Archive of Our Own ^beta

1.

Not only is she the Divine Dragon, but she's also Lady Veyle's precious sister.

How can Mauvier not look over her?

How can he not look up to her?

All he's known since he was a child is to follow. And follow he does again after joining the Divine Dragon's side. Because even after he leaves the Four Hounds under his own power, Marni's blood smeared onto his hands, habits are hard to break. Even if the Divine Dragon's brilliance humiliates and humbles him – hurts until he can't breathe.

While the Divine Dragon might be as kind and considerate as the other Lady Veyle was cruel and wicked, there is no respite that can be found by her side.

It is not her fault.

He is simply not worthy.

2.

The gift the Divine Dragon left on his bed is elegant but practical.

When he puts the steel gauntlets on, it is easier to appreciate their burnished sheen, even as he flinches from the near pristine reflection of his face – the only mark upon such workmanship. The filigree flowing from the wrists to fingertips, unnecessary as it is, strikes him as lovely rather than ostentatious. And they are astoundingly comfortable, almost as if the Divine Dragon had molded the gauntlets from his hands themselves.

Such fine materials and expert craftsmanship spent on him. Wasted on him.

Still, even if he would rather the gauntlets had gone to someone more deserving, he cannot refuse them at this point. To turn away a gift from the Divine Dragon herself? He cannot add such a heretical act to his already long list of sins. All he can do is wear them and pray for forgiveness in having deluded the Divine Dragon thus far.

And when the Divine Dragon takes notice of the gauntlets on his hands the next day and smiles broadly at him?

All he can do is clench his fists against her searing mercy.

3.

Sometimes, when he's is in town, he notices the Divine Dragon lingering nearby.

Not only does she make no attempt to conceal her presence, but she also openly watches Mauvier when he unloads packages from a carriage and then distributes the food and clothes inside to the poor. Whenever he catches her gaze – so dazzlingly clear and warm – he turns away immediately.

He is glad his armor conceals his gooseflesh.

The Divine Dragon has told him that he is a good person. To her, his good deeds for the townsfolk suffice for proof of his supposedly noble character. But if that is the case, then why has there been so much blood on his hands?

Still, he finds that he can endure her gaze for longer as time passes.

And if he is being honest with himself, sometimes he looks for her first.

4.

The warm feeling in his chest is happiness, she had said.

At first, it comes intermittently. For instance, it swells when Mauvier guides an old woman back to her son, but once the door to the son's house closes, it too leaves, washed away by the all too familiar feeling of shame. So what if he had helped these two people? Can one simple act of guiding the lost really bring back the lives of the mothers and fathers he'd taken?

When he tells the Divine Dragon this though, she only looks at him with kindness.

"Just because you haven't done extraordinary feats doesn't mean you didn't help. It might seem a drop in the bucket to you but you did contribute good in the end, Mauvier. That's what matters most."

"So you say, Divine One."

She laughs, a gentle sound that fills him with frisson nevertheless. "You don't have to believe me now. But like I said to you before, you're a good person. And you worrying about whether you're doing enough is proof of just that."

And after that conversation, he finds that he can keep the warm feeling in his heart for longer.

Especially when she's near.

5.

It's on a clear and sunny day – something that Mauvier finds himself appreciating more these days – when Lady Veyle suddenly turns to Mauvier and says, "You know it's okay with me if you want to be big sister's knight, too, right?"

When he doesn't answer right away, too stunned at the boldness of her words, Lady Veyle giggles.

"Remember what I told you, Mauvier? About how we need to add as much good to this world as we possibly can?" She lays a gentle hand on one of his gauntlets, still gleaming as brightly as the day the Divine Dragon had gifted them to him. "That also means the happiness of you two counts."

He finds his mouth opening and closing uselessly. Unable to rebuke his lady's logic, yet unable to accept its implications, Mauvier ends up staying silent.

Lady Veyle puts hands to hips, shaking her head at him. "If you think big sister wouldn't want you by her side, then you're a big dummy. Why do you think you run into her so often in town? Or have you wake her up these days?"

He has had his suspicions but – no, that path can't possibly be his to take. Even though he is now more at peace with himself than he has ever been, Mauvier still cannot fathom living a life where he can do more than to atone and serve.

"And oh, how she keeps talking about you to me!" Lady Veyle is sighing heavily now. "Mauvier this, Mauvier that!" Whatever could the Divine Dragon be sharing with her? Mauvier allows himself to wonder for a moment, traitorous heart filling with hope in its cage.

But he just as quickly closes the door on that shameless feeling, well-practiced as he is in self-flagellation.

"Knowing you though, you probably don't believe me still." She averts her eyes from his gaze then. "Sometimes I can't believe Alear even wants me around." Lady Veyle's voice turns soft, not with the notes of self-pity one would expect from such words, but rather awe. And it is in those words Mauvier understands just how much he and his liege are alike when it comes to bearing the full weight of the Divine One's benevolence.

"Nevertheless!" Lady Veyle faces Mauvier once more, a teasing smile on her lips this time. "You two have my complete and utter support. Be her knight, her friend, and most importantly, her partner."

For a moment, Mauvier thinks of refuting her. It's an easy habit to fall upon, a familiar crutch whenever he thinks life has begun to treat him better than he deserves. Not to mention that between him and the Divine Dragon, he is absolutely inferior. Unworthy. And in the span of a dragon's lifespan, a speck in time.

But.

The gauntlets that enfold his hands like a warm dream.

His lady's blessing and assurance.

And most importantly, the Divine Dragon's smile, tender and deep – a well Mauvier can never tire of slaking his thirst with.

"I will... try." The knight finally says. A small, toddling step forward, but a step forward nevertheless.