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It all felt so familiar. The way Kohane’s hand felt in his, walking together in this forest back to their hometown. Sure, Akito and Shiraishi were there alongside them, but the feeling of nostalgia still came rushing to him. The two of them had gone into these woods many times before as children. Oftentimes, she’d find the woods too scary at night as they were walking back, and they’d hold hands just as they were now. Back then, it was to make sure neither of them got lost, but as time went on it became more and more a sign of their friendship. A silent promise to keep each other safe.
They had made many promises over the years they’ve known each other. To keep each other safe. To write to each other when they could. To not tell Kohane’s mom that they wandered off into the woods again for the fifth time that week.
But the one he has etched into his memory, and has since they made it, was to always find each other again. It was made on the day before Toya left for the castle to begin his work as a knight. Toya can’t quite recall how they got on the topic of different lives, but Kohane had them promise that no matter what, they’d find each other and befriend each other again. No matter how old they were, no matter how far apart they were, they would reunite somehow. Toya had asked how they’d remember their promise if they were in a new life. “Our bodies might not remember, but our souls will! Or something like that,” she had answered with nervous laughter. Toya accepted that. He liked the thought that souls could remember things he couldn’t. Like his very being was one big library.
He was glad that Kohane was able to come visit him at the castle, despite it only being for a few quick months. She and Shiraishi became very well acquainted in the time she was there and he couldn’t be happier. It took Akito a bit more time to warm up to her but that was typical for him. Toya was glad all three of his friends could get along.
As the four made it to the top of a hill, they decided to take a break. He could see the tiny village he called home from the top of it, and he let out a sigh of relief.
“We’re almost back,” Kohane spoke, still holding his hand. “I’m glad we made it back safe.”
“Me, as well.”
She squeezed his hand. “We’ll have to say goodbye again soon.” He could see the downturn of her eyebrow and her uncharacteristic frown and knew she was upset. And he could understand why. It was the first time they’d been able to see each other since he’d left to become a knight, about three years ago. And leaving someone you’ve known since you could barely walk is saddening in any regard.
“Well, perhaps don’t think of it as a true farewell. We’ll see each other again, I’m sure of it. It’s closer to a ‘goodbye for now’.”
She glanced up at him and smiled. He remembers a time when she was taller but that time has long passed them by. “I think I can be okay with that.” He tightened his grip on her hand. He hoped he got across that he felt the same.
It was at that moment that Toya saw a black flame heading towards him in his peripherals. Shiraishi screamed his name, but it all happened so fast he wasn’t able to dodge out of the way in time. Instead of burning his skin or his clothes, it felt like something had stuck to his body, his being. Something that only sunk deeper and deeper until it took root in his heart. He collapsed to his knees as this intense shadow grabbed hold of him. His brain became foggy and unclear. It was as if everything was thrown out and replaced with someone else’s feelings.
“Toya, are you okay?” Akito called out. He didn’t care.
“You’re not hurt, are you?” Shiraishi asked. It filled him with rage.
“I can help you stand back up if you need me to.” Kohane held out her hand. It made him sick.
He wanted nothing more than for the three of them to be gone.
Toya stood back up. He placed his hand on the hilt of his sword and slowly drew his weapon. “I don’t need help from someone like you.”
“Toya, are you okay? Your eyes have gone all red.” She squeaked. As quickly as she said that, Shiraishi and Akito pushed her out of the way and stood between her and Toya. He quickly brought his sword up in a slash, which Shiraishi blocked.
“What’s gotten into you? Why would you threaten Kohane like that?” She yelled.
Akito had his sword in one hand and was shielding Azusawa with his other. “Must be some form of possession or corruption magic, but I’ve never felt any spell this intense before.”
Toya’s sword made contact with Shiraishi’s yet again. They were almost evenly matched but she was acting rashly, he could tell.
“I know you’re strong enough to fight back against this, Toya! Don’t let this beat you!” Those were the last things she said to him before his blade sliced her, moving too quick for her to block. She fell to the ground, her eyes still open in disbelief. He could see the beginnings of tears welling in her eyes.
That’s when Akito came at him from the side. A typical move. He managed to jump backwards out of the way. The two ran at each other where metal met metal. Akito glared at him. “Toya, when you finally snap out of it, don’t beat yourself up about it, okay?” Toya brought his sword back, spun it around, and sliced him down the side.
And only one was left.
Kohane stood there frozen. Like her feet were sewn in the grass of the hill. She could’ve run this whole time but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Strange , Toya thought. The distress was painted all over her face. He thought that he had seen her make this face before, but his mind was still so clouded he couldn’t tell why.
“Why? Why are you doing this?” He walked closer towards her. She remained still.
“I’m not quite sure why. But…I feel…Something’s telling me I must.” They were standing face to face yet again. He felt a pang in his chest looking into her eyes. The other two were so simple for him to defeat. So why was Kohane, the one who was meek and seemingly unarmed, so hard for him to even attack? Despite the absolute mess his brain was in, there was something about her that made him hesitate.
For a second.
He finally brought his sword down across her chest. She lurched forward, holding her stomach. Kohane cupped his face with her hands. “You’re still in there somewhere, Toya…I just know it…Goodbye for now,” she breathed out as the light faded from her eyes. Her body went limp, falling on top of him and knocking him over.
Toya closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Somehow it felt as though something had been lifted off his shoulders. A great weight. A burden. One that wasn’t his but a burden nonetheless. It felt as though he could finally breathe easy.
It was when he opened his eyes and saw the death and destruction around him that he realized why.
Kohane still lay on top of him, her blood slowly seeping onto his clothes. As he sat up and held her in his arms, he saw the slash he’d put through her torso. He looked down and saw the blood on his sword. Akito and Shiraishi lay lifeless next to him. The knowledge he’d done all of this wrapped around his heart like a rope, only tugging tighter as he saw the things he’d done.
He looked back down at Kohane’s face. She was smiling. Eyes closed and peaceful, but still smiling. No longer were they small and frightened children who had wandered off too far into the forest, only to find the walking path home a few moments later. She was dead, and he was her killer.
But she smiled at him.
Even after what he just did, she smiled at him.
Even after killing his best friends, she had hope he’d come back to his normal self. And that was all she wanted.
And Shiraishi, she had said something about him being able to fight back against whatever was affecting him. She trusted him.
And Akito told him not to blame himself for this. That this wasn’t his fault. But how could he not? How could he not look at the pain he caused and move past it so easily?
Toya felt his face getting wet. Tears. Why did his body think he deserved to cry at this moment? After what he’d done. But despite his thoughts, the tears wouldn’t stop.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered through sobs. “How could I ever make it up to the three of you?”
Toya jolted up. He had fallen asleep on the train. He was with his team. They were going camping. Everything was okay. They were safe. But his body kept telling him otherwise.
“Are you alright, Aoyagi-kun?” Azusawa asked. “You seem a bit shaken up.”
“I’m fine. I just had a bad dream, that's all.” He answered.
Shiraishi piped up, “I have bad dreams all the time. I get it.”
“Yeah, me too. If you need to talk about it, we’ll listen.” Akito said.
“I think I’ll be okay. Thank you very much.”
It was just a bad dream. He tried to convince himself of that, but that didn’t change the intense guilt he kept feeling when he looked them in the eyes.
He knew everything was fine, but he had this pit in his stomach.
His body longed to hold Azusawa’s hand as she sat across from him, but he couldn’t figure out the reason why.