Work Text:
It’s not like Mizuki is the type of person who gets sick easily. Well, yes. Except when it’s winter. Sometimes, they can have common colds and headaches– but that’s it. But for these past few months, she’s been experiencing strange chest pain, nausea, and low energy. Medications aren’t working that much anymore they have to take a break from joining Nightcord calls to take rest for a while.
“Are you sure you’re really alright, Amia?” Ena asked through the voice call. Mizuki might not be able to see their faces, but they can feel her worry.
“Yeah, yeah! I’m alright!” Mizuki assured the rest of the members, “I will be back in no time! Don’t miss me that much, ‘kay?~”
They let out a chuckle when they heard Ena hissing bt the sudden teasing, “Who said I’ll miss you that bad?! Just take a rest and come back quickly!”
“Enanan’s right, Amia. It’s alright if you can’t work with us for now.” Kanade interrupted, “Get well soon, okay?”
“Thank you, K. See you, everyone!” Their smile dropped as soon as they left the voice call. Her fist clenched on the clothes on their chest as they started to feel another pain.
‘It’s here again… But I just took a pain reliever…’ They rushed to the bathroom when she felt like throwing up. They choked on their breath and closed their eyes shut while something came out of their mouth.
The pink-haired wiped off the saliva on their lips and looked at their reflection in silence. Her eyes slightly widened in surprise when they noticed a blood stain on their mouth. Without any hesitation, Mizuki looked down at the sink, horrified at what they just saw.
“No… Why this much…?” They whispered under their breath, as they saw a few petals of violet-colored flowers at the bathroom sink, stained with blood. Well, they had experienced this at least once a day, but she didn’t expect this many flowers to come out, with more blood.
Judging by the colors of the flower petals, they only thought of one person in mind, while she started throwing up another batch of petals again.
‘... Rui…’
With curiosity overflowing through her mind, they quickly went to the computer after cleaning up themselves, searching for the strange phenomenon that just happened to them. There were a lot of search results, but they decided to look at the first article that she saw.
[Hanahaki Disease. A disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love disappear.]
“This is so stupid.” Mizuki laughs off to themselves while looking at the screen, “How do flowers even grow inside of someone’s lungs?”
The laugh didn’t last for long, as their expressions turned into a serious one. The hand that was holding the mouse was starting to clench out of the mixed emotions she was holding in right now.
“... I can’t deny it anymore, am I? I’m not even sure how this happened…”
As long as Mizuki can remember, they first met Rui in middle school. They were called the outcasts who spends most of their time on the rooftop of the school. They enjoyed each other’s company, but Mizuki only thought of Rui as a friend until he graduated. She started to miss his presence, just to realize that it’s not normal for a friend to think about him almost every day.
It wasn’t really that time she fell in love with him, she thought. They just didn’t realize the infatuation until they got to see him again in Kamiyama High. Although they weren’t interacting much with Mizuki focusing on their Nightcord group and Rui with his part-time job as a director and actor in a small theater group at Phoenix Wonderland, every time they see him and got to have at least a small talk, she felt those butterflies in their stomach.
Yeah, they’ve watched some romance animes experiencing those feelings, but they never thought that they would feel such a thing, especially for Rui.
“So that means…” She sighed. “I… just need to know his feelings, right?”
A wave of nervousness crashed through their body. Right. The last thing they wanted to do is to confess their feelings. At the same time, they want to keep it and disappear.
But what if he rejects it? That would mean they will continue to have the illness and die in suffocation. And if he returns the feelings, she will be cured, but she doesn’t know if they could actually make him happy and maintain the relationship for too long.
“What the hell am I thinking? I cough off flowers because of unrequited love. Even if I can confess, he will just…” They looked down while trying not to tear up.
He doesn’t feel the same way.
Of course, they know he wouldn’t. With their observation, Rui has been talking about another person on her. He’s always talking about how they do things like that, how they’re someone he can rely on. She knows that Rui is already in love with another person.
And they know that it’s not them. Rui doesn’t seem to have the same disease, so that means his feelings were definitely returned.
They closed the computer and lay down on the bed tirelessly. Hugging one of the pillows tightly to themself, she closes her eyes with a thought.
‘I don’t have enough time left.’
—
“It’s been a month since Akiyama attended school?” Toya asked. He’s outside of his own classroom, talking to two of his co-members and friends, An and Akito.
“Yeah… I tried to contact them for a while, but no response.” An’s face was full of worry. As Mizuki’s classmate and friend, she wanted to take immediate action to find them, but she doesn’t know when and where to start.
“Ena also said they’re not even participating with their group circle,” Akito added.
“T-They’re not missing, aren’t they?” An’s heartbeat starts to race, as well as her hands shaking.
“Hey, calm down.” Akito touched her shoulder in order to keep her calm, at least.
“Oh? Lil’ Bro, Toya, and An! Good morning!” The familiar voice was heard in the middle of their conversation. An run up to Mizuki with no hesitation and hugged her tightly.
“Mizuki! Where had you been!? You’re not even responding to my calls…!”
“Ah– right. I got sick and didn’t get to check my phone, but now I’m alright, as usual, ~” Mizuki hugged her back, trying to convince their blue-haired friend.
An pulled out of the hug and looked at them as seriously as she can, “We were really worried about you. But next time, tell us if you don’t feel well, okay?”
‘But… How could I tell you…?’ They brushed out the thought with a fake smile.
“Alright, I got that. But I’m okay.”
“Told you,” Akito murmured, but deep inside him was a feeling of concern. He feels something off to Mizuki, although they look fine.
“We’ll be off to our classroom, then!” An linked her arms to Mizuki’s, as they walked out, leaving Akito and Toya.
“Is it just me, or something’s wrong with Akiyama?...” Toya looked at An and Mizuki’s back from their distance.
“You’re not the only one thinking about that,” Akito responded, looking at the same view.
“Thinking about what?” A soft voice was heard from behind. The two turned around to see Rui and Tsukasa.
“Ah– Good morning, Kamishiro, Tsukasa.” Toya politely greeted his seniors. “We were talking about Akiyama just now.”
Tsukasa’s mood switched from an enthusiastic and loud mood to a little serious, “I knew that they were gone for a month without any explanation and contact… Did something happen?”
Rui’s eyes slightly widened. It was unusual for them to talk about Mizuki, and he hopes it wasn’t bad.
“They’re back and well, but we’re both having a feeling that something is off.” Akito added to Toya’s explanation.
‘Something’s off?’ Rui thought to himself. He was too busy making shows with Wonderlands x Showtime that he noticed that just now. Sure, he knows Mizuki more than any of the characters here, but it was unusual for him to know that Mizuki will disappear for a month and returning as if nothing happened.
“... Sorry, something came up. I should go.” He walked off before the three asked where is he going. Akito, Toya, and Tsukasa looked at each other, trying to guess what was happening to the situation between Mizuki and Rui.
—
It’s already break time. Mizuki couldn’t hold the flowers any longer, so she ran off to the bathroom as soon as the bell rings. An tried to call for them but they can’t hear anything clearly, with their blurry vision. Their grip on the sink went tighter as they proceeds to let the flower petals out of their mouth, along with continuous coughing.
Still throwing up, they heard someone knocking from the outside and opening the door. ‘Shit.’ They thought as they forgot to lock the door.
“Mizuki!? What’s wrong!?” An’s orange eyes widened in horror to see Mizuki’s state. A bunch of flowers scattered to the bathroom sink and floor tiles with droplets of blood. “M-Mizuki…!?”
The pink-haired dropped to their knees with tears in her eyes, feeling weak. Luckily, An was able to catch her before they could fall onto the cold floor.
“W-Why… Why are you coughing out flowers…?” She asked while holding them in her arms. “D-don’t tell me… You have…”
Mizuki let out a sad smile, eyes half-closed. After they recovered and cleaned up the mess, An took her outside for fresh air. Mizuki looked at their blue-haired friend as she bought water bottles and gave the bottle to them, slightly feeling guilty for not saying anything.
They both sat down on a bench, with An looking at them with concern, “So you’re not going to say anything?”
“Sorry,” Mizuki sighed and looked at the bottle. Their throat feels sore, as that affected her voice. “I didn’t mean to…”
“I didn’t say you to apologize. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“Isn’t that already obvious? I have Hanahaki Disease. I’m going to di–”
“You’re not, Mizuki!” Their eyes went straight to An’s when they got interrupted. The blue-haired placed their hand on top of hers with pleading eyes, “I don’t want you to suffer any longer. Please, just tell me… Who is it?”
The water bottle got slightly crushed by Mizuki’s hands, but not enough for the bottle to get destroyed, “It’s… you know.”
“Kamishiro?” They got silent as they drank the water from the bottle. Bingo. “Why won’t you tell him?”
“It’s impossible, An.” They smiled. “I know I won’t get his feelings returned to me. I… I guess I just have to accept it.”
An felt a lump in her throat, as the other option came to her voice, “T-then, have it at least get it surgically removed…” although she knows they won’t, and will never do it.
“I don’t think I can… It’s better for me to disappear than to forget him.” Mizuki chuckled when An looked at her with a serious expression, “Sorry. I won’t do any of the options.”
“Mizuki…”
They stood up and turned their back. “But please, don’t tell it to anyone… Especially Rui.” She said, before walking away from An, who was left stunned and worried for Mizuki.
An and Mizuki didn’t talk much right after. Mizuki started to act distant and avoids everyone throughout the whole day. An, Toya, Akito– who they used to tease with, even Tsukasa.
While walking down the hallway, Mizuki walked past Rui, who was about to call for her. With a sense of worry, Rui tries to hold their wrist for them to stop. To Rui’s surprise, they harshly brushed his hand away.
“W-wait, Mizuki?”
“Don’t touch me.” A hint of seriousness overflowed Mizuki’s voice. When Rui’s golden eyes met their pink-colored eyes, they were unusually darker than he thought. It feels… so cold, and harsh. He had no choice but to let them be while trying to figure out the problem.
1 AM. Mizuki proceeds to come back to their music circle at Nightcord. Although she convinced K– who was relieved to know that they were fine, and Yuki– being the stoic girl as usual, that they were fine, someone failed to do so.
“Amia, can we talk alone?” They heard Ena’s voice from the call.
She let out their fake cheery voice, although it was kind of obvious that her voice is raspy. “Sure, Enanan! What for?”
“You have Hanahaki disease, don’t you?”
They stopped their actions for a while, as well as their heart starts to race as fast as she can imagine. “What do you mean? W-what makes you say that?! That’s just some sort of a fictional…”
“Akito told me. He overheard a conversation with you and your friend. Amia, since when are you hiding this?”
Mizuki almost got more nervous when they thought An, the only person she told about this, ditched them. They can feel another batch of flowers coming out of their throat again, but they swallowed it back as they can.
‘That means Lil’ Bro might tell this to Rui…’ They sighed at the thought. She knows this secret might be revealed soon enough. They’ll die soon, so why won’t they just tell about it?
“Yeah, about that…” They chuckled, “I think I only have a few days. Or months left. Not like I can be cured, you know?”
“Are you kidding me!? You’re saying that you’re leaving yourself like that?”
They can’t answer Ena’s question. Not because they don’t know the answer, but simply because of the flowers. Mizuki left no choice but to press the end call button and leave without any warning, as they rushed to their bathroom just to let out another batch of bloody petals on their lungs.
Mizuki’s tears are overflowing while looking away at the sink. They don’t want to see another petal in her mouth. Her head and chest hurt so much that they can’t bear it anymore.
“I can’t take it… anymore… Please…”
She chokes on their breath while sobbing. Their ears are ringing from the overwhelming emotions and feelings, and their vision is starting to get blurry. Before they saw a void and hit their body on the ground, the image of Rui was the only thing on their mind.
—
“Hey, look! The cherry blossoms tree is starting to bloom!” A young girl exclaimed while pointing at the blooming flowers in the busy streets. The flowers have bloomed, holding the soft spring showers and the warming sun.
The once were withered flower petals bloom one by one, as the cold, icy season has come to melt. A lot of people has been anticipated the flowers blooming this season. It’s already spring, after all. That also means the end of the school year and spring break is near.
“Wow, they’re so pretty~”
“Right!? It’s so amazing!”
The pink-haired just stood on the sidewalk, looking blankly at the flowers blooming this year. Mizuki can’t hold any positive reactions, as the flowers are reminding her of a painful thing.
‘ It’s flowers, so it should be pretty, right?’ They asked themselves. They want to appreciate the beauty of the scenery, but she doesn’t find it as pretty as before. All they felt is emptiness and the excruciating pain in her chest.
For Mizuki, flowers don’t look pretty for her anymore. All they can imagine is a bunch of violet-colored flower petals with a disgusting crimson color of blood staining them.
‘Ah, I should go…’ She brushed off the thoughts, as they proceeds to walk to the school. It’s not like they’re attending school regularly, but they feel like going to class on time for no absolute reason. But instead of going to the classroom and having a chit-chat with An, they walked straight to the rooftop.
‘The classic rooftop, huh…?’ Mizuki laughed to herself, letting the air breeze sway their hair in a gentle motion. They sat down and hugged their knees, breathing at a slow pace.
It’s been another month, and Mizuki is still alive. But day by day, the disease is spreading more and it’s getting worse. Knowing that they’re going to die any second now, they don’t care anymore. She had a lot of thoughts of disappearing, so it won’t be bad, right? It wouldn’t be any different.
They then started to have memories of him. Those memories they shared, all of the useless topics Rui was bragging about, his inventions, his smile, his uneven, choppy purple hair with cyan streaks… just anything about Rui.
‘It might be as selfish as it is, but this is just how sometimes love works. You would do… anything, right? If I can’t guarantee the happiness he needs, might as well I’ll disappear.’
They smiled at the thought. They felt something coming out again, so she tiredly reached for a garbage bag in her pocket to throw up. The same thing happened over and over throughout the day. Heck, they don’t even know why they attended school in the first place.
After a long time had passed that seemed like forever, Mizuki saw that it was already the end of school.
Meanwhile, Rui entered the rooftop with the scene in front of him, “Mizuki…?” He took immediate action to pat their back, only for him to realize what was she puking.
“Wait, Mizuki… Why… why is it…” The fully blood-coated flower petals appeared on the garbage bag. The blood is coming out as much as the petals, and it didn’t look like violet– Rui’s color anymore.
He waited for them to finish, as he kept rubbing her back to calm them down. Once Mizuki stopped throwing up, Rui gave them his handkerchief to wipe off the blood on their mouth.
“You have Hanahaki Disease? Who is it, Mizuki?” Mizuki avoided his gaze as they catch their breath as much as they can.
“I… I’m in love with someone, Rui. I l-love them to the fact it hurts.” They held their chest while speaking, as they can feel petals rising every time they breathe.
“So you’re just giving up? It’s better if they’ll know. What if they’d give you the chance?”
“Oh, Rui. If only they could. But it’s too late. You’re in love with someone else.”
A silence occurred between the two.
“Mizuki…” Rui muttered out of their breath while looking at Mizuki with apologetic eyes. ‘Those… stupid golden eyes that caught me…’
“Ah, haha…! It doesn’t matter now, Rui.” They tried to laugh it off as they can, but tears dripped down their cheeks. “As… As long as you’re happy with the one you love…”
They wiped off the tears harshly while still avoiding his gaze, “This is… ugh. The air is really strong today, isn’t it? Haha!”
Rui cannot express any words to say. His heart starts to slightly ache by the fact it’s his fault for making Mizuki feel like this. “I’m sorry, Mizuki… But please, can you… just get it surgically removed…?”
“T-that’s right…! I… I was about to…” They smiled, with their tears going down nonstop. Mizuki grabbed her bag and gave him back his handkerchief. “W-well then, just… thanks for the handkerchief. See you, Rui!”
They ran off without saying another word. They were crying while running through the hallway which concerns any student walking past her, but they didn’t care anymore. Rui on the other hand was looking down at the stained handkerchief in his hand. That’s it. He has to do something. He’s regretting acting like some sort of coward, letting them off like that.
“AND YOU JUST DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING JUST NOW!?” Tsukasa yelled at Rui with a frustrated expression.
Rui decided to talk to his friends about the situation. An was the last person to get surprised but is still worried by Mizuki’s situation.
“T-Tsukasa, please calm down–” Tsukasa can’t help but interrupt Toya from stopping him.
“AS LONG AS I WANT TO, TOYA, I CAN’T!!” Tsukasa exhales deeply, “LET’S GO AND FIND AKIYAMA!! RIGHT!! NOW!! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM!!”
“Ugh, I know! Just stop being so loud…!” Akito rolled his eyes and looked at Toya and An. “Let’s divide it into two. Me, Toya and An are going left, you three on right.”
“Do I really…?” Nene mumbled to herself but was left with no choice but to follow Tsukasa and Rui turning to the right.
The person they were looking for is currently exiting the school gates. Mizuki wasn’t looking at where are they going, so they crashed straight into someone.
“Oh, so– Mizuki!?” Ena’s voice was heard after Mizuki fell to their knees, panting and uncontrollably sobbing. She helped them to stand on their own, but Mizuki suddenly pulled her into a tight hug.
“W-what– Why are you…?” Mizuki buried their face in her chest, letting out the emotions they’ve been hiding for a few months. They finally had it.
Just as Ena was about to hug them back, they felt something wet going through their clothes. She looked down to see Mizuki coughing out blood and some small flower petals.
“MIZUKI!?” Her eyes widened in horror, as her hands started to shake while trying to reach for her phone to call for an emergency. Still, in her arms, Ena gently dragged Mizuki to the side and started to call the hotline.
Ena looked at their half-closed eyes, hoping that they would make it. While waiting for someone to respond to the call, she heard a few people coming on their way. Mizuki cannot comprehend what was going on. They don’t have any energy to move any single muscle anymore, with their whole body in pain. Their eyes were getting blurrier than before, and it seemed like their vision and whole consciousness will give up any second now.
They weakly smiled, as they suddenly touched Ena’s hand. “D-don’t bother…” They said while gasping for air at the same time.
‘I guess this is it. I’m going to die. I wonder where’s Rui…’ With their body remaining unmoved and numb, they can feel their heartbeat going slower and slower.
“Oh God, MIZUKI! DON’T EVEN TRY TO CLOSE YOUR EYES!” Ena yelled out of anger and sadness, desperately holding back their hand tightly, “WHAT’S TAKING THE EMERGENCY SO LONG!?”
“I don’t think they can make it in time…” Akito looked around, waiting for an ambulance to come. He left no choice but to carry Mizuki on his back and run to the nearest hospital, with the three following him.
An couldn’t also hold herself as she uncontrollably sobbing too while covering their mouth. Toya wants to do and say something, so he grabbed his phone and called for Tsukasa while running. In less than thirty seconds with the help of Akito’s fast running, he finally reached the hospital. He entered and ran for the emergency staff.
—
Rui, Tsukasa, and Nene reached the hospital not too long. They witnessed Ena and An crying, with Akito pulling his hair out of frustration while trying to keep himself together, and Toya looking down with his fingers.
Rui’s heart starts to beat faster, with the scene that is starting to haunt them. Tsukasa has been in a hospital for years and these were a common thing he saw before, but he starts to feel uneasy, too.
“What happened to Akiyama…?”
An looked at them with sad eyes, wiping off her tears, “T-they’re… Mizuki…”
“Akiyama has been pronounced dead as soon we arrived here.” Akito continued, looking paler than before.
Rui dropped to his knees in shock, guilt, and regret. The outside of the emergency room was filled with nothing but quiet sobs, with the depressing aura surrounding the students.
And just like they thought, Mizuki finally gave up, leaving them behind.
—