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The June dawn heralded the beginning of something beautiful, more beautiful than just morning, something that must happen every day. And every day Louis got up at four o'clock in the morning to see that dawn expecting it to bring something new, something he doesn't have yet. Because his hands smelled like oranges and he didn't want those sixty minutes to ever end because it's at four in the morning that everything becomes more beautiful than at any other time of the day.
Leaning against the railing with the paint wearing off, once painted in the color of milk chocolate, of his seventh floor balcony, he was finishing his cigarette, pondering what would happen if there were no dawn? Darkness? The abyss? Or the permafrost like it's on the shores of Antarctic? He didn't know. But the sky, colored in a pale peach mixed with scarlet, was beginning to turn pale blue, replacing this palette of colors with the color of blue cornflowers growing somewhere in the field. The cigarette was finishing just like the four o'clock in the morning was running out, and he was extinguishing his cigarette on the railing just like he was extinguishing his own life.
He took one last look at the empty city and at the almost fully blue like ultramarine sky, and went back into the flat remembering to close the balcony door behind him because the streets will be too crowded in a few hours. To that time the color of the sky will still be ultramarine but no longer empty. Unlike him.
***
He woke up at about nine o'clock in the morning. After having done all his morning routine, he got dressed and decided to take a walk in the nearby park, which could be seen from his balcony. He grabbed his keys, put on a pair of his favorite but tattered Vans, and left the flat, making sure he didn't forget anything. He went outside where the June sun was already shining brightly. It still wasn't as warm, but enough to cover his skin with bright light. He stayed like this for a minute, enjoying the beauty of the lemon-coloured sun, and headed to the park. Louis walked slowly, watched people who were always in a hurry, and smiled to himself because he didn't have to hurry anywhere. He had plenty of time. When he reached the park, he decided to take out his headphones, listen to his favorite songs, and just walk around, and take view of the park, which was just beginning to bloom.
The atmosphere here was incredible. The freshly cut grass created a feeling of vigor and comfort - that's why he always liked the smell of it. The leaves on the trees were the color of emerald, but on some of them were the color of green dragon. The warm wind gently blew not only his hair in different directions, but it also swayed the leaves on the trees, the freshly cut grass, and in some places even the flowers - it seemed like tulips, but he wasn't sure. There weren't many people around since it was still early. Louis decided to walk to the small lake that was almost in the middle of the park and lie on the freshly cut grass, the smell of which he loved to the stars in his eyes, feel the softness of it and just relax, enjoying the pale June sunshine. Hurts songs were playing in his headphones, one after the other, and he walked slowly down the sidewalk with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. The sun was shining brightly and he wished he had brought his sunglasses.
Rolling Stone in his headphones and a guy walked past him, his eyes were brighter than the sun and greener than freshly cut grass. The guy was at least half a head taller than he was. He took a quick glance at him and immediately looked away. It may sound stupid but Louis wanted to stop, grab his hand, and take him with him to this damn lake, where they would lie on the freshly cut grass, hugging and kissing each other tenderly. "The music is reversible, but time is not. Turn around before it's too late. Come on," Louis said to himself and after thinking for a second he did turn around, once again meeting with the eyes of this incredible guy, who, much to Louis' surprise, also turned around. The stranger smiled at him slightly and Louis couldn't help but did the same. They didn't come to each other, they didn't talk, they just keep looking ahead of themselves and remained silent with these stupid smiles on their faces. Louis thought this guy looked like something he'd never had: happiness, home, and love. You can describe him in many different words, from handsome to he's got very long legs, but it would be too easy. Everyone could say it, but not Louis because he wanted to take all the adjectives, comparatives, and nouns that only exist in this world and gift them to this guy. He wanted to take him for himself just like night takes the moon and stars with it, giving its place to the bright morning with its sun and dawn.
"Harry," the guy said suddenly and his thick voice echoes in Louis' head, like some kind of magic Louis hasn't seen yet, so he doesn't answer him right away.
"Louis," he said in a slightly high-pitched voice mixed with hoarseness because it's been a while since he talked the last time, but Harry smiles anyway.
"Wanna take a walk?" and Louis thought he has found what he has been looking for every day at four in the morning.
***
They did go to the lake anyway to which Louis initially walked alone in the company of music. They talked passionately, got to know each other, laughed seeing the light in each other's eyes - delight and happiness. By the end of the day, Louis knew that Harry loves fairy tales with happy endings, has a whole collection of superheroes in his flat, and loves drinking black coffee with milk but no sugar. He talked about the last tale he read with such enthusiasm, as if he had been the main character in the story himself and had felt everything that was happening to that character. All this time while he was talking Louis watched Harry studying his profile. The color of his skin reminded Louis of the dawn he watched day after day, but in comparison to the pale peach color of the sky his skin was a little lighter, almost milky, which he couldn't help but like. His eyelashes were long and soft - at least he thought so - throwing a shadow over his cheekbones. His nose was big, but it looked so beautiful that it made him want to kiss his nose with all the tenderness he has. Lips. God, those lips. It was the most mesmerizing part of his face (beside his curly hair which kept falling over his forehead and getting into his eyes and he pulled it away every time). The scarlet-colored lips, like the morning dawn, full, and curving into a smile. They were hypnotizing preventing him from looking up at his beautiful eyes. The emerald-colored eyes looked at Louis with interest and undisguised joy. For a moment Louis thought this guy was secretly looking at his lips, which were completely different from his. They were thin, pale red in color, and were the exact opposite of the incredible and mesmerizing lips.
"Do you believe in fairy tales?" Harry asked him later in the evening, still lying on the grass by the lake, the sun is almost over the horizon and the moon and the stars are beginning to appear in the sky. And in that moment, the world looked so right and beautiful.
"Yes. I think so," Louis answered and stared up into the sky, smiling either to himself or to the moon. More and more stars lit up in the sky, and Louis thought that maybe he knows the answer to what would happen if there were no dawn.
"Do you want to become a fairy tale with me?" Harry asked in a childish way, turning his head toward Louis and looking at him with sparks in his eyes.
"Always," Louis replied, smiling broadly and intertwining their hands.
No one remembers when it started, but it doesn't matter anymore.
***
A few days later, Harry had his first sleepover at Louis' flat because "Lou, it's too dark outside, and it's about an hour to walk to my flat. Can I stay at your place tonight?"
And who is Louis to say no to this guy with the emerald eyes, skin the color of early dawn, and tangled curls like his whole life?
The next day Louis woke up at eleven o'clock to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, fresh cherry muffins, and Harry singing as he stood at the stove in the kitchen. And after a couple of minutes, Harry walked into the room to wake Louis up and tell him breakfast is ready, and Louis just smiled and noded saying he'll be there in two minutes. Harry, smiling again, closed the door and walked back into the kitchen waiting for his Lou.
For the first time living in this flat Louis missed the dawn that had carried so much hope and promise in it.
***
After a few more days, Harry moved in with Louis making the excuse that "My bed is empty and cold, and yours is too warm, and can I sleep with you for the rest of the universe?"
Louis realized that this fight was lost when he smiled broadly and replied that he could live here even when the galaxy exploded.
And it is on that night when Harry noticed the scars on Louis' wrists, which are several years old, and asked him to tell why he did it. That night, Louis cried on Harry's chest, tucking his nose into his neck which smelled like oranges - like his hands the day they met - and admitted that sometimes day is a little bit better than dawn, that sometimes day brings more of an experience than dawn. Harry compared his scars to the flowers that are beginning to wither on his wrists and said it's okay because he'll help his flowers bloom again.
They stayed up until four in the morning when dawn was beginning to fall on the city whispering promises to each other in eternity, help and love, when Louis uttered "It's four in the morning, and you are more beautiful than the dawn."
Harry stayed silent, only kissed Louis softly, tenderly, and with all the love that could exist in him. And no one could blame them for the fact that at this very morning this dawn would be the countdown to their sunset.
***
It's been about five months since that night when Harry noticed the withering flowers on Louis' wrists, and Louis recognized that sometimes day is a little bit better than dawn. It's been about three months since Harry told Louis every day that his withering flowers were a beautiful creation of nature, and it's been about two months since he had stopped telling Louis that they were still beautiful.
It's been about five months since their beautiful dawn with a pale peach color turned into a sunset with a wine red color.
"I think we should break up," Harry whispered quietly one evening as Louis sat on the couch with weeping eyes that have an ocean raging in them, trying to hold back another storm that's about to hit the shore.
"Fine," is all Louis said without moving, holding back his ocean from another storm as Harry silently gathered his things throwing them out carelessly into his bag. Once he'd gathered all his things, Harry walked over to the couch, where Louis still sat motionless, staring blankly at the wall in front of him, and kissed him on his once favorite nose, tossing one last word, "Take care of yourself, princess."
Because Harry still believed in fairy tales and because Harry always compared Louis to a Disney cartoon princess who was as soft as silk and as beautiful as Niagara Falls.
The door closed behind Harry just like he closed from the whole world, letting the storm fall on with all its force on the shore and toss some broken glass on it in the shape of his heart.
***
It's been three months since Harry left when Louis began to get up again at four in the morning to see the dawn falling slowly on the city, but no longer expecting anything new from it because it had once brought Harry into his life - and it became the end of all expectations for Louis. He started smoking a little more than he used to, but who cares? Except maybe his lungs which are withering by the day just as his flowers on his frozen wrists once wilted.
And standing on the balcony of his seventh floor flat, he answered the question he asked the day they met at four in the morning. If there were no dawn, people would stop believing in something beautiful, something that happens every day, but his own dawn would always be Harry.
Because only Harry believed that the withering flowers that grew on his frozen wrists were a beautiful creation of nature. And every day Harry repeated that they were beautiful no matter what until one day he himself became a beautiful creation of nature - a dawn that Louis spent his ultramarine day on.
Because love has no boundaries and everything beautiful becomes even more beautiful with the dawn.
Because Harry believes in fairy tales with happy endings and they're the main characters in a Disney cartoon about a prince and princess.
But it's a modern fairy tale. No happy endings.
Because Harry was once the Louis' dawn who showed that beautiful things exist not only at night.
No one can blame Louis for the fact that one day Harry, who became his dawn, slowly turned into a sunset at the other end of the sky.
No one can blame Louis for closing himself from the world, treating it as a wine red colored sunset and preferring it to the fiery dawn he created himself.
We live in a modern world where fairy tales have no meaning, much less a happy ending.
It's four in the morning, and I still think you're more beautiful than dawn.