Work Text:
When I was little, you smoked once a year, but I never understood why. Your eyes contained a sadness that I could never decipher, my innocence did not allow me to understand the reason for your pain. You didn't spend the day with the little fishes, or hiding in your office, you just... went out into the backyard to smoke. That rough smoke rose to the sky like a cloud, your lips never cracked a smile, that made me worried. I always put my toys aside and went to the window to watch you, until mommy appeared behind me and pulled me away. She never wanted me to see it, but I think even she never understood why you were like that, Daddy, she just didn't intrude. However, in her eyes, something said that she wanted to help you, but how could she do that if you kept running away, because you put out your cigarette and then packed your bags. You didn't say where you were going, you just talked about getting on a plane and flying alongside the angels; the smell of cigarettes still ingrained in your clothes. And then you left and I still didn't understand why.
Today, I understand, dad. This disk in my hands contains the answer to your memoirs, and I confess they are not happy. The flashes that arose the moment this object entered my head made a tear run from my eyes; tears accumulated since my childhood. I understand now, Daddy. I understand your short smiles when you were next to him, the handsome redhead who is so prevalent in your memories. I understand your admiration for him; a redhead so determined in his goals, how much you love him, but didn't want to admit it for fear of what others would think about you. So I understand the pain you felt all those days when searching your memories for the image of the beautiful dead redhead, how much that hurt your soul and you were never able to overcome it; telling yourself in front of the mirror that you couldn't lie anymore, but you'd come out of the bathroom swallowing who you really are. So I understand the reality, you've never been happy since you lost him, so you masked that pain in a life beside her, suffering from having to omit your true happiness in favor of what society thinks.
Daddy, my sweet ocean star, I love you regardless of who you are and I hope that when you wake up from coma, you can tell me who you really loved, I will be here to protect you. At least this time, don't run away from me by taking a plane to fly with the angels, stay by my side, I'll be your angel. I'm the rebel angel who faced dangers inside that prison to get your memories back, I know how much you want them to always remember the one you really love. Count on me for whatever you need, including saying you're gay and I hope that at that moment, you see in me that mirror in the bathroom where you always said that. I will be the angel that will protect you when I hear about the love you still feel for Kakyoin. And when all this passes, we can even smoke together to honor the one you will always love until the day you finally meet him. And I hope he's the angel you always tried to reach when you were preparing your bags to fly, because Noriaki Kakyoin is also by your side, Jotaro Kujo.
