Chapter Text
She realizes that she has been bitten again, not through the pain, but through the feeling of the liquid on her tongue. Not through the foreign taste left here and there, she realizes through the viscosity spread across both lips that it denies going away. Frustrated, she decided to bite the other person’s lower lip; she didn’t even flinch.
Annoying; she is so damn annoying.
The reason not to love her
One of the perks of being a member of the school library club was that she could hold the keys to the library. Well, Kronii was not a member of the library, which makes the keys she is currently holding not hers. She puts the key in the keyhole and turns to the right, only to realize that the door is already open. Okay, she is already here.
The time was already six in the evening. The scene of a student, still wearing school uniform, in the library, which is supposed to be closed, was suspicious enough. But that’s not Kronii’s worry; the entire school was empty as faculties expected students to have already left.
As she entered the library, she scanned through the long rows of desks: her eyes stopped at one chair out of the row with a backpack and school jacket. On its designated desk, an iced coffee which was untouched for hours, was placed. This scene was too familiar to Kronii; she didn’t bother to think whether they were allowed bring drinks to the library or not. Like she always used to do, she turned to the left, walked between the bookshelves, and stopped in front of a sliding door of the wall shelf at the end of the library.
“Time to go home.”
She looked down, stared at Mumei—currently sitting on the floor while being slightly squeezed between the two sliding doors of the bookshelves—and spoke quietly. Mumei’s shoulders slumped in surprise at the sound breaking her silence, but as soon as she recognized the voice, Mumei did not raise her head but quietly answered yes. Her legs were outstretched due to Mumei trying to squeeze herself into the tight space (not even bothering to push the doors open); books and photocopied papers were placed everywhere on the floor around where Mumei was sitting. Kronii picked up the thickest book, and flipped through the chapter titles, wondering why the school even had books on the weirdest topics human beings could think of. (And also, why was Mumei always reading them?) A few minutes passed, and Mumei stood up, brushed the dust off her uniform, and picked her stuff up from her usual favorite spot in the desk area.
She was spinning the keychain connected to her library keys as she walked down the hallway heading for the library. Leaning to the library door with the back assuming it would be locked, the door was pushed open dramatically despite Mumei’s slight pressure. Stumbling backward, Mumei barely managed to grab the corner of the book checkout counter to prevent herself from falling. A small scream left her mouth due to the unintended surprise, enough to wake the other student, who had apparently fallen asleep on the beanbag couch. The rays of sunlight of the six o’clock were being spread across Kronii’s hair which had been spread everywhere on the sofa due to static electricity.
It was Mumei’s work to keep the library keys open in the morning and close at night as a student volunteer at the school library; for some reason, the key was always in the hands of Kronii. A few weeks later, Kronii and Mumei each got their own library key after secretly copying it. As soon as the class was dismissed, Kronii walked straight to the library, expecting to see the other girl who was not there. She slowly woke up from her nap and realized how she had fallen asleep while waiting for Mumei. Kronii’s eyes stopped at the keychain Mumei held; she couldn’t help but notice it even though she had just woken up from a nap. It was the keychain bought and gifted to Mumei by her. Of course, adding a keychain did not stop Mumei from leaving the keys at random places and forgetting about them until Kronii found them at the most unexpected places -- gym staircase, second graders’ hallway, or even next to Kronii’s house key.
Their regular meeting at the library continued through the school year and eventually became a habit rather than a special occasion. It was like, an action of the subconscious, which they both did not remember when it began. 25 times when one of them went straight home just to remember and go back to school to pick the other up who had been waiting in the library for who knows how long, and 7 times when they both forgot and ended up meeting in front of each other’s houses. It was like that, while they did not even realize nonconsensual trust building inside them.
As time continued to flow, so did the waiting.
Relief is a mistake, familiarity is an illusion, and waiting is a sin. Yes, time was a sin.
“Can you not graduate?”
Two of them stood in the library, in full uniforms with jackets, with their hands full of bouquets. Three years of habit was enough time to realize the lock of one of the windows was not working, which allowed them to enter the library secretly even after returning the keys. Kronii, leaning against the half-opened window, looked up from her phone screen and locked eyes with Mumei, wondering if she understood the question correctly.
A tiny gasp escaped her lips, and even Kronii was unsure if it was a laugh or a sigh.
“Someone might think I’m the only one graduating, without you.” She answered.
Mumei was afraid of breaking the three years of habit. Mumei already knew the life-long promise between Kronii and her—to stay forever throughout K-12, college, and even after they each make a family—was just a child’s plea. She already knew they would not be able to keep the promise. When did she even realize it? Anyways, since then, Mumei has been afraid to name their relationship. She was scared that if they declared it, it would be breakable.
If they would not be together for the rest of their lives, Mumei was okay with staying as a high schooler forever. The only changes were their future jobs as high schoolers forever and their future home as a library. She was always the kind of person to declare her goal confidently and do whatever it took to make it come true, even if it seemed impossible. And everyone knew she could make anything happen.
“You are not gonna stay with me forever, will you?”
Mumei’s words were like a threat, more than a complaint. There was no way Kronii did not realize Mumei’s thoughts; it was intentional how she stayed under her thumb for three years until the day of graduation.
If there was one thing Kronii tried but failed to do during all that time, it was to find a reason not to love her.