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It had been so so long since it all went so horribly wrong. And still Kaeya just couldn’t get himself together. Maybe it was Monday, maybe Thursday. He had no idea and didn’t have energy to figure it out.
Kaeya was in the dark just laying in his bed. Like he had days and days before. Since the blinds were shut to make it as dark as possible to make him feel even some level of comfort in this hell, anyone couldn’t see the condition of the whole apartment. If there would be any light many would feel bad or maybe even disgusted by the scene. Kaeya knew that.
The blue haired boy was just staring into nothing in his bed. The hair was tangled and his clothes were sides too big and as dirty as the sheets. Still the boy could care less. The tiny apartment was full of not even half eaten food and trash. The room was at the same time the bedroom, kitchen and living room, only the bathroom being in a separate room. Even it was completely full of trash. Nobody would ever guess that the owner was still technically part of the Mondstad’s nobliest clan. (What a mistake on Diluc’s part)
It had been something Kaeya had laughed at in the dark. Diluc had disowned him from the Ragnvindr clan every way possible other than the official, but when (definitely when, Diluc would surely come back and Kaeya feared (and waited) for that day) he would finish that part.
It had been months since the day. After that day Kaeya Ragnvindr hadn’t existed, now back to Kaeya Alberich. Maybe not legally, it was still over 2 years until Kaeya would become of age and could change it back legally but still.
In those months Kaeya had just survived day to day. He didn’t know what to do at first. Diluc had gone somewhere, nobody knew exactly where but Kaeya had suspicions, but the barely man was still after He died become Kaeya’s legal guardian. Kaeya didn’t dare to even think about stepping into the winery’s or mansion’s ground in fear of his br- the Ragnvindr heir. (He still needed to learn how to think Diluc as not his brother.)
The only thing saving him was his saving from his job. Kaeya wasn’t sure if he even had his job anymore. Jean had some days come knocking into the door and calling Kaeya’s name. She sounded so worried and Kaeya had felt so guilty from not answering not even one time. It had been weeks since the last time he had gone to work. (Jean had stopped that some time ago)
He bought an apartment and left at night. Adelinde would have otherwise stopped him, but after Kaeya was already out the headmaid had no way to make him go back. Every day after that he just survived. Went to work, did some work, went home and just laid down until sleep came and morning sun woke him up. Every day numb and numb and numb. It was hard daily but Kaeya had managed. Somehow.
Then one day weeks ago it all just started to become too much. He started to again feel something and have thoughts. His brain wasn’t just a fog anymore. Kaeya had started to understand that he was alive and among other people. He started again to actually interact with people and remembered it. If Kaeya would be honest (hah, he was just a living lie), he would admit that he didn’t remember a lot of things from those months. He still didn’t remember a lot of the day. (Did he even deserve to forget something so important.)
Oh just how Kaeya wishes he never would have started to be alive again. The feelings were just too much, too much to handle ever. Too paralyzing. He went to work more and more rarely, and then just stopped. And nobody seemed to care. Kaeya knew he was in the center of the gossips, everyone wondering what had happened. It was not the first time. Kaeya still remembered the time of his adoption.
Seemed like the fact that he was seen as an outsider and someone who didn’t belong in the city. Still years after it they thought the same. But this time he had no noble name or father or big brother to protect him. (Not like Kaeya deserved it at all, he was a spy after all. A spy from the land of sinners to make it even worse.)
It was a part of why he didn’t leave the house anymore for anything other than to get food. All those whispers.
It all had gone just downhill. He hadn’t eaten in a few days just to not hear them. (Not like a monster like him even needed to have more food than absolutely necessary to live. And he probably didn’t need that much. If he died it would be better for everyone)
Hunger had started to creep up on him but after all Kaeya was used to it. He didn’t again remember much from the time before Ragnvindrs but it had been starvation. Crepus had once mentioned when Kaeya was young that he was severely malnourished the time they took him in.
He was just so tired. Ready to die. If someone had cared enough to look, they would find wounds and scars. An attempt to sometimes done because of guilt, other times to feel. Kaeya knew that no one should harm themselves, but Kaeya was an exception. He was the prince of Khaenri’ah, one of the worst humans, biggest sinners to ever exist. The fake sky of Teyvat felt like a mirror, it was as fake as Kaeya. And one day sooner or later its lifespan would end. (Neither one had long left if Kaeya being officially a citizen of Mondstad told something)
Oh how Kaeya waited for that day to come. In the dark as he stared, it was nothing he stared at. He stared at what awaited him soon, sooner the better. If the prince would be too much of a coward perhaps Diluc would be the one to finish him. Kaeya didn’t know that for sure. Kaeya didn’t know a lot, Kaeya didn’t remember a lot.
But one thing Kaeya knew and always remembered. Soon Death would come and claim him as her own and Kaeya looked forward to it.
The prince of Khaenri’ah was meant for that and the prince always remembered his purpose.