here. Always has. "... Yeah. It is. I just can't."
"I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, you know?" Jun hearts beats a little faster, of its own volition, after he'd just calmed it down again. "Other people have told me that I'm easy to talk to, so I'd like to offer you that option as well. I feel a responsibility to everyone in our dorm, what with the stress you must all be under."
Right. Tatsumi treats everyone in the non-special student dorm the same. Jun feels stupid again, for thinking he'd been singled out. "Thanks."
It'd be nice to vent to Tatsumi. But not knowing how to talk about complicated things like feelings aside, he can't think of anything less appealing than laying himself bare to Tatsumi only for him to nod politely and pat his shoulder and treat him like one of the flock.
Tatsumi seems to sense his apprehension, if not the real reason why. "Of course, if you don't want to, that's alright as well. I just think that keeping everything pent-up can't be good for you. It'd be nice if Reimei had a counsellor, but of course it doesn't." Jun waits for Tatsumi to ask about his family or other people he can talk to, but he does not. He probably already knows. "Have you considered... keeping a diary, or the like?"
Jun throws him a confused look. "A what?" He's probably being too aggressive again, because Tatsumi looks sheepish.
"A diary. Just somewhere to write about how your day went, to make sense of it all. I used to do it a lot as a child, when I didn't have anyone to talk to about troubling things."
Tatsumi's eyes are fixed very rigidly on one particular plate, that he's scrubbing with unnecessary vigour. It begins to dawn on Jun that even after talking to him near-daily, living with him, witnessing his grand plans, knowing every detail of his face so well that he can see them all when he closes his eyes, he doesn't know the first thing about Tatsumi.
"That makes sense, Kazehaya-senpai. I might try it."
Tatsumi brightens up immediately. Whatever he was thinking about is gone now. It's like flipping a switch. "Oh, good. Let me know if it helps. If not, my offer is still open."
"I'll think about it," says Jun.
-
He considers opening with Dear Diary, but that would make him feel even stupider than he already does. Jun waited until the coast was mostly clear in the dorm, the most privacy he'd get in this hellhole, before flipping open the exercise book that he was supposed to use for school. It's entirely empty, because he's been taught a grand total of 'very little' ever since he first set foot in Reimei. It takes him a moment to psych himself enough to write anything at all, because he still feels like an idiot even though nobody in the dorm is paying any mind to him, or knows what it is he's doing. Nobody but Tatsumi, who isn't around to see it either. He takes a deep breath, biro in hand, and scrawls at the top of the first page.
Today was a shitty, no-good, very bad day. Damn everyone to hell.
Jun clicks his pen a few times, deep in thought. What else? That summed it up well enough, in his humble opinion. After a moment's contemplation, he adds one more line, for good measure.
Fuck everything.
Perfect.
He hurriedly snaps the book shut, and stuffs it under his futon, where hopefully nobody will check. The floor beneath is a dusty and gross, like nobody's ever cleaned it properly, let alone looked underneath. It'll be safe there for now, until-
"Sazanami, what are you doing?"
It's Kaname, standing over him, arms folded, looking down at Jun. He's standing directly in front of a window, the only one on this side of the room. The setting sun hits at just an angle that Jun's eyes can't quite adjust enough to make out the expression on his face. He imagines it's withering. And he's going to need a new hiding spot now, isn't he?
"Why, what do you want?" asks Jun exasperatedly.
Kaname slowly lowers himself down to Jun then, kneeling carefully. Jun's eyes adjust as he slips into the shadow next to him, and he's surprised to see the expression on his face is more tenuous than smug. He's got a needle and thread in one hand, and someone's tacky stage costume in another- black, covered in tassels and little sequins, some special student's terrible taste on proud display.
Kaname's voice drops to a whisper. "They told me to fix the tears in this costume, but I can't do it. I don't even know how to thread the needle." He coughs anxiously, trying to blink some confidence into his fragile eyes that Jun can see straight through. "I shouldn't need to know how to do something so beneath me to begin with. I should be focused entirely on my training, and instead I'm getting burdened with this commoner work!" He huffs, and thrusts the materials at Jun. "Do it for me, Sazanami!"
"What makes you think I'd want to do that for you?" asks Jun drily, but he's already got the needle grasped in one hand and the thread in the other.
"Because you can," insists Kaname haughtily. "You clearly know how to do stuff like this, and I don't. Like I said, it's because this kind of work is beneath me. But it's perfect for you."
Jun's unfiltered thoughts slip out, before he has a chance to reshape them into some cutting retort. He looks down at the torn-up costume in his lap. "So that's all you think I'm good for, huh? The housework?"
Kaname sniffs. "Well, you're better suited to it than me, that's for sure." He hesitates. "... But. I suppose, since you work so hard at everything all the time, you could do anything you set your mind to. Maybe. You didn't come to Reimei knowing how to do all these chores already, did you?"
Jun regards him blankly. "I don't know how you were raised, but I had to do everything myself."
"Yes, you don't," Kaname snaps. "Sazanami, I am trying to compliment you, so shut up and stop making it difficult for me. I'm trying to tell you that you adapt to difficult situations well. And you're always willing to learn, so you could be good at anything if you tried." He pauses for a moment, and he and Jun watch each other's eyes, like they're each measuring the other's sincerity. Like they're measuring the fragile bond of trust they've built up, seeing if it holds true. "But you'll never be as good an idol as me, of course," Kaname adds hastily.
A smile tugs at Jun's lips. It's the first time that's happened in a while. "Yeah. Natural talent and all. I could never compare to that."
Kaname claps his hands together delightedly. "Exactly, Sazanami! I'm so pleased you finally understand that. The morons in charge of this institution clearly do not at the moment, but they'll change their minds." He has absolutely no talent for detecting sarcasm. But Jun finds he doesn't mind so much if it means he gets to see Kaname light up.
The diary lays forgotten under the futon for the rest of the evening. Jun is lying awake after lights out when he remembers it, and wonders if Kaname noticed.
He feels, suddenly, like it's a hard lump under his futon, one that juts into his back, something he needs to dispose of immediately. He resolves that the airheaded oaf probably didn't even notice him put it away, let alone take the time to wonder what it was, and pushes the thought aside. He falls asleep wondering if he can bring himself to write about Kaname.
-
Some special students shoved me against a wall today. It wasn't so bad. I've had worse. I think they're a little scared of me now. Good. Kaname was really upset when he saw the bruises, though. I think he was going to cry? He looked like it. I told him to shut up and get over it, because it wasn't even him. I feel kind of shitty about that.
Jun is in the middle of trying to figure out what the 'shitty feeling' is, exactly, when Tatsumi slips through the door almost silently. It's so late at night that it must be morning. Jun fell asleep and woke up and couldn't get back to sleep again, and Tatsumi is only just getting some rest now.
Jun watches the way he places his feet carefully when he walks, the way he braces one hand on the doorframe while he closes the door, easing it shut to maximise the potential quiet. Tatsumi is so elegant and dignified even when he doesn't know he's being watched, and Jun feels guilty when he turns and catches him staring.
"Jun-san," he says softly, and Jun is transfixed. "You can't sleep?"
"Uh, no, I couldn't."
Tatsumi comes towards him, and it's clearly just so they can talk without waking anyone, but Jun's heart still pounds to the rhythm of his footsteps. He doesn't even think to put away the diary until it's too late.
"Oh?" asks Tatsumi. He settles down next to Jun, and Jun closes the book self-consciously. "Did you take my suggestion to heart?"
"I did," replies Jun. There's only a few entries, and all of them are brief, but he's still writing them. "I think it helps."
"That's good to hear," says Tatsumi warmly, and his smile is tired, but he looks like he means it. "You deserve a little reprieve from everything."
"What about you?" asks Jun. "Are you... doing okay?"
Tatsumi seems surprised, like nobody's ever thought to ask. "Me?"
"Yeah. It's late for you to still be up."
Tatsumi's expression clouds over. He looks worlds away all of a sudden. "I suppose. But I've got work to do, as you know. It's better than having to do the bidding of the elite. If I could function without any sleep at all, I would."
"Oh," says Jun simply. He isn't sure what else to say. Tatsumi has never talked about his 'work' outside of the catacombs before, that one time Jun stumbled in and then never went back. Jun wonders if it's such a good idea for him to be so brazen about it now, even with everyone apparently asleep.
"You should come," says Tatsumi suddenly. There's something a little feverish behind his eyes. It must be the sleep deprivation, thinks Jun, but there's something else too. "I know you weren't sure about it last time. But I could help you, Jun-san. Or you could bring Kaname-san, if he wants to."
"I..." Jun winces. He can't quite bring himself to say 'no, absolutely not', but he's thinking it. He has the terrible sense that Tatsumi is driving himself towards something dangerous, and Jun doesn't feel like he has the power to talk him out of it. Not one bit.
Tatsumi blinks a few times rapidly, like rousing himself from some sort of possession. "I'm sorry, Jun-san. I didn't mean to pressure you. It's not a problem if you don't want to. You're as much a victim as anyone else here."
'Victim' would be the right word to describe what's happening to Jun, probably. But it's not the word he wants to hear from Tatsumi, laden with pity.
Jun fixes his eyes determinedly on his closed diary. "That's alright, Kazehaya-senpai. I'd just rather... not, right now."
Tatsumi's hand reaches out and pats his reassuringly. Under any other circumstance, he'd be shocked over being touched. But not like this. "Don't worry, Jun-san. Get some rest, okay?"
Jun nods mutely. And Tatsumi is up on his feet before he can wish him goodnight too. He's already picking his way over to his futon, very much out of Jun's reach.
-
I wish I could figure out how to talk to Kazehaya-senpai more. He's always busy. I don't even get to thank him for the meals he makes. He's already gone by the time I figure out what I want to say. At least Kaname is always around. He's so fucking annoying. But he makes me feel better sometimes. I think I like him. He's okay to look at, too. Not like Kazehaya-senpai, obviously. But not so bad.
Kaname still can't thread a needle, but he can execute a loose, sloppy stitch that's enough to hold torn uniforms and stage costumes together. He's impatient, that much Jun can tell, and jabs at the fabrics with entirely too much force. But he's certainly determined, and he gets the work done.
Committing words to paper means accepting that they're true. Jun has spent the past day or two trying to wrestle with the fact that Kaname is 'okay to look at', whatever that means. And that Tatsumi, who's been missing for the past few days, who has dark rings under his eyes and seemed to have a limp the last time Jun saw him, is 'okay'-er to look at.
Right now, Kaname is more along the lines of ridiculous to look at. His brow is furrowed, and he's grumbling under his breath and stabbing at the fabric like it personally did something to wrong him. But his hair falls sleekly, and his eyes are bright and awake, and he trains them on Jun.
"Sazanami, I am bored out of my mind," he groans.
"And what do you expect me to do about that?"
Kaname tosses his hands in the air in exasperation. "I don't know." He looks indignant for a moment, mulling something over, and then, suddenly, a slow, smug smile blooms on his face. Jun doesn't like it one bit. "Hey. Sazanami. Were you staring at me?"
"W-what?" spits Jun. "No."
"It looked to me like you were," says Kaname. Jun doesn't care for his tone.
"Maybe I was," he retorts. "I might've just been staring at you and thinking about how stupid you look."
"You think I look stupid?" Kaname asks. His eyes are sparkling with mirth. "Are you sure I'm not...?"
The diary wedged beneath his futon and Kaname's wandering eyes. Kaname's well-hidden intuition, and Jun's horrible, horrible secret thoughts. All those things stir in the air, while Jun dares Kaname to say it and confirm his suspicion.
But he doesn't. Kaname's sentence drifts off awkwardly, and the tension between them fizzles out.
"Yep, stupid," says Jun awkwardly. "You look stupid, and so do I. We're sixteen and have to sit here and sew clothes for some assholes we've never met who think we're trash. Happy now?"
Kaname looks dejectedly at the uniform he's working on, and Jun feels shitty again. "We're not trash," he mumbles, and gets back to it.
It's not until a week later, lying awake at night after he gets word that Tatsumi is in the hospital and Kaname has moved out of the non-special dorm, that Jun realises Kaname said 'we'.
-
Ohii-san reminds me of candyfloss for some reason. I don't even like candyfloss. He just is. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm glad I found him. I don't know any of the other special students, or if I'll ever like them, but Ohii-san feels pretty familiar already.
'Familiar' feels like the right word. It's getting a little easier for Jun, to pluck out the right words to describe how he feels about something, even if he's not sure where they come from. 'Familiar' is the way Hiyori talks to him like he's known him forever. It's the way Jun can tell what Hiyori wants for dinner just by his mood, which he also knows just by looking at him and his emotional, easy-to-read face. It's the way he feels a little twist of reassurance at the sight of that face, even if it's usually popping up in his peripheral vision to demand something of him. The sight of Hiyori is a reminder for Jun that he's here and not there.
They're on their way back from the store one evening, Jun's arms full of groceries while Hiyori strolls leisurely just in front of him, when it starts to rain.
"Foul weather," says Jun drily, and Hiyori fixes him with an indignant look, his mouth falling open in horror.
"That's my line, not yours, Jun-kun!" he snaps. "Get us back quickly, rain always frizzes my hair up. Why didn't you think to bring an umbrella?"
"I've got a loaf of bread, will that do?"
Hiyori huffs and whines angrily. "That's stupid, Jun-kun."
To his credit, Hiyori picks up the pace a little. The streets are very empty, like everyone knew about the rain except them. The store they went to is kind of far from their dorm. Jun said they should go there rather than the local, closer one because the produce is better. But really, it's because it's slightly cheaper, and Jun needs a good excuse because he's not ready to be honest with Hiyori about his money situation yet. Once Eden really gets started, he hopes it won't matter. If Hiyori catches on, he doesn't say so- he was too busy eyeing up the pastries in their bakery section to say a thing, anyway.
It's Hiyori who notices the little furry bundle on the roadside first. He makes sure to remind Jun of that for weeks afterwards. He rushes ahead as soon as he sees it, and Jun barely has time to call after him and ask where he's going before he notices it too- a shivering little dog with a matted brown coat, sitting in the cold and wet and streaked with red.
"Oh, poor baby!" cries out Hiyori, and kneels down on the rain-soaked pavement.
Jun is about to comment on the state of his clothes, before he gathers the little dog into his arms without hesitation, smearing mud and what looks like blood all over his sweater. The dog nuzzles into him with a high-pitched whine, like it's trying to embrace him back. Jun shifts the groceries into one arm carefully as Hiyori eases back up. The dog looks too delicate, too fragile to touch. Jun lays a hand on Hiyori's upper arm instead, like he can transfer the touch between the two of them. They watch her reverently, silent except for the steady pattering of rain.
"We have to bring her back," murmurs Hiyori. "Look at her. She's hurt." Hiyori pushes some of her fur back delicately, revealing little cuts- the source of her dried blood.
"She needs a vet. But they must all be closed for today," says Jun.
"Then we'll take her to the dorm for tonight," says Hiyori determinedly.
There's the issue of smuggling her in, past the security. Jun carefully transfers as many of their groceries into one brown paper bag as he can. Hiyori's pastries are spilling out of it now, but they'll have to manage. He compensates by devouring one of them on the spot, which makes Jun roll his eyes. He lets Hiyori carefully ease the dog into the other empty bag, letting her head poke out. It's difficult when she won't stop wagging her little tail, but they manage it.
"She doesn't have a collar, but she likes people," muses Hiyori. "Someone must have abandoned her. But I'll take her in." He breaks into a broad smile, and the skies are overcast, but it's like Jun's looking at the sun. "Jun-kun, she's just like you!"
"What, are you gonna make her perform with you as well?" Jun asks sharply, but he's smiling too. "You're gonna make her do chores? Cook your dinner?"
Hiyori holds her close in her little paper bag protectively. "Absolutely not! She's had a hard life, clearly, she needs pampering." He peers at Jun like a thought just popped into his head. "Hmm. You know, Jun-kun, I think hard work is good for you. It builds character. But maybe you need pampering too sometimes."
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
Hiyori offers him another brilliant smile, and it's the first one that Jun has ever found hard to read. "I'll leave you to decide."
The security guards don't give them a second look, even though their groceries appear to be vibrating with excitement. They both let out a collective sigh of relief when they make it back to their room, and the dog, like she senses that the coast is clear, leaps out of her bag and onto Jun's bed, leaving little muddy marks as she canters across the perimeter of it.
"You can clean that up later, Jun-kun," says Hiyori cheerfully. He pulls his own muddied sweater over his head, and Jun averts his eyes, cheeks flushing. "She's seems like she's at home with us already, isn't that sweet?"
He's surprised when Hiyori volunteers to help bathe her until he sees the way he handles her. She sits politely in the bathtub in their ensuite, and Jun aims the showerhead at her while Hiyori scrubs at her fur. He has a light but thorough touch that she leans into happily, even when she passes over her little injuries carefully. When they're done, she shakes her coat off, spritzing them both. Jun lets out an involuntary yelp, but Hiyori just laughs charmingly.
They decide to let her air dry and watch her patter across their room happily, leaving wet pawprints on the carpet. Hiyori breaks open a carton of blueberries, tossing her the odd one which she catches enthusiastically, while Jun changes his bedsheets that look a little like he dragged them around a muddy field.
"I want her to be called Bloody Mary," announces Hiyori all of a sudden, twirling a blueberry between his fingers. "Like the ghost."
"The one that kills people when you summon it?" asks Jun, apprehensive.
Hiyori huffs indignantly. "Of course you'd think that, Jun-kun. Nagisa is way smarter than you, and he told me once that he read about her in a book. Bloody Mary can tell you the future if she likes you. Like who you'll marry! Maybe she can tell us our future."
They both look to the newly-named Bloody Mary at once for guidance. She looks back at them both with her big, brown eyes... and then promptly curls into a little ball and falls asleep.
"Oh," says Hiyori flatly. "Maybe Bloody Mary can tell us the future another day. Or..." He reclines back on his bed slowly, til he's laid down flat. He smiles up at Jun disarmingly, upside down like a bat. "Maybe she wants us to determine our own future."
Hiyori being cryptic is new, and it makes Jun's brain hurt. He'd like to try flexing that muscle again, the one that can make sense of what he's feeling, but it's been hard to write in the book wedged under his new mattress with Hiyori hovering over him all the time.
"I think what Bloody Mary wants for our future is for us to hurry up and have dinner already."
That, the three of them can agree on.
-
I think Ohii-san is really special. Sometimes I worry he doesn't see me the same way, and that fucking sucks. He's nice to me sometimes, when he's not being a bossy asshole, but I wish we could have more. It's hard to feel like this about someone and not be sure how they feel about you, or if they'll still be there when you wake up next. Sometimes I want to turn it off, but it's just too nice to want to get rid of. I think it's making me a better person.
Jun heads back to the dorm from walking Mary one morning. The paper bag is long-abandoned- Jun just waits until the security have their backs turned and slips past. He figures if they see him, he'll just act confident, like there's nothing strange about carrying a dog in and out of your dorm room. It's what Hiyori would do.
It's exactly what Hiyori does. Jun enters their room and is met with the sight of Hiyori lying on Jun's bed on his stomach, kicking his legs a little. He's got a box of colourful macaroons open beside him, and he's resting his chin on one arm while he reads Jun's diary.
"Good morning, Jun-kun," he chirps, like there is absolutely nothing compromising about his position.
Bloody Mary hops out of Jun's arms and scampers over to her doggy bed, like she knows there's something about to happen that she'd rather stay out of.
"Ohii-san," says Jun slowly. "What the fuck are you doing?"
Hiyori raises an eyebrow. "Did you want a macaroon, Jun-kun? Are you jealous I was eating them without you? You said they were gross last time I tried to feed you one, so I figured it would be okay."
"No, I don't- what?" The deflection tactic works entirely too well. Jun forgets what he's annoyed about until he shakes his head aggressively, like he's expelling his confusion. "What are you doing? That's goddamn private!"
Hiyori regards him witheringly, like Jun's the one who's been caught doing something wrong. "Jun-kun, I thought we already established that what's yours is mine, because you're mine. So I don't see what the problem is." He pops a macaroon into his mouth and chews on it slowly, as if to emphasise his indifference, which only pisses off Jun more.
"You can't just do that," he yelps. "Y'know, that's what the kids in the non-special dorm were like. They wouldn't let you have shit to yourself. No personal space, no personal property, nothing. So don't you treat me the same way."
Hiyori is paying attention to him now. He swallows his macaroon and sits up, and regards Jun seriously. "I didn't think of it that way. I'm sorry, Jun-kun. I promise I don't see you the way those brutes do. I'd never treat you like that. You're precious."
Jun is taken aback at that. He feels his face heat up a little, and tries to think of what to say, but words fail him. "Y-yeah. Glad we got that cleared up."
Hiyori regards him serenely. "Good. Me too."
Jun nods, and then it occurs to him again. "Hey, wait-"
But Hiyori's smile is already twisting into an angry little frown, a bit like Mary when Jun won't hand over her doggy treats quickly enough. "Now, Jun-kun, you have a lot of things you need to answer for! How long were you planning on keeping all of this-" He jabs a finger at the open diary aggressively. "- from me?"
Jun leans over and takes a glance at the entry Hiyori has open.
... weird to me about money. I don't even think he comes from money, but sure likes to act like he is. I hate when people look down on me in general, like I'm some trash just because of the way I carry myself.
"Do you think that I think you're trash?" demands Hiyori.
Jun is in such shock that he can't help but feel compelled to answer honestly. "Uh. Yeah. I guess you do."
Hiyori huffs angrily. "Wrong! Just because you're not as refined as me, which not everyone can be-" Jun rolls his eyes. "- doesn't mean you don't have your own charm! Of course I see that, why else would I have picked you? Your background has nothing to do with it. I would never be so shallow. You're gruff but you're honest. Your sincerity is charming. You stand out to me amongst everyone else in this horrible, dreary place. You understand?"
"I... I think so?"
Hiyori gives him a triumphant nod. "Good." He flips to another page. "Now, this part-"
"Hey, Ohii-san, whatever you're trying to do, could you cut it out?" Jun tries to snap out of whatever weird reverie he and Hiyori are under right now, and focus on the fact that- "You're reading my diary. There's embarassing crap in there. Stop."
"Jun-kun, I am trying to help you, and this is how you repay me?" Hiyori pouts. "You said that you aren't sure if I think you're special, and I'm trying to quell your fears and explain that you are. You're perfectly lovely."
"Lovely," repeats Jun flatly. He tries not to think about Hiyori reading all Jun's thoughts about him, the fact that he knows now, lest his brain start stuttering again. "Can you stop talking about me the same way you talk about Mary?"
"Ah, I see what it is you want." Hiyori smiles knowingly. "Okay, Jun-kun. I think you're special. I think you're attractive. I think of you as my partner, and not just professionally." That's a lot, maybe too much for Jun to handle right now, but Hiyori enjoys being overwhelming, because he reads Jun's flustered expression and keeps going. "I think of you a lot, maybe even more than you think about me." He flips a hand at the diary, looking smug, because he clearly can't resist. "Though that would be difficult."
Jun looks at him in awe. "I... I think we see each other the same way."
"Okay." Hiyori tosses his hair a little, stands up and uses his very slight height advantage to look down at Jun. "Then prove it to me."
"Uh..." Jun draws a blank. "How?"
Hiyori groans dramatically. "Kiss me, stupid Jun-kun." His eyes flutter a little, like he's having a crisis of faith. "Unless you don't want to. That's okay too." His face shutters anxiously. "Like, if that whole diary was just a creative writing exercise or something. Then you can forget this all happened."
Jun is surprised to realise that even Hiyori can have the occasional bout of self-doubt. "I meant every word of it," he says.
Hiyori's face lights up, and Jun watches reverently. He's never seen it so close before, and he wants to burn it into his mind forever. His sparkling eyes and his gentle, sincere smile.
"You should always be honest with me, Jun-kun," says Hiyori softly, and Jun hums in agreement. Then he leans in and presses their lips together, to seal the promise.
Everything in the diary, all its truths and realisations, remains between Jun and Hiyori.
Except...
-
It's evening when Ibara walks into his office to find Nagisa sitting at his desk. It isn't so strange in itself. They'd discussed long ago that CosPro's assets, from the physical to the financial, were Nagisa's to use too. With due permission of course- and a simple office desk was perfectly within permission.
No, the strange part wasn't the occupation of the desk, but rather the fact that Nagisa sat in near-complete darkness. Indeed, Ibara had thought himself alone until he flipped on the light switch and was met with Nagisa, who looked mildly bothered by his interruption.
"Your Excellency," says Ibara, rubbing a spot on his forehead where a slight migraine seems primed to spring up. "Why are you sitting in the dark?"
"I was using the moonlight to read," says Nagisa, as though it's blindingly obvious.
"You'll end up with terrible eyes like mine if you do that," chides Ibara.
"I recognise the drawbacks," replies Nagisa evenly. "But I thought that perhaps it would be fitting to read something illicit by moonlight."
Ibara takes a better look at the scene before him, surveying each detail. One of Ibara's file drawers is half-open, the one he keeps for dossiers. It's the fourth drawer, which is letters 'M' to 'S'. And Nagisa has the contents of a manila file splayed across his desk, a thick volume that he recognises from a cursory glance. It contains neatly organised photocopies of every single page of Jun Sazanami's diary.
"Ah, you found that," says Ibara delightedly. He's actually been itching to gossip about it to somebody, but he can't very well go spreading useful blackmail information around for the sake of a chin wag. "What did you think of it?"
"I liked the part where he compared Hiyori to candyfloss. I didn't know Jun could be so... poetic." Nagisa taps his chin contemplatively. "I think I see where he's coming from. By that same logic, maybe I would be shortbread. And Ibara, you would be a strawberry sundae."
Ibara's brow furrows. "... A sundae, Your Excellency?"
Nagisa nods serenely. If Ibara was looking for an explanation, he's not going to get it. "Why do you have this? Does Hiyori know about it?"
"Not that I know of. And I'm keeping it in case Jun tries to step out of line, obviously."
Nagisa's face rumples. "But Jun is our friend."
"Of course, he is. And friends can become enemies within the span of a day. So this is here in case we need to wage war on him. I'm sure the thought of it being leaked to the press that he thinks His Highness is candyfloss will be enough to frighten him into submission."
"I think that'd be romantic." Nagisa smiles dreamily. "I'd like to be someone's candyfloss. I should tell Hiyori."
Ibara groans in exasperation. "Your Excellency, do not do that. You should not let romantic notions get the better of your rational judgement."
"Hmm. I suppose you're right, Ibara. Rational judgement is persuasive. But it's not the most persuasive thing in the world."
Ibara catches sight of the expectant look on Nagisa's face, and lets out a world-weary sigh. "Would a strawberry sundae be persuasive enough to keep your silence?"
"It absolutely would."