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The summer night is warm. Colt and Porco share barracks tonight, just the two of them, as they have many times before. The heat makes it hard for Colt to sleep, his leg stuck out from the covers seeking the relief of cool air but finding none. A dark form comes into view across from him. Porco sits up, his head down and legs swung over the bed. His face finds his hands. His shoulders quake.
Colt surmises he’s upset. He’s unsure what to do. His instinct to comfort is stopped short with the fact that it’s Porco. He’s not sure he’d even want anyone to see him cry. But when Colt hears a sniffle he can’t help it, he sits up in bed. Porco’s head jerks up. His face is obscured in darkness.
“You okay?” Colt asks.
“Fine,” Porco answers, voice giving nothing away. “Go back to sleep.”
Colt knows he risks rejection, but he stands, then bridges the gap between their beds and sits beside him. Porco does nothing. At this proximity he can see his face better, grey in the light from the outside moon. His hair lies in disarray. A glimmer of tears collects at the corners of his eyes. They sit in silence, Colt unsure what to say. He doesn’t want to pry.
“Was thinking about my brother,” Porco offers. This surprises Colt, he didn’t think he’d say what’s bothering him.
“Yeah?”
“I got his memories.”
“You never talk about them.”
“Why would I?”
“Not even with your parents?”
“Especially not with my parents.”
Colt finds this sad. He shares everything with his own parents. “You can tell me about them.”
“You don’t wanna hear that.”
“Sure I do.”
Porco’s breathing fills the silence he leaves. He’s quiet so long Colt almost thinks he hadn’t heard him.
“The worst are the good memories,” Porco finally says.
Colt’s face scrunches. “How so?”
Porco fiddles with his hands. “Because I can’t forget them. I’d almost rather I did.”
“I see.”
“There’s one, from right before he left for the island. He gave me a hug, crying a little, and said he’d see me soon. I can remember the warmth from my own body.” He pauses. “And his fear.” His shoulders shake again.
Colt’s heart drops. He snakes out an arm, tentatively, and places it lightly on Porco’s back. The warmth from beneath his thin nightshirt radiates through to his hand. Porco doesn’t react, just sniffles again. So Colt dares and slips his arm around his shoulders and pulls him close. More heat radiates from him, making him grow hotter. Porco rests his weight against him and his head lolls against Colt’s
Colt is unsure what to do now. Saying ‘It’ll be alright’ doesn’t sound right. Because it won’t be alright. If Colt lost his own brother nothing would ever be alright again. So he goes for what he’d like to hear if it were him.
“I’m really sorry this happened,” Colt says. “To Marcel and to you.”
“I’m sorry you have to see me this way.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not my finest hour.”
“I won’t tell.”
He’s quiet again. He hears him swallow. “They ran off and left him.” His voice quivers. “Reiner did. And they let him keep the armored.”
Colt had decided not to take sides in those two’s strife. He likes both Reiner and Porco and dislikes conflict.
“Have you seen it? When they left him?”
“No.”
“I hope you don’t.”
“I want confirmation of what happened.”
Colt doesn’t understand this. He thinks Porco is seeking more pain for no good reason. As if it’s a fight he won’t back down from.
“So no memories are comforting?” Colt asks.
“None.”
“Can’t get ‘em out of your mind though.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t have an answer. I wish I did.”
“I didn’t think you would.”
The heat grows greater, but Colt’s not bothered by it. He likes sharing Porco’s warmth. Likes being close to him, even if it’s under harsh circumstances. A blush creeps its way onto his cheeks he’s glad it’s too dark to see.
Porco nestles further against Colt. He sniffles again. Colt turns his head and spies more tears in Porco’s eyes.
“You’ll be a great beast titan, you know,” Porco says, wiping his eyes.
Colt warms further. “You think?”
“I know. You’re very skilled.”
Colt’s blush deepens. “Thank you.” He rubs Porco’s shoulder. “I think Marcel would be proud of you.”
He snorts. “Sure.”
This takes Colt aback. He’s never heard Porco self-deprecate. “Why wouldn’t he be?”
“Seems he was always cleaning up after me.”
“What’s there to clean up for now?”
“Look at me right now.”
“He’d be the same if things were reversed.” Porco doesn’t respond to this. “I think you’re a stand-up guy, really.”
“You say nice things about everyone.”
“Because I mean them.”
Porco removes his weight from Colt’s side, but their shoulders still touch. “’General Magath, your tactical drawings are so sharp and clear,’” he imitates Colt’s voice. “That was bullshit.”
“Well...”
“His drawings look like a chicken had a stroke on paper and you know it.”
Colt stifles a laugh. “What else am I going to say?”
“Nothing at all. No one likes a kiss-ass.”
That stings a little, but Colt gets his point. “It’d be noticeable if I stopped... appreciating.”
“Think so?”
He doesn’t want to risk suspicion. His family is still scrutinized heavily. “I think I’ll keep on.”
Colt makes out a small smile on Porco’s mouth in the dark. “You do you, I’m just saying.” He stretches his arms above his head. “You should go back to sleep. I’ve kept you awake too long.”
“I wasn’t sleeping. It’s too hot.”
“Heat doesn’t bother me.” He’s said that before. Seems proud of the fact.
“You think you can sleep now?”
“I can try.” He lays a hand on Colt’s knee, sending a tickle up his spine. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Don’t worry, this won’t happen again.”
“I wouldn’t mind if it did.” He stands up, and immediately mourns the loss of body contact with Porco. He sits down on his own bed. “We’re comrades, after all.”
Porco lies down on his side. “Goodnight, Colt.”
Colt decides against getting under the covers and lies ontop of them. “Goodnight, Porco.”
He watches Porco pull the blankets over himself and wishes he were still with him. To snuggle together despite the heat. Hold him from behind as memories from his brother wrack his mind. Colt hopes Porco at least thinks of him as a friend. And even if he only sees him one way, Colt will cherish times like these when he lets him close. Though he’d never be able to take away his grief, he at least hopes he can keep making him smile.