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“Lady Edelgard, I beg you to reconsider.”
Edelgard turned and looked at him. “Hubert?”
Hubert was sitting calmly at her breakfast table. They had long gotten over their awkwardness around each other. After all, Hubert cleaned her clothes. He already knew she wore pink boyshorts and a satin pink bra to go with them. It was hardly more scandalous for her to just happen to be wearing only them when he came in. He had been her manservant for a long time. “I understand that it may seem out of left field, my lady, but I do not trust Claude von Riegan.”
Edelgard frowned, then crossed the room and opened her armoire to find clothes for the evening. “Then explain, Hubert.”
Hubert sighed and looked down, pouring first a cup of tea for his lady, already the Empress in his mind, then one for himself. Hresvelg Blend. It took some doing to get the right tea leaves from the greenhouse and the right spices, and he had to turn to liquorice root to get the flavor just right. It was a tad bitter, but Edelgard said it was as close as they were going to get, and Hubert did an excellent job given the poor choice of ingredients.
“I know very little of Claude Von Riegan, my lady, but I find it curious that very soon after he fell ill and Godfrey died, Duke Oswald revealed that not only did he have a grandson, which took everyone by surprise, but this grandson bore the crest of Riegan. Apparently, and from what I have gathered from my sources, he is the son of Tiana, who no one has seen for close to twenty years. Duke Oswald revealed him to the world just last year and proclaimed him his new rightful heir.”
Edelgard pulled out a nice black miniskirt that fell just above her knee. Lord, if Hubert knew how she actually felt about Claude, he’d have a heart attack. “Okay, so maybe he’s Godfrey’s illegitimate child. Or maybe he really is Tiana’s. Either way, Hubert, I fail to see how the indiscretions of his parentage make him unworthy of trust.”
Hubert took a sip of the tea. “I’m simply being cautious, My lady. Please keep in mind that all of this has occurred in Leicester. We know that Those Who Slither in the Dark are based there, we know that they have the ability to bestow crests onto people, yourself a prime example.”
Edelgard shuddered and immediately hugged herself. It was still hard to think about, but Hubert had a point.
“Additionally, we don’t know Claude. His skin tone, attitude, and goals suggest that he is Almyran, not Fódlani. When you combine all of these things together, it seems less likely that he’s a true heir of Duke Oswald and is instead a spy for Those Who Slither in the Dark, and he is the next step in their plan to take control. A plan that you agreed to, I might add.”
She turned to him, and she narrowed her eyes. “Silence, Hubert. I did what I had to to get these people out of Fódlan. Am I happy about it? Of course not. I do not like them, their methods, and I haven’t forgotten what they did to me and my siblings. They will pay for their arrogance. I dance in time to their tune for now.”
Hubert sighed and set the cup down. “Of course, Lady Edelgard. I also agree with you, and I made the same decision you did. My concern is that getting close to Claude von Riegan could be deemed unwise. That is why I am against this outing. I simply do not have information on him yet. I don’t like unknowns.”
Edelgard turned back to her closet and took a white spaghetti strap tank top from the hanger, putting it on. She chose it because of the effect it had on her figure, and as she tucked it into the skirt, She put her hands on her hips and observed herself in the mirror of the armoire. Satisfied, she pulled a long red crochet cardigan from the armoire and settled it on herself. It fell down to her knees and matched the skirt, and she tied it in the middle just under her bust. The cardigan was made to wear off the shoulders. Satisfied with the sophisticated look, she then grabbed a pair of black flats, some hose, and sat on the bed, mulling over Hubert’s words.
He was right. Hubert was rarely wrong. He was rarely surprised. But she just couldn’t accept that someone like Claude could be working for THEM. His entire attitude and personage spoke to being disgusted by people like Those Who Slither in the Dark. Hubert was right to be cautious, but she still had to live her life, and of course, Claude was a cutie too. She sighed and pulled on the hose, then the shoes, then stood again and crossed to her vanity, applying makeup. Hubert took the opportunity to stand and cross the room, setting her still steaming tea on the vanity. She took it and drank it carefully before she applied her lipstick. It was a pain to get it off of the teacups when it dried.
“So Hubert, let’s apply some logic. You are, as ever, correct. It is a possibility, and I agree that I should be careful. However, what I don’t understand is why Claude would invite me and a few others to a secret event in his own room. What goal is there aside from making friends?”
Hubert rubbed his chin. “That is the variable of the equation. Since Claude has been very secretive about what will take place there, I have been unable to ascertain what the goal is. It is because of this secrecy that I am hesitant.”
Edelgard nodded, then reached over to her nightstand and grabbed her phone. This would be a short phonecall, but an ounce of prevention…
“Yello! Claude here.”
Edelgard smiled. She would never be caught dead answering her phone so casually. It was something she admired in him. “Hello, Claude. I’m sorry to bother you.”
He chuckled. “Nonsense, Princess. I’m not busy. Just finishing the final preparations for the evening. You are coming, right? Or is this you canceling?”
Hubert sighed and picked up the headset that he had made for this very occasion, so that he could listen in on Lady Edelgard’s calls. She made it clear that the headset wouldn’t leave the room, but it had its uses when she needed Hubert to be aware of a conversation.
“I’m not canceling, but my manservant has brought up concerns and I feel I must agree with him. As Princess of the Empire, I must be very selective in the activities I engage in. To that end, I must inquire what the plan is for this evening. I wouldn’t want to assume that you are going to do something that could jeopardize all of our enrollments in the University.”
Claude was silent for a moment. “Hubert doesn’t like me, huh? Please hold while I shed a tear.”
Edelgard tried to remain smiling, but it was brittle. While Hubert could be overbearing and was hardly personable to others, she still relied on him as if he were one of her brothers. She wasn’t fond of anyone slandering him, no matter who they were.
“Well, I suppose since the party is in two hours, I don’t have to hide much anymore. Honestly, I was planning to get to know you and the others a little better. To that end, I have made some snacks and the main event was to introduce you all to an Almyran past time. Have you ever smoked a hookah, princess?”
Edelgard had never even heard of that, and shot a look at Hubert, who was listening intently. He simply gave her a thumbs up. It was all the communication she needed.
“I personally haven’t, but I find it hard to imagine that Hubert doesn’t. It sounds intriguing. So you are going to have us smoke from this contraption? I must ask, does it contain mind altering substances?”
Claude chuckled again. “Well, it can, but I wasn’t putting my hashish blend in for the night. I actually have separate hookahs for these things, so there’s no chance of cross contamination either. No, tonight we’re doing tobacco. I have several different flavors to choose from.”
“Flavored tobacco?” Edelgard asked, personally intrigued despite herself.
“Of course! I can go over it all at the thing tonight. I had planned to. It’s harmless aside from the typical issues with tobacco and nicotine. It’s also well within what is allowed in the rules of the university.”
Edelgard looked at Hubert, who nodded and took off the headset. Edelgard smiled and turned back to the vanity mirror. “Then consider me adequately persuaded. I’ll see you in an hour or so.”
“Fantastic. See you then!” Claude said, and he hung up. Edelgard placed the phone down and started to apply light makeup. Eyeliner, modest foundation, some blush. “So?”
Hubert nodded. “I know of hookah, and this is probably something that you will enjoy. I will be accompanying you, of course.”
The other thing that she didn’t want to talk about. “And there is no way that I can talk you out of that, even though you weren’t invited?”
Hubert smiled. “Nonsense, my lady. I have my own plans for the evening.” He said, a plan formulating in his head. He looked down at his tea. Liquorice huh? He had an idea there to ensure that Edelgard never got called on by this mysterious boy ever again.
*****
Claude hung up and then sat up from his bed. He had lied, of course. She woke him up. He hadn’t done anything to prepare. All the snacks were baked the night before with some help from an enlisted Dedue and Mercedes. His hookah had arrived the week before and was already assembled. All he had to do was get his ass up and take a shower. But that sounded like a struggle, and he was warm and comfortable and had no pants on.
He sighed. Why did everything involve pants? The Devil’s invention. Ugh.
He sighed and climbed out of bed anyway and made his way over to the shower. If Edelgard was actually coming, he would need to smarten up. Sure, they weren’t together or anything, but she intrigued him, and he wouldn’t mind getting closer to her. Not at all.
He took a shower and used his coffee and coconut soap to smell absolutely amazing, then wandered, nude, over to his wardrobe and decided what to wear. Cute underpants. After all, you never knew. So he found some yellow ones with the little golden deer on them, then pulled on a pair of black slacks. He was pulling out a white vee neck when there was a knock on his door, and glanced at his clock. Too early for the guests. Who in the…
“Claude! Let me in! Let! Me! IIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!”
He rolled his eyes. Hilda, of course. He grabbed the shirt and his own cardigan then walked over to the door and opened it. “Where’s the fire?”
She was taken aback by the half dressed Claude and her eyes went down to his torso, then back quickly, entirely unconsciously. She tinged slightly pink too. “Oh umm… Sorry, I can come back.”
He grinned. “Get in here. I already showered. You just caught me getting dressed.” he said and stepped aside, pulling on the shirt as she walked in. “So fire? Where is it?”
She turned and stuck her tongue out at him. “I just didn’t want to stand out in the hallway. I also brought these!” She said and revealed her own particular task for the party. She was in charge of making food with Marianne, and they had made mantu with lamb and onion filling. “These were hard!”
He looked at them. “I wrote you a recipe. Did you follow it?”
“Well yes! But I still had to throw out the first batch of dough. It wasn’t the right consistency. Marianne was incredibly helpful. She made the filling. Still, it was too much work.”
He nodded and took one, popping it into his mouth and chewing. “Wow, these are fantastic.” He said, then took the plate. “I’ll put them in the oven to stay warm. Go ahead and find a seat. Everyone else will be here soon.”
Hilda turned to his own little entertaining area. “Umm, Claude, there are no chairs.”
He laughed. “Sit on a pillow, hoe!”
He was referring to how the floor was littered with plush cushions in a disorganized rough circle. She wandered over and found the only pink one, then sat on it. “Who all is coming?”
Claude was preheating the oven. “Uhh, I know that I invited Edelgard, who already RSVP’d. Mercedes and Dedue, of course. They made the snacks. You and Marianne, and then I sent an invite to Petra and Dimitri, but I don’t know if they will be here, yet.”
“Wow, nine people?”
He stopped and counted on his fingers. “That’s eight. You need to stop falling asleep during math.”
She crossed her arms and glowered, which was not new for Hilda. “No, dummy. That’s nine. You really think Hubert isn’t going to invite himself? If there is an Edelgard, there’s a Hubert, Claude.”
He put the mantu in to stay warm. “Oh. Yeah. That changes things.”
She frowned and leaned back on her arms. “Why?”
He sighed. “Hubert makes me nervous. Just… everything about him.” he said, walking over to the bed and grabbing his cardigan. It was a short sleeve kimono style and it looked really good on him. He grabbed an Almyran peace bracelet as well. Carved wooden beads on an elastic band. He slipped it onto his wrist, then on his other wrist, a Fódlani metal peace bracelet. A statement. He picked up a clove cigarette to calm his nerves and lit it, then came back in.
“Well, Hubert IS Edelgard’s personal private dick.”
Claude raised his eyebrows. “Dick?”
“Yeah! You know, like a private eye? Instead of Dick Tracey, He’s Dick Hubert!”
“You think about Hubert’s dick often, Hilda?” She gave him a quizzical look, and it slowly faded into horror. “There it is.”
“Claude! Ewwwwww!”
It went on like that for the next hour, and then the guests arrived. Claude was pleased that everyone that was invited had chosen to attend. Except Edelgard, which was the last arrival. And a late arrival at that, which he considered odd. He had gotten an RSVP from her, and it wasn’t like her to be late. Luckily, with all the guests there they were able to talk amongst themselves and that left him to go full introvert. Absorb the company but not be a PART of the company. Then there was a knock on the door ten minutes later. He went over and opened it, and it was Edelgard. And she looked really nice too.
“Good evening, Claude. I’m sorry I’m late. Hubert insisted that he make you something as a show of goodwill.” She said.
Claude grinned. “That’s appreciated. Is he here?”
She frowned and stepped in. “No? You didn’t invite him, so he decided to busy himself for the evening.”
Claude’s grin faded. “Well, I thought that it was a given that if you were invited, he was automatically invited as well.”
She shook her head. “While it may seem like we are attached at the hip, Hubert and I do have our own separate lives. Next time, it may be prudent to invite him personally. In fact, I’m sure that would please him greatly.”
Claude nodded. “Sorry about that. I’ll definitely make sure he gets one next time. No help for it now, though. Come on in! We were waiting for you. We have snacks! Baclava, honeycomb brittle, and mantu. They are all from Almyra.”
Edelgard smiled at the assembled guests. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you so much for the invite.” She said, then went and sat on her knees on a pillow and began talking with the others, and Claude let himself feel a sense of smug satisfaction. He joined them and they talked and ate snacks for close to an hour, until he decided it was time to unveil the hookah.
He went and got it and talked about how it worked, setting it on the floor. It was a big floor size, with four braided leather hoses and intricate paint on the vase. He also handed out tips to everyone, and then Edelgard spoke. “Now would be a good time, I think. So Hubert couldn’t be here, but he knows about hookah and how to make shisha, and so he made some on the fly, hence my lateness. He insisted that it be the first in.” she produced a plastic ziploc. “It’s a half kilo. He wanted to package it better, but we were rushing.”
Claude took it and observed it. It looked right for homemade, and he was tallying up how much Hubert had just saved him money-wise. It’s not like imports were cheap. Maybe he wasn’t like Boris Karloff after all. “That’s incredibly nice of him. Of course we’ll put it in first.” Claude said, then promptly opened it and loaded the hookah bowl, explaining his process. Soon after, it was coaled and heated, and Dimitri successfully diplomacied that he had the right of first pull.
And so he did. He took a huge pull off of the hose and held it for a minute, but that’s where it all went wrong. Dimitri looked cautious, but then his eyes went wide and he started coughing. “You weren’t supposed to inhale that big of a pull, man. Especially if you don’t smoke.” Claude said.
Dimitri looked green. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Claude, but this is foul.”
Claude looked genuinely surprised, then took a pull of his own. He recognized the flavor immediately and grabbed the baggie that Hubert sent, opening it and smelling it. Oh no. “Princess, did Hubert say what flavor he was making?”
Edelgard was thoughtful. “He said that it was… two apple? Like two different kinds. I assumed red and golden.”
That son of a bitch. Claude took back everything nice he had said. Boris Karloff, indeed. “Double apple?” Claude asked.
“Yes! That is correct.”
He frowned. “Double apple is a meme. It’s the word for liquorice to make it more appetizing. He made Liquorice shisha. Just a sec. Let me go get another hookah.”
Edelgard frowned. “Can you not just take this out?”
He shook his head. “Double apple is known as a Hookah ruiner. Shisha smoke soaks into the leather and everything is going to taste like liquorice now.”
Edelgard was mortified. She was going to have words with Hubert when she got back.
“You know, it’s not so bad now that we are expecting it.” Mercedes said, taking her own pull, and Dedue and Petra agreed. Even Marianne was into it. So the night was saved, and Claude prepared one of his personal hookahs with melon and honeydew for those that liked sweet.
Hubert had successfully gamed Claude, and Claude wasn’t going to let this go unanswered. He just had to scheme to figure out how to get back at him.