Work Text:
"you'll never be better than me."
it reflected in his eyes, something that cut through blue's insides like a sharpened blade.
it didn't line up with the boy he'd known since they were merely infants.
there was an unspoken dread behind those dark irises, heavy with the weight of someone forced to grow up too fast; a consequence of unwanted expectations, the result of a goal that initially sounded so fun to achieve.
red was so wordlessy expressive without even realizing, but blue didn't care.
he couldn't care. not when it stung like salt rubbed into a fresh wound.
he saw so clearly what his childhood friend's gaze really held, but his own perception easily overpowered any of it.
all blue ended up seeing was loss.
his loss; of what he'd strived for then slipped right through his fingers like sand barely moments after gaining it, of what could've been, of every little moment stolen from him because there was always someone better just by his side.
always someone better. never himself.
even his sister had always seemed more well off than him.
but that was his sibling, it was different. blue loved daisy unconditionally as she did him.
with red, it was all deterioration. something rotten that settled at his core, eating away at his being, making his mind buzz with incessant poison.
blue'd been such an ass to him, that much was undebatable.
but what about the consistently overshadowed party?
"i was just a kid." red didn't scream because of all the stress and heartbreak, but it was so easy to icily counter.
'so was i.'
both were so broken, but blue couldn't help but focus on himself.
after all, he ended up dealing with plenty of responsibilities of his own too. being a gym leader was no casual arrangement.
blue'd never strived for that.
it even felt like the position was dropped in his lap out of pure convenience.
it felt like they offered him scraps out of pity.
he felt pathetic more than not far too often.
there were many things to say he supposed, apologies to offer, certainly warranted; but he only wanted to cry for himself.
over so much failure, over not being good enough, "what am i doing wrong, am i really so horrible, why can't i ever make it count ".
was he really so undeserving of anything?
"...is something wrong with me? "
'quit staring.' blue hissed out through quivering lips, throat tight when a flash of something pained and guilty shined in red's eyes, barely managing to break through the warped haze of arrogance he focused on all the time instead.
but as soon as it broke through, blue just as easily squashed it like a writhing bug in his grasp.
"don't look at me like that, stop it, this is all your fault in the first place, how dare you suddenly care you stuck up-"
'i'm sorry, okay?' he said finally, red pausing, unreadable. 'i'm so sorry, just-'
'i can't do this right now.'
"go away. please."